Struggle
by Cinnamon Angel
Summary: For Draco, life is a struggle against his father, his fate, against darkness and light. He's already far down a spiral to suicide when Ginny picks up the pieces. Rated for abuse and cutting. R
1. Rain

Author's note: This is the first fanfic I upload. Please be kind, but constructive crit. is welcome. Flames will be used to cook marshmallows, but you know, a nice fire camp does the same job, so eat marshmallows, keep cool and don't send flames..  
  
Disclaimer: of course, I DO own Harry Potter characters, that's why I'm writing fanfiction, using a computer that isn't even mine. And no, I'm not somebody cynical! :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Struggle  
  
The rain is striking my skin, I'm shaking with cold, but I don't move. I'm sitting in the biggest tree of our garden and my whole body is aching after several hours passed in this uncomfortable position. My legs are drawn against my chest, my arms wrapped around them. I feel safe in this gloomy tree. The rain has washed the blood off me, but the wounds are still open, colouring the water crimson. I know I look miserable. Hogwarts students would so laugh at me. Well I don't care. I haven't care for the past five years, so why has this thought just struck me?  
  
Tonight, Father came home with two young muggle-born witches. He threw them down in the dungeons of the manor. They were crying, shaken with fear, but he, was smiling like a madman. He asked me to torture them, to kill them. It was the final part of my Death Eater's training before being presented to Voldemort and getting the dark mark; it was the ultimate test to reach the goal I had pursued since I was four: follow the steps of my father and become a great wizard.  
  
So I pointed my wand at the first girl. She looked up in my eyes. Her eyes were deep blue, expressing defiance. She got up, her chin high. I felt stupid. I was the one who was supposed to dominate her, but she had taken my place. My cold grey eyes couldn't break contact with her warm blue ones and I could hear Father sighing behind me. I knew he was getting angrier every second.  
  
I had to move, I had to do something, to do my duty, and not expose myself to Father's bad temper. But I was petrified. Her gaze had shattered all my illusions in one second. I don't know why, but I had the sudden feeling that my whole life was wrong. Father was wrong, Mother was wrong, Voldemort was wrong. By becoming a Death Eater, I was only becoming a shadow behind a master who didn't give a damn about what could happen to others. I would be a slave, a tool, but in no way a complete human being.  
  
I put my wand down. Father was now irate and became even more furious when I said I wouldn't do his dirty job for him, I wouldn't become a Death Eater. He stood up from his armchair, anger overwhelming him, and came to face me. He pointed his wand to the two girls who were now behind me and pronounced the Avada Kedavra.  
  
Pain flashed through their eyes, but their souls were gone the second after. He then directed his wand to me. It wasn't long till the Cruciatus started to make his way through my body, cutting through my flesh. I curled up on the ground, letting the storm pass. Tears were prickling my eyes, but I wasn't about to let him have the satisfaction of seeing me broken.  
  
After having beating me up for hours, he eventually got bored and left. I waited till I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore to open my eyes. I struggled to get up, but I felt my legs weren't going to make it. I had to make it, so I mustered my last strengths and finally walked out. It was only when I arrived up the tree that I let my tears roll on my cheeks. It is now three am. I'm still in that tree. However, I should move, I need to pack my things to leave for Hogwarts that same day. I won't miss this bloody train and the only opportunity I have to fly away from Father and be free.  
........................................ Bit short, I know, sorry. 


	2. Train

Author's note: again, sorry for my lame English, I try my best! Also, thanks to Samantha, my first reviewer ever!!!!! Flames aren't welcome, that's unconstructive and really wicked and as I haven't the faculty to hypnotise people to read my story, you're not obliged to read it!  
  
Disclaimer: ok, I'm JKR's long lost sister, so I've just discovered that she gave me HP. I really should stop coffee and Linkin Park that early in the morning, it makes me delusional.  
  
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Chapter 2:  
  
Like always, there are many muggles in the station. For the first time, I don't mind. I even smile to a kid. Wow, what has gotten into me?  
  
I'm a bit scared to go back to school. Last night has changed my life and I'm as lost as I was in my first year.  
  
When I reach platform 9 ¾, the first people I see are Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"Hello Malfoy. How were holidays?" asks an even more fat than last year Crabbe.  
  
"Just fine."  
  
My voice comes out hoarse, but they seem satisfied. Anyway, they are too coward to insist, but I see the look of wonder on their faces while they spot the fresh cut on my forehead.  
  
As soon as I climb in the train, Pansy Parkinson accosts me. I don't exactly like her, but she is either too stubborn, either too stupid and doesn't see it.  
  
"Hey Malfoy! Oh, it's so nice to see you. I wanted you to come over this summer, but my father was planning to go on holidays in Italy. Sorry! We went to Roma and it was so cool and."  
  
She is babbling again and I stop listen to her. I apologize and head to the end of the train. I finally find an empty compartment and sit down, looking through the window as the train is leaving London.  
  
The landscape is peaceful and sunny, but the dark events of last night keep rambling in my mind. These memories are painful, but I don't want them to get out of my head. They are my first footsteps on a new path and I have to grip them tight if I don't want to become even more lost than I am now.  
  
I have to grip them tight to remember why I put myself in this mess.  
  
I didn't hear the compartment door slide open and am quite startled when I hear Weasley's voice.  
  
"Oh, here is our favourite ferret. How much I looked forward to see you again!" he says with a voice full of sarcasm and hatred.  
  
I turn to him a neutral face, but I think I've lost control of my eyes, because I see the trio looking at me in bewilderment. It seems I'm not myself anymore. The old Draco would never have let his eyes betray him like this!  
  
Granger moves forward into the compartment.  
  
"Can we sit down? Everywhere else is full." She says, looking around.  
  
"Do as you want, I don't care." I finally manage to spit out.  
  
I'm in no mood or shape to fight with them, so I turn back to the window and my mind drifts away again.  
  
I wonder what I let them see in my eyes. I can sense their bewilderment. They can't recognize me.  
  
Myself, I'm unable to recognize myself. I'm a stranger. What's my place in this world? I'm a Malfoy for the others, but Father is probably thinking of disowning me at this time.  
  
Why, oh why did I put myself in such a mess? My whole body is still aching after last night's beatings. My conscience has finally appeared. It's strange to have it with me, turning my thoughts in my mind.  
  
The two girls are in my head again. I feel guilty. I should have saved them; I should have died in their place. They will haunt me forever, that's the price for having a conscience. Tears are prickling my eyes and I get out of the compartment before I can't hold them back.  
  
I sink on the floor and sit in the same position as in the gloomy tree. A wound in my back has reopened and it hurts like hell; but at the same time, I feel better. I make a move and another cut opens. I deserve it. I have to suffer to ease my conscience. I feel lighter and we soon arrive in Hogsmeade station. I feel home again.  
....................................... Review please! It's not that difficult, you just have to press that little button that says "go" in the left bottom corner of your screen. Oh, and I don't know if the rating is appropriate, can somebody tell me please? 


	3. hogwart's feast

Author's note: hello again everybody!!!!! First of all, thanks to my dear reviewers: Samantha, MysticalWoodElf, Sunkitten, Kyan-san, Vaness and Cithara!!!! Please, review, but don't send flames, if you don't want to read, you don't!  
  
Vaness: thanks thanks thanks for putting my bloody story on your favs list!!!! I hope it wasn't because you were out of your mind and absently pressed the button! Lol.  
  
Disclaimer: does my writing style really match JKR's? Yes??? Well, thank you, I really can flatter myself now! My writing style isn't as good as JKR's nor is my plot, so, this means: as I'm not JKR, I don't own HP.  
  
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Chapter 3:  
  
I can't believe I'm finally at Hogwarts. I feel so relieved: I'm away from Father. The sorting has just ended and Dumbledore is starting is as boring as always speech.  
  
"In the name of the teachers, I welcome all our new students and I'm equally glad to see our older students again. I'm also very pleased to announce that Mrs Weasley here has accepted to become our new DADA teacher, and there's no point in making such a face, Mr Weasley."  
  
At this point, the whole school turns to the red-headed, who seems to sink even lower in his chair. I can't help a tiny smirk appearing on my face. So, Weasley's mother is a teacher. I bet he isn't too pleased with that, and I hope she won't favour Gryffindor too much.  
  
"On a much sadder note, I would ask for a minute of silence for Hannah Abbott, Hufflepuff and Terry Boot, Ravenclaw. Both met a horrible end this very summer and we will never forget how valuable students they were."  
  
The whole school goes silent, but I can see some of my fellow Slytherins smirk. Their parents are Death Eaters, and they are proud of that. If only they knew.  
  
Terry Boot, I know who he was, as we were always in competition for the second place behind Granger. But Hannah Abbott? Oh no. I feel now more than bad. I remember. She was the first one to be sorted in our first year. Blonde hair, blue eyes.  
  
Blue eyes.  
  
I want to throw up, I want to get out of here, but I can't: I'm a prefect and my duty is to check every thing is OK during the feast, and then lead the new students to the common room. I clench my fists and breathe slowly. I think everybody stares at me at our table, but it is not as if I cared. My nails are now digging through my flesh, but I'm so numb I don't even feel the pain.  
I'm turning in my bed again and again, but my sore body doesn't allow me to rest. I'm used to being beaten up, but Father never used magic to help him in the process before. The Cruciatus has left me in a general and latent pain and with a dull headache.  
  
When I finally drift in an agitated sleep, it is just to wake up an hour later. I sit up in my bed, trying to recollect memories of my nightmare, but the only thing I see is the image of Hannah Abbott keeping dancing in front of my eyes.  
  
I decide to go for a walk. I don't care if it is three in the morning and that Filch is going to catch me.  
  
I'm now standing in front of the lake. I love that place, because the sound of the gentle water calms me down. I love water. It's pure and washes the dirt I always sense on my hands. The pebbles crunch under my feet. I enjoy that sound. But suddenly, I hear other crunches. My body tenses: I'm not the only one out there and my doubts are verified when I hear someone speak my name.  
  
"Mr Malfoy. What do you think you're doing out there at this hour of the night? I could easily take off points from your house." The voice says.  
  
I try to identify it, but I have never heard it before. However, Mrs Weasley soon arrives in front of me.  
  
"So what do you have for your defence?"  
  
I'm a bit taken aback. Many teachers would just have taken off points and escorted me back to the castle. I don't know what I should tell her. Nobody ever asked me what I had to say. I can't let her know that Hannah's death was my fault, so I put myself together and look at her. I try to plaster that bloody smirk on my face, but it doesn't want to come, so I just stare at her.  
  
"It isn't any of your business, professor."  
  
"Then, it'll be twenty points, Mr Malfoy. And you'd better go back to sleep if you don't want to lose anymore points."  
  
I think I sensed hatred in her voice, even if she keeps a neutral face. However, it is not really amazing, seeing the way my father uses to treat her husband and seeing the way I treat her children. She turns and leaves.  
"Well, you're not in my place and you can't understand. Go back to your cheery life and leave me with my demons."  
  
I think I said that out loud, and I hope she didn't hear. She was already meters away, so I think it's ok.  
So????? Do I have to keep writing or my story is just plain stupid? REVIEW! This brightens my day! 


	4. DADA

Author's note: my my my! If I knew so cool people would review my story!!! Oh, you're truly wonderful!  
  
Me~ yes, you're a very disturbed child, but as I am one too, I'm sure we could get along. You'd better keep your promise and review again!!!!  
  
Fire'N'Ice ~ I love Molly being here too, I think she's got more credit than everybody thinks and she'll play a great part in my story!  
  
Miriam G~ he he, people who don't like Draco stories doesn't read that, so I guess you like it! Or you're a complete masochist. Lol!  
  
Vaness~ stop drooling, here is the next chapter!!!! Could you please don't eat it away so quickly, your panting gives me loads of stress!  
  
Elven ice angel~ if you don't upload the next part of your story soon, I forbid you to read this. Njark!!!  
  
Endovu~ congratulations, you wrote four words in your review! At least, it was something cool!  
  
Troubadour~ glad to hear my English is wonderful, you should say that to my grammar teacher, he'd maybe put me better marks!  
  
Cithara~ yoo-hoo! Check your mail, I wrote back!!!!  
  
Sunkitten~ thanks for your help on the rating! Hopefully, you have a brain, mine is clinically dead.  
  
MysticalWoodElf~ don't worry about torture, I write about Draco especially because he is very very tortured. Yes, I'm a maniac, sorry.  
  
And, please everybody, don't forget I'm somebody cynical. Don't worry Sunkitten, you still have a brain!  
  
Flames aren't welcome. We have a perfect temperature here and I don't want any heating. It would have been more useful in January, when it was freezing!  
  
Disclaimer: this begins to annoy me seriously. you guys aren't that stupid, are you????? Not mine!!!!! Except for draco's thinkings, as JKR doesn't give him credit! Don't fire me, I still love her books!!!!  
  
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Chapter 4:  
  
*Molly Weasley's POV*  
  
All evening, I was in a good mood. The look on my dear son's face was priceless when Albus announced I was the new DADA teacher!  
  
Ginny only chuckled, as she knew it already. She is a very clever girl and got suspicious weeks and weeks ago while Ron was flirting with Lavender.  
  
Me, a teacher! I probably had a huge smile all summer, so I wonder if my boys are really that blind or just dreamers.  
  
Anyway, I was sad to have to retrieve points this very first night, even if it was from Slytherin and Draco Malfoy. I don't like this notion of authority and I didn't thought I would have to take off points that soon!  
  
Draco Malfoy is weird. And harsh, and impolite, and insolent. In fact, quite his father's portrait. I wonder how Narcissa could have married Lucius. She was my best friend back in Hogwarts, even if I was in fifth year when she arrived.  
  
I thought I had helped her through her family problems. I believed I had saved her soul from her abusive father. But Lucius is exactly like her father. He is a spawn of Satan.  
  
How is it possible that she got caught in his claws? She has become so cold- hearted. Lucius has sucked her cheerfulness out of her; she's just any empty shell now. She is lost.  
  
No wonder their son is so cold and shallow. How can you give love when you never received some? Can't anything pass through his leaden walls?  
  
However, his last sentence startled me.  
  
"Go back to your cheery life and leave me with my demons"  
  
Is he really aware of what he's lacking? Probably, or he wouldn't have said that! This boy is more complex than I would have imagined. Deception could be heard beyond his harshness. Remorse, maybe, even envy.  
  
Anyway, I should get prepared for my first class- the sixth years. Ha, dear son of mine, I hope you'll be proud of your mother!  
  
...  
  
"Good morning everybody. I'm Molly Weasley and I'll be teaching DADA this year, and maybe you'll have the same teacher next year, for once!"  
  
I hear them laugh and I feel more relaxed. I feel so good in this role!  
  
"I'll call you by your first name. Firstly because it'll be weird to call the people I know by their family name and secondly, because I think it's friendlier. And you can call me Molly, but if you really can't, then it doesn't matter."  
  
I now hear whispers. I guess that business with the names isn't customary of the school, but I don't care. I love the contact, and the names are a good way to institute some trust with my students.  
  
"So, today, I'm going to teach you about the Chimaera. Please, is it possible to have conversations two decibels lower?"  
  
.....  
  
This class is going wonderfully. They are really sympathetic; even the Slytherins don't snicker behind my back, something I am greatly amazed of. I swear I just saw Draco Malfoy roll his eyes to Gregory Goyle, who was actually mocking me. Maybe he has some notion of respect, somewhere.  
  
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*Draco's POV*  
  
I'm actually in DADA, and I'm enjoying it. I had no clue Father had hit so hard that my brain became completely messed up. I respect Molly Weasley. She is a lot better than the other DADA teachers we had. And she has this flick of life and passion in her eye. She loves to be a teacher, and I think Weasley will have to bear his mother next year again.  
  
NO! I can't let those cheery thoughts enter my mind! I can't! How can I even still think about things that futile after what happened this summer? I killed somebody, for God's sake!  
  
I'm glad I came to that realisation now. It would have been awful if I had seen that only after having killed bunches of people. I try to think that to ease my conscience, but I'm still guilty of Hannah's death. I'll never get over it. I'll just leave miserably with that.  
  
The teacher's voice suddenly rings in my ears.  
  
"Draco, class is finished. Everybody has already left."  
  
And with that, she turns back to her work. I still don't move. It could be so easy to tell her. Just tell her what happened. Why do I considerate this solution? I'm drawn to her, and I don't know why. I finally get up and head to the door. I'll decide later.  
  
I hear everybody head for lunch, but I'm not hungry. I haven't eaten since that dreadful night. The wounds on my back are now well closed and I can't rip them open again. Shame, it's calming to feel the pain and the blood dripping on my back. I put my hand in my pocket and retrieve a knife. I had forgotten about it. I had decided to keep it with me, in case I meet somebody like a death eater for example.  
  
I look around, but there isn't even a sound that can be heard. I'm alone. Good. I sit on the cold floor. The weather is already cold for September and the wind whistles under the doors. My hair is all tousled and it makes me laugh to think what Father would say.  
  
"Malfoys have money to buy combs. Always be perfect outwardly, people are more respectful."  
  
Ha! Ha! Yes, they are respectful in front of you, but it is just to laugh harder behind your back, Lucius!  
  
I put my left sleeve up. My arm is still covered with a few bruises, but otherwise, it's fine. I apply the edge of the knife on my skin. It's cold like ice and sharp. I make a soft move with the knife and blood spurts. I watch it slowly flow. Its dark crimson colour makes a contrast with my pale skin. How can a so dirty blood look that pure?  
  
After having cut a few more times in my arm, it is all red. I feel so much better! I bandage my arm with a handkerchief, put my sleeve down, and finally head to the common room. I have the afternoon free; I'll go to the library. It's such a peaceful place for a tortured mind.  
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Et voila!!!! Alors, c'était comment????? Ha, time to learn French everybody! It's such a beautiful language! Please, review!!!!! And I promise to post another chapter as soon as I can! However, I still have to start revisions for the up-coming exams (erk). 


	5. Hannah, do you want to make me suffer?

A/N: thank you, dear reviewers of mine! Sage: he he.you're clever! Always points out the lil tiny details. thanks, it's constructive!  
  
mozartrox05: I love your way of working.so, if I review your story again, you'll review mine? He he, then I can't wait to see the next chappie! Lol, I would always review your story, I don't need a carrot!  
  
Giggy girl: two reviews! You must be really bored!!!!! Or a tad bit insane! Of course I'll keep reviewing your story.what do you think I am!  
  
Miriam G: I don't care if you think your reviews are lame, just keep reviewing!!!!!  
  
CarminaBurana: no need to thank me for the review, I review when I have pleasure reading the fic, so thanks to you for writing a good fic!  
  
Elven ice angel: ok, I want at least 1000 words in your review. Yes, you're the queen of long reviews *bows to ground* HAPPY??? Hey, when do you update????  
  
Fire'N'Ice: you'd better update soon!!!!! He he, I love them having a bond!  
  
MysticalWoodElf: hey, let me now if you're still alive after the tornado! So REVIEW!!!!! He he he!  
  
Me: whoa.you figure things out very well!!!!! You even pointed out things I wrote unconsciously, like the thing with the blood! Why don't you write a story yourself? I'm sure you'd make something good!  
  
SunKitten: glad to hear you give Molly as much credit as me!  
  
Disclaimer: see previous chappie if you're stupid enough to even think I could be JKR and own HP...  
  
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Chapter 5:  
  
The storm has now begun and the library is dark. Nobody is there, but it is only the second day of school after all. And at least, Pansy won't follow me in there; I'm not even sure she knows where the library is. The only sound that can be heard is the ruffling of the pages that Mrs Pince is currently reading.  
  
I climb the metallic stairs and head to the alchemy section. It is always deserted and the darkest place in the library.  
  
I don't have homework to do since I've done it during lunch time, so I just sit on the floor. It's not freezing like in the dungeons. The green carpet is think and warm. Heavy drops crash against the windows, but it doesn't succeed in washing the dirt off them, just like nothing can wash my guilt away. I don't know how long I've already sat there. My mind has once again been wandering about my life and once again I come up with the same statement.  
  
'Draco, you're worthless'  
  
Why don't I end it all? I still have the knife I used this morning. It would be simple; I've done nothing but hurt people.  
  
No, I can't! I have to stand against Lucius. Suicide is weakness.  
  
'Oh, come on, you don't care about what he thinks of you. You don't care if he's happy you died.'  
  
I retrieve the knife from my pocket and slowly put it on the floor. The silver blade shines on the green carpet. Slytherin colours. How ironic, this house has never given me anything, only that damn pride that makes me hesitate now.  
  
I have lived alone, I'll die alone. I haven't got any family, nor a name and forget about friends. Nobody will regret me, I never really existed as a person. In fact, I'm already dead... If I was born one day.  
  
This time, I put both my sleeves up. The bandage on my left arm is completely crimson and my arm is numb. Just like in the morning, I apply the knife on my skin. Its coldness reminds me of my father. Again, I start to cut methodically through my skin. My left arm is still bleeding from this morning and my right arm slowly becomes like the left one.  
  
"Just what do you think you're doing?"  
  
I jump at this and it makes the knife cut deeper. Hell, it's painful! Oh no, nobody should have seen me. I don't want them to try and get me back. Dumbledore would try to help me, even if he hates me.  
  
However, this is not "somebody". Well, not exactly. The person in front of me is translucent and silvery.  
  
"Wanted to make my death worthless, didn't you" it whispers.  
  
I blink a few times. My vision is blurry and I have to wipe my tears away before focusing on the ghost.  
  
Hannah.  
  
"And I thought I had finally done something useful in my life. And now, you want to destroy my work?"  
  
"Hannah?" I finally manage to get out.  
  
She smiles at me.  
  
"He he, you know my name, I'm impressed!"  
  
"How can you be so cheerful? You were killed only a few days ago!"  
  
Oops, I don't think Mrs Pince will appreciate my yelling. How can I think about her now? The girl who's dead because of me is in front of me!  
  
How can she stand in front of me like nothing happened, by the way? Does she enjoy the sight of me being tortured? Yes, she is there to haunt me. That's what she is proud of: she has destroyed me.  
  
"I know I'm responsible of your death, but you're wasting your time if you want to make me suffer, I'm already sufficiently tortured by my conscience."  
  
My bitterness seems to startle her. Does she really think I would enjoy her death? She looks like she's on the edge of crying.  
  
"But what do you think? I have other things to do! However, I would be grateful if you could stop playing with knives, you might do something stupid."  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"You shall see soon."  
  
She disappears. I rest my head against the mahogany bookshelf. Was this just a dream? I mentally kick myself: I don't know many people that would just fall asleep while attempting to commit suicide!  
  
"Hannah, what have I done?" I whisper.  
  
"You haven't done anything, your father did."  
  
The voice is sweet and distant. I smile a little. She's still around, and somehow, it makes me feel safe.  
  
I look down at my arms. Blood is dripping on the floor and I sigh heavily. What would have suicide brought? Peace? I don't deserve it. It would have brought nothing.  
  
I won't try to commit suicide again. I just want to see Hannah again.  
  
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*Ginny's POV*  
  
Oh Merlin! I just wanted to escape my problems and had headed to the library. I had sat on the floor of the magical creatures section, on first floor. I heard some voices behind me. It was strange because nobody ever goes to the alchemy section.  
  
I wanted to get rid of my problems and be in peace for a few hours. I just ended with the problems of somebody else. Somebody deep down in Hell.  
  
I didn't recognise the voices, but one was obviously a ghost called Hannah. The boy said she was dead only a few days ago, can it be Hannah Abbott?  
  
I don't understand anything and now, on top of everything, I have a wonderful headache. The boy is still in the alchemy section. I could just see who he is. Hum, bad idea... But I'm too curious.  
  
I slowly stand up and walk carefully to the corner. Ok, I simply hope he doesn't look in that direction!  
  
Draco Malfoy is sitting on the floor his head is resting against the bookshelf and his eyes are closed. My eyes travel down his arms. They are all bloodied and there is more blood on the floor. Merlin! What happened to him? Has he done some self-mutilation? There's a knife lying on the floor in front of him.  
  
I look at his face. The dry tears mark his face. I didn't know Malfoy was capable of crying.  
  
I get out of the library as silently as I can. That's no big deal; I'm used to be silent when I go out for my regular night strolls.  
  
I need to tell somebody. I can't take this burden alone. I have many friends, but I don't know someone who I could trust enough with this. I want to tell mum, but she is a teacher now, and even if we are real close, I don't know if she'll react like a mother or like a teacher.  
  
I'll tell her.  
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he he, REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!! But if you push the magic button just to flame and ease your mind, then go out and scream as loud as you can, it's really calming. Then, you're allowed to come back and make some constructive criticism. 


	6. One has new ideas, the other is lost

A/N : do you know that I love you everybody????? Well, not everybody, but at least my dear dear dear reviewers!!!!!! He he he, I'm soooo happy people read my story!!!!!  
  
Zuzu-Petals: it doesn't "look like", it's quite sure, actually! But I won't give away my story! He he he.  
  
Miriam G: he he he, do you want me to send you a flame???? Your story is sheer crap, I don't understand how you're not ashamed to post that! Really forget about writing! He he he, does that sound convincing????? Hey, of course, I'm joking! So you don't have any excuse not to review this chappie!!!!!!  
  
CarminaBurana: yep, it's true! And I generally like what people are doing with him. Hum, depends in fact! Anyway, I think JKR should write more about him. But after all, you can't write about everybody!  
  
Sunkitten: whoa... A degree in math? I'm impressed! Math is one of my weakest subject, but I don't care, coz I don't have it anymore!!!!! True true true!!!! Your sentence is exactly what is to be said about him! Everybody goes in the review section and reads Sunkitten's sentence!!!!!! Hey, you're Russian? I learn Russian, but I'm slow and it drives my teacher crazy lol!  
  
Mozartrox05: he he he, yep, I know, the Molly part is very short, but I can't write every thing now!!!! He he he, I still hope this matches your expectations!!!!  
  
Fire'N'Ice: hum...I don't know if I write a nice comment or no. ok ok, no need to shout in my ears like that!!!! Thanks millions of times for the nice job you're doing on that story (ideas and beta) He he he, I can't wait for your very very very long review!!!!!!!! Of course, you're not like Lucius! I keep that sort of insults for my flamers!!!! Yeah, torture him, I allow you to do whatever you want!!!!! Yep, he isn't his father, well he is, but he's not his dad! Does that sound clear???? Hum, not sure! So, how was it to know you were reading that chappie before everybody else???? Happy?????? Sorry if my Lucius is so much like yours, but as there is only one way to describe him, I couldn't do better than you. Maniac, psycho, coward, bastard, and all the things we enumerated in mails!!! Hope to "hear" about you soon!!!!! He he he, I so couldn't wait to receive this back that I woke up at five in the morning (a Sunday!!!!!) coz you said you would send it at 8, which means 4 in Switzerland...I'm insane.  
  
MysticalWoodElf: of course you don't want to delete it off your favs' list! You're too hooked to this wonderful story! *innocent smile* he he he, ok ok, I know I'm a bit bigheaded, but it's your fault to you all! You shouldn't write sooooo cute reviews! Nah!  
  
Disclaimer: well, I'm not JKR; but I'm a witch, so I DO have rights on HP. yep, I forgot to say that I'm totally insane and untrustworthy *sheepish smile*  
  
A/N: again, sorry! Thanks thanks thanks to Fire'N'Ice!!!! It's while reading your Lucius chappie that I thought I had to do a bad Lucius chappie too.  
  
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Chapter 6:  
  
*Lucius POV*  
  
There's a big storm outside, and I feel relaxed. The storm is dark and frightening. It helps for reflection.  
  
It has now been a few days since my bastard of a son left for Hogwarts. I still can't believe he rebelled against me. Went against my authority. I'm his father, for Merlin's sake! I have all rights on him!  
  
Still, he paid a hard price, I took care of that. But I think it's not enough. He destroyed my life, shattered all my expectations. Voldemort now thinks I'm weak, because a teenager was able to get rid of my influence, and thus, I also paid a hard price.  
  
I hate my son. I just wanted an heir to carry our name; somebody I would be able to manipulate till my death. A copy of me.  
  
What has gone wrong this summer? It was not supposed to happen. He has gotten himself a mind of his own, and I hate that.  
  
Well, if he has a mind, then he has a conscience, right? So I'll destroy his soul. I can't reach him physically till Christmas, but I'll get him down to hell psychologically. He will come back to me or he will die.  
  
I can't help smiling now. I exactly know where I am going to start. I have to sacrifice everything to destroy him and regain Voldemort's trust. Narcissa will be my first step on the way to revenge.  
  
She's there, reading in the living room. Her wavy blond hair is neatly done. She keeps a neutral face, but I know that she hates me. Oh, she is also on Voldemort's side, but she can't stand me anyway. Or, should I say, anymore. I never asked her why. In fact, I really don't care at all. She was a tool, too. Just like everybody else in my circle of family and friends.  
  
I don't know why I chose her. Maybe because it was easy to manipulate her. And this Molly Weasley who still thinks she could save her from my claws. Ha ha ha! I'm a predator. My prey never has a single possibility to escape. That's why I know Draco will eventually come back to me. Or I'll have to kill him. My honour is at stake  
  
Narcissa doesn't hear me coming behind her. She never tried to protect Draco against me, but I know that she nevertheless hates what I do to him. I don't know if Draco loves her, but I know that she is still somebody that never hurt him.  
  
I clench my wand in my fist. Anger emanates from me. The Cruciatus will be strong and violent. It will even maybe kill her. Power. Basis of life. The weak never survives. And Narcissa is weak.  
  
She finally turns her head and sees my wand and my expression.  
  
"Lucius, what are you doing?"  
  
Her voice is full of fear. I'm overwhelmed with the power it gives me.  
  
"Crucio."  
  
My voice is as sharp as a knife, but I am calm and say it nearly lazily. She starts to contort on the floor and her screams fill my ears. She is now cuddling in a corner of the room. Tears stream on her face.  
  
I remember the scene when Draco was in her place. Everything was alike, expect for the tears. But I know he was holding them back. I am sure he cried after our little session. He thinks life is unfair, but it is his fault if he isn't able to take the challenge. Coward.  
  
These thoughts strengthen my power even more. Narcissa is still twitching on the floor, but her screams are lower now. She is loosing her mind and rambles. Suddenly, everything stops. She is dead.  
  
The adrenalin has left me all quivering. I haven't felt better since my session with Draco. Shame I killed her, it would have been elating to do this again tomorrow. I smile at the thought. I have other things to do. I have to find my next prey, and of course, let him know about his mother's death. After all, he is responsible of her departure.  
  
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*Molly's POV*  
  
Ginny is still standing in front of me, but I don't see her anymore. I'm sitting here in shock since she told me, but I can't remember for how long.  
  
Things for this boy are worse than I could have imagined. He reminds me of Harry who has like the world on his shoulders. Children shouldn't have to live that kind of lives. They should have fun, have a bright childhood. But it's never like that. There is always some darkness in their lives. Some just have to suffer more than others, and Draco and Harry are in this category.  
  
I don't know what to do. Draco will never let me even approach him. His leaden walls are just too well built. As much as I loathe his family, I can't help to feel sorry for him. He needs somebody that would listen to him, somebody who would help him sort out his feelings. I know he won't ask for some help, damn his Slytherin pride; and I know he won't speak to a teacher. But I have to get involved. I can't leave him alone.  
  
Narcissa is dead. We heard of that this very morning. When Albus announced it to Draco, he didn't even react. I thought it was because he had no heart, but now, I think it is because he doesn't want to be hurt by being weak in front of people. Narcissa has been killed by a Cruciatus, which means it is probably a Death Eater work. But Lucius is one of them. Nobody would hurt his family, because he has too much power. Then, it's either himself, either Voldemort. However, I can't figure out the scheme. What was the point in killing her?  
  
I feel so sorry for my dear friend. I have lost her times ago, but there was always the hope of her redemption. Now, there's nothing left, just mourning.  
  
I hear the door close slowly: Ginny has left. I finally gather my thoughts. I have to find him, to speak to him, even if I know he will reject me.  
  
........................  
  
He's here, in the cherry tree near the lake. His eyes are closed and his cheeks are stained with tears. He's more human than I have ever seen him. I see him stiffen when he hears my steps and he jerks his head toward me. I see pain flashing through his eyes, but that last only a second before he comes back with his neutral expression.  
  
"What do you want?" he asks harshly.  
  
"Nothing, I was just walking and thinking and I saw you. In fact, I was thinking about your mother."  
  
Great, Molly, just great! You're just plain stupid!  
  
"And what were you thinking? How stupid she was to have married Lucius, or maybe that she is happier now that she is free of the burden her family was?"  
  
I am startled by his bitterness. It is as if he loved her. Wait, who said he didn't? Oh my God, I shouldn't have come, this is turning really bad.  
  
"No, I was just wondering who killed her and why."  
  
He doesn't answer to this, but I see that his fist is clenched on a letter. He makes a ball with it and throws it in the lake. He then jumps down the tree and leaves, but I don't react at all. My eyes are locked on the white ball rolling on the waves.  
  
I retrieve my wand from my pocket.  
  
"Accio, letter."  
  
The wet paper lands softly in my hand and I start to read it. It's a letter from his father.  
  
~Draco, You certainly heard about your mother and I hope you feel forlorn. After, all this is your fault. If you had stuck with the family instead of destroying it, she would still be alive. Voldemort sends his greetings and like me, he hopes your new found conscience will torture you forever.  
  
Most hypocritical greetings,  
  
Lucius Malfoy~  
  
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He he he, this is now my dear beta-reader's ramblings.....Ta da! This is Fire'N'Ice!  
  
Okay, Cinnamon, this was WONDERFUL !!! Honestly, I adored it, and my review is going to SHINE !!!!!!!! I changed a couple things, but they were typos, like « ot » instead of « to » and such, they were really good. Anyway, these are the little thoughts that ran through my head as I read it, hehe, I thought you may find amusing... Ahh, storms calm me too! I'm not like Lucius, am I?!? NOO, the horror!!! note to self never beat son... ok, now I'm not like him, hah! Of course that would help him, stupid bastard, lol. Argh!! How dare he insult my baby Draco, ::imagines many torture sessions::... ::contented smile:: He is not his father!!! He's the guy who's sperm managed to make it! That doesn't make him a father!! yay, Lucius had to pay, haha bastard!!!!! lol Draco could never be a copy of you, jerk! Oh, how I love him, lol. Nooo, no Draco die, what would happen to my dreams??? Ohhh, I hate Lucius smiles, they never mean anything good. I mean, god, in my story he smiles when thinking about spilling his son's blood. Awww, poor Narcissa, that's going to kill Draco. oohhh I love that line "she can't stand me anyway. Or, should I say, anymore". ::shudder:: his laughter is scary "Power. Basis of life." I love that line too. "Her voice is full of fear. I'm overwhelmed with the power it gives me." ::shudder:: God, I hate Lucius. Lucius is the coward!!! You killed Narcissa!! You killed your wife you asshole!! Feel bad!! Now!! I command you dammit!!! "After all, he is responsible of her departure." Bastard. Molly's part is perfect! Totally in character, wonderful! AHHHH that letter! Damn that bastard, DAMN HIM!  
  
Only one comment to that...HE HE HE!!!!!!!! Glad to see you're still as insane as ever!  
  
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So...How was that????? If you liked it, you really should go and read Fire'N'Ice story, Killing Me Slowly! Now, REVIEW!!!!!!! Tell me about the story, about the weather, about your goldfish if you want, but DO SOMETHING!!!!!!! Hum, don't flame, or I might become really harsh. 


	7. My Mission

A/N: yeah!!!!!! I've reached 43 reviews!!!!! I love you guys! Really! He he he, I can't wait to read your next reviews! The queen for the last chappie's review is Elven ice angel, with 1180 words, followed by Fire'N'Ice with 1173 words... hum, who'll make the longest review this chappie??? You have to break the record!  
  
Mozartrox05: dear fan of Mozart, here is my chapter!!!! I hope you're happy! Yeah, sorry, but I thought about who was the closest to Draco, and it could only have been Narcissa. I hope you feel awful, then my job is complete!!!!! Muahahaha, soz.  
  
Sabriel4: hey, I love this sentence about darkness and light! I know, I focus a lot on eyes, but like said, they're the mirror of the soul, and I try to stress on the eyes in each chapter, that's sort of Ariane's thread, if you follow me. He he he, I checked your story, and I hope you'll update again!  
  
Miriam G: no...poor you, you don't have a goldfish! Me neither. I hope your Danish test was ok! Yeah, Lucius is evil and I hope you feel sorry for Draco! (who wouldn't...).he he he, did you speak about Draco in your Danish test? Awh, I'm sure your test was ok!  
  
Btrfly: don't worry about update...if you read that, then you know there's a chappie below! Whoa, in fact you reviewed 2 times!!! I can't believe it!!!! *grins like a madman*  
  
LiLCuNtRyGurl: whoa, it takes time to write your pseudo! I think you beat everybody in the shortest review section!!!! He he he, at least, you pushed the button!  
  
Elven ice angel: don't glare at Fire'N'Ice like that! That's rude! I couldn't have guessed you liked to ramble.*innocent smile* Again, soz I didn't reply to your review...but you should have posted it sooner, muhahahaha! Anyway, do you know how to check an inbox????? I wrote you an email and you didn't answer...I'm sad now, are you proud of your achievement? *pouts like a 4 y.o., you know, with chocolate at the corner of the mouth, arms crossed and all* yep, I love this image! He he he, thanks for giving me soooo many cinnamon scrolls!!!!! Are you happy, Hermione is in this chappie!!!! However, as it is NOT a Hr/D...that doesn't change anything!!!! Muahahahaha, I know, I'm wicked! Yeah, I'm very happy I made you cry, that was sort og my goal in fact. ( ok, if you wish to say all those things before Fire'N'Ice, then, review before her! Oh, besides, she told me her next review would be aimed at you too, so check it out! Hum, I don't think she really appreciated the You-know-who thing...but I let you deal with her!  
  
Pupulupk: no no no, no way!!!!! I can't make a D/Hr! if you wanT one, check Fire'N'Ice story, it's brilliant! I write a D/G, even if it's not official yet. I think Ginny, related to Molly makes the story a whole. Soz, maybe I'll write a D/Hr later. Say hi to your fish, I'm glad it's ok! (  
  
Fire'N'Ice: yay, thanks for your job!!!! Ah, I can't wait to read your review!!!!!! Who's gonna win the Goddess of reviews title???? Your friends thought you were crazy...but you are! I can just imagine you yelling in front of the computer and you friends looking at you, then at each other, shrugging and rolling their eyes. Oh, dear Meg, I always jump into books when I read them! And as a reading freak, I'm sure you understand what I mean! Don't worry, I relate everything to HP too!!!! He he he, I convinced my reading freak friend to read Harry Potter! She's going two months in England and was worried coz she wouldn't find books in French...so I told her HP in English was quite easy, and she'll read them through the summer! He he he, I didn't know it would be soooo easy to convince her! Have you made a beautiful funeral to your goldfish??? Njark njark njark! Soz, but I have to keep ramblings for my review!  
  
Sunkitten: I really hope you checked your inbox! Anyway, God, your review hurt!!!! But I have to thank you, coz this is the first real criticism I received, and besides, it helped me thinking a Lucius/Draco meeting chappie! Damn ff.net!!! It doesn't allow me to read Cyrillic characters! *very angry face*  
  
Yeah, sorry, my replies will soon be getting longer than my chappies, but I love to reply to people, even when they don't answer my emails..... anyway, thanx everybody for your comments on your goldfishes. He he he, I couldn't help making a small allusion to this in line 2. yeah, I know, I'm insane, but I'm proud of that!  
  
Disclaimer: yes, I'm JKR, I've just decided to move country and write with mistakes. In fact, fame started to bother me seriously, so I thought I would only write on ff.net, stories with lame plots and all, after all, I'm rich now, so why use my brains anymore to write wonderful stories when I can post that? Does it really sound like JKR? Yes? Then you're damn insane!  
  
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Chapter 7:  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
I hate divination. I really hate that subject and I think I should change and take runes studies or arithmancy. Trelawney is such an excuse for a seer! I think my goldfish could do a better job! She keeps telling me how dark my soul is; how I have suffered too much and might be suffering even more in the future. Hum. I'm kind of a martyr.  
  
I suddenly stop in my track. I look around and I am surprised to see that I am not on the common room way. My steps unconsciously led me to mum's office. It is strange, how of all places, my mind chose this one; as if my subconscious wanted some comfort.  
  
I enter the room and feel instantly at home and start to look around. The room is small, but with magnificent stain glass frame on the windows and the colours make a kaleidoscope on the wooden floor. There are shelves with books piled on them reaching the ceiling. Mum is not exactly organized. There are candles of all shapes and colours everywhere.  
  
I sit in her comfortable night blue chair. The desk in front of me is a mess, but still, there's a crumbled paper stick out of a stack.  
  
'Hum, last time you put your nose in someone else business, you just ended crying in front of your mum'  
  
Shut up, nasty little mind of mine! You know I am just too much curious! I have to read it!  
  
It's a letter. And a damn harsh one. That's just the kind of letter that brings you down and breaks you. I wonder how mum got it, and how she reacted. This is horrible. Finally, my life isn't as dark and difficult as I thought it was. Some people are going through worse. Trelawney seems nearly cheerful now.  
  
I put the paper back and leave this peaceful haven, even more disturbed than I was before entering it.  
  
'I told you.'  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh God, I'm so sorry Hermione, it wasn't directed to you."  
  
I must have a strange look on my face, because she doesn't leave and just stare at me. I return her question.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You have a problem."  
  
"Oh, it's nothing, just nothing." I know she won't buy it. Hermione has become my best friend over the summer and that's exactly the sort of lies she sees right away.  
  
"Yeah, sure. And Lucius Malfoy is a fluffy teddy bear. Now what?"  
  
As I don't answer, Hermione grabs my arm and pull me all the way to the quidditch pitch. I don't even react and we sit on the grass. The suns warms me up, Hermione is silent. She waits for me to speak, but I don't know where to start.  
  
'Come on, silly girl! She is your best friend, if someone can understand you, it's her!'  
  
"I feel depressed."  
  
Hermione still says nothing. Damn her, why does she have to be such a good listener?  
  
"There's someone I know that is really in hell, but I can't help this person coz we hardly know each other and that someone will never accept my help. I've told mum and she tried to do something, but she failed. In fact, I was considering telling Dumbledore."  
  
"Is it really that bad?" I can see concern written on her face.  
  
"Worse than everything you can imagine."  
  
I lie down on the grass and look at the sky. The blue is deep, calming. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. The sun is now setting and the air is cooling, but I feel so peaceful that I just want to stay there forever.  
  
After a few minutes, I feel Hermione's hand on my arm. I reluctantly open my eyes and turn my head to meet her gaze.  
  
"Whatever walls are between you and this person, you have to go and speak to him or her."  
  
"He will send me away, I know it." I sigh heavily and turn my head to the sky again. There are flaming ribbons decorating it now and the blue has turned a pale grey.  
  
"You're a fighter Ginny. You have become stronger since the Chamber of Secrets. I am sure you can help that boy. It'll take time, but if it's worth it."  
  
I suddenly realize that I accidentally told her it was a boy. Now, she's going to conduct a survey to discover who it is. Crap.  
  
Hermione is right, I am strong and I can go through this. I was so happy to have my family after my first year. Draco has nobody, but not for long.  
  
.....................  
  
*Molly's POV*  
  
I'm sitting in Albus' office, but he's still isn't there. Nothing has changed through the years. Fawkes is looking at me from the window and there are lunar charts, models of planets and all sort of weird things around.  
  
"My dear Molly, how can I help you?"  
  
Oh Merlin! He scared me so much! I nearly died of a heart attack. He sits down at her desk and stares at me with his twinkling eyes.  
  
"Oh, this is quite difficult. It's about Draco Malfoy."  
  
The twinkle in Albus' eyes disappears instantly. I retrieve the letter from my pocket and give it to Albus. His face darkens considerably before looking back at me.  
  
"What else do you know?"  
  
I start to report the whole library episode, my meeting with him, the discovery of the letter and my spying on Ginny. I know she read that letter this afternoon, and I know she is just tortured about this whole story.  
  
"I don't know what to do."  
  
"Molly, I think we are going to wait for a while."  
  
"What?" I'm simply dumbfounded by Albus' reaction. This boy is getting down and down, he's drifting away and we wait? I'm really angry now, but Albus is used to the Weasley temper and just smile.  
  
"We are going to wait and see what your daughter will do. I know Ginny is going to be involved, she just can't help it. It's better for us to let teenagers sort things together."  
  
"But Ginny is just too shy and she won't have the courage to face him."  
  
"Don't underestimate her."  
  
It seems like the discussion is closed, so I leave and head for dinner. Wait. As if I had patience skills at all!  
  
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yeah, soz, this is Fire'N'Ice again...so sorry you have to deal with her ramblings. Oh, don't look at me like that ms Insanity!  
  
Yay !!! Okay, I admit I was a little disappointed there was no Draco (because he's Draco, hehe), but there was no place for him in this chapter. It is wonderful !!!! Ginny's emotions are described so perfectly and I'm so glad her and Hermione are close. Hehe, these are some random comments of mine while reading, but I saved a bunch for the review (which will be huge muhahahaha !).... I agree, Trelawney is pathetic... ohh wait I'm seeing something... it's her death! muahahahaa Yes, that letter is awful, DAMN LUCIUS! Hermoine is very smart, you can't hide from her Ginny!! :) Hehehe!!! I love that, "And Lucius Malfoy is a fluffy teddy bear" hm.. if he was, then I could just take out the stuffing and then burn him and take his beady eyes... sorry, lol, I really hate him. Oh yes, Hermione, it's very bad. And you know why it's bad? Because Lucius is a heartless, murdering bastard and you should now join with us to TORTURE him! :p Ohh, I like your description of when Ginny lies on the grass, it's very good :) And "flaming ribbons", I really like that. Yes, you're strong, go for it!!! Help my baby (yes MY baby, hehe) Awww, Molly is so nice. Albus is right, Ginny can do it, yay Ginny! hehe, they can bond!!!!! Once again, WONDERFUL chapter, I cannot wait to see Ginny trying to reach Draco.. I'm all jittery :)  
  
...and you forgot to say damn crazy!!! He he he, thanks for your reading!!!! I'll post that, then I promise I go and work on my other story (not on the web yet, dear readers...) no, first I have to review your story! Muahahaha, I'm coming!!!!!  
  
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now, press the lil blue button!!!! You know, press it and write a line will take you...15 seconds!!!!! Omg, sooooo sorry to make you waste your such an amount of time like this!!! In 15 seconds, you could at least have read three other stories! Anyway, if you want to flame, you're free to do so, but may I remind you that if you had stopped reading that after first chappie, you WOULD have had time to read other stories? So if you reach this chappie, and consequently this message, write at least something constructive! Quite confusing, aren't I? njark njark njark!!! 


	8. Blade Runner

A/N: ok, dear serious reviewers: thanks!!! Your reviews are always interesting! Dear childish reviewers (rolls her eyes at Fire'N'Ice and Elven ice angel), I hope you behave correctly in your review! Don't be rude to each other! Lol.  
  
Miriam G: Hello!!!! I went to read your flamer's story, then your review to that same story and came up with the same opinion. I told the author so and explained him that flaming was a waste of energy. Anyway, I haven't received a flame back yet, so maybe that person has understood my point!  
  
Elven ice angel: yep, it's your turn to bow down to me: I'm the queen of reviews, with 2217 words! Muahahaha! And I haven't reviewed Fire'N'Ice's story yet! I fully replied to your review in mine, coz my chappie would have been shorter than my replies and it wouldn't have been good! Anyway, good luck in your war against Fire'N'Ice...  
  
Mozartrox05: yep, I love fluffy teddys!!!! But I hate Lucius... he he he, they'll "maybe" become friends! Thanks a lot!  
  
Sunkitten: Lo!!!! *waves madly* yep, I checked your site, and it's cool, coz I have something else than Pouchkine to read (my teacher is fond of him)! I make my way slowly through the story, but I'm happy to see there are words I recognize! Hey, I don't blame you for not answering! Sorry if it sounded so! He he he, the problem is that I don't have any way to write in Cyrillic with this computer *glares at it* anyway, thanks for your offer, it was really nice. Glad you liked that chappie better! Hope you like this one too!  
  
Fire'N'Ice: thanks thanks thanks for your job! He he he, my father says you have to pay attention in geography...well, it's just my father. Yoohoohoo! Starwars freak away for three days...time to put fire to all his starwars stuff! Muahahaha! Be nice to Elven ice angel, or I'm gonna kick both your asses! Really, children...  
  
Btrfly: he he he, I know, many of you were disappointed! Here is a FULL chappie with Draco!!!!!! Happy? You'd better be! Thanks for being so nice toward my work! He he he, I see you had fun at the wild animal park!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: yep, Hp is mine! "As insane as ever." Shut up! It's not coz you're the sane part of my mind that you have to shatter all my dreams, damn you! I don't know if JKR has a lil voice too, but I hope for her sake that it isn't as annoying as mine! "Hey, don't be rude! You wouldn't be able to write that without me!" SOD OFF!!!!  
  
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Chapter 8:  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
I feel weaker and weaker. I have tried to eat, but I systematically end throwing up my meal in the bathroom. When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I can see how much I have changed. I look exhausted. There are dark circles under my eyes and I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I should switch places with Millicent Bullstrode, she is always complaining about her weight.  
  
I haven't seen Hannah since that day in the library. When I first met her, I was left with a tiny cheerful feeling of safety. But everything went down again with my mother's death.  
  
Is it my fate to be the cause of people's death? Then, why do I have to live, if it is just for destruction?  
  
I start to reconsider suicide, but I have decided that I will not attempt anything till I see Hannah again. I don't care about my father anymore.  
  
I can't help cutting my arms, though. It has become an everyday routine. Before classes, as I don't take breakfast anymore, I just find some hidden place and take out my knife. My arms are both in a pitiful state. The wounds don't have time to heal and so, my skin is extra-sensitive. It hurts like hell, but that's how I want it.  
  
Sorry Hannah, I just have no other choice than playing with knives.  
  
This morning is like every other morning. I'm wandering in the halls to find a place. Ah, I have found a place. Under the staircase. In the shadows.  
  
As always, I sit on the floor and take out my knife. I put both my sleeves up to chose the healthier arm. Today, it is going to be the left one. The blood drips slowly from the cuts; it is still as red and as beautiful as ever. Bright crimson.  
  
"Stop it immediately."  
  
The voice is clear and commanding, yet, there isn't hatred in it. I generally sense quite easily that feeling; it must be because it is omnipresent when people speak to me.  
  
I don't look up. I don't want to know whose voice it is. However, this voice has power on me; the knife is now resting in my palm and I just look blankly at it.  
  
"Why should I listen to you?" my voice comes out hoarse and quivering. Damn, I really have to get a hold of myself.  
  
"Cause I know what you are doing and I can't let you do it. You may think nobody cares, but my conscience will not allow me to live."  
  
"Just sod off."  
  
"Sure, so you can continue to play with your little knife?" I don't know who this girl is, but damn, why did she have to use Hannah's words? I grip the knife again and continue my methodical torture. I know she is still there, but I don't care. Nobody cares.  
  
However, she comes and snatches the knife. Damn her, it's my most treasured possession at the time. And now, I am obliged to look at her.  
  
...............  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
That knife is sharp and I have cut myself when snatching it. Pretty deep by the way. My blood mixes with Draco Malfoy's on the blade. God, how ironic.  
  
I don't know what to do now. He doesn't look up at me. He seems so fragile and lost.  
  
I kneel down in front of him. There is no way to turn away; the time to face him has come and it affects me more than I had thought.  
  
He finally stares at me.  
  
"Weasley, give that knife back."  
  
"Why, you don't need it:"  
  
"Don't mess me with me, or..."  
  
"Or what? Are you going to curse me?"  
  
My voice is hedgy, and I know I am getting on his nerves.  
  
...............  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
I don't know what to answer to that, so I just draw my legs to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees.  
  
"Keep that bloody knife if you want, but leave me alone."  
  
"No."  
  
I can't believe it! This girl is annoyingly stubborn. Nobody challenges a Malfoy. Wait a minute. I'm not a Malfoy anymore.  
  
"I won't leave till you tell me you are ok."  
  
"I am ok."  
  
"You are a very bad liar, Draco."  
  
"What did you call me?"  
  
"Ahem..."  
  
She looks at me with a sheepish smile and I can't help grinning a little. Her smile grows into a real smile at that moment.  
  
"I was wondering if you could smile at all."  
  
"It isn't my most brilliant skill."  
  
My tone is harsh and in despair, she hands me back the knife. I don't even notice that I have started to cut myself again. At least, not until she stops my hand and begins to bandage my arm with her handkerchief.  
  
I don't recognize myself. If Father saw me associating with a Weasley, god, what he would do to me. Why don't I just shoo her away? Why is she there in the first place?  
  
"Why?"  
  
................  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
Shit! Why did he have to ask this precise question? Such trouble in my head for only one little whispered word. My eyes are locked with his. His grey orbs seem bottomless, just like the well in Alice in Wonderland.  
  
"Why?" He only whispers it, but it echoes hundreds of time in my head.  
  
"I don't know. You don't deserve all this. Nobody does."  
  
He looks at me in surprise and his eyes ask me how much I know. I breathe a good deal and lower my head.  
  
"I was in the library when Hannah came. And I know about your mother's death."  
  
"I don't need your pity. I am ok and you should mind your own business." I have never heard such bitterness in someone's voice.  
  
"Damn your pride! It wasn't my purpose to get inside your little problems, but I overheard and now, I just can't feign I know nothing."  
  
He's really getting on my nerves. What does he think? That everybody would enjoy the sight of him being tortured? A simple look at him answers my question. He has no faith in humanity.  
  
Ok, after all, I knew I wouldn't win on first try. Nothing can sway him now.  
  
I stand up and brush my robes. My hand is still bleeding freely. I have DADA first period and I hope mum won't notice. I also hope I won't burst into tears in the middle of the lesson.  
  
Even if this moment ends badly, I'm proud of myself. I even managed to make him smile.  
  
..............  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
Weasley has left, gone to classes. I don't want to go. I just want to stay here, in the dark, where nobody can see me, where I am alone. The last thing I want is going to herbology and face that slut of a witch Pansy.  
  
I replay this moment in my head, and every time, I feel like I can trust her. I laugh at myself. She can't even imagine how much in hell I am. I can't trust her. I can't trust anybody. The people I trusted shot me down. My belief brought me on the wrong path, in the night. And now, I am alone, trying to find light again. Nobody can reach me and bring me back.  
  
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  
Yep, ti's "her" again...  
  
Hey!!!!!! OMG!!!! I was soooooooo thrilled to see you sent me this and became even happier as I read it! Well, technically, not happier considering I was crying, but it was so good!!! I love how Ginny and Draco interact, he's got to realize people care about him!! Okay, I'm not including my usual thoughts because I did them line by line and they are over a page long so I'm making them into the review, which I will post the second I see this chapter up. Right now I'm up to about 1, 083 words. The whole thing is talking to Draco and Ginny, so I have to add my part to you!! Once again, MAGNIFICANT chapter! How could you not have been sure of it? The knot in my stomach is huge!!! All right, I'm going to go finish my review (which will beat Elven Ice Angel's)!! :-D  
  
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OK EVERYBODY; REVIEW!!!!!!! *voice under sonorous charm* so nobody can say they haven't heard what I said! Flamers, I must warn you...Baby Norbert is currently living with me, so I can send him to burn your arses! Muahahaha! 


	9. The truth hurts, as well as the lies

A/N: I've reached 60 reviews! yep, I'm so happy! I hope you like this chappie, I'm very worried coz some parts came out easily and some others seem screwed or something. REVIEW.  
  
Mozartrox05: alors, t'as tout compris dans ma "review"? He he he, je suis horrible, non ? Sorry, but it will take a long long time till Draco realises somebody cares about him...Ah, everybody wants to buy him a teddy bear! Maybe I will give him one in the story... Bisous.  
  
Btrfly: Don't worry. If you continue to read and review my story, I'm happy! Glad you like Ginny!!!  
  
Vaness: Hey!It's been a long time! Glad to hear about you. I know, I should send emails, but I'm too lazy! Anyway, I would like to say to everybody that I update every Sunday. Well, normally!!!!!  
  
CarminaBurana: He he he, of course I'll continue to write this!!!! I can't get it out of my head, so...Keep reading!  
  
Rubberduckie713: Oh, I love your nickname!!!! Reminds me of a certain scene when Percy has got his hair all wild and funny. He he he, I laughed my head off at him! YEAH! Another insane one! I already like you. I really hope you will continue to read my story! I like to use a lot of povs, coz it makes the story livelier. And I can twist it really like I want! Hope you like that chappie.  
  
Miriam G: Ta da.next chappie here!!! I still can't believe you forgot your test. It's so funny! That's exactly the sort of things that I would do...*sheepish smile*  
  
Luscious Kinney: Whoa, another new reviewer!!!! Thanx thanx thanx! Yep, he's become human! He he he, I hope you have your tissue box ready for this chappie.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: OMG, I printed the reviews to be able to reply without having to change windows and all, and yours takes one page and a half!!!!! You're officially the Goddess of the reviews, coz our dear Elven ice angel didn't review the chappie! Thanks for your *constructive* line by line comments.I see you really like my line about quidditch, as you keep using it over and over again! He he he...As you also want him to have a teddy bear, I think I'm gonna give him one!!! Later in the story...He he he. Yep, of course I had to use The Position!!!! And curling up in this chappie!!! Muahahaha, I know how to affect you!!!! Yep, soz about the Alice in Wonderland thing, but it was haunting me and I thought I would just share it with you.that's what friends are made for!!! I hope you'll cry a lot...Muahahaha! Ok, now, I want you to send me the next Anya chappie, please. I deserve it, with the effort I made to read the traitor one. (just printed chappie two, don't want to read it...) argh.only 10 pm.two hours till DA...How am I gonna live??? Say hi to your lil voices, mine has come back from Alec's mind, but is too shaken to speak right now, muahahaha.  
  
He he he, really sorry about those long replies, but it's me, I can't help rambling... ok, now, that damn disclaimer...  
  
I don't own HP blah blah blah, blah blah, blah. Pretty short, wasn't it???  
  
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Chapter 9:  
  
*Hannah's POV*  
  
I didn't think my after death would be so difficult. It's horrible to watch Draco mutilate himself as he does every morning. It's tearing me apart to leave him alone with his pain. But I know that the only thing he holds to is seeing me again. That's why I can't let him know that I'm with him most of the time.  
  
I would so much like to hug him and let him cry on my shoulder. Give him warmth.  
  
No, I'm a ghost. I can't touch him, and I'm not warm. My "body" is like ice for someone alive. All I can do is make me invisible and follow him around. I'm so frightened he might attempt suicide again.  
  
However, this morning was different. Ron Weasley's sister found him. Ginny, I think her name is. She knows a great deal, although I don't know how she found out. What I don't understand is this nonsense about Draco's mother. Ginny mentioned a letter, but I don't know what the content is. I never go into the great hall, it's too crowded. And I don't want to see my old house again. Watch them chatting and smiling during the whole breakfast. It would break me to see how they can live without me.  
  
I want to talk to the Weasley girl, but I'm scared she might run away when she knows what happened to me. I'm scared she doesn't want to help Draco and that what she said this morning was true, that it was just a question of conscience for her.  
  
........................  
  
*Molly's POV*  
  
I have Ginny's class now, and I can't help staring at her, trying to decipher the expression on her face. She is different this morning, she just stays still on her chair while the others are writing down all that I can say. I can't take it anymore, so I just ask her.  
  
"Ginny, do you have a good reason not to write all this down?"  
  
My daughter looks up at me, frightened. It's been a long time since she looked at me with that expression. I believe she tries to hide something under the table, but what is it?  
  
"Ginny, put your hands on your desk, now."  
  
She slowly lays her hands on the table. Her left hand is all bloodied. She's cut her palm very deeply, and the gash crosses all the surface of her palm. My eyes widen in horror.  
  
"What is this? Why didn't you go to Mrs Pomfrey, why didn't you at least bandage it with your handkerchief or something? Damn, Ginny, it's dangerous to leave this wound like that!"  
  
The whole class has turn on their seats to watch the scene. I breathe hard. I now I shouldn't have yelled at her, but honestly, why did she try to hide it? The bell rings at this moment, so I dismiss the class and grab my daughter by the arm. Now, to the hospital wing!  
  
.......................  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
Mum is irate and I feel stupid. It's just a gash, I could have lied and said I had cut myself at breakfast or something, accidentally. I know the next hour will be terrific. Full interrogation, I expect.  
  
Mrs Pomfrey has bandaged my arm but that's all she could do. She says that the blade which dug in my palm was magic. This means my wound can't be healed by magic. Dark Arts, she says..... And so, I'm in big trouble, because mum is not going to leave me alone! And I don't want to tell her what happened this morning.  
  
"Ginny, Mrs Pomfrey says it's a magic blade. Can you explain that to me?"  
  
"No."  
  
She knows I lie, because I can't look at her in the eye.  
  
"Ginny, if you don't tell me what happened, I feed you with Veritaserum!"  
  
Oh oh.What do I do??? Veritaserum is quite painful, and I could just spill everything. After all, she is my mum. The person that loves me and would never judge me like that.  
  
"I tried to snatch Draco's knife."  
  
"Care to elaborate?"  
  
Ok, Ginny, time to take a great deep breath...  
  
"Ahem. I'm not sure you want to know." I finally whisper.  
  
....................  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
Tomorrow, the first quidditch match of the season is played. It's Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff. Even if I don't play, there's a knot in my stomach. Father will be there. He always is, to all matches. I'm scared to death, I don't know how to avoid him. I haven't seen him since my leaving for Hogwarts. I wasn't allowed to go home for Mother's funeral, Father forbade it.  
  
Once again, I'm hidden in the alchemy section. The blood I spilled on the floor a few days ago has disappeared and the green carpet is as clean as ever, forgetful of what happened a few days ago. That's how will be the world after my death. Nobody will remember me, nor regret me.  
  
I hear soft steps coming toward the section. Damn, that is really the last thing I want! Can't they leave me alone?  
  
"Hey Drakie!!!!"  
  
Ok, my nightmare is complete. Pansy. What do I do? Do I kill myself now or in three seconds?  
  
"Pansy. In the library? What a surprise!" my tone is cynical, but how would she understand that subtle emotion?  
  
"I know! I have some assignment on Nicholas Fla-whatsit to do, and I took hours to find the right section!"  
  
I don't even answer. How is it possible for somebody to be that thick? I stare at the lake trough the dirty window. It's calm and smooth like a mirror. I hate mirrors. They only reflect what is on the outside, what is superficial. Like Pansy.  
  
She is really getting on my nerves, so I leave the library and head for the dungeons. Like always, I find the darkest corner and sit curled up on the floor, rocking back and forth. I want to take that bloody knife out, but something refrains me. I don't need to cut right now, so I just sit and think. I think too much. I wish I couldn't think at all, it would help a great deal. Maybe I should exchange my brain with Crabbe.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*Next morning, at dawn*  
  
"Wake up, little moron."  
  
The voice whispers the words, but I know who pronounces them. I know Lucius is staring at me, even glaring at me. I keep my eyes close, but a sharp slap comes across my face. Father pulls me to the floor and out of the dorm. I manage to get up and try to escape, but he grabs my arm and spins me around. Pain shoots through my arm. His hand has closed on my cuts and holds me tightly.  
  
He drags me along in the dark halls, and I can hear nothing but the echo of our footsteps. He finally throws me in a classroom. I recognize it as Snape's. I've landed hard on the stone floor and it takes me too long to react and get up. A harsh kick lands in my stomach. I can't breathe anymore, I cough.  
  
Lucius doesn't speak to me, he just keeps kicking again and again. I'm surprised he hasn't used his cane or a spell till now, but it might come soon. His foot once again crashes in my stomach. This time, I sense the blood filling my mouth and cough it on the floor. I see him smile in the half-light. I wish I black out, but it never happens, I'm of quite strong constitution.  
  
He's finally decided to use his damn cane. It tears up my back. I'm so hurt. I curl up in a corner, burying my head in my arms, trying to block the lashes and the pain. Tears are prickling my eyes. I have cried frequently lately and I'm not able to hold them back like in the past. I sense them wetting my cheeks and rolling in my neck. I sob now.  
  
I so wish everything ends soon. I nearly beg him to kill me. I want to die, I can't take that pain anymore. I know he won't stop till I scream, and I have an internal battle to know if I give up and give him what he wants or if I hold all back and wait for him to finish me off.  
  
And I scream.  
  
....................  
  
*Snape's POV*  
  
Damn, what is this?  
  
I'm sitting in my bed, all sweaty and breathing hard. I've heard a distant sound but I don't know what it was. Like a yell or something. Oh well, it might have been in my head. But then, why do I feel so weird?  
  
Oh yes, Lucius is coming today. I dread these meetings. I dread all my meetings with Death Eaters and Voldemort. I'm a spy, and it's a really heavy burden. I expect all my words and moves to betray me, and I can't help being nervous. I really wish Lucius doesn't come today, but I know he would never miss a quidditch match. I don't know what he likes in quidditch. Maybe he still waits for bloodshed.  
  
....................  
  
*Draco's POV* (you really thought I would leave him with Lucius till next chappie?)  
  
Father has left. He hasn't used Cruciatus on me and I thank God and Merlin for that. I don't know why I thank God, I'm not sure some wizards are even Christians, but still. I've made it through. I feel do relieved, but so numb. I can't move anymore, and there's much blood on the floor, flowing between the paving stones.  
  
I think I'm going to black out. How ironic; it is only now that all is finished that my body allows me to switch off....  
  
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Ok, I believe I don't have the need to introduce Fire'N'Ice again!!! These are again her lil random comments.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deep breaths, deep breaths, inhale, exhale... omg!!!! *tears flow* Draco!!!!!!!!! Damn you Lucius, damn you and your freaking cane! My mouth hung open this whole chapter and strangled screams came out when Draco was being beaten. Lucius is SO lucky he's a fictional character or I swear I'd forget I'm civilized for a bit! What an ASSHOLE! Okay, I had to get that all out. Of course, this was amazing!!! Do you see all the emotion you pulled out of me? Just wait until the review, line by line you will see the pain you have inflicted on me!!! Argh, damn your writing skills, why do they have to be good enough for me to cry? I wanted to jump in there in front of our Dragon and... I'm not sure what since I'm not magic and I'm pretty sure Lucius is quite a bit bigger than me, but I'd think of something!!! Okay, I'm off to send this back to you, answer the email and then pre-write my review... which is going to be VERY long and full of tears. Magnificent chapter!!!  
  
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OK, now, if you have 30 seconds, you are obliged to REVIEW!!!! Come on, it's not that difficult to say what you think!!! 


	10. Snape, Lucius, and Arthur

Author's note: THANX!!!!! I can't believe how many reviews I got! 14 for chappie 9! I love you all!!!!! And I'm extremely happy to welcome new reviewers!!!!  
  
Rubberduckie713: emotionality is a great word, maybe you should try to make him being recognized! I don't care if you can't review as often as you would want, as long as I get your reviews sometimes!!! At least, I know that you read my story. Ahem, I'm sure I'm crazier than you... Poor you, having to babysit your bro... Reminds me when I have to look after 25 kids when at scouts...A nightmare...  
  
LiLCuNtRyGurl: Doesn't matter if you screw your last review (let's say it was your computer fault!) At least, I know you read my story!  
  
Btrfly: Yeah, I'm quite proud about Hannah's POV; I thought it was missing in the story. Ahem, that's coz I didn't know it was magic when I wrote chappie 8.....*sheepish smile* I've decided it would be just before posting chappie 9 in fact. You'll understand later why I chose to do it that way.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: Like always, I'm not gonna reply to your review, coz it would take a lot of place, and the purpose is to post a chappie, not insane ramblings! Thanx a lot for the work on this chappie!!! I can't wait to read your review! I'll answer your mail just after I post that...I have my whole adventures of the big scout game to tell you...was an interesting day... Hey, where would be the fun if you weren't crying! I'm sure you didn't cry this chappie...Wait for Christmas...Muahahaha! Ok, one more complaint! Where is the next part of Anya's story??? Please, I need it for my emotional balance (see, I didn't use *mental*...) Pretty please with Nemo on the top (Muahahaha, I know where your weaknesses lay!) He he he, do you know what; Dark Angel season 2 starts NEXT SATURDAY!!!!! I'm sure you're yelling in frustration right now! Muahahaha...I couldn't believe my luck when I read the new tv program this morning! Although, I would have known earlier, if I had watched the second ep of DA this morning, but it was 1 am, and I was dead exhausted...rough day...Did you get your dragon? Hope he will get along with my teddy. Maybe he would like to teach divination too!!!!! He he he...Ahem, See, I haven't put any Alice thing in this chappie! Aren't I nice? Read you soon!  
  
Bob: I don't take forever long to post my chappies!!!! *pout*. Hey, who do you think you're talking to???? I WONT obey the *almighty Bob*...*stick out my tongue at you*. I'm not very patient either, so I understand..Are you happy??? Here is next chappie!!! I swear, if you don't review, I send Baby Norbert on you! Muahahaha. Ahem, Fire'N'Ice and Elven ice angel are just...you know...crazy. No need to roll your eyes at me!!!!! Ahem,. I'm not talking to you there, just to these two dummies that are in a war for the longest review..tsk tsk tsk.. I am the goddess of long reviews!!! Everybody has to bow in front of me! Soz, a bit out of my mind...lack of sleep...  
  
Wiccan Angelle: He he he..a new reviewer!!! WELCOME to Cinnamon's insane land!!!! You're in love with this story? Are you sure you're not mad or something? Lol.  
  
Carshaa: Oh, you're new too! I like your name! All the POVs???? Whoa, I'm dumbfounded...  
  
Sunkitten: Hello! Thanks for your constructive crit again! Lucius is NOT thick...We haven't been in his head and memories for now, just his thoughts before killing Narcissa. In this chappie, he talks with Snape, I hope you like it. Don't worry, I won't make Lucius finish bad...Well, technically yes, but psychologically...Well, you'll see. Yep, Draco has indeed forgotten a little his reasons for such a behaviour. It's just coz it's rooted deep inside him now. Change in this chappie, I thought the storyline had to move. Ah.I have to learn off by heart the first sentence of a poem. I don't know how to translate the title but it's something like Bronze Knight or something. It's about Saint-Petersbourg. I like it a lot, but it's difficult to learn for me. After all, I've been studying Russian for two years only.  
  
Luscious Kinney: glad you liked it! And happy to read you again! I don't think you need tissues for this chappie, it's lighter than the others! Hope you like it.  
  
Mozartrox05: I'm VERY proud of you, your French is excellent, I've understood everything you wrote. A few mistakes, but they're not really important. If you want I can email you and explain you the mistakes. I think I continue in French now... Ah, le verbe manquer...un cauchemar pour ceux qui parlent Anglais normalement! Exactement comme votre verbe *to miss* pour nous ! Oui, Snape (ou Rogue, en Français) est un personnage intéressant. Je l'aime bien, parce qu'il est très mystérieux et qu'en fait, je pense qu'il souffre beaucoup. Draco ne vas plus se couper, il change dans ce chapitre ! J'espère que tu vas l'aimer ! Continue de me répondre en Français...Nice exercise for you !!!!!  
  
Miriam G: I'm sure it's Voldie's trick if you couldn't log in! awh...Draco is maybe a fictional character...you've just shattered all my illusions...Boohoohoo... All my congratulations for your graduation! Sticker on your forehead in your yearbook? Damn, you probably look ridiculous...lol. I notice that your reviews have become more creative each time! See, it wasn't so difficult! Next time , you have to write at least 120 words...it's your new assignment!  
  
Sabriel 4: on the contrary, Snape's POv was necessary, because of this chappie you're gonna read now! I hope you like it! I agree with him too about Pansy! Lol. Whoa two reviews!!!! My my my...I feel so special!!!! I know, I know, chappie 7 was short...this one is longer! Hope you continue with your story!  
  
Madussa: Oh, you're new too!!! Welcome to my insane lil world... I love your review, it's really nice! I'll watch for the repetitions, but that'll be after my exams! I love reviews, coz they help me ask myself the right questions about my characters and some reviewers unconsciously gave me new ideas. Thanks a lot for your line about dreams, I think it's important. I really hope you'll continue to review this story. Hope you like the chappie.  
  
Thank you all again!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Mirror, mirror, tell me who's the owner of HP.  
  
"Not you, but JKR..."  
  
Ahem...Do you really want me to throw you through a window?  
  
"Ok, it's you..."  
  
Muahahahaha!!!!!!!  
  
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Chapter 10: Snape, Lucius, and Arthur.  
  
*Snape's POV*  
  
Here we are, the great morning of my meeting with Lucius. I can't believe I am so nervous to meet him. I am now in my office, trying to correct some assignments. My desk is buried under the piles of parchment. I really should give less, it takes too much time to correct them. My eyes wander on the brilliant (not that I'm going to tell her) assignment of Hermione Granger when I hear a soft moan. So soft that I hardly hear it. I look around me, but there's nothing but my usual mess of phials and jars. I open the door to my classroom, but it is as empty.  
  
No, wait. The floor is shining slightly with a red brightness. What is this? I crouch and put my hand on the floor. When I look at it, it's all bloodied. I stare at the Dragon blood jar, expecting to meet an empty spot on the shelf, but the jar is as full and solid as ever. I get up again and start to walk around the tables. And then I spot him.  
  
Draco Malfoy is lying in a corner, moaning with pain. His t-shirt has been ripped apart and large bloody gashes run across his back. His body is all bruised and cut. The state of his arms is simply awful. They're a network of cuts. His head is buried in his arms. And he's shaking with tears. I can hear him sobbing. When I approach him, he curls up even more, defence mechanism, I presume.  
  
I take him softly in my arms and I see his face contort with pain. I don't know what to say, so I just hold him tightly and start to run through the halls. Thankfully, it's Saturday morning and students are still in their common rooms, or even sleeping. I nevertheless bump into Molly Weasley. Why, on Earth, did I have to bump into her, we can't stand each other and keep arguing on everything. This time however, she just turns on her heels and follows me silently to the hospital wing.  
  
I can sense Draco's blood rolling down in my sleeves. Blood, so much blood. This makes memories come back, memories of my former Death Eater life. What did Fate want to say by letting me find the boy? He's breathing hard, coughing. Damn, I hope Poppy can do something for him. I couldn't bear him dying. I know I would take the blame on me as much as on Lucius. He's my godson, I should have known what was happening, but Molly Weasley seems to know even more than me. I feel like everything I do is wrong.  
  
This castle is just too big, I've been running for what seems hours to me, and when I finally reach the hospital wing, I'm ten years older, I don't collapse from Draco's weight, he's exceptionally light, even too light; but I collapse from worry and blame. Why did I get up so late! If only I had found him sooner! I know the answer, I've got up late because I didn't want to face this freaking morning. And now, my cowardice makes an innocent kid pay the hard price.  
  
Tears are still running down his pale cheeks, mixing with the blood from the cuts on his face. Pain must be excruciating for him. I know that the simple fact of touching him makes pain shoot through his body. I'm so stupid not to have brought my wand with me this morning, I could have levitated him.  
  
Molly has gone to fetch Albus, so I stay here, watching Poppy trying to heal Draco's injuries. She has a look of murder on her face and her eyes glint with anger as well as worry. She doesn't like Draco, I don't think anybody likes him here, except for me and this Parkinson girl. He's so alone.  
  
I know who did that. And it hurts. My best friend did that. Well, my former best friend, but still. I don't dread our meeting now. I want to face him, and ask him to explain me, to explain me why he did that to his son.  
  
.......................  
  
"Why, Lucius, why?"  
  
He looks at me, his eyes expressing no emotion. We're in a deserted hall. I don't want to be in a closed room with him.  
  
"I don't think I need to justify myself in front of you."  
  
"Just say why you did that to Draco. He doesn't deserve it. He's a brilliant kid!"  
  
"I really don't see the point in telling you. I have no explanation to give to you and I think you should mind your own business, my friend."  
  
"Do you really think I couldn't understand your reasons? We're friends Lucius, we have been since Hogwarts!"  
  
I hope I lie well. I can't stand him anymore, but he's a precious ally in Voldemort's circle. I know he wouldn't stand for me, but at least, the fact that I am his *friend* protects me a lot against suspicions. He seems to take into consideration what I just said to him, and I know he's going to answer. I don't believe his reasons will be good ones, there are no good reasons for doing this to a kid.  
  
"I wanted him to be better, to reach my expectations, but he failed miserably."  
  
"You can't model him as you want. We've gone past the Play-Doh age. He's independent. How long have you been doing that?"  
  
"I can't remember but that's not the point. He is weak. I achieved great things. I became powerful, I became a Death Eater. My father kept saying how useless I was, and I've proved him wrong. I rebelled against him, I've done things he would never have had the bravery to even begin. I wanted Draco to do the same. To surpass me, to the point of being Voldemort's equal. I thought that he would try to prove me he was better than all I could have expected. But this summer changed everything. He cowardly turned away from the great destiny I was offering him. But I'm not giving up. I'll win him back. He's priceless. As you so truly stated, he's brilliant, probably will be very powerful. Nothing can stop me, and Voldemort will help me. You can't save him, Severus. Nobody can."  
  
.....................  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
I haven't been able to sleep since four in the morning. I had sort of a knot in my stomach, sort of a bad feeling that was haunting me. The wound on my palm hurts like hell, and it's bleeding again. Why did I try to snatch his knife?  
  
I can't take that damn pain anymore, but I don't want to go to the hospital wing. I hate this place, it makes me feel weak. I clutch my teddy against my heart and curl up in my bed. I don't care if people think it's childish to keep that teddy, they haven't been through what I did. After the Chamber of Secrets business, it took time to regain people's trust. I was alone and without friends, but my teddy, Arthur, was always there.  
  
My head is throbbing, light hurts my eyes, I try to get up to get a glass of water, but my world starts spinning around, faster and faster. I try to get my balance back by closing my eyes, but it makes things worse.  
  
"Ginny!"  
  
The voice is distant, I don't know who speaks, last thing I know is that my head lands hard on the floor.  
  
..........  
  
When I wake up, I'm in the hospital wing. Great, that's just where I wanted to land. I look around for Mrs Pomfrey, but apparently, she is in her office. However, I spot somebody else lying here. Draco.  
  
I get up and approach him. He seems so pale and fragile.  
  
I hold Arthur tighter. I don't know who brought me there, but I'm happy and relieved to have it with me.  
  
"Well, who would have thought Virginia Weasley still would have a teddy at her age..."  
  
I'm a bit startled, I didn't expect him to be awake. His grey eyes stare at me with a hint of malice in them. Should I play soft and laugh, or retaliate harshly? I'm happy to see him, so...  
  
"Yep, meet Arthur."  
  
He raises an eyebrow at me; he probably thinks I'm totally insane. I'm not sure he ever had a teddy, so I can't blame him for not understanding.  
  
..............................  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
There I wake, to find Weasley staring at me. Why did it have to be her? I don't know how to act around that girl. She confuses my mind. Seems like she cares, about me, about my problems. But it's impossible, nobody ever cared. It's not my fate to have people hold concern for me.  
  
She has a teddy crushed on her heart. She looks quite innocent like that, but I can't help teasing her. She answers with a smile and a totally insane comment about her teddy's name. I'm glad she doesn't react badly, but I'm even more confused than before.  
  
"So sad to see it's your only friend."  
  
"And look who affords to speak like that."  
  
Does she really know me that well? I haven't any friends, but the majority of the school thinks otherwise. Am I so transparent to her? She knows me better than myself. I wish I come back with a witty comment, but none comes to my mind, so I just turn my back to her. I don't give a damn if she sees its state, I just want to end that conversation, it is too weird.  
  
Something soft and silky lands on my head, I brush it away, and I establish it's her teddy.  
  
"Your teddy is not very educated, landing like this on sleeping people's heads." And I throw it at her.  
  
"Sleeping, huh? Sure."  
  
This time, she comes to face me and lays it next to me.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"You need a friend, and apparently, you don't really get along with human ones. It appears that Arthur is not human, so... And you'd better take care of him, or I swear you'll regret it!"  
  
She has now a big smile on her face. This time, I raise my two eyebrows at her, but I can't help grin a little. Seems like this day is not so nightmarish, finally. I've never had a teddy bear, so it's strange to have it next to me. I don't know what are her reasons for being so nice to me, but I mentally thank Weasley...Well, Virginia.  
  
.........................  
  
She's left now, to Mrs Pomfrey's horror, but I can't get my thoughts away from her. Arthur is buried beneath the sheets, against my chest. This morning's session is like a bad memory, even if my body aches a lot. For the first time since I'm back to school, I feel better.  
  
Maybe I have to stop whining over the past. I can't change it, I can't bring Hannah back, and inflicting myself such punishments don't make me go forward. Maybe I have to make up for my errors. Maybe I should throw that damn knife in the lake.  
  
I'm worried, because apparently, Father hasn't given up on me. I know he'll manage to make me go home for Christmas. I know I'm going to go through hell over and over again. He didn't use Cruciatus this time, but it'll come again. I hope I can survive. I don't want to die anymore, I have too many things to repair.  
  
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Fire'N'Ice...shorter than usual, but still there...  
  
::big giant scream:: OMG!!!! I cannot express how good this is!!! NEVER EVER!!! I... I just.... I'm speechless, but that's going to change because right after I send this to you I'm going to work on my review. First I have to stop shaking. Damn. Wow. I love Arthur!! (Both the human one and the teddy bear, lol). ::deep breath:: One more thing: SCREW YOU LUCIUS!!!! Had to do that, you know :) Once again: wow. My mouths opening and closing as I try to think of something to say. You're going to have to wait for my review which is going to glow brighter than the fire in which I'm going to slowly cook Lucius!!! :-D  
  
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Now, REVIEW!!!! Please please please...I need it, it's like coffee, it's addictive...Ok, off to drink some coffee. Hope you press the lil blue button! 


	11. Tapping quill on my nose

A/N: millions of apologies for the delay! I've just finished my exams, I'm damn exhausted. On top of everything, I failed in two exams, plus I had some horrible writer's block, and I post this even if I'm not satisfied with it..... Thanks everybody for reviewing!!!!!! Oh yeah, I'm probably gonna change my pen name, coz we're at least five Cinnamons and I hate being in the norm.... I've thought of Cinnamon Angel coz I want to keep the cinnamon part, and have again a name with Angel in it, so, well, I'll see... REVIEW!!!!!!!!  
  
OH! And I advise you to read "Dying Inside" by B.RabbitsGurl if you like D/Hr it's angst and romance, it's really quite good!  
  
CarminaBurana: What???? You want to steal Arthur? That's really low, you know....Draco needs it. 14 chappies? *jittery dance* YEAH! Post them, please please please! Glad you still reviewed this!  
  
Sabriel4: Ginny's and Draco's vignettes in the hospital wing is my favourite part of the chappie too. Let's say his father gave it to her and she wanted to call it Arthur. After all, she was little! I have to admit that my teddy is called Arthur...King Arthur's stories were my fav when I was little, and they're still. A lot of Ginny is in fact me. Like tapping her quill on her nose, for example. It's easier to catch her character that way. Aren't I lame?????  
  
Rubberduckie713: Ok, I'll think of something crazy I've done too, but my insanity shows more verbally and such...Ahem, I promise I'll try to incorporate something with ducks or magenta, I've written it down on my pad so I don't forget... Oh.you should have written a longer review, I don't give a damn if it's just rambling, I love to read rambling!  
  
Carshaa: glad to see you're reviewing again! I hope you like your name, or I would think you're totally insane...  
  
Bob: Hey, sorry about the update, I thought it would help you improve your patience skills muahahaha...sorry....overcafeinated today.  
  
Miriam G: Ok, this time, I want 500 words, he he he... your requests will be taken care of, don't worry...we start this chappie with Snape, and he will be more present in the future. Voldie will not appear till Christmas I think, a chappie that will be truly angsty and horrible...you're gonna like it, considering your strange taste for well.. Tom.I must admit that I'm quite fascinated with him, but not in the weird way you are, lol. Well, I hope I'm invited to the marriage, along with my dear Baby Norbert. You can eat my socks, I don't care. And I don't have a hamster, nor do I eat cereals in the morning, muahahahaha.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Well, I don't know when you're gonna read that, but still, I wanted to say it...he he he. I hope you received my ecard with the dragon! I thought it was cute... I was in uni when doing it and I was wondering if I chose the frog or the dragon and asked the guy next to me ( I don't know him at all): Frog or Dragon? He was just like, "huh?" he he he, I repeated the question, and he answered dragon, so voila, this was my ranting for the day... Ok, I stop there, so I can continue my replies, then answer your mail, and finally work on the Alithea story! And this evening, I have a party! I still don't know where I'm gonna sleep, but well...  
  
Fantine: thanks for making the effort of writing it in French, it was really appreciated! I love your story and I hope you update soon!!!!! He he he, I say amen dictionaries and thesauruses have been created! And thanks to my beta for correcting my blatant mistakes..He he he...  
  
Sunne: sorry for not replying in last chappie, but I received your review just after posting the chappie! I hope you'll continue to read this!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: If JKR wrote as lamely as me, she wouldn't probably have had so much success...  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
*Albus' POV*  
  
Molly has been sitting in front of my desk for at least ten minutes without saying a word. In fact, we don't have anything to say on the subject, we failed. We knew Lucius would be coming today. We knew Draco had problems, and we did nothing to prevent this.  
  
I can hear someone coming up to the office, and I recognize the footsteps as Severus'. He has a very decided way of walking, charged with impatience. I know he is here to ask me about Draco, and of course, about the fact that nobody told him... I assume he is really furious. I don't have even the time to share that thought with Molly and he's there, stomping in my office. He has a look of murder on his face.  
  
"Albus, I want explanations right now!" he yells, his voice strong and scared at the same time.  
  
"Sit and calm down, please Severus. Anger leads nowhere."  
  
"You want me to cool down? To CALM down? You want me to calm down after what happened this morning? You both knew something, I'm sure of that! But you've done nothing, right? Or this wouldn't have happened! Like always, your over-optimistic vision of the problems paralysed you!"  
  
His face who's usually twitching into a smirk and as pale as a vampire is red and his lips are thin. His fists are clenched and his whole body stiffened. I must be careful with how I explain him the situation.  
  
"You're blinded with worry and anger, Sev. I don't take this lightly, contrary to your belief. And Molly neither. We take very seriously, but we have other ways of action. We stay in the background, letting somebody closer act."  
  
"And who's this superhero? Draco was beaten nearly to death! And where was his saviour during that time, huh? Do tell me, I crave for an answer." His sarcastic tone hurts me, but I know that the only way to deal with him is not to let him touch me, so I reply as softly as I can.  
  
"Draco was able to go through this. According to my sources, he's gone through worse. Just let the person I mentioned work this out."  
  
"He's alone, and you know that! He's always been! I know you've seen the truth about that a long time ago! You-"  
  
"Severus, you calm down immediately!" Molly's voice is commanding, yet calm.  
  
***************************************************** *Molly's POV*  
  
Severus turns to face me. I don't think he really appreciate the fact that I've commanded him, but at least, he's shut up.  
  
This morning's events were quite stressful, but everything is in quite order now. I felt on the edge of throwing up when I bumped into Severus carrying Draco. And on top of everything, Ginny collapsed in her dormitory, and Poppy wasn't able to tell me anything. Albus was here too, and I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye, but with him, you never know. He can't be happy because my daughter just collapsed, can he?  
  
My thoughts come back to Severus. The look on his face when I bumped into him was showing bewilderment, as well as anger and worry. Didn't he know about Draco's situation? He's Lucius' *best friend* after all. I really admire this man, even if we're not exactly getting along with each other. He has such a weight on his shoulders, being a spy and all. Poor man.  
  
"Albus is right, I trust him."  
  
"Would you please stop playing the asinine woman!" His voice is hedgy, I guess I'm getting on his nerves, like always, "You knew. And you played along with Albus' game. And Draco nearly got killed!"  
  
"I know. And I didn't follow Albus' advice, if you ask me. And I failed miserably. Things are taken care of, so keep quiet, please."  
  
"I won't take the keep quiet speech anymore! Either you tell me what the *plan* is, or I don't give a damn about Albus' plots!"  
  
"Ginny." Says Albus slowly and softly.  
  
"What with this stupid little girl?"  
  
"How dare you insult my daughter? She's better than you think, but then again, you think low of everybody, huh?" I'm completely irate. Nobody insults my kids, nobody! He dodges the comment and continue to speak with Albus.  
  
"So what with her?"  
  
"She's helping Draco. She's gone closer than any of us till now. I know, Molly has seen them together this morning in the hospital wing. She is really getting somewhere with him, so please, trust her."  
  
"You want me to trust a teenage girl, and her daughter, no less! The foolish little girl of the Chamber of Secrets business!"  
  
"You're not exactly very well placed to speak about foolishness, considering your former life." I drawl.  
  
With that, he just sinks into a chair. I can understand his worry, I was quite concerned myself, but with what I saw this morning, my faith in Ginny has raised a lot. One could tell I'm spying on my daughter, even following her around, considering the fact that I always manage to know everything, but honestly, I know the burden she is taking, I have the right to worry about her!  
  
I wonder how she will deal without Arthur; I know that this teddy has no price to her. She cherishes him as much as I love my children. And she gave it to Draco Malfoy, the boy loathed by nearly everybody that knows his family and him.  
  
*******************************************  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
The sun pours through the windows and light flows in the room. For once, it matches my mood. I want light to overwhelm me, I want to feel the sun on my skin. I wish I was outside, but when I made a single move to get up, Mrs Pomfrey shot me her murderous glare so I just keep quiet now.  
  
I'm bored. I'm really damn bored. I can't even move without pain shooting through my body, but I don't care, I want to get out of here. I look around and see a pile of clothes next to my bed. Thank God, somebody thought about that; my t-shirt has been thrown away, considering its pitiful state, and I don't exactly need the whole school to see my bruises and cuts.  
  
When dressed, I retrieve Arthur from under the covers and hide it under my cloak. This bear is quite small, so nobody will know it's there. I tip-toe to the door and peek in Mrs Pomfrey's office; her back is turned to me, it's time to escape.I pass slowly in front of her door and break into a run till I'm far enough.  
  
I make a quick stop in my dorm to hide Arthur under my pillow and take my books, and head to the library. Some people look at me strangely while in the halls, but I don't understand why and it's only when I cross a mirror's path that I see my hair is all tousled and messy, even more than Potter's. Well, another thing to deeply annoy Father.  
  
The library is crowded with students, the quidditch match must have ended by now. There aren't any Hufflepuff students, so I guess they've won and are celebrating in their common room. As for myself, I haven't trained yet. Flint planned a training for Monday, but I'm not sure I'll be able to fly in this state...  
  
I heavily drop my books on the table in the Alchemy section. Damn, I'm getting so feeble that I can't even carry my books from my common room to the library. I collapse on a chair, exhausted and in pain. Maybe I should have stayed in Hospital wing, I'm really weak. I put my head in my arms and nearly fall asleep on the table.  
  
Somebody drops their books next to me. Damn, why is this section suddenly popular when it hasn't been for years?  
  
"So, how did you escape Mrs Pomfrey?"  
  
Ginny. She really has guts to come and speak to me while the library is so crowded. I thought she would ignore me most of the time.  
  
"Knocked her out, of course." And here I start again with the sarcastic teasing.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." I look up at her, she's grinning and shaking her head.  
  
"So, what have you done with Arthur?"  
  
"I poked his eyes out, then picked him on a fork and burnt him, what were you expecting?"  
  
"Something more creative, maybe? Is he a good friend?" she says while sitting down next to me.  
  
"Not very talkative, if you ask me. But well, as you speak all the time, how could he ever had a chance to learn how to speak?"  
  
She slaps me gently on the arm, as if scared to hurt me. She's damn right, it hurts because she hit a bruise, but I'm too confused and cheery to pay attention. She flips her transfiguration book open and starts to work. I pull out my potions essay, always start with the most difficult and annoying...  
  
**************************************************  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
We've been working silently for two hours, only interrupting for lunch, but it's hard to concentrate. I'm sitting in this crowded library with a boy I hated three weeks ago, who's my brother's arch nemesis, and who was found this very morning nearly dead.  
  
His reactions are unexplainable. It's just like this morning's events have slid on him and he doesn't care at all. Somehow, I know that deep inside, he can't forget about this, and that he suffers, but he's got damn good self-control.  
  
I'm gazing in the space in front of me, tapping my quill on my nose, like I always do when I think, when something appears in front of me. It's a girl, well, the ghost of a girl. It's not Moaning Myrtle, so I assume it's Hannah Abbott. I elbow Draco and he smiles when he sees her. I've never seen him smile like that, and it turns my stomach upside-down.  
  
Hannah turns to me and smiles. She winks at me and suddenly disappears.  
  
I turn to Draco, but he's gazing absently at the spot where Hannah was standing previously. Why did she wink at me? Does she know about the strange friendship I'm developing with Draco? It seems so, but I'm not sure I'm very good at reading ghosts' expressions...  
  
Draco starts tapping his quill on his nose and it makes me laugh. He looks cute like that, with his messy hair. He stares at me quizzically and I try to explain we have exactly the same habit, but I giggle too much. I suddenly hear footsteps coming our direction, so I try to regain composture.  
  
****************************************************  
  
*Hermione's POV*  
  
Well, here I have finished all my homework. I start to put the books I used back in place, and finally head to the Alchemy section, because I've seen Ginny going there earlier. I need to have a little chat with her, about that boy she is concerned about. I haven't seen her smile in days, it worries me.  
  
However, when I arrive near the Alchemy section I hear a fit of laughter, and I recognize it as Ginny's. And there I turn the corner, to see her trying to stop laughing, sitting Indian style on her chair a big mess of books and papers on the table. This girl is the messiest I know, but she is really funny. Well, this is not the cause of my shock. The cause is sitting next to Ginny, staring quizzically at her, eyebrow raised, hair tousled and a small smile playing on his lips.  
  
Draco Malfoy.  
  
I pinch myself, I must be dreaming. Malfoy, sitting next to a Weasley without annoying her, and even smiling... I don't remember having waken up in an alternate reality this morning. She turns to face me and smiles. Malfoy, on the other hand, goes back to his work. What? No mudblood or any other insult today? Ok, I must admit he hasn't insulted me yet this year, a thing I would have thought highly improbable.  
  
"Hey Hermione!"  
  
"Hey. May I speak to you?" my eyes fix Malfoy.  
  
She seems to understand and stands up to follow me. We go outside the library, walk for a bit, and eventually sit on the floor. She stares at me, waiting.  
  
"Well, I was quite worried about you, not smiling, being quite in withdrawal, not really talking to any of us and such. I was wondering if it was about this mysterious boy."  
  
I feel quite stupid, considering the fact that I've just heard her laugh, but well, too late.  
  
"I'm well Hermione, I promise. Things are better now. And you heard me laugh, so you see, I'm not depressed, nor on the edge of suicide."  
  
"Speaking of that, what was this?"  
  
"What?" she looks at me with an eyebrow raised, just like Malfoy earlier.  
  
"Malfoy. And don't play dumb. What with him? Since when Malfoys and Weasleys associate?" It strikes me then. The pieces take place: a boy she doesn't have contacts with, who's not going to let her help him etc...  
  
"Isn't he that mysterious boy, by any chance?" I know I've hit the jackpot...  
  
"Ahem..." she finally lets slip, trying to avoid my gaze.  
  
I smile... Like always, I was right. What is the problem with Malfoy that could retain Dumbledore's attention. What would drive Ginny to worry that much about a boy everybody hates in our house? And what am I going to tell to Ron?  
  
*************************************************  
  
*Ginny's POV*  
  
Hermione knows now. I've always thought she would work out the truth, but now that she has, I don't know what to do. Do I tell her the whole story or do I just tell her that I can't spill some secrets like that?  
  
She doesn't interrogate me, but stares at the floor instead. I know she's waiting for me to sort things out in my head.  
  
"Listen Hermione. I do trust you, and you're my best friend, but it's his life and his problems, and I'm not sure I can tell you about it. I don't know everything myself."  
  
"I understand, but if you need me, you know where to find me."  
  
We both smile and stand up. I head back to the library while she takes the common room's path. When I arrive at my place, Draco has left, but I spot a crumbled paper under my battered transfiguration book. There's just a word on it. Six letters, but it makes my hands shake.  
  
Thanks.  
  
I look through the as ever dirty window. The sun is high in the sky. I'm happy.  
  
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Fire'N'Ice again..Really, you could have chosen a less difficult name to type!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with her, but hey, she's been reducing her rambling a lot! Lol.  
  
~~ahhh, happiness, finally!!! Hehe, yes yes, I know this is angst but we all needed a scene like the one between Draco and Ginny this chapter. LoL!! Love the line about Draco tapping his quill against his nose, it's so cute to imagine!!! Also his sarcastic answers, I love sarcasm :) All in all, this chapter was brillant, as always!!!!!!! Great job :-D  
  
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If you liked this, REVIEW! Even if it's to ramble! I love when people ramble! I'm a great rambler myself, so I really don't mind. And if you have requests, don't hesitate! I've written down Rubberduckie's and Miriam G's, so if you have an idea or a wish, TELL ME!!! Now, press the blue button, I'm sure you want to! 


	12. When the candle dies

A/N: this time it's sure, next time I post will be under a new pen name, namely Cinnamon Angel. Thanks thanks thanks for reviewing!!!! Some might wonder why I updated so quickly, and it's because I leave to scout camp next week and I will be miles away from the nearest computer.See the problem?????  
  
If you have time and are a D/Hr fan, I suggest you to go and read Killing Me Slowly by Fire'N'Ice and Dying Inside by B.RabbitsGurl! Have fun!  
  
Rachel: thanks!!!! I hope you'll continue to read and review! Ahem...Did no one tell you that Fire'N'Ice is insane? He he he...I'm happy you like both our stories...they are quite similar in many ways, but Fire'N'Ice and I have a lot in common.  
  
Treachery89: very happy to welcome you in my insane little world...Muahahaha! Sorry, but deal with me... Glad to know you're reading it! I don't know when you'll reach this chappie, but glad you liked it so far.  
  
Leisaie: Whoa, so many compliments! I love Molly, and I think she never got much credit in fanfic.It's changing, lol! Ginny and I have a lot of common points.First, the hair! In fact, I'm quite a mix between Ginny and Hermione.I'm a bookworm with red hair. He he he...The Ginny in my story resembles me a lot.Tapping the quill on her nose, or being messy are habits of mine. Plot? You sure? I'm quite lame, coz I write nothing in advance and I quite discover the story when writing the chappie...  
  
sAnDie: OMG.another new reviewer!!!! The four above you are all new...It's insane!!!! Ok ok.Calm down, more is coming...just below all this insane rambling...  
  
Elven ice angel: Ha.glad to see you're back! I was wondering about you! Yeah.Draco and Ginny are happy...Muahahahaha! Sorry, just read this chappie. No need to have big imagination.Ginny and Draco have to be together! Nah! *stick out my tongue* Joking, lol, I don't have anything against D/Hr, I love both pairings in fact. I'm not a talentuous writer! I wouldn't have so lame marks in writing if I was.well, ok, essays on short story or feminism aren't angst and aren't HP.so, well, let's say I'm an angst writer and that teachers hate me...I know, I know, lame excuses...*hangs head in shame* No way I have a ball in this story! I don't mind reading when there is one, but I don't want to write something of the sort...It's a bit too much fairy tale for me. And I don't know how it should enter in the plot *cough* yes, there's one! Your poem was wicked cool, I think you should be published, and I'm not joking at all! Ha ha ha...what do you think, that I wouldn't know who is killed in OotP???? I flipped the book right to the end!. forget about the crown, I'm the queen with my 3600 words.Muahahaha.  
  
ShadowCaste: absolutely NO WAY they kiss now! You hear me? NO WAY!!!!! I guess you're gonna be quite disappointed with this chappie...Muahahahaha. I love to write replies, I love to ramble and chat! By replying, it's like I can actually talk to my reviewers, and well, deal with me, I'm insane and proud of it! Nah! Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell I'm four years old too...*innocent smile*  
  
Miriam G: whoa, such precision, 502 words...next time I want more... He he he! I'm gonna check your Voldie story, and be prepared to receive my review! You hate Umbridge? Me too!!!!!! Should we get rid of her together????? Everybody who volunteers to help is WELCOME! OH..I love pancakes too! I need some food now. Argh. I love Snapeypoo! I'm sure there's a heart somewhere under all these layers. Lucius will be more than mad...Really horrible..CHRISTMAS, Meg! Sorry, it's just between Fire'N'Ice and me and I love to taunt her about that. You're delusional? Me too, as I keep walking around my living room with that cloak. Ahem.  
  
Sunne: Nice to see you again...and that you found the blue button! Lol. I love to know what everybody is thinking too! I wish I was telepath sometimes, coz it would be damn useful!  
  
Carshaa: YEAH! Another insane one! We're gonna rule the world, I swear! A friend? Well, read the chappie. Muhahahahaha.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: Yep, it was your Birthday present, as I can't give you anything else. *hides behind the table* I know you hate me for this chappie, no need to throw daggers at me, keep that for Lucius! Or Pansy, considering the fact that this lil whore will- ok, no need for everybody to know! I hope you feel special, knowing all this already! I've seen the guy again and thanked him for the help on the card choice. He was a bit startled but soon understood that I was crazy and always says hi to me now. Yeah, I know, many of my reviewers are crazy, I attract crazy people. I asked Sara why all my friends were crazy and she told me it's coz I'm insane myself. Ahem. Yeah, that Tom Riddle was quite handsome. Not like our quartet though.*dreamy look* I really don't mind my HP centered life! Nah! Or my quartet centered life , should I say. Still writer's block on the evil story? I hope so...sorry, couldn't help it. *huge grin*  
  
Rubberduckie713: I'll try to put those damn ducks and magenta, don't worry, I don't forget! I don't know how, coz there isn't much humour in this, but maybe I should manage to make our little couple to prank that whore of a Pansy...Muahahahaha! Ok, explain me your obsession then!  
  
MerlinHalliwell: oh, a Charmed fan! Glad to welcome you to the world of Struggle. I hope you survive in there, among us insane people. I hope you continue to review!  
  
Disclaimer: Let me explain my pov. I don't like the way Rowling is managing her world, so I've MY own HP world in my head, so I own the characters in that story, I own the plot, I own everything. I own the world, bow down in front of me! Muahahahaha. *insane grin while hiding pink pills behind my back*  
  
Chappie 12 :  
  
*Molly's POV*  
  
It's now been a few days since Draco sneaked out of the Hospital Wing. Mrs Pomfrey went ballistic when she discovered he had left, but as he is quite ok, she can't possibly make him come back. She is very frustrated not being able to heal some of his major wounds as well as she had wanted, but in general, he was able to get out of the hospital wing without fainting every three steps.  
  
I've searched the wing to see if he had hidden Arthur somewhere and forgot about it, but I couldn't find anything, which makes me grin like mad in my head. Draco Malfoy actually accepted a gift, and a teddy bear, no less. I have to teach his class in a few minutes and I can't wait to see if he's ok.  
  
"Good morning class! I hope everybody is well. Today, we're going to start another subject, namely range five of evil spells. These spells are not as dangerous as the Unforgivables, but they still can afflict great pain or illness. They can destroy many things and only Dark wizards use them. Death Eaters are fond of this range of spells- Ron, is there a problem?"  
  
My son is currently glaring at Draco in such a way that he could have burnt a hole in his skull. Draco stares back at Ron and it's easy to decipher what is held in his eyes: anger, sadness and pain, as always. Ron is too irate to see all this, but a quick look at the rest of the class tells me that Hermione saw something. Smart girl; I wonder if Gin told her about Draco.  
  
"No," mutters Ron still glaring at Draco.  
  
"Then I suggest you look at the front of the class and listen to what I'm saying." My voice is sharp, but I'm really angry with him. What is the point in doing such childish things?  
  
..........................  
  
*Hermione's POV*  
  
This can't continue anymore. We're in DADA, and Ron keeps glaring at Malfoy in a way that screams, "I'm going to kill you, filthy Death Eater." I don't want to betray Ginny's secret, but maybe explaining that to Ron would help him stop with this childish behaviour. I don't know what is happening with Malfoy, but there something in his eyes that wasn't there before. It's actually the second time I see this look. The first one was on Hogwarts Express. What with him? He hasn't even insulted me this year. Not even a murderous glare in my direction. Nothing.  
  
DADA is finished, so I take Ron by the arm and lead him and Harry to the common room. He's quite upset: nobody steps between Ron and his food, but I really need to speak seriously to him. I just pray Ginny won't be angry with me...  
  
"What with you, Herm? It's lunch time, I'm hungry."  
  
"We have to talk about something. About Malfoy. I think you should stop being on his back all the time. He hasn't done anything this year to annoy us, and I don't think it's very mature to continue to play these little games."  
  
"Harry, do we hear correctly? Is she taking Malfoy's defence? I didn't think you could ever betray us like this Hermione!" he shouts.  
  
I assume he is quite angry, but I should have expected such behaviour. I should stop there, shut up about Ginny and him, but I simply can't. The words slip past my lips and I don't control them anymore.  
  
"Don't you see something is seriously wrong with him? You're really thick, Ron. Ginny saw it right away, but you, you're too blinded by revenge."  
  
"What Ginny does have to do with this? And I'm not the thick one Hermione; I've know from the beginning something was wrong with him! He was born without a heart and without brains."  
  
I'm on the edge of slapping him. I trust Ginny with all my heart, and she apparently trusts Malfoy, which technically means that I'm supposed to trust him in a way.  
  
"Hermione, why did you do that?" It's only a whisper, a horrified one, but I know who's the speaker. Ginny. Oh God, so much disappointment and pain is held in her voice. No anger, but I would have preferred that, it wouldn't hurt like this does.  
  
"I trusted you Hermione. You promised, you PROMISED!" she is on the edge of crying now. She knows she is in trouble. I have a quick glance at the boys. Ron has look of wonder while Harry's eyes are fixed on Ginny as if she was some sort of alien.  
  
"I know Gin, it's just that I...I...." I search for a way to explain things, but suddenly I don't have reasons anymore. All I see is my blatant mistake. I close my mouth and look away. I can't look at her anymore, I have betrayed her. I want to go upstairs, bury under my covers and not see her ever again.  
  
"Ginny, what does she mean about you and this little slimy git of a Malfoy?" Ginny's body stiffen at Ron's words. They're full of hatred and he hisses them like a snake.  
  
She turns to face him slowly. Very slowly. Her face is neutral, but I'm sure she is on the edge of blowing up at her brother. The common room is filling with students who have finished their meal, and everybody stares at our group.  
  
"It's none of your business, Ron."  
  
I can see Ron is also nearly exploding. His fists are clenched to his sides and his ears are red, a hint of his anger.  
  
"You're a disgrace to Gryffindor, Virginia Weasley. Associating with a Slytherin, and a Malfoy no less. You disgust me. He's my arch nemesis. He's Gryffindor's nightmare and it's been like this for years. What do you think? That you're above our house?  
  
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*Ginny's POV*  
  
I had no idea words could hurt that much. I try to explain to Ron, but words are jammed in my throat. My eyes burn with unshed tears. I look at the red and gold carpet and back to Ron. I've never seen his hatred directed to me and it's such a shock that I turn on my heels and run for the door.  
  
I'm now running down the halls. I can hear someone else shoes trailing me. I'm sure it's Ron, and for the first time in my life, he scares me to death. I can hear Hermione and Harry following him and trying to calm him down, but from what I hear, they fail lamely.  
  
I collapse in a deserted hall. Ron soon spots me, puts me on my feet and starts to shake me. The tears I was able to hold back roll now freely on my cheeks.  
  
"Stop it, Ron, stop it, please!"  
  
I didn't know my brother could be so violent. I try to kick him, but he's stronger and taller than me. I'm tall myself, but I can't fight him.  
  
Harry and Hermione rush to separate us, but it just makes the fight more chaotic.  
  
"Everybody stops IMMEDIATELY."  
  
Oh no...Snape. We are all dead. We all look up to see Snape and Mum standing in front of us, arms crossed on their chests, looking very very dangerous.  
  
"Everybody in my office," snaps Mum.  
  
We all get to our feet and take the path of the office. When all there, we look at each other really ashamed. Snape goes and sit on the window sill, behind Mum. He's not smirking at all, a thing he should do, considering the fact that he could take off as much points as he wants. Instead, he's staring intently at me. Why me? Does he also know? But how many people know?  
  
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*Molly's POV*  
  
I can't believe I caught Ron and Ginny fight like that. They were always very close when younger. What was the cause of this? They've grown apart these years, but never stood against each other. Ginny is still sobbing, I hand her a handkerchief and she buries her head in it. Hermione and Harry stand on the side. I know they aren't directly involved in the fight.  
  
"Ron, you explain."  
  
As my son throws himself in the story, my heart tightens. So it's that. I should have known how badly he would react. He's still overwhelmed with anger and can't control his mouth, calling Draco a bastard and a git, then calling his proper sister a whore.  
  
"Twenty points from Gryffindor for insulting fellow students and especially somebody in the same house," Severus drawls lazily. I can't help grin a little to him. I really wanted to take off points, but I hate doing that, and I couldn't do that to my son.  
  
"Mum, I don't complain for the points, but damn, talk to Ginny! She is out of her mind!"  
  
"Ron, as she told you, mind your own business. She is old enough to choose who she should befriend and such. Malfoy family is not exactly my favourite, but I fully trust your sister and if you try that sort of things we witnessed earlier again, I swear you'll be on for three weeks of detention. With professor Snape."  
  
With that, they all leave, but from the glare Ron shoots in Ginny's direction, I guess he hasn't forgiven her.  
  
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*Ron's POV*  
  
I can't believe I bullied my sister. I slapped her and made her cry. I'm so ashamed. I can't forgive her, but I didn't know I could be so violent and out of control. I could have hurt her seriously.  
  
Harry and Hermione stare at me, concern written all over their faces. I should have listened to them. I should have let her go instead of following her. The person I want to kill is not Ginny, but Malfoy. I'm upset with Gin, and I don't want to talk to her anymore, she isn't my sister anymore, but Malfoy, well, it's another story.  
  
Ginny walks briskly ahead of us. She is still wiping away her tears and shuffles her feet. We're greeted by a death silence when stepping into the common room. Everybody stares at Ginny, the traitor. The one who brought disgrace in our house. I pity her a bit, but it is soon drowned in anger when I meet her eyes. They are burning with ardour. I know her too well, and I know she won't give up on Malfoy. It's not my problem anymore if she is in trouble with the rest of the Gryffindors. In three sentences, she has become the outcast.  
  
I see her climb the stairs to her dorm, followed by people's glares. Hermione is the only one who doesn't. She is apparently really ashamed of her actions, because she broke a promise.  
  
...............................  
  
*Snape's POV*  
  
I'm still sitting on the window sill behind Molly. She is banging her head on the desk non-stop, and the sound just drives me crazy. She suddenly stops and turns to face me.  
  
"Thanks for taking off points, Severus."  
  
"My pleasure is your dislike. We quite complete each other for that."  
  
Did I just say we were completing each other in a way?  
  
"Yeah...I wonder how this will turn out. I know Ginny, and she is going to stand up against everything to help Draco, but what a price to pay. All her friends and her brother."  
  
She seems so desperate that I can't find my words anymore. I'm not exactly used being nice to someone. I sigh heavily. I'm worried for Draco and Ginny. They are both in trouble now. And we have to watch the Weasley boy. We already have Lucius to hurt Draco, we don't need somebody else.  
  
"You're right, Severus. And we also have to watch for Ginny. She will go through rough time herself."  
  
Did I really think out loud? But she is right. We have to be careful, and as much as I hate to admit it, we'll have to stick with each other. Time to call for a truce I guess. It's really going to be hard, considering our very different views on everything, and the fact that we both have very fiery tempers won't help much, but Molly agrees with me, we should at least try.  
  
.............................  
  
*Draco's POV*  
  
Ginny has changed my life. I didn't know a few meetings with her would turn my mind upside down, would make me stop whine over the past, would make me forget about the scars that riddle my arms. When I first met her, I never thought she would be my salvation, that she would be my new found light that would guide me to life.  
  
I'm wandering in the halls while thinking all this. People are in their warm common rooms, playing chess or exploding snap, or in Slytherin, bully the first years. I really had to escape the atmosphere of this house. I'm warmer here, alone in the dark and windy halls than with my fellow Slytherin. I had no idea I would hate them so much. I've lived with them for years, and their shallowness never struck me as it does now. Maybe that's because I've never met a real person before Ginny, who knows?  
  
I head toward the library, and then to my favourite spot, in my dear Alchemy section, but someone is already there. It's Ginny. I wonder what she is doing here, she should be in her common room, with her actual friends, not here, alone and in the shadows. When I call her name, she shows me a tear stained face and red eyes.  
  
I sit next to her, I don't know what to do. I never was the talkative type, and I've never held concern for somebody before. I feel lame. So empty sometimes. I stay still, waiting for her to calm down. I don't know what to do. I've never been in front of such a situation, I feel like a kid.  
  
"Draco," she eventually says. I stop the track of my thoughts and look intently at her.  
  
"You have to be careful with Ron. He's really mad at you, even more than at me. Everybody hates me now. I thought it would never happen again after the Chamber of Secrets. I don't understand why people hold such hatred against each other. Why can't I choose my friends?"  
  
The pieces of the puzzle quickly take place. Ron has discovered about our sort of friendship. And he is irate. Apparently, the whole Gryffindor house has turned against Ginny. This revelation stabs me in the heart. It hurts even more than being crucioed by my maniac of a father. She is in trouble because of me. Me, a worthless little prat who put himself into trouble because of some foolish bravery.  
  
I stand up to leave. Fate has struck again: I have destroyed one more person. All that had changed these few days suddenly disappears. I'm not supposed to be helped, I'm not supposed to be saved. Maybe I should take out my knife again.  
  
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Fire'N'Ice at loss of words....how rare. He he he  
  
~~ ::mouth hangs open:: But... but... ::shakes head:: Ron... ::sob:: G- Ginny... ::hangs head:: So angry...::knees up, head down:: Noo, nooo, so alone...::starts rocking:: Draco, knife, blood... ::sob:: Not f-fair....~~  
  
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REVIEW! I love when you review! Besides, you don't have a choice, remember, I won the world!!!!! *sheepish smile* 


	13. Queen of the smileys

A/N : first of all, SORRY. So sorry I haven't updated for a while. I was at scout camp, then I started to work in a grocery and the schedules are horrible. Then I went through writer's block. At one point I was fed up with Draco (why do I read this blasted book, do tell me…). My latest problem was that I wasn't in Draco mood for a while…..Totally obsessed with Dark Angel at the moment. Yep, I know, it's all lame excuses…..

Disclaimer: I own HP, I rule the world. Of course I own Draco, Hogwarts, and all I want to own, coz I do what I want, I'm almighty. *walks around with a paper crown and the flyswatter as a sceptre*

Ok, out of my dream. If I owned HP, Sirius would be alive, Draco would be on the way to redemption, Lucius would be damn dead and Umbridge wouldn't exist AT ALL. By the way… who wants to eliminate her with me?

sAnDie: Yep, Ron is always horrible. I've maybe made him a bit OOC, but oh well, you can always be surprised with people. No, no H/Hr, sorry… I can't see Harry and Hermione together, I more see them as siblings, I don't know why. Well, sorry to disappoint you!

Terin Kail: I rule the world and you shall call me Almighty Cinnamon Angel… Yep, a tad bit delusional, but well, reality sucks, doesn't it? You ADORE my story? Thank you! I hope you'll continue to read it!

ShadowCaste: Well, I haven't updated for ages and your monkeys haven't turned up yet… Tell me… Are you Wizard of Oz fan? My beta is, she just keeps ranting about it, but well, she insane… Awh, I love penguins…

Rubberduckie713: Ahem… I can imagine you screaming when you found the shirt….. Half the mall staring bewildered at you. Then showing it to all your friends….. they probably just shook their head at you….. I'll try to put the ducks and magenta either in next chappie, either in the one after, I still don't know what's going to happen next. Harry is not really mad at her. He certainly doesn't understand, but he's worried coz of Ron more than coz of Ginny. He'll probably try to talk to her about that though.

JaCkie: without the HP books….. *shudder* don't want to think about that! I'm totally frustrated with the book 5 though….. I'm halfway through it (don't want to eat it right away) and I'm gonna kill somebody soon if the damn book doesn't improve. Everything turns the wrong way….. I sometimes can't read more than a page before starting yelling insults to Umbridge or some other… or Rowling, of course… *glares at book*

Miriam G: I advise you to write your review in Word and then paste it in the review window. It happened to me as well, and it was a 1000 words review….. I was so happy. *glare at computer* I'm not bush, please, don't insult me, I don't deserve it! Yep, I own the world… ahem, ok, the world that is in my head….. Why do you always have to shatter all my illusions? Cover the world with slime????? Exotic way to take care of the matter….. well, don't worry, you're not the only one to speak to book character….. I do it myself, would it be in the book or in fanfic. I speak to the tv characters too…... they aired Dark Angel Berrisford Agenda Sunday morning (at 1…..) and I was just shouting at the screen….. Lucky me my parents are on holiday in south France at my grand-parents….. they're far enough not to hear me scream alone in front of tv….. No problem about you talking to yourself! I talk to myself too, I talk to my computer, to my socks or to my radio, and to Arthur the teddy….. See, I'm at least as hopeless as you! Yesterday, I even talked to my canned peas to try and motivate them to cook faster….. Ha ha ha, I want a 1000 words review, or I don't work on the story anymore!!!!!!

Jewls: thank you and welcome to my insane little world! He he he, many things happen….. so many things…... Horrible and good ones, touching and humour ones…... Well, enjoy and continue to review!

Simbal: THANKS!!!!! *huge smile* your review was so nice! You read it all in one sitting? I'm a huge fan of the D/G concept, though I also love D/Hr….. I write D/G, coz I think there's way too much crap about D/Hr, no need to add some more. Of course there'll be more!!!!!! So much more! This story will be very long, very very long! Hey, they're somewhere in October, and there's something very important happening on Christmas holidays….. Then, I can't possibly stop there! Struggle is part of me, I don't know how I'll feel when it'll be completed. I would feel so…..Well, strange and empty, but so proud at the same time! Your review makes me feel so special! I was thiking the other day, and suddenly, the greatnest of it sturck me. I'm a WRITER, and people READ what I write! And they LIKE it! Damn, if my lit. teachers knew that!!!!!

Fire'N'Ice: Hello twin sis!!!! *waves madly* I hope you can get out another chappie before leaving, and that you find a computer in Virginia, how am I supposed to live without the emails????? Plus, I wouldn't have anybody to beta read me and assure me that the chappie is not so bad as I thought….. You're not expendable….. Guess what I'm listening to right now? Yep, you're right, it's Evanescence….. how amazing, isn't it? Whisper is currently on, but I think I'm gonna switch to Tourniquet….. Done. ARGH, I work this afternoon….. Hope I have time to work on my stories, I think I'm enough in DA mood to work on my shots….. Good news! I'm glad Draco has a teddy. I love my reviewers, they gave me the idea. Yes it's set in 6th year, and yes, Ronikins has a GREAT problem. You're the only one to know the plot, so I can share it with you….. damn, Christmas…... I've another idea….. I'll let you know in the email…... Ahem, it's not coz you have a sunburn that MY characters are gonna follow YOUR orders….. Yep, sorry to wake you up….. I think words hurt much more than physical injuries. Words can keep running in your mind for years, but physical wounds just heal and are forgotten. Draco will have the scars forever, but it's not as hurting as his father's words I guess. I don't' think Ginny will forgive Ron that easily, even if he apologizes a lot. She's got a right temper herself….. Well, I know I wanted Ginny to have many friends in the story, and she'll have them back. They're just momentarily gone, and honestly, I can't blame them, even if it's a bit childish to act the way they do. Ah, the " you'd be surprised what you can live through" line again! You used it in your mail this morning….. I guess you're really hopeless with Disney…..

Carshaa: Whoa, I've got your respect? It's sooooo rare….. He he he. Don't' worry, myself I couldn't believe Ron was acting like that. I don't really have control over what Itype and I was horrified as the line was appearing on the screen….. And Why would I pretend this review doesn't exist, huh? I love all reviews that are nice, and you're nice to me, so thank you for the review! Nah!

Elven ice angel: Ahem, not sure you're the 100th reviewer, coz ff.net screws the numbers. In my profile, it says you're the 98th and on the site, the 100th….. Well, let's say you're the 100th and get over with it. Hope you liked the chappie, I'm sorry I quite fell behing with Saving the Enemy, but well, I don't have time and this site screwed up for I don't know how much time. In fact my chappie was ready last weekend and I was REALLY frustrated not being able to post it…..

A/N again: Remember to check Fire'N'Ice story if you want a good D/Hr story! Again sorry about the mistakes and about the delay. I hope there isn't too much people at the grocery this afternoon so I have time to work on the story! And thanks for dealing with my endless ramblings! Hope you like the chappie!!!!!

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Chapter 13 : 

*Draco's pov*

Night has settled down on Hogwarts. It's really cold now, but I still don't have enough courage to face my fellow Slytherins. They don't know anything about Ginny yet, but I guess the rumours will be spread pretty quickly. 

It was horrible to see her broken and alone today. I wonder what happened and how people took it. Quite bad, I guess, but it's not amazing, considering the way I've treated Gryffindor house since coming here. I know I'm the worst git Hogwarts has seen since I don't know when. Well, probably since my father. 

 I had to go to the common room this evening. I just had to fetch that bloody knife that I had buried in my trunk. I've taken Arthur with me too. I don't want to cut myself alone anymore. 

I'm sitting on a window sill near the Great Hall and I can hear the clatter of the plates and the chattering of the students. It's quite easy to figure out what the subject of the conversation is at the Gryffindor table and I wonder if Ginny has come down with the others. 

My old habits come back at light speed. I apply the edge of the knife on my skin. My arms aren't healed at all, but they are better. I haven't cut myself for a few days and it shouldn't hurt as much as before. 

Yet, I hesitate. Do I really want to give up and fall back in this routine? I'm not sure. These last days have been good. It was cruel of Fate to give me them and now take it all back, but deep in my heart, there's still a little twinkle of hope. Hope that things will change one day.

The blood spurts, but it isn't as relieving as before. I feel the familiar pain, but it doesn't ease my mind. I look up at Arthur. He's facing me, with his big black eyes and his cinnamon fur. He looks so innocent and pure next to me. 

"You know, I don't think I deserve you." Great, I'm talking to him again.

"And I think you think too much." 

It's Hannah. I try to hide my knife, though I don't know why. 

"You're lucky I can't snatch that knife. I wish I could throw it right through a window."

"Ginny tried."

"Yeah, and it put her into trouble."

"I know, she-"

"She collapsed in her dormitory Saturday morning, and I overheard Mrs Pomfrey say to Dumbledore that the wound was probably for something in that. And don't even try to blame yourself, she did what she thought was right."

Now, what's that? Was she in the hospital wing because of that? Is it again my fault?

"What she thought was right led her to much more trouble. Her whole house is against her now, and it's my fault. Gryffindors and Slytherins don't associate. Weasleys and Malfoys aren't friends. She an outcast, and I'll soon be myself; rumours fly around so fast."

"So why are you here hurting yourself instead of being with her? She's your only friend, and she needs you now. She hasn't anybody else."

I just shake my head. A voice inside my head tells me to listen to Hannah, to believe in her. That voice claims that I'm Ginny's only friend now, but I can't be. All this is my fault, so I highly doubt I can help her in any way. I'll stay far from her if it can bring her friends back and I tell that to Hannah. 

"Do you really think they're real friends if they don't give her a chance to explain or even trust her?" she replies while disappearing.

Damn, why do my meetings with Hannah always mess with my mind? I throw the knife in front of me and lean my head on the wall. What should I do?

………………………………………………………………………………………..

*Ginny's pov*

Hours later, I'm still in the library. Where has Draco gone? I need him now. It's not me helping him anymore, it's a two directions friendship. I need him as much as he needs me, so he should be here with me. I stand up and look around, hoping he's somewhere in the library, but the only other person here is Mrs Pince snoring on her armchair. I even wish Hermione was there. I'm not really upset with her, I know it wasn't her purpose to make things take such a bad turn. From the look held in her eyes, I can see how much she regrets having done this and how ashamed she is. I can't turn down her friendship, not now. 

With this brand new resolution, I head for the common room. Everybody is still at dinner, but something catch my eyes on a window sill. Brown fur and black eyes. Somehow, I'm sure it's Arthur, I could recognize him anywhere. But what is he doing here?

I approach slowly. I'm relieved to spot Draco facing him, head leaning against the stone wall and eyes closed. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he reacts so harshly that I nearly have a heart attack. It takes him a few seconds before understanding it's me and immediately, fear leaves his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I can sense worry in his voice, so I lie.

"Not at all, but I didn't expect such a reaction." Damn, my arm is bruised where he grabbed it, but I assume it's a defence mechanism. Again, all my anger is directed to Lucius. Draco shouldn't have such a strong mechanism, he shouldn't fear everybody coming unknown to him! I wish I could kill Lucius.

"Why did you leave me in the library?"

Ah, he doesn't like my question! But there's no way he can escape, I want to know. He's avoiding my eyes, and I hate that. He's staring at a corner of the window sill and I spot something shiny lying in the shadows. I focus on it until I finally understand it's his knife. Oh no, not that bloody knife! It's my turn to grab his arm to see the result of his work. A wave of happiness rushes on me when I discover only one cut. One big cut, but at least, it's not as awful as it used to be.

"Why did you do that?" I finally exclaim.

"Old habits die hard."

Sure. This is such a impersonal expression! It's not the truth, I know it isn't. Something deeper lays under the thick blood that still rolls on his skin. All this crimson liquid drives me crazy, I have to do something, so I again take out my handkerchief and again bandage his arm. I've already lived this scene, and how much I wish I would never have to live it again!

"Why are you here?" he whispers slowly.

I sit down on the window sill, next to Arthur and draw my legs against my chest. Doesn't he understand how much I care for him? Well, no, he never had somebody to care for him. I smile widely, I'm so proud to be the first one to get through his walls.

"Hey, have you already forgotten that you're my friend? And as much as I hate to admit it, I need you now." I wink at him while saying the last sentence, and this simple gesture seems to lighten the atmosphere. However, he stays very serious when speaking.

"You should better try to go and speak to your friends. I'm not exactly worth the sacrifice."

ARGH! Why is he so stubborn and melancholy? I want the sarcastic and witty Draco to talk with me. I'm already down in hell when thinking about my house, I need something a tad bit uplifting!

"May I remind you they're not my friends anymore? You're my friend, along with Arthur, you're supposed to cheer me up, not bring me down! And never say you're not worth it, I will not tolerate such an attitude. And I take this knife, if you don't mind….."

I tuck the evil tool in my pocket and look back at him. It seems that my words process through his mind. His face suddenly lightens and a shadow of a smile appears.

"YEAH! I've made you smile! The impossible has happened, I'm a heroin, I'm higher than everybody in that world, I'm a queen, the queen of smileys! I've completed the most difficult task in the world!" I hold Arthur high in the air while standing up on the huge window sill and bowing around. The hall is now filled with our laughter. OUR laughter. I look down at Draco to find him laughing heartily with me. My heart tightens, I'm sure to be the first one to hear him laugh for years.

……………………………………………………………………………

*Hermione's pov*

I've gone down for dinner with the others. I don't really have an excuse to stay up, and I prefer to follow Ron in case he meets Malfoy or Ginny in the halls or in the Great Hall. I feel lighter when I spot neither of them for dinner. I play around with my food, half-listening to the conversations around me. As expected, they're about the "traitor" and the "slimy git". I hate myself, I so hate myself. I try to think that it would have been discovered eventually, but I'm drowning in a river of guilt. I can't stand the gossip surrounding me.

"…..Well, it was obvious this girl was somehow strange. She went through rough time after Chamber of Secrets….."

"…..You know, I wonder how it's possible she hid so long that she was possessed by some Slytherin mind or something. I don't think she would have associated with one if she was totally Gryffindor….."

"…..Yeah, it's related to Voldemort. I think she might be a Death Eater, and she met Malfoy in a meeting probably….."

This time, it's too much. I'm really on the edge of blowing up. But the worst come from Ron. I can't believe he actually speaks like that.

"….. I can't believe Mum is on her side. Virginia is getting the whole family name down with her actions. If I were Dad, I think I'd disown her. She can go with her bloody Death Eater, for all I care. In fact, she always annoyed me, and I wonder why we didn't leave her in the Chamber of Secrets. We should have known she would never be the same after that….."

SLAM!

I slapped my best friend, and really hard. The print of my hand appears in bright red on his cheek and I'm shaking in anger. I'm standing in front of him and he looks up at me bewildered. He's not Ron. He's not the Ron I know. This one is cold and moronic. I want the old Ron back! I knew he had a bad temper and that he would be upset, but I didn't expect this. Never. I can't believe it's my best friend I've just slapped.

"How dare you speak like that, Ronald Weasley." My voice is raising, and the whole school has their eyes on us.

"When did you change so much. When did you become such a heartless bastard. You remind me of Lucius Malfoy. You're not the Ron I know. Listen to what you're saying! I pray you don't catch the full meaning of your words, I hope when you understand you collapse of shame. Speaking that way! I'm so ashamed of you." My voice breaks and I sit down again, my cheeks are burning, I must be as red as a lobster.

Harry who's been quiet till now suddenly speaks as the clatter of forks starts again. The others are used to our rows, but I'm not sure they catch the importance of this one.

"You know, I think Hermione is right. I don't recognize you either. I can understand you're angry, but this goes beyond anger. It's pure hatred, and it doesn't corresponds you. I think we should stop talking about this till tomorrow, maybe you'll have clearer ideas."

I mentally thank Harry who leads Ron out of the Great Hall, I follow them closely. Many people are now done with their meals and start to leave also. I still fear we might meet Ginny and Draco on our way back to the common room. Ginny. It now strikes me that Ron called her Virginia. For the first time of his life, maybe.

I'm deep in my thoughts when I hear her laughter. Oh no. No no no. I sense Ron stiffen by my side and Harry puts his hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"It's not worth it, Ron. You know she'll eventually come to her senses. You know she is smart. I think you should trust her intelligence. Remember, let go, we'll speak about that tomorrow."

Harry's words seem to work their way through Ron's mind and I see him visibly relax. We soon arrive at where Ginny is sitting. With Draco. Damn, it's not good, it's not good. 

They're laughing a lot, and I realise it's the first time I hear Malfoy laugh. His face is lightened and I could even say he's quite handsome. He's not the Malfoy who taunts me in the halls, nor is he the Malfoy I've recently discovered, sad and tortured. 

I approach them, and their laughter dies suddenly. My throat is in a knot, but I have to speak to Ginny, I can't go to bed without having tried to speak to her.

"Ginny?" She turns her face to me, showing a neutral expression. She seems so cold that I hesitate.

"I'm sorry. Damn, I'm so sorry." I look at the floor, I don't want to hear her answer, I fear she might send me to hell or something.

"I know Hermione. And it doesn't matter. In a way, you helped Draco and I. Friends?"

I'm dumbfounded. She wants to be my friend. Me, Hermione Granger, the stupid girl who betrayed her, the moron who broke her link with all the house and who made his brother hate her. Tears are prickling my eyes, but this time, they're happy ones. 

"Of course." I look at her to find her smiling widely.

"Brilliant! May I present you to my friend Draco?" she says, pointing to him.

Ok, time has come to call for a truce, I guess. I squeeze his hand, smiling shyly. He smiles back at me. He SMILES, not this bloody smirk he has when taunting me. Hey, it seems I've gained a new "friend"! 

On the other side of the hall, I can hear Ron sigh loudly, so I go back to them and wink at Harry. He's bewildered I accepted to sort of call a silent truce between Malfoy and I, but I think he understands we don't need that topic as a conversation now. We have to bring Ron to the common room before he does something extremely asinine like kill both of them. We continue to walk and when turning at the corner of the hall, we hear a gasp behind us. The Slytherin sixth years are near the spot where Ginny and Draco have started to chat and laugh again, and the horrified sound has come from Pansy's mouth.

'Take that, Parkinson,' I think with a Malfoy style smirk.

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~~~I HATE Pansy.  Had to say that.  Moving on, AWESOME!!  I really liked this.  The interaction between Ginny and Draco, Hermione's thoughts, Hermione slapping Ron (he SO deserved it!).  I'm very happy Draco no longer has that damn knife.  And Draco laughed!! *tear* I'm so happy!!!  Great job!!~~~

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I don't think I need to tell you what you're supposed to do now, you're clever people, right? *jumps like mad pointing to the blue button* Don't mind me, lol.


	14. pranks and haunting memories

A/N : I'm back !!!!!!!! He he he... Well, I just wanted to say sorry again for the delay, it seems I've no time anymore. To tell the truth, this chapter was written at work, when I was at the cashier and when there weren't any customers. It was written on the vegetables paper wrappings and it was such a mess it took me hours to type it down. Anyway, important business now! I few of you asked if I could email them when updated... I'll try, I promise I'll try! I'll create a list and send you emails, probably full of rambling and such, but hey, you wanted it! Anyway, this list will not be up till I don't know when, coz I simply have no time at all, plus, my computer is screwing and my mum plans to burn it down with her eyes, yep, she wishes she's Superman... Anyway, I write this before being banned from the computer till Wednesday (that's when she leaves with my bro.... *innocent smirk*)  
  
JSqal24JAG: whoa, have you not find something more annoying to write????? He he he, sorry about that... Anyway, I'm adding, I'm adding, don't worry!  
  
Bobby: you want to kill Ron? Ahem, a tad quick, isn't it? I think you'd better direct your anger on Lucius... That fucking bastard! Ahem, I apologize for my improper use of profanity...NOT! muahahahaha  
  
Rubberduckie713: CONGRATS!!!!!!! I really hope you'll post stories!!!!! It doesn't take any place on the computer, don't worry. To post, you have to go to the document manager section, then, in the first orange line, you type whatever you want as a name for your chappie, it won't be released with the chappie so it doesn't matter at all, you can even call your chappie "git" if you want. The second line is about story format, whether it's a story or poetry. I don't know in which way it matters, but I've never paid attention to this. In the third line will come the computer name of the file you're uploading. That part was the most difficult for me to understand. You have to press the browse button on the right of the line and click to times on your file, till it appears in the line. Then you press upload and your document appears at the top of the page, along with a thing that says "preview" I advise you to use it to be sure your chappie was correctly uploaded. Then you go to Create story and select a category at the bottom of the page. You just have to fill in the blanks then, it's really easy. Then, everything becomes pretty easy. You can name your chappies, add them, re-post them, select the genre and the characters (only in HP section for the characters) and voila! Another wonderful story to be read on the site!!!!!! I hope this helps you!!!!! Don't hesitate to email me if you want! I think I'll have to create a new box, coz mine is saturated with all the emails I exchange with Fire'N'Ice, but anyway, if I do that, it will be displayed in my profile. Anyway, back to the story... I hope you like this chappie, the first part was written especially for you! I was so bored at work the other day that I started to write a bit finally, I was laughing silently all day. Hope this reaches your expectations! Anyway, I somehow knew you were gonna tell me the button looked purple to you...  
  
Elven ice angel: Nice to see you're still reviewing my story! It means a lot to me! Of course, I'll check your one-shot story, when I've time... stupid summer job, I've no time AT ALL, I don't even know when to write my stories! Yep, it's plural, coz I've heaps of stories that aren't posted or even typed. I've got two boxes full of stuff and many folders and pads everywhere... I never was the organized person... He he he, I see you're quite the competitive type! It would annoy me if my bro started to write and had more reviews than I... We're always competiting for everything, and the worse is actually skiing. "I've done a better time than you" "I've blown more slalom stakes than you" blah blah blah... he he he. What? You've started school again? Argh, poor you! College starts again end October... muahahahaha. Well, as I have to retake some exams beginning of October and that I'm working till end of August, then leaving for another job, I don't' have real holidays at all, but oh well... At least, I've fanfic, and that's what truly matters, huh? No, I can't believe I'm in chappie 13. Well, 14 now! I mean, I never planned to post that! I was like "Well, I post a chappie, then I see if I continue" but in my mind, it was already settled that I was a hopeless case at writing, a thing that always annoyed me deeply. But now, everything has changed! I'm writing, and people read it! And most of the time, they like it! WHOA! Don't worry, 100th reviewer or not, I won't forget you at all! Of course, I'll continue my author notes and replies! I love when I get replies for my reviews, and I love to reply... Your lot is so crazy!  
  
Ebony Rose1: Welcome! I'm glad you like my story! As I said before, I'm gonna do the emailing thing, but maybe not for next chappie. Well, I hope you still find time to check this story! I try to update it every Sunday, but well, lately, it's been quite difficult! Anyway, I promise I'll email you for next chappie or even for this chappie if I find time.  
  
Twisted faith: I know I'm evil, it's the whole purpose of an angst writer... muahahahaha! Here's more, don't worry! And there will be still plenty!!!!! He he he. Anyway, not too much fluff, I promise! Draco is simply not a fluffy character. Well, I'll see what I can do about fluff! Is there much till now? I'm not sure, it's quite hard to tell.  
  
Miriam G: my dear, your review is only 831 words long, a bit lame, if you ask me, he he he. No, I didn't count the words, I just used a simple operation, called PASTE, muahahaha. I pasted your review in Word, then went into statistics and looked my lovely and spastic computer count your number of words itself... isn't technology fabulous sometimes? And I'm always speaking through Ginny, especially when it comes to Lucius.. BASTARD. Ahem, don't mind me... I HATE Umbridge! She's a bitch!!!! But I love when she becomes Headmistress and it's a terrible mess in the school and how the teachers stand all against her! I love the line when McGonagall tells Peeves how to unscrew the chandelier, it's so funny. My mum has stolen my book and is also reading it (we're fighting with cushions for it, ahem) and now, I've got somebody to commiserate with, it's cool. Well, I see Fire'N'Ice and I aren't the only ones deep down in the sweet river of denial!!!!!! Sirius will always live! And in the fanfic realm, we'll just destroy Umbridge, make him as alive as ever, turn Draco to redemption, kill Lucius, eliminate Cho and... What? Yep, of course, I hate Cho! I think she's really empty and shallow. And she's a whiny little bitch! Nah! I just wanted to share my opinion with somebody. He he, I've seen the end of DA... VERY disappointing, and that's still an understatement. Unfortunately, it's the real end. They've decided to stop the show coz they gave the priority and credits to another show... Damn. I was very frustrated with the way it ended, and I'm still. DA is one of my favourite shows. Characters are wonderful, actors too, the plot and ideas are awesome (except for the runes thing) and sarcasm is just so funny. OMG, you're so evil!!!!!! And why exactly everybody hates you on the board? Do enlighten me, please... People love rambling, but I really don't understand why. I mean, look at my replies... They're almost longer than the chappie!!!!!!! It must be very annoying! Anyway, I don't know if they're all like me (then the world would have a bad time) but I love your reviews!!! I told you it wasn't that difficult to be creative! Glad you improved them!!! The sock monster is sooooo terrifying that I worked on the chappie all day and night! *cough*  
  
Carshaa: I agree with you, Ron deserves to be slapped. He really acts like a jerk in the chappie. You're nice! You review my stupid story, you must be nice! And you're insane, but in a good way. I was at the pub with some friends the other day, and Paul just says "you know, you're a weirdo. You're totally off your rocker, but in a nice way" Ok... and for once, I was behaving correctly, and even handling a nice and normal conversation. Oh, you're a scout? That's cool. Stereotypes are very present in people's mind when thinking about scouts... Well, at least, all the reviewers will know scouts are "normal" people... well, nearly.  
  
Nearly done with the replies! I also want to thank all the people who put me on their favorites' lists! Namely: CarminaBurana1, Telly, Elven ice angel, Luscious Kinney, Miriam G, mozartrox05, carshaa, Ebony rose1, JSqal24JAG! Thanks thanks thanks!!!!  
  
Also, if you want to read a really long story who's a D/Hr, I advise you to read The Manor by Astarr. It's really awesome. This author has 23 or 24 chappies posted, and it's only the end of part one! There are to be three parts, but the second one will be up only in a few months. Anyway, the first part is excellent, so if' you're bored... First write a LONG review to me, and then, I allow you to go and read that story.  
  
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Chappie 14:  
  
*Blaise Zabini's pov*  
  
Draco is in trouble. In very much trouble. Everybody saw him with the Weasley girl and I really don't understand why he acted so stupidly. He's changed this year. He never was really involved in the house business, but this time, he's completely turned his back to it. I never was friends with him, we were too different, but still, he never was so alone. He even sent Vincent and Gregory to hell, and these two morons were always wrapped around his finger before. But now, he's screwed, he's just blown the last straw of respect the other Slytherins had. Not me. I'm not the average Slytherin, and in fact, he quite gained some respect from me.  
  
Well, even if he's just screwed that, I've to admit that the look on Pansy's face is absolutely priceless. This little bitch has always tried to get him into her bed, so I guess she's more than disappointed.  
  
"Drakie, what are you doing with this stupid Gryff? It's just for business, right?" she spurts as a snake while shooting Weasley death glares.  
  
Draco is now jumping from the window sill and stands in front of Pansy. Oh oh... The girl certainly has put herself into trouble.  
  
"Do you need something, or do you just deliberately annoy me?"  
  
Pansy stiffens at his comment, but jerks her head up and glares at Weasley arrogantly.  
  
"So... This is what Draco hangs around when he's out of his mind and not really conscious of his actions."  
  
"Well, in fact it's quite the contrary, but I assume you only think in that egocentric way of yours, and thus think that everybody is to act the same way you would. And stop cackling at me, if you don't mind."  
  
I smirk at this. It seems the Weasley girl has a sharp tongue...  
  
"Cackling?" asks Pansy in disbelief.  
  
"You heard me," adds Weasley coolly, and with a flick of her wand, Pansy suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke... To reappear as a duck...  
  
I have to bite my lip hard not to scream of laughter. Pansy Duckie is cackling and waddling in front of the window.  
  
"What do you think of Pansy's new look?" asks Weasley to Draco, wearing an impish smile and elbowing him.  
  
He smirks in a truly Malfoy way before answering, his voice full of mock.  
  
"Much more my type now. But I think a little touch is missing... Yellow never really was her colour..." and with a quick spell, Pansy turns a deep shade of magenta.  
  
I bite my lip a bit more. All the other girls scream in fright and surround Pansy Duckie trying to calm her... huh, it... down.  
  
Draco and Weasley laugh harder at the sight and decide to move. We're left with Pansy as a magenta duck and try to bring it to professor McGonagall office.  
  
Everybody laughs at us on our way. Well, with a magenta duck running in the halls, followed by a bunch of students trying to catch it, we certainly are quite a scene...  
  
We spot Snape at a corner and run to him. He looks slightly amused at the tale the girls forcefully deliver him. With a twinkle of regret in the eye, he turns Pansy Duckie back to her normal state and I can't help a little comment to pass through my lips.  
  
"Nice to have you back Pansy Duckie... Draco was right, though... Magenta definitely is your colour."  
  
Ouch, she slapped me. Not that it really matters. I've now something hanging above her head forever... Pansy Duckie... He he he.  
  
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*Harry's pov*  
  
"Why did you do that, Hermione? You know Ron's already upset about the whole thing, you could have avoided throwing the truce with Malfoy in his face."  
  
"Is it for him you're angry, or is it for yourself? Enlighten me!" her tone is dry and curt.  
  
"For both. Honestly, it's MALFOY we're talking about! That git created us nothing but trouble, as long as I can remember!  
  
"You should have let Ginny explain! You of all people should know you're not allowed to judge without knowing! You're unfair to him, Harry."  
  
"I know what he showed us, and from that, I can judge him a bastard if I want!" She's really getting on my nerves now! What with her? A truce with him doesn't imply standing for him against her best friend, does it?  
  
"Sure because, you, you're always honest with everybody. You never hide anything. You don't' have secrets at all and everybody can read in you like in an open book I assume."  
  
"No, but-"  
  
"But what, Harry?" she cuts me, her chocolate eyes boring into mine.  
  
I'm a bit lost here. Sure, Hermione is right, but who would hide as much and why? Plus, Malfoy's supposed walls would be like flawless. Everybody breaks at one point, nobody can hide forever and if he had those walls, there would be times when they would be brought down.  
  
I remember the look in his eyes on the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of the year. I saw something different, but I can't put my finger on it.  
  
Did Ginny really see something nobody else saw? And what did she see?  
  
The track of my thoughts is interrupted by a hand waving annoyingly in front of my face. Hermione stares at me, arms crossed on her chest.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I see I've finally managed to make you think about it all."  
  
She is right again, and I hate to admit it, so I just shrug and climb the stairs to my dorm where Ron is already. I hope he's sleeping, I really don't want to face his bad mood right now. Hermione smiles before collapsing in a couch with a huge book.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
Draco and I have been wandering in the halls for quite a time now. We don't speak to each other, we just enjoy each other's company.  
  
The small smile Pansy's transformation has brought on his lips is still playing, but it doesn't reach his eyes anymore. I wonder what is tormenting him right now. Yes, tormenting. I can feel it.  
  
He catches me staring at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What's on you mind" His smile disappears immediately.  
  
"I can't explain you," he answers, biting is lower lip and starring absently at the floor in front of him.  
  
"Why? I'm your friend, I would understand. Don't you trust me?" I knew the road to our friendship would be rocky, but I want him to tell me now. This is eating him away.  
  
"No, it's just... I can't find the words to describe it. I can't tell anyone. It's all piling inside me and I can't get it out. I've tried, I've tried to even write it down, but nothing came. "  
  
I feel bad for him and I really want to help, so I set my brain on "extensive quick search" mode to find a solution.  
  
"Pensieve." I finally get out.  
  
He looks at me quizzically.  
  
"A pensieve is-"  
  
"I know what a pensieve is, thanks." He cuts.  
  
"Dumbledore has one, Harry told me. You could put that thought haunting you, and then I could see it. You wouldn't have to even say a single word."  
  
I'm very proud of my idea and become all jittery.  
  
"Come on, we're going to Dumbledore's office!" I grab his arm and try to make him move, but he's rooted to the spot.  
  
"Ginny, Dumbledore is still in the Great Hall, you know how much time he always takes for his meals."  
  
That stops me right away. I really want to know, I really want to help Draco, but I'm not sure I want all teachers on my back too. I've already Mum and Snape, I think it's sufficient. Well, the Gryffindors and Slytherins are the worst though... I shrug and take the direction of the Great Hall. I hear Draco sigh and start to shuffle his feet behind me and I grin. I don't know why exactly, but I do.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
When we enter the Great hall, there aren't many students remaining. In fact, nearly everybody has left, but the few that are still here stare at us either in amazement, either in disgust, depending what house they're in.  
  
I wish I could turn and leave, and I know Ginny thinks the same at the same time, but our pride won't let us do such a thing, so we head for the staff table. My arm brushes with Ginny's every step, and it's calming. It tells me I'm not alone anymore.  
  
Bewilderment can be read on the teacher's faces, except Weasley's and Snape's. Bewildered, but actually smiling. I'm happy to know not everybody is freaking in the school.  
  
"Ms Weasley, Mr Malfoy, may I help you?" Dumbledore says with a warm smile and his usual twinkle in the eye.  
  
Ginny leans in with an impish smile and whisper in his ear while the other teachers still look at us in a strange way.  
  
At that moment, I'm not sure I want Ginny to know. She's a caring girl, but I don't know how she'll react. And I don't really know how much she can take. Once this memory will be shared, it won't haunt me as badly as now, but there are so many others that hurt as much. I can't share everything that destroys me with her, or she would be buried under pain and remorse.  
  
My pain and my remorse.  
  
Who am I to ask her to carry this with me? I know she was once possessed by Voldemort, another thing I could have avoided. Isn't it enough of a burden to carry?  
  
However, it's too late. Dumbledore already asks us to follow him to his office. I wonder what Ginny said to sway him.  
  
"Gummy Bears" and we finally step behind the gargoyle and climb to his office.  
  
*****************************************  
  
*Albus' pov*  
  
I ask them to sit down while I walk to a cupboard to retrieve the pensive. I clean it from my thoughts and when the silver surface is smooth again, ask Draco to come.  
  
He slowly walks up to where the pensieve is, worried.  
  
"Just place your wand over the pensieve and say "cogitatio" while thinking about what you want to put into the pensieve."  
  
"Cogitatio"  
  
"Now, Ms Weasley, touch the pensieve with your wand and just think that you want to know."  
  
She looks at me in surprise. "Is that all?"  
  
******************************************  
  
*Ginny's pov*  
  
"That's all," he replies, shrugging.  
  
I breathe a good deal before touching the pensieve, I know I'm on for a trip to hell and back.  
  
I nearly want to turn and leave, like in the Great Hall, but a simple thought about Draco tells me how scared he is himself.  
  
I quiver a little, but eventually touch the smooth and silver surface of the pensieve. I close my eyes as I fall down. I only reopen them when my feet touch the ground. I'm in a dungeon, and it seems I'm alone. No, Draco is here, behind me and staring blankly at the door, standing in the middle of the room, if it can be called that way. He seems to be waiting for somebody...  
  
...........  
  
When I get out of the memory, I feel really bad. I stumble and collapse in a chair, trying to hold back my tears, but I can't and finally let them run freely on my cheeks. I'm affected by what I saw, I mean, who wouldn't, except that bastard of Lucius and Voldemort. But it affects not only emotionally but also physically. I've this nagging pain in my stomach, I so want to throw up. I clutch my stomach in pain. Damn, I'm sure it's not supposed to happen. I feel Dumbledore's hand on my shoulder and his voice is full of worry.  
  
"Ms Weasley?"  
  
"Stomach ache" is the feeble answer I manage to stutter. He mutters a spell and the pain is lifted. I calm down a bit before looking at Draco. He has retired himself in a corner of the room and his silver eyes are full of remorse and concern.  
  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you do this, it was stupid and inconsiderate.  
  
I don't listen to his apologizes at all. All I want to do is hug him and erase that blasted father of his from the Earth's surface. However, I know I won't do that. I don't have any power against Lucius Malfoy, and I guess he's uneasy with the whole hugging thing, like Harry. So I stay where I am, trying to cheer him up by smiling.  
  
"I'm ok, I swear, I'm alright."  
  
I stand up, thanks Dumbledore whose worry has vanished with my attitude to be replaced by a warm smile, and leave the office with Draco.  
  
Again, we don't speak to each other. I don't know what to say. What can I say after what I saw? There's nothing to say. No wonder he's gone the path till suicide attempt, nothing really played in his favour to hold him back.  
  
When arriving at the point where our ways separate, he hands me Arthur. I'm hurt. What does that mean? Doesn't he want to be my friend anymore or something? Is he again drifting away from me?  
  
"Don't worry, it doesn't mean anything. But you need Arthur tonight, more than me."  
  
It's as if he had been able to read my thoughts, but I don't care about that now, the only thing important is that he trusts me, and that I've Arthur with me tonight... I'm really going to need him.  
  
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No rambling from Fire'N'Ice, sorry, but Miss Insanity is on holidays... That also means this chappie wasn't proof read by anybody but me, French and a bit dense when it comes to grammar. Now, be nice, REVIEW... I don't think you need me to draw a map for you to find the blue (or purple in Rubberduckie's case) button you have to press... Ok, I'm in a good mood, I'll tell you: it's in the bottom left corner of your screen, that is, if you have a "normal" computer. Mine is spastic and I hope it doesn't let me down... Stupid thing. Hmppf. 


	15. Lost in the night

A/N : Hello everybody ! Sorry about the delay, but I've been really busy lately. I still work in this stupid grocery (last week of torture starts tomorrow) and then, I had to plan the scouts meetings, then I went to the cinema (I know, not the best excuse) and worse of it all... I was BANNED from the home computer!!!!! Which means I had to run to university each time to get on the computer, but the damn building closes at 7 pm everyday, and it's a mess... Anyway here is chapter 15, I hope you like it, it took me forever to write some parts, but well, I think it's not that lame, deal with me!!! Thanks for the bunch of reviews I've received!!!! You guys rock!!!!  
  
Precious Passion: Hello!!!!! What? You spent all day reading that? You've got to be kidding! Thanks! I'm glad I'm an author and that people read my story, talented or not. But I'm also very happy you say so! He he he... I write many other stories! I just don't post them yet! I've another HP story, a Gilmore Girls story, some Dark Angel shots, a HP story in project with my beta, some original stories blah blah blah! I hope you continue to read this! And that you enjoy my long chappie! I think it's the longer I've ever written in this fic.  
  
Kismet2: I update, I update... Don't worry! I know I wasn't very present this summer (not that you care) but I promise that since October, I'll update more often!  
  
Kaly: well, I loved your review. It made me smile. Thanks and welcome to my insane little world! I promise I'll do an email list (I see you're an anonymous reviewer)  
  
Rubberduckie713: I hope it was the best chappie ever for you! I wrote it especially FOR YOU!!!! Hope you feel special... I think you should write your stories, even if you think your ideas are overused. Don't you think that Draco being abused and a cutter is overused? That the D/G pairing is very creative? My ideas are as overused as yours, I just try to add little things that make it special, like Hannah, or Arthur, or characters like Blaise. Write your stories, I beg you!!!!!  
  
Miriam G: I'm no cheater! *Stick out tongue at you* Pasting it in Word was TOTALLY fair and legal! Nah! Well, I understand better why you're hated on this message board, but I guess they're just morons... they've got a real good level of conversation. People can be sooooo dense. I'm glad you gave the long version!!!!! Never try to give me the short version of anything, you hear me? You Upa song is just gonna be the summer's best song. You know, beaches full of people dancing and singing it, you, celebrity, shaking hands with.huh. let's say Britney... muahahahahaaha... Voldemort is there!!!!! I wrote his pov just fro you! And I just comment the fact that I haven't made him a moron!!!! Have fun!  
  
Slothcrzy4dm: OMG... are you actually saying that I'm the first one who receives a review from you????? Cool!!!!! I hope you continue to read this! You say that to a stranger coz... I'll email you about that, if you don't mind. You discover in this chappie what Ginny saw in the pensieve. And Don't worry, I'm gonna continue!!!!!! It'll be a very very long story, coz I don't want to end it at all! Yeah, it's a bit like Draco and Ron had switch beliefs, it's pretty scary... You tend to ramble????? I LOVE YOU ALREADY!!!!! I'm a rambler too! My reviews can reach 3000 words, and it's pretty scary that my replies are soooo long. One day, they'll be longer than my chappie....  
  
Shortnsassy: what? You don't know what colour your review button is? Mine is orange... or purple, with shades of red... Ahem, yeah, no comment! My writing is... amazing? Gee, you have to tell that to my English writing teacher! I've always only just sufficient marks. As for Arthur, it's only coz it's my teddy's name, but well, let's say it's coz her dad gave her the teddy and decided to name it after him, for the honors.  
  
Twisted faith: *Breathe again* Amen, there's not too much fluff! That was one of my biggest fear! Draco is just not made for fluff and I'm always scared I might fall in that. Many many more chappies, I promise! I don't want to end this story, so you have time!  
  
Ebony rose 1: hello again! I see I'm not the only one not to like Pansy. she's so stupid, it's unbelievable. I'm gonna do this emailing list today, normally. Depends if my mum kicks me out of the computer place...  
  
Carshaa: glad you liked the chappie, hope you like this one too. I'm not normal. No scout is! Well, not in my group at least! All the other groups of the region were always treating us differently coz we're a Christian group, and once, we made a big camp with them and they were just awestruck at how insane we were. We're the worst one, havoc and mess everywhere... muahahahaha... Harry is nice. He was just a bit taken aback by the whole thing, but he's nice. I simply can't make him act evilly. Even Ron is different in this chappie. Well, still moronic, but Molly understands his true motives, even if he doesn't use the right ways... insane reviewer? Why do I always attract insane people? *sigh* well, hope you don't hate me too much for not having updated before! *sheepish smile*  
  
Alexandria2: Me, empress of the smileys... sounds good.... ahem, yeah... no comment... Well, I hope I make you cry in this chappie, but it's not the most emotional... have a nice reading!  
  
Disclaimer: *mute* ::nudged by lawyer:: *pout* :: glared at:: *sigh* Ok, I give up.... I don't own HP, blah blah blah... *pout*  
  
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Chapter 15 :  
  
*Voldemort's pov*  
  
I'm surrounded by morons.  
  
Malfoy is in front of me, all quivering and stuttering while he pathetically tries to explain me the situation with his son.  
  
At least, the boy is more clever than the father. Hopefully for himself, Malfoy is useful. His stupidity often makes me want to kill him. Well, he follows my orders like a puppet dog, it can help.  
  
The young Malfoy is another matter. He's smart. And he knows way too much about me. I can't afford to let him go, he would be a great asset for us, and dangerous, very dangerous, if he chose the other side.  
  
I could kill him. It would be simpler. The threat would be erased. But he will be more useful to me alive. If I can make him follow me, he would become my heir. The one to continue my task when I'm gone. Because no one is immortal. And if my task dies with me, all this is in vain.  
  
Malfoy is done with his lame explanation. I stare at him, he squirms under my gaze. It's distressing. I'm sure he's ready to lick my shoes if I asked him. A slave, a tool. He thinks he's got power and ambition. But his power is depending on mine. As for his ambition, it's nonexistent or nearly. His goal is to be the best Death Eater. Quite the easy way.  
  
Draco Malfoy has chosen the hard path. The way that will make him fight all his life. For his freedom, his conscience, his individuality. Fight for his convictions.  
  
This path will make him so much stronger than his father; than all my servants.  
  
I think the most comical is Malfoy's responsibility in this. After all, he's the one who brought him up. Probably torture is not the best way to raise children.  
  
The boy is my new prey. I want him. I'll get him. He's priceless. The plan is already forming in my head, nobody will be able to save him. I don't think anybody would care if he disappeared.  
  
I'm still glaring at Lucius and the man is on the edge of breaking down. Weak. I finally decide to put an end to his torture.  
  
"Just manage to have him home for the next holidays. Leave now."  
  
"Yes Master," he replies while bowing. Pathetic.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I've been trying to sleep for hours, but it simply doesn't seem to work. The memory is turning inside my head and I can't get it out. Even if I haven't spoken with Draco about it, I know I saw what happened when Hannah was killed.  
  
I've still some difficulty to admit that what I saw actually happened. It's worse than a nightmare, and it's reality. I don't understand how a human being (well, technically at least) can act the way Lucius Malfoy acts. What makes Humans act so wickedly? Even if Lucius is a Death Eater, he could love at least his family. But no, he destroyed it. He destroyed his wife, and now, he tries to bring his son down. Some people just don't deserve to live, and Draco's father belongs to this category.  
  
The sheets are all wrapped around me, I'm hot and sweaty. I need to get up, take a cool shower, go for a walk to clam me, but my brain doesn't want to work with my body.  
  
Lucius' manic laughter plagues me. The image of Hannah's and the other girl's execution makes me want to throw up. Seeing Draco, first beaten, kicked, whipped, then crucioed, to be left helpless on the ground hurts me so much I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  
  
His father took everything from him. He tried to empty his soul. I want to give it all back to him. I want happiness to invade him.  
  
Pictures flow again through my mind. Draco's suffering whirls inside my stomach.  
  
It stabs me. He'll never be happy. He'll always be haunted by his past. I know memories can be strong. They just don't vanish, you can't sink into oblivion with a flick of your wand. Darkness will be part of him forever. How could I have been so blind? He's not going to change into somebody bright, laughing, blissful. Myself, I'm not bright. Tom's presence is still lingering down in my core. He's part of me now. As he's part of Harry. You can't escape what you are.  
  
Experiences build our personalities. The Chamber of Secrets left a dark cloud surrounding me. Lucius' left scars on Draco.  
  
I knew that approaching Draco would mean being hurt. But I never expected that. Such pain to be shared.  
  
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*Hannah's pov*  
  
I'm happy Ginny found Draco. As usual, I saw everything. I always do.  
  
I saw Ginny tell him how much she cared, I saw them chat and laugh together, ally against this stupid Parkinson girl. I'm so happy for them, and so sad for myself at the same time.  
  
He doesn't need me anymore. The realisation hits me right in the face. He has Ginny now, and me, I'm a worthless little ghost. I'm dead. I can't really help him. I can't even snatch his knife when I want. My only weapon is words. And he's so stubborn.  
  
I sigh loudly and I'm so deep in my thoughts that I don't hear Myrtle pop next to me. When I finally acknowledge her presence, she sighs heavily and rolls her eyes. I know it's her way for saying she wants to complain and wants attention.  
  
"What?"  
  
She looks ahead and sighs again.  
  
"Harry hasn't come to see me in ages."  
  
I really want to bang my head on something, but I only go through it, and it annoys me deeply. Myrtle is sweet and really nice when she wants, and when she's not moaning. But honestly, this evening, I don't want to listen about her little problems and her infatuation with Harry Potter. She understands quickly that something is wrong with me.  
  
"Something annoys you?" She is again my nice friend. It's funny how she can switch modes.  
  
"I feel useless. I had an aim for my ghostly life, but it has been reached, so now.... What can I do?"  
  
"I understand. My aim was to annoy Olive, but when she left Hogwarts, I had nothing else to do. It took my quite a long time to figure out something that would pass the time."  
  
"And apart from drooling over Harry, this includes?"  
  
She turns to me with a mischievous grin.  
  
"Pranks."  
  
"Pranks?" I'm dumbfounded. But what pranks? And on who? I've never seen any of her pranks. And how can she pull them? Damn, she's a ghost, she can't grab material and...  
  
"Yeah, I plan Peeves' pranks. He's the most stupid poltergeist I've ever seen. He's incapable of imagining a single prank. Do you join?"  
  
I never was the prankster type. I was always well behaved and such. But what have I to lose now? I grin evilly and Myrtle screams in delight.  
  
I guess I've found a new occupation and smile as a certain magenta duck pops in my head.  
  
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*Ron's pov*  
  
I'm waiting in Mum's office. It's early in the morning and I had to get up earlier just because she wants to speak to me. Somehow, I know what the topic will be and it annoys me more than everything, including detention with Snape. I don't want to speak about them. I want to erase them from my memory, from my life.  
  
"Good morning Ron!" she says in her cheery voice. I hate when she uses that tone. We both know we're here to sort things out and that we're eventually going to yell at each other. Her voice is false.  
  
I mutter a quick morning as she sits in front of the fire. When she speaks again, the false cheery tone has been dropped. I guess we come directly to the problem.  
  
"What's with you, Ron?"  
  
With me? Is she talking about ME? I can't believe it. I again take all the blame. Me. Hasn't Ginny a part of responsibility? She's the one who's bringing shame on us!  
  
"You'd better ask your daughter this question," I drawl cynically.  
  
"She's you sister, she-"  
  
"No she isn't!" I cut sharply.  
  
"You can't disown her for having friends," she replies, shaking her head and sighing.  
  
"Friends? But what friends? Everybody thinks like me! She has no friend anymore. And why is that? Because of HIM!"  
  
I spit out the last word. Never my hatred toward him overwhelmed me as it does now. He corrupted my sister, and he uses her. I'm sure of that, he wouldn't want her as a friend only. She's lower than him in his mind.  
  
"Why do you care? It's her choice."  
  
"And if it isn't? If he possesses her or something?"  
  
I see a grin spread on her face and it only makes me angrier.  
  
"So in fact, you're more worried than angry, right? You're way too protective, Ron."  
  
"I hate him, ok? And when I say hate, it's not an understatement. In fact, the word is even too weak. Damn, every time I see him, I just want to smash his head against a wall and kick him till he's dying on the ground."  
  
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*Molly's pov*  
  
Ron's eyes are glinting with anger and hatred. He's serious and that scares me to death. As his words sink, all I can see his Draco in my mind. How horrible I felt when I bumped into Severus carrying him. How fear buried me.  
  
"Don't say such things, Ron. You know you don't mean them," I reply dryly.  
  
"Oh no, I do mean them. He deserves it."  
  
"No, he doesn't. Nobody does, and especially him. You don't know him; you should give him a chance."  
  
"I already know him too much for my sake, thank you. And stop standing for him. After what his father has done to Ginny, after all the insults his family threw in our faces, you can't do such a thing."  
  
"I can and I will. You can't judge him on his father's actions or on his family." Ron is really getting on my nerves. I hope desperately that he gets out of the dense mode, but he seems to like his attitude now. He's so sure he's right.  
  
"Then let's judge him!" He's shouting now. "He's an arrogant prat, he's spoiled, rotten to the core. Supremacist ,stupid, wicked. The list could go on for hours and hours!"  
  
"You're right, that's the way he was brought up. That's how his father wants him to be. But maybe that's not how HE wants to be!" I try to remain clam, but my voice still has raised.  
  
"Then he should have rebelled. He should have stood for himself instead of playing the game!"  
  
"There are people you can't just stand against! I wonder what you would have become in his place!" I'm yelling too.  
  
"I wouldn't be like him!"  
  
"That's what you think." My voice is again calm, and cold.  
  
Ron gets up suddenly, red with anger, and slams the door behind him.  
  
I close my eyes and breathe a good deal as I'm leaning back in my chair.  
  
That was brilliant. I'm bitter.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I spot Draco sitting in the cherry tree and I climb to sit with him. He looks exhausted and sad and is rubbing his arm against the trunk. I can see it's already red with burning.  
  
"What's the matter?" I say, frowning.  
  
He doesn't want to look at me and just fix his gaze on his arm while still rubbing it against the tree.  
  
"Give me my knife back."  
  
"No." I shake my head. I don't want him to cut himself again. He could find another knife or anything else to do it, but he seems attached to that specific tool. And he wants it back. No way.  
  
"I need it, please?" He's pleading me. Whispering softly. He's begging me. To give him back something he uses to hurt himself. I feel bad.  
  
"You don't need it, so don't even think of it!" My tone is firm. He has to understand how bad it is. How wrong it is.  
  
"You don't understand," he simply states, scratching his arm again. I don't stop him, I don't exactly understand why.  
  
"Explain it to me then."  
  
Maybe if he doesn't come out with good reasons, he'll see how wrong he is. He hesitates. I assume he doesn't think he can share this with me. I press him to tell me. To let me know why I should let my friend be hurt like this. Draco finally starts to speak, still not looking at me. His voice is unsteady has he delivers his confession. It's breaking and sometimes a bit quivering. He's not sure I'm going to listen and understand, he's worried I will let him down because he's vulnerable.  
  
"It's a release. It's the only I've found to deal with what is bottling up inside me. Nobody ever taught me other ways. My parents never asked me how I felt and I never shared it with anyone. And I need it to know that I'm alive. Everybody always considered me like an ice prince. I'm not that. I'm flesh and blood. I live. I'm not some statue, cold and with no heart. The burning of the forming wound tells me I've got flesh, and nerves. That I can feel. The crimson dripping from the wounds tells me I've got blood running inside my veins. And most of all, the physical pain makes me forget about the emotional one. My father always uses words before his feet, cane, or spells. And words hurt more than everything. "You're useless Draco, worthless. You're my biggest shame. You're not enough. You'll never be enough, whatever you can do." The beating that comes right after that makes me forget the words for a while. And physical wounds hurt, then heal, and the pain doesn't exist anymore. The words... they stab me, they rip me apart. The pain will be there forever. You won't prevent me from cutting again. You can't, it's part of me. People smoke or take drugs or alcohol to cope with their lives. I cut. And I'm going to continue. You can't stop me, so please, I beg you, don't make arguments about that become something that hurts too."  
  
I sit motionless. The silence surrounds us when he's finished. It's a heavy and condemning silence. What am I supposed to do, to say? He's right of course, I'm not going to stop him.  
  
I slowly retrieve the knife from my pocket where I had hastily shoved it before. The shiny blade mocks me. I've lost the battle against it again. I hate it.  
  
I give him back the knife. The second I've done it, I feel a pang of guilt. I had forgotten the wounds the blade inflicts can't be healed by magic. That's why Draco wanted it so badly. To prevent people from making the pain vanish.  
  
I watch him play with the blade in his palm. I know he wants to do it right now but waits for my sake. I leave, there's nothing I can do. I try to grin at him before going, I see his silver eyes saying thanks, but I still feel bad. When I turn my back and head for the castle, I know what he's doing.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
I'm relieved. Ginny gave the knife back. And she didn't try to tell me how wrong I was about everything I said. She just listened, and understood.  
  
Excitement runs through my veins in anticipation. I forget everything around me, all I see is the silver blade.  
  
It's cold when I apply it on my skin and I grin at that. This familiar coldness makes me comfortable. I begin to rub the edge softly on my skin. I don't' want to cut straight away like I used to do, I take my time, feeling the flesh prickle and burn. The skin is scratched now, but the blood doesn't want to come. I press a little harder and the forming cut becomes red and watery, but there's no crimson. Not a single dot of blood.  
  
I breathe harder, my mind is racing and my arm is sensitive and burning like hell now. Why can't I draw the blood out? Blood is my salvation, the only thing that can relieve me. If blood doesn't spurt, the pain stays inside.  
  
I'm panicking, hyperventilating. It drives me crazy to cut into the flesh without blood showing. I rub the edge of the knife harder and harder on my arm, I don't breathe anymore. A dot of red appears finally on my arm. It's not enough. I eventually tighten my grip on the knife and dig profoundly in my arm. The blood rolls quickly everywhere. I've never cut that deeply and I feel dizzy. A wave of relief washes over me and I breathe again as I stare at the gash.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Your last line made me laugh out loud much longer than it should've. I guess that's what lack of sleep does. In any case, I love the opening, hehe. AHH HOLIDAY, CHRISTMAS!!! *starts twitching* Oh dear god no... *whimper* I cried during Draco's speech!!!!!! Omg... Awesome chapter!!!  
  
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REVIEW!!!!!! Please! Please! Please! Even if you don't know what colour your review button is! *wink* 


	16. confrontations

A/N : *hangs head in shame* I KNOW!!!!! I'm late I'm late, I really don't understand where my time flows, coz I don't see it at all. hmmpf, stupid time, another thing I still don't have control over... Gonna change soon, muahahahaha. Sorry, world domination planning still very active... Anyway, let's move on... I hope you all like this chappie, it took me hours to write, my paper copy is just a huge mess of arrows, lines, and other corrections... Also, I tried to create an email list to alert when I post the next chappie, but this bloody email didn't want to work wit hthe list, so, as I'm not very patient, I'm gonna try later. But I would like to say that for the ones that have a fanfic account, there's a "Review history" section in which all your reviews are listed and the stories that have been updated are highlighted in blue...  
  
And now... the replies... Muahahaha, I love to write these things...  
  
Twister Silver Dagger: Hello!!!!!! How are you? Me I'm totally hyper, way too much coffee... Apparently, you like my story, since half the reviews are yours this time, lol. Yes,Ginny named her teddy after her father... Let's say she was very little, her father was the hero, and plus, she didn't know many names... I still don't know if I want Draco and Snape to have a connection. If they had one, Snapey probably would have discovered Lucius' abusive attitude way sooner... Let's say he just got a nasty feeling... As for my writing, I think it's slowly getting better. I had never written stories before, and on top of everything ,English is not my mother tongue... Hope I reach a more than decent level soon...  
  
Elven ice angel: Language!!!!!! So many baaaaaad words in your mouth... lol... You hate me, that's the point, muahahahaha. Nope nope nope, the knife is very well where it is, he he he... You really should switch the demonic bats and penguins for flying monkeys... *cough* forget what I've said, I don't need Fire'N'Ice plus yours on my back. Happy Birthday, late, but it's the attention that counts, he he he. As for the vocabulary matters, dear, I've only one word to say: THESAURUS! I think I'm gonna start worship this fabulous book, lol. And I'm sorry to announce you that in spite of your efforts to wake him up, Ron is still as dense as before, muahahahaha. Hope you got caught by your teacher, lol. Very flattered to see you prefer to read my story than do your school work.  
  
Slothcrzy4dm: TOO LONG?????? Are you kidding? You can write 4000 words review if you want, I love to read the rambling of the lunatics here. Yep, I'm counted among the lunatics, no need to feel offended. I know! Myrtle not moaning is pretty surprising, and Hannah creating havocwith Myrtle and Peeves too, but as life is not black or pink, I have to mix fun and angst. Ouch, poor Ron, with all the kicks you reviewers give him, he'll soon be out of shape, muahahahahaha. Sorry, don't mind me.  
  
Miriam G: You're always rambling, why do you try to make a point? When I say Britney with a negative statement, you can be sure it's Spears. Don't like her too much either, but don't worry, the Upa song is so far above all the others! *cough* I'm already disturbed, but truth to be told, your mental image of a weeing Voldemort didn't really help. And there's no way I beg you on my knees, so fuck the Upas, he he he... Greece is supposed to be hot, duh! What? Isn't the temparatuer waving between 40° and 50° C where you live? *stupid grin* Oooooh, naughty girl, you messed around in an expensive hotel. WE did that my bro and I, in Canada, races in the halls, havoc and all...muahahahaha! Of course, everybody knows we're angels *innocent smirk* Whoa, you know you should publish a book relating your adventures in the airports? You could name it "Me and the airports, a love story" lol. Tell me about chaotic trips! I spent all night in a coach with friends to go back to London after a holidayi n Leeds. It was such a mess. Then we missed our plane, coz the coach was late, we played cards for I don't know how much time in this so small Luton airport. And we kept humiliating ourselves publicly, like brushing our teeth in the hall (Hey, you have to take care of them!) and such... Traveling is fun... You can write a comedy play and include the Upa song in it! Gee, I'm really scared by your wrath of rambling!!!! *hides behind computer*  
  
Deatheater 4life: my opinion on HP characters: Lucius is a bastard, Ron is so damn dense! Potter... Perfect Potter, Hermione IS smart. Molly... you might change your mind this chappie, muahahaha! Voldemort, a lunatic. I really wanted to make the Gryffindors not perfect little friends, it drives me crazy when they're perfect... Hope you'll continue to read that.  
  
Rubberduckie: Don't worry, the magenta duck is not definitely gone, I think you're gonna like Blaise in this story, lol. ARGH...Umbridge should be BURNT alive!!!!! BITCH! I hate her soooo much, I thought I was on the edge of ripping apart the damn book, it was so frustrating. (Sirius, *sob*) Yep, you already said your name was Hannah. but you're not a ghost! Muahahaha... Awh, but why nobody loves this knife? Poor thing, being despised by everybody *tear* lol. I hate how Rowling just doesn't show that human side of the other characters. I plan to write a Pansy pov, in which I'll try to grab her attitude and such, gonna be tough, lol. Hope you like this chappie!  
  
Shortnsassy: my last line is not a way to make fun of you! Mean reviewer, lol! Oh. you love me...now I'm scared. Ok, you also have a penguin? Damn, they're everywhere! Elven ice angel likes to threaten me with her army of demonic penguins. Nice to see your'e a bit more civilized, lol.  
  
Catmint: I've gone to visit your profile, and I see you have many stories dealing with self-injury, so I'm glad if you think my writing is good about it. He he he... Hannah and Myrtle...Chaos, disorder and havoc will prevail! Muahahaha...  
  
Carshaa: Did you really think I would kill Draco? Are you insane? I would NEVER kill him in this story!!!! Not now, at least, muahahahah... *cough* yeah, moving on now. Glad you loved that chappie, hope you love this one too... in fact, hope you love the whole story! *bighead mode*  
  
Disclaimer: Me, Almighty Empress of the Smileys, conducted by a sudden shot of charity, gave Harry Potter and all the other characters to rowling. Why? Why? Why? *Collapse in tears* the most horrible error of my whole life... Living in a world of delusions...  
  
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Chapter 16  
  
*Molly's pov*  
  
When I apparate back at the Burrow, Arthur is already there. I smile at him while I take off my jacket. As much as I love Hogwarts, I'm very happy to come back home every evening. The change makes me forget about my daily problems.  
  
However, when I scrutinize Arthur's face, I conclude that my problems have trailed me here. He's staring at his newspaper, casually propped on the couch, but I can decipher in his eyes that he's not reading at all. I sit down in an armchair facing him and wait. I'm not going to initialise the conversation.  
  
"I've received a strange letter from Ron today," he starts with a laid-back tone.  
  
"Really?" I reply, not really sure where this is going, although I hold some suspicions.  
  
"I'm surprised with his lack of writing abilities. It was mainly nonsensical sentences scribbled on crumpled parchment."  
  
I say nothing. Nonsense words thrown on torn paper easily informs me of Ron's state, and thus, of the topic.  
  
"It was nevertheless a very interesting, though disappointing, letter." He suddenly drops the uncaring tone. "What the heck are you playing at Molly?!"  
  
I inhale sharply and stare at him.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You exactly know what I mean!" he's shouting now, and his ears have gone red. A true Weasley tantrum.  
  
"Don't act as daftly as Ron, for God's sake!" I grit through my clenched teeth.  
  
"You're the one who behaves daftly! Are you off your mind, letting Ginny fraternize with the enemy? With a MALFOY of all people!"  
  
"Draco is not dangerous, it's his father the problem. Merlin, he TORTURES his own son! Do you understand Arthur? Draco is an abused kid; Lucius entertainment is to beat the crap out of a teenager! I've seen the results of it, and I can tell you NEVER on Earth would I like to see that again."  
  
The silence surrounds us while Arthur ponders my words. The clock is the only one that continues its incessant swinging. The only noise in the room is this bloody clock. Finally, Arthur comes to his senses.  
  
"He may not be a danger himself, but as you so cleverly stated it, Lucius is one. If he has no pity toward his blood and flesh, imagine what he could do to Ginny! 'Cause you don't believe he's going to congratulate her for helping his son, right? He already proved he had no conscience when he "accidentally" dropped Riddle's diary in her cauldron."  
  
At that, I jump out of my seat. My hands are sweaty and my head is pounding. The blood rushes through my skull and my vision is spinning. Panic settles inside me. How could I have not realised sooner? My daughter is in great danger. I know Lucius would simply kill her, nothing would hold him back.  
  
I feel the colour be drained from my face, I'm surely as pale as a ghost. My legs give away and I collapse again in my chair.  
  
What have I done? I shouldn't have encouraged Ginny to befriend him! I can't believe I've been so blind to forget the danger Draco's family represents.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
My feet walked me to the library after I left Draco in the tree. I feel strange, relieved and in pain at the same time. My connection with him scares me. How is it possible that I can know everything he feels? It's insane! One could wonder if I really understand what he feels, but I know it's the truth. Pieces seem to take place. How I collapsed in the dormitory when he was beaten, how I always seem to know what's on his mind. And how he knew I would need Arthur. I've established the fact that we have a strong connection, but what I don't understand is how. I mean, it's not like Harry who was cursed by Voldemort and that results in a big magic mess. Nothing of magical nature happened between Draco and I; damn, I'm so lost.  
  
First, I don't know where to search, and I really don't want to ask Mrs Pince, because then, she's going to ask too many questions. So I wander aimlessly between the bloody shelves. I've already turned three times around the whole library when Harry shouts at me.  
  
"You're looking for something, Gin?" He whispers because Mrs Pince has already thrown him a death glare for having raised his voice.  
  
I sigh. Why don't I ask him? I mean, he's probably done some research himself. But what if he laughs at me? I know the idea of a bond between Draco Malfoy and Virginia Weasley just sounds ridiculous. Shoot, you've already been fired for your whole life in a week.  
  
"I'm looking for books on magical bonds, could you help me? I really don't know where to search."  
  
He looks startled.  
  
"Magical bonds? Oh. Come on, they're here, in the mental projections section."  
  
"Damn, what are they doing in this section?"  
  
He chuckles slightly, shaking his head.  
  
"Ever tried to understand Mrs Pince's sense of organisation?"  
  
After having brought out a few books, I follow Harry to where he's sitting with Hermione. I mentally thank whoever managed to make Ron not be there with them. I look through the books with interest. Clearly, I've a link with Draco, which explains a lot of the "feeling emotions that are not mine" thing. But the "how" is just as obscure as before. The blasted authors of that book say it's some consequence to a magical act, or something in relation to magic, but damn, couldn't they be more precise? I slam the book shut, infuriated by its lack of precision.  
  
Of course, I'm immediately thrown out of the library, which leads me to more anger and I find myself kicking a stone pillar that I know won't be hurt. I soon feel two strong arms holding me back from the pillar. Harry and Hermione have followed me and they're now both looking at me with wide eyes. Hermione finally speaks.  
  
"Come on, we're going to the common room, where you're gonna explain everything to us."  
  
I'm so frustrated that I don't even realise I'm soon babbling in front of them. Whoa, I really needed to vent all this.  
  
"Can you understand a bloody thing? Damn, I know I've got this bond with Draco, but I don't know how, and plus, it's way too much! How can I bear this?"  
  
"Bear what exactly?" Asks Harry, leaning in.  
  
"How can he cope with this? There's so much anger in him, so much pain to be released! He's got such a shit of a life, I don't know how he even manages to go through it, it's so terrible. Lucius Malfoy is a BASTARD, a maniac of a bastard! I HATE HIM, I wish I could kill him!" I start crying, I can't help it. His emotions have been piling inside me for too long, I'm breaking down. Just like him. I'm sobbing openly, it hurts so much. I suddenly understand why Draco needs his knife; I suddenly understand the suicide attempt, everything that led him to where he is now. Down in hell. The fog has disappeared.  
  
"Ginny, calm down, you're hyperventilating!" Hermione is scared, I can hear it in her voice. She tries to comfort me, using soothing words and rubbing my back. It seems so superficial, she can't really catch what I'm experiencing, she's just pitying me and doing what a friend is supposed to do. I feel bad.  
  
"Ginny, speak to us, you know you can trust us." I shake my head, I can't tell them, it's not an option. Ron's appearance just makes things go worse.  
  
"Hello everybody. Not you, though," he grit through his clenched teeth. What have I done to him? Why does he hate me that much? Is it all because of Draco, or is there something deeper? I'm overcome by a wave of despair. Ron was my closest brother and now, he's gone so far from me, I can't reach him anymore.  
  
I don't want to fight with him. We were a family, we used to stick together. I want that back. But for now, there's nothing else I can than defend myself against him. It's too early for him to try and understand. If I really wanted to explain him, I would have to let go of Draco's secrets, and that I can't do.  
  
However, I don't have time to retaliate. A nasty feeling invades me, I feel dizzy and my face burns. What is happening to me again? It's not really difficult to understand that it comes from Draco, so I jump to my feet and run out of the common room. I didn't know I could run so fast, but I do, and I nearly fly to where I left him not so long ago.  
  
He's still here, and the sight of him scares the hell out of me. He looks so helpless and he's staring at his bloodied arm, motionless. I grab his hand and make him climb down to the ground. We sit under the tree, I'm so frightened; he doesn't seem to realise what's happening. I don't know what would help him, so I slap him across the face, hard.  
  
He suddenly sort of wake up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes. I know I've been brutal.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had to do that, I didn't know how to wake you up, I'm really really sorry, forgive me, please, I never meant to hurt you or anything!" I say really fast, praying he doesn't react harshly.  
  
Shame crosses his face as he looks down to the gash. He's not exactly proud of his actions.  
  
"The blood didn't want to come," he states sheepishly.  
  
I breathe again. I really thought he was going suicidal again, and it worried me that he would reject me for being there. I can't help smile at him. He looks like a kid, I don't really know how to explain it, but he's so full of innocence when vulnerable like this. He's so different from the icy Draco everybody else knows.  
  
We head back to the castle together, and it's only when we arrive at the lavatories to clean the wound that I realise I haven't let his hand go since I first took it in the tree. I gently squeeze it and find him looking at me.  
  
"I'm glad you've found me."  
  
"Never scare me that much again, you hear me?" I reply while I clean the wound with my handkerchief. I wonder how many I'm gonna have to throw away coz they're too much stained with blood.  
  
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*Snape's pov*  
  
I'm working peacefully in my office. The best thing about being a loathed teacher is that students don't come to whine over their assignments during the week-end.  
  
Suddenly, my door is swung open. Argh, don't people have manners today? Knocking is quite the simplest thing to do, isn't it? Molly appears in the door frame and walks up to me after having slammed the door shut again.  
  
"We have to stop that, Severus!"  
  
"Stop what, exactly? Could you elaborate or is it too difficult for your brain?" I'm pretty annoyed with her. She comes and interrupts me, and speaks nonsense on top of it all.  
  
"Ginny and Draco. It can't work, it'll end badly." She's completely wild, and I'm awestruck. Just when I come to agree with the plan, she suddenly wants to back out of it? What the bloody hell happened to make her change her mind that quickly and suddenly? I stare at her blankly, I don't really know what to think. However she's not really pleased with my reaction.  
  
"Since when are you deaf Sev? Do you want me to slap you so you wake up? REACT, damn, say something! You generally always have a comment to drawl when it's not required, now I command you to speak!!!!!!"  
  
"I speak when I want, and you're bloody off your rocker, if you ask my opinion. Why do you want to stop there, it's getting better for them both. I've seen Ginny speak again with Potter and Granger, I don't see the problem. And Draco needs a friend, you stated it yourself."  
  
"He's dangerous! Well, not him, but his father is! Imagine if Lucius attacks my daughter! I would feel so bad!"  
  
Now I'm really furious. and she takes it right in the face.  
  
"You're so selfish, it makes me want to throw up! You don't care about Draco, or Ginny, but just about yourself! Have you talked with her? Do you know what she thinks of your stupid little theories? Considering that she's at least as freaking stubborn as you, she's certainly not gonna leave him now, it's TOO LATE! And if you separate them now, you kill Draco. 'Cause he's not gonna go further alone, he's just gonna give up! Now, ask your conscience what you should do, and talk to me again only when you've sorted it out and has come back from insanity land, if you don't mind!"  
  
She runs out of the office and again, the door slams and quivers for seconds. I swear, hopefully, this castle is resistant, because with all the temperamental Weasleys around, it would soon be down to a ruin..  
  
I go back to my work immediately. I don't want to think about this issue right now. As much as I want to forget how blind I've been about Lucius' attitude toward his son, it plagues me, so if Ginny Weasley has to be Draco's salvation, I'm certainly not gonna let Molly screw it all because she suddenly realises that it's going to be tougher than she thought.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
Ginny left for her common room. I guess it must be difficult for her. She had friends, she had loving brothers, and suddenly, she loses all this, and it's all my fault. Again. Gee, another proof I destroy everything I touch.  
  
I take the path to the Slytherin common room. I've avoided them since the little incident with Pansy, but I'm conscious I won't be able to hide forever.  
  
As I come to face the damp wall concealing the entrance of the common room, I remember what McGonnagal said when we arrived in first year.  
  
::::".Your house will be like your family."::::  
  
I can't help laugh bitterly at that. Slytherin is not a family. We're supportive to each other as long as we have an underlying interest. People respected me because of my family and my money. I was the king of Slytherin. I was, because now, it's going to change pretty harshly. The next minutes will be my trial, my execution. From the top of the pyramid, I'm going to be shot down to the underground of the House. I will be reduced to nothing. Nothing, I'm nothing. Lucius at least had something right, huh?  
  
The casual conversations are replaced by a condemning silence as soon as I step in the common room. I can feel their accusatory glares on me as I make my way to my dorm. I've always been the centre of attention before, now I just wish they would forget me, let me fade away.  
  
"So Malfoy. Had a nice day?" spits Pansy Parkinson behind me. My confidence drastically rises when I hear her voice. I'm still Draco, No one stands against me, I've always won my word battles with the others. What do they think? That I'm not capable of defending myself against their assaults? Lucius is far worse than them.  
  
"Actually, I had. It was refreshing not to have you stuck to me like dirt under my shoes."  
  
My old cynical attitude is back. My words are my weapon. The smirk I plaster on my face comes right from the past, but I'm not as cold as before. Now, I've got a cause, and a friend to stand up to. Everybody thought I had changed and that I was weak and silent. Beware my enemies, the dragon has just awakened.  
  
"Because the Weasley bitch isn't dirt? You used the same words for her family not so long ago," she retorts, becoming red.  
  
"I'm greatly amazed at your expensive vocabulary in profanity. And no, she isn't dirt, do not think everybody is as low as you."  
  
I slip my hands in my pockets and continue my walking defiantly. She has nothing to say. Everybody is staring at me. Surely, I've been so quiet lately that they didn't expect a reaction at all. Serves them right.  
  
I eventually plop on my bed, I'm happy I've shut their faces.  
  
"Glad to see the git is back. I still think you're going a bit too easy on Parkinson. The magenta duck was way more fun."  
  
I'm a bit startled, but hide it well. I look at the foot of my bed to see Zabini lean against the bedpost lazily.  
  
He's the typical Slytherin: independent, sly, cynical, proud. He chooses his battles and he's a solitary guy. He's one I respect, he never crawled on his knees in front of me.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well, if you have to screw your life, do it creatively and elegantly at least."  
  
"You think I screw my life?" Damn, why don't I just make him shut up by throwing a big rock of sarcasm in his face?  
  
"That's what they think." He jerks his head in the direction of the common room, where Pansy can be heard whining. "As for my opinion, you can do what you want. The slytherin mind is not to follow a way but to find yours. A thing apparently hardly anybody has understood there, since half of them plan to become Death Eaters, just like Daddy and Mommy. In a way, you've grown up. See you."  
  
I can hear his footsteps across the room as I lie back on my bed.  
  
"Oh, by the way. I've managed to turn Pansy's hair magenta today. But I swear I'm gonna find that bloody spell Weasley used to turn her into a duck. Then I'll pray we never find a teacher to turn her back."  
  
I sneer openly at what he says. Seems like I'm not the only one to spit in Pansy's face.  
  
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Ahhhhhh, yay!!!!! I'm stuck between being happy, proud and sad. So many emotions confuse. Power to you Draco!!! I'm glad you're finding your way. Molly is a moron, but I understand that she cares for her family. Snapeypoo is just hilarious. RONALD WEASLEY!!!!! Erg, I swear, if his mind doesn't return to him soon, I may do something drastic...  
  
"Such as? He's a character, remember?"  
  
Oh shut up you. Stupid leprechaun. OUCH!!  
  
And yes, I am psycho. Anywho, great chapter!!!!!!!!!!! I love how you're progressing the friendship between Draco and Ginny.  
  
So, Meg, a few issues with Bud? Muahahaha- OUCH! Henry! What the bloody hell are you doing, pulling my hair! *tosses bloody leprechaun on the couch*  
  
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REVIEW!!!!!!! You know how important for my mental balance it is, right? "What mental balance? You have one? Do I have to remind you that you've named your computer Charlie, that you speak to an invisible leprechaun and that on top of everything, you think you're the ruler of the world?" SHUT UP! Readers, I would be terrifically happy if you would leave me a little review... *fake smile* 


	17. discussions, cries and spying

A/N: Hello everybody! Gee, do you really want to know how much ashamed I am not to have posted this before? I have an excuse for once, though! I was away, lost in the mountains, in France. Ok, I have to admit htat we had computers there, and even an internet connection, but it was supposed to be only for archaeological research, hmmpf..... anyway, I hope you like this chapter! A few among you asked to be emailed wheneverI updated. I tried to type up a list with all your emails and to send you all something, but it didn't work, and as I'm no computer genius, I really don't know what to do and what didn't work. Anybody with an idea is welcome.  
  
Now..... On with the replies.....  
  
SicDreamsInc: HEY! Your bunch of reviews was quite a surprise! I opened my inbox and woosh, they were 16 fanfic alerts, I thought it was an error and that they had sent me too many emails for one review..... Can you imagine my delight when I saw it was a different one each time? I love Draco too, I really don't know why I have this thing going for bad boys, but well..... *sigh* I'm a totally D/G shipper, I can't see it another way, lol. *snort* Honestly, after what Rowling made in the fifth book, I've no hope at all that she sees how much of a wonderful character she's screwing. She just makes Draco acts stupidly, and I think he's not. I must say that Harry can pretty get on my nerves. Perfect Harry Potter, drives me crazy. And in the OotP, he's so selfish and annoying..... And any guy who wants to go out with Cho Chang is a moron. Flippin' cow. Ahem, don't mind me..... Do you really understand French? Oh so rare people..... So I can write my next review to you in French, right? Muahahahaha. Well, Lucius, in the end.....Muahahaha, it's for me to know and for you to WAIT! He he he..... I see that as you read the chapters, your reviews became less long. I hope it's coz I got you at loss of words, lol. Anyway..... still waiting for your email here! Hope you like this chapter! And update your story, bloody hell!  
  
Happigolucki616: first, to go to my house and kill me, my dear, you would have to know where it is, and since I live in like up the arse of the planet, you would have quite a problem to find me, lol. Such ennthusiasm for my little story..... are you sure you're not on drugs? Joking, thanks for your review, it got right to my heart! I think I've come across your story once! The title lit something in my head. Anyway, I'm gonna check it tomorrow, when I'm finally finished with all my bloody exams!  
  
Rokamerika123: I believe you've already changed your name, right? Don't know where I saw that, but I did. Anyway, French school? Damn, do people really go there? Parents are insane..... French is beautiful, but damn, it's sucha complicated language to learn. I live in the French part of Switzerland, in a town called Neuchâtel, next to a lake called..... Lake of Neuchâtel. I know, Swiss people are really creative, lol.  
  
Miriam G: Jesus, your reviews get longer and longer, not that I complain. Yours always lift my spirits and each time I see you posted one I wonder what rambling you're gonna grace me with. Yeah, I love Snape, he's so cynical, it's really amusing to write. What? Some people actually do their homework? Hard realisation there, damn. I can so imagine the look on Lupin's face when you cracked up! Must have been damn funny. Of course you weren't flirting..... what reality your mum lives in, I do wonder..... *winks at your mum*. Oh oh.....Friends have a skill to embarass you in front of your crush. I know that, my friends have this same nasty habit, grrrr..... Ok, now, I want to know what happened since you last reviewed (Yeah, I know, it's been a long time, I think I've already apologized though.). Or you can tell him [Ya tibia liubliu] approximatively the pronunciation for I love you in Russian, he he he.  
  
Rubberduckie713: Have you really? Damn, I've to check it if it's posted yet! I know, Pansy will just be humiliated throughout the whole story, you can continue to count.  
  
Drxd: I keep updating, I keep updating. Even if it's not very frequently, I admit it. *sigh*  
  
DeathEater4life: Of course, Draco IS perfect! Lol. I continue to write, and I continue to bury you under stupid rambling, and don't give a fucking damn if it annoys you. Continue to review, and I shall maybe continue to write replies. Sev is the king of cynism, Ron is more than a dick, he's absolutely freaking stupid, at least in this story. And Harry lives in his little bubble, wrappedin his little glory. No, I'm not bitter, what makes you think I am?  
  
Shortnsassy: Nice to see that the raising of children is as efficient as ever. I'm bribed too, if it's any consolation sad world..... *sigh* More is coming, a whole chapter right after the mountain of insane ranting about hte beauty fo life. Don't mind me, I'm out of it.  
  
Slothcrzy4dm: be careful with what you say, I'm NOT crazy, in any ordinary way. I'm just the Almighty empress of the Smileys and queen of the lunatics. That's totally different. Anyway, Molly reflects a lot on this..... the poor woman is certainly gonna burn her brain cells if she continues that way. Ron is more than a bastard, and you're gonna love him even mroe in this chapter, lol. I know, Hermione has strange values, and as Ron says in Philosopher's Stone, she really needs to sort out her priorities. Ah! I'm gonna make you LOVE Snape in the end, I'm sure of it, he he he..... If you want another fic that would make you love Snape, you should check Fire'N'Ice, it's really excellent. I was able to take care of the leprechaun all right. Henry (the leprechaun) has accidentally been knocked out with a big firestone. *innocent smirk*  
  
Vu: thanks for the review, I hope you continue to read that! Here is my update, sorry for the delay!  
  
Lady Narcissa Malfoy: Gee, I know that I'm a goddess, hmmpf. Bow down in front of me! Muahahahaha. Oh, I love your line about elephant tranquilizer darts to fire the melodramatic Weasley clan. Can I use it in my fic? All copyright to you, of course, but it made me laugh my head off, and I crave to place it in the mouth of one of the characters! Sorry for not having replied to your last review! I guess you posted it right when I was posting my next chapter. Anyway, of course you can borrow Arthur, and I advise you to keep it, because this story will not really improve on the happy side. I'm glad you think ti's a real story with a plot. I don't want to rush things, I hate when they're rushed, it's just so unnatural, it's pretty annoying. And I guess that as long as they aren't together, I can continue the story, and I really don't want to end it. I hope you're going to continue to read it, and to love it. And sorry, but I like to make you cry, it means I'm not so bad in the angst register.  
  
Carshaa: I know I know, I'm not very efficient with posting for now, but it's gonna change from next week, coz uni starts again, which means courses, but also plenty fo time, and most of all, a quite regular schedule, which has been lacking these past weeks.  
  
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Ok people! I hope you love this chapter, I hope you like Colin and Sophia, I hope you review, I hope you bury me under insane rambling, I hope you worship me..... Ok, cross out the last one, I can't ask too much for the same chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: MINE!!!!!!!!! She screams, holding the books and all. The judge finally decides to bang her head against the computer to make her wake up from her delusional reality. Fuckin' headache now. *sigh* Don't sue me for being insane.  
  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Molly's pov* And here I am, confronting my son again. Of course, I see things quite differently now, so it might help, but I'm still so confused, that we may start a fight again. Why are things so complicated? How is it possible our family suddenly blew up like it did?  
  
Ron looks at me with an air of annoyance on his face. He doesn't understand. For him, everything is white or black, there's no shade of grey. All is nice, or evil, it's simple, but also utopian. In fact, he still thinks the same way as a six year-old kid, and it depresses me.  
  
"What do you want now, Mum. I think we've sorted it out, right? We're both stubborn and there's no solution, period. I'm losing my time and I've some divination homework to do, if you don't mind." He's already on the edge of leaving, and when I speak again, he's nearly out of my office.  
  
"I understand you. But I also understand your sister. It hurts to see us all drift away. Like you, I'm worried about Ginny. Not because of Draco himself, but because of something I know and I can't tell you, though it would make you understand things pretty much. Ginny would tell you, if you gave her a chance. You judged her so quickly, you didn't even give her time to explain. Listen to her, and then judge, not the other way round. Promise me you'll try to talk with her, please." I stare intently at him while he ponders my words. If only I could convince him!  
  
"I can't promise you that, but I'll try." He mutters finally.  
  
For him, it's a defeat, for me, it's just a step toward peace. Now I just pray they talk and not throw things at each other. The "speaking to Mum" session went ok with Ron, I breathe again. But it won't last. I fear my next confrontation with Ginny. Arthur is right, Lucius is dangerous, yet all this is counteracted by Severus' words. He's right too, Draco is just beginning to live again, and my motives are selfish. I don't think Ginny really cares about the potential danger Lucius represents. And there's Narcissa. I can't forget my lost friend. Draco is her only child, her son, and he has to be saved, for her sake. I will always blame myself because I wasn't able to help Narcissa, so if Ginny can't help Draco, I don't think I would be able to look at myself again. And Ginny would be angry at me, and at herself.  
  
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*Ron's pov*  
  
How she made me agree to speak with Ginny again is simply unbelievable. But now, I'm practically obliged to do it, even if I don't really want to. When I step in the common room, I spot her pretty easily, she's alone in a corner, reading a book. This image reminds me of the times after the Chamber of Secrets, when she was cast aside because everybody thought she was a freak. She suffered so much back then. But she fought, and she won their trust and friendship. I was so proud of her at that time, how she managed to turn Fate and braved the wickedness and ignorance of the others. That's why I don't understand this attachment to Malfoy. It has destroyed everything she took so much time to build, and it seems like she doesn't give a damn. Like he's more important than even us, her family.  
  
I walk toward her, and I can hear the noise of the common room decrease. They all want to know if I'm gonna yell at her again. I see the tiredness in her eyes when she looks up at me. I see pain and hurt, it drives me crazy, so I can't even raise my voice, and just asks her in a whisper to follow me. She nods and gets up, we head for a empty classroom to talk.  
  
She seats herself on the window sill and looks outside while swinging her legs. I take place on a desk, facing her. I just stare at her blankly, I wait till she looks at me. Which she does after one or two minutes.  
  
"What do you want Ron?"  
  
"Mum asked me to talk with you, to sort of understand you blah blah blah, so here we are."  
  
"Nice." her tone is sarcastic, and she frowns while raising her eyebrows.  
  
"Listen, I'm worried for you, ok? Malfoy is a bastard, he's such a-"  
  
"He's also my friend."  
  
"But why? Why him? You don't need him, you had plenty of friends before, you were happy, weren't you? Why screw everything for such a git?"  
  
"I don't think it's any of your business. You should trust me, and that's all. Did I ever judge you on your friends? I never told you that you had befriended Harry to gain a little spotlight. I never told you that Hermione was your friend because her brains were useful."  
  
"You know it's not true!" I'm slowly losing my control, and I'm on the edge of slapping her. She has no right to judge me!  
  
"Yes, I know it's not true. And you should know that I'm not possessed, that I'm not under a spell, and that I'm perfectly able to choose my friends."  
  
"Seems like you've lost your mind, my dear! Do you realise what you've lost? And what did you gain with this whole story? Nothing!" I spit at her.  
  
I can see I've hit a nerve, she's slowly losing her temper too.  
  
"How do you that I haven't gained anything with him, huh? You're in my head now? You're living my life? I don't think so. I'm sick of lying, I'm sick of being perfect Ginny, the girl that fights everything and is always happy. And on top of everything, I'm sick of being useless."  
  
"What does it mean, sick of lying? You're not lying! It was all an accident, and now, it's all forgotten, it's just a memory! You can move on, and have a sunny life!"  
  
"You're so immature Ron. You live in a bubble and don't understand anything. The Chamber of Secrets has marked me forever, and it's not just a mere memory. Nightmares plague me, and I've hidden it all, cause I didn't want to lose my friends. But Draco doesn't judge me, because his past is not bright either. Our stories have not much in common, but in a way, we're similar. Always hiding, and always suffering in silence. But you, what do you know about that? You always had the simple way!"  
  
"You don't know my life either! But it doesn't matter in fact, I don't want to see you again. Not only aren't you my sister anymore, but you don't exist at all anymore, you're not worth my attention. You can go with him all you want, I don't give a damn. You can go and become a Death Eater if you want, I'll have no pity for you if I meet you on a battle field. Forget me, and forget the rest of the family too. You don't belong there anymore, you don't belong to Gryffindor anymore. You're dead."  
  
I turn and leave. I don't want to see the tears welling in her eyes anymore. I feel stupid for not having known about her nightmares, I feel like she betrayed me, because she prefers to talk to the enemy than to me. I don't hate her. I can't even do that. No, I'll just mourn her death, and that's all.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I thought I was done with the insults and the stabs, I guess I was wrong. Each time, it hurts more. I'm bitting my lip, I don't want to cry in front of him. I hold my breath and look at him, trying to hide the distress in my eyes. I bit my lip so hard that I actually draw blood. The pain eases my feelings a little. I guess I've just experimented with self-injury, though it wasn't predetermined.  
  
Ron is leaving, I breathe again. I free my tears and they fall on my lap endlessly. The night is settling down, but I don't want to light the candles that are in the room. I just want to stay in the dark and let the shadows wrap me in their coldness.  
  
I cry for hours, curled up on the window sill. My lip has stopped bleeding, but the pain is still present, and it calms me. I'm scared, do I turn to self-injury too? My head hurts, my body is sore, I'm cold. I'm miserable, I want to die. Alone.  
  
"Ginny?"  
  
Who found me? I don't want to be found, I don't want to fight again! My fingers turn to fists while the figure is approaching. Draco. It's only Draco, my friend, my ally. He sensed something was wrong and came. I'm not alone. The realisation makes me cry again, but they're tears of relief this time. I feel his arms around me and realise how cold I was. I tell him everything in a shaky voice. My sadness comes back, I can't help it. I'm so bitter. He says nothing, he just holds me tighter and rocks me till I calm down.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
I can't believe we're already Monday morning and that we're also in the middle of November. Next Saturday is the first Slytherin match, but I don't think I'm on the team anymore. I know they've started to train a long time ago, but I've never gone to a simple training, and I'm sure the new captain found somebody to replace me. I don't give a damn, but my dear father's reaction worries me. I can foreshadow where I'm gonna spend Saturday night. Damn hospital wing.  
  
But I don't want to think about that for now. I've got potions first place, and Gryffindors to face. Slytherin have left me alone, especially Pansy, it's pretty nice. But Gryffindors, it's another matter. It's not because I've started to eat again that I'm much better. I'm aware of my latent weakness, and even in spells and such, I'm sure Ron can beat me easily. My only chance is to arrive nearly late in class. I'm pathetic, I can't even face Gryffindors anymore.  
  
When I turn the corner near the classroom, they're still all outside. Snape is late, which is very unusual. And it annoys me, I can't go back, I've to wait there with them all. Gryffindors, and Slytherins. My world is complete.  
  
"So Malfoy, spent the week-end killing muggles with Daddy Dear?" says Weasley in a careless tone.  
  
"Want a drink and some cookies to go along with the tea room conversation?" I drawl back. He seems surprised, he probably was expecting a blank stare, like the Slytherins the other day.  
  
"Let's use the term interrogation." He's still pretty calm, it's surprising.  
  
"Oh. And since when are you abilited for this kind of practice? Do you have any valuable excuse for your impolite behaviour?" This is starting to be fun.  
  
"My excuse is my sister, you bastard!" Yep, I was sure he wouldn't have so much self-control as to talk civilly with me for more than a minute. He's getting angry, and I know that if he throws himself at me, or if he draws his wand, I probably will lose the fight, but it's still a game for now, and my next move will hit him right in the face.  
  
"Ahem, sorry, but she told me no later than yesterday night that you didn't want her as a sister anymore, and that she didn't existed for you anymore, so excuse me, but I'm a bit lost in your reasoning."  
  
I push back from the wall where I was leaning as Snape opens the door. I'm pretty sure he's heard our conversation, but he won't say anything. His politic is to never get involved in students problems, he's not mad.  
  
Weasley is on the edge of killing me, I can see it pretty easily. I hope my comment about Ginny made him think a little bit. Can't he understand how much she needs her family?  
  
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*Sophia's pov*  
  
I was Ginny's friend since the end of our second year. In first year, everybody thought she was weird, and had no personality, so she had no friends. In second year, she was feared by everybody. She had been possessed by Voldemort, and you never know what could happen with that fact. But she quickly made our minds change. Her natural kindness and her good sense of humour made us all love her. For being in the same dorm as her, I know that nightmares about the Chamber of Secrets still plague her, but she never burdened us with that. She pushed it in a corner of her mind, to make us forget, scared that we would turn our backs on her. And now, it's done, for another reason.  
  
We're in Divination, and I stare at her discreetly. She's bored, but this is not new. Trelawney always liked to predict her death, like she used to do with Harry Potter. Always telling her she had a dark soul and some other things. Of course, it's extremely clever to tell someone that has been possessed that she has a dark soul. It certainly helps her.  
  
The more I look at her, the less I can hate her.  
  
Colin elbows me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why are you looking at her? She doesn't exist anymore!" he whispers, throwing sideway glances at Trelawney, currently rambling about Elisa's tea leaves.  
  
"You were her friend too, how can you hate her so much now?"  
  
"She went with Malfoy, it's sufficient."  
  
"For me, it's not. And till I know everything about this, I'm not gonna judge her like that. Besides, I've already a plan to learn a few things."  
  
Colin looks at me in a awe. He's quite the coward type, and I don't think he's very keen on plans and plots, but I need help, and being two will give us bravery. "What is it?" he says in a quivering voice.  
  
"Spying, my dear Colin. Spying." I grin evilly. I know Ginny will not be very pleased with that, but if it's the only way to discover things, it has to be done. I hear Colin sigh next to me. I was sure he wouldn't be enthusiastic.  
  
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*Colin's pov*  
  
I generally hate Sophia's ideas, and it's not for nothing. Here I find myself spending my lunch break spying on Malfoy. Oh joy... We've been following him for a few minutes now, and he seems to head outside. Why go outside in such a cold weather, do tell me. I try to get Sophia out of the plan. I don't like it at all. In fact, I'm practically deadly scared of Malfoy. He's impressive, and most of all, he used to bully me pretty badly, after the whole Harry pictures things. To tell the truth, I'm no spy material, and I think I'm soon going to pee in my pants.  
  
Malfoy has stopped on the cliffhanger dominating the lake. He sits right on the edge. Damn, how is he not afraid of the heigth?  
  
He stays motionless for about ten minutes. Just gazing at the lake and such. I'm uneasy. If he catches us, we're dead, and plus, we're losing our time and I'm hungry. I elbow Sophia to make her leave with me, but she suddenly catches my wrist and makes me come back behind the tree where we're hiding.  
  
Malfoy is still sitting on the edge of the damn cliff, but he's retrieved something from his pocket. It's shiny and silver, but I can't see what it is, we're too far. I don't know what he's doing with it, but he's using it on his arm. Now, this has awakened my curiosity, and it's my turn to drag Sophia to a closer hiding place.  
  
Bloody hell, it's a knife, a freaking knife. And Malfoy is cutting through his skin with it. I think I'm gonna faint, I'm not very keen on blood. No, I don't think anymore, I simply fall to the ground with a loud noise.  
  
.............................  
  
Somebody slaps me harshly and I wake up, to find myself facing Malfoy. Sophia is nowhere to be seen, the bitch has left me behind. Malfoy doesn't seem very pleased to see me. I sit up and starts to stutter stupidly.  
  
"So... H-how are y-y-you?"  
  
His arm is still bleeding freely and this sight drives me crazy, I can't help looking at it, but at the same time, it disgusts me. I shudder, and he laughs.  
  
"Scared of blood, Creevey? So why'd Gryffindor send you to spy on me, if you're so fragile?"  
  
I try to regain my senses, I don't want him to think I'm weak and stupid.  
  
"They didn't send me. And yes, I'm afraid of blood. And you're a freak, if you ask me. A bloody freak. You're mutilating yourself, it's horrible! No normal people would do it!"  
  
"What I do is none of your business, Creevey. And you can think that I'm a freak as much as you want, it's been a long time since I've cared what people think about me."  
  
"Does Ginny know?"  
  
At that, he looks away, I'm not sure he's gonna answer, I believe I'll probably be hexed soon and gets up, ready to run.  
  
"Yes."  
  
And with that, he leaves. I realize that I have hardly breathed since I woke, and I realize how scared I really was. Relief runs through me and I head back to the castle. One, I'm gonna kill Sophia. Two, I've to talk to Ginny.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LoL!! I love how you've involved Colin and this Sophia person. Very good! And Colin's thoughts are sooooo funny!!!! Grrr, Ronald, I'm becoming impatient with you. I can understand that he feels betrayed, though. If Lucius hurts our Draco, I swear.... *gets knife* Normal people...hmm.. who is this normal of which Colin speaks?  
  
If you want to know, I've no bloody idea, lol.  
  
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A/N: Ok, I'm not gonna humiliate myself publicly but..... PLEASE, REVIEW!!!!! *crawls on her knees* "I thought you didn't want to humiliate yourself?" Don't remind me..... *sigh* 


	18. Almighty Prefect Granger, Crimson Soldie...

A/N: Oh my God, are you ever gonna forgive me? Ok, I've to explain... First, college started again, and it was really a big mess. More than that, my schedule changed at least twenty times, then I had to see plenty fo assistants and such because of the courses I can follow, blah blah blah... Humanities is really the messiest department you can dream of. Then, I started to tutor some kid and I do that every evening, it takes a freaking lot of time. Add to this that I have some work for college and you have the havoc my life has been these few weeks. Now, I had another problem... I wasn't in the mood to write Struggle. I know, it's like the lamest excuse that can be brought up, but what can I say? I work on my Gilmore Girls story and forgot about Struggle. Then I sent the chapter to Meg, but she wasn't home and didn't send it back right away (don't give me that sort of fright anymore, you know what I mean!). All this rambling to say that I'm sorry. *insert sheepish smile*  
  
On the replies now!  
  
Sweet-Suicide-41: I'm glad you enjoy it! I hope you reach this chappie once, lol. Anyway, I know about sleepless night in front of the computer... I do that waaaaay too much for the liking of my mom. *innocent smirk directed to mom* Have fun!  
  
Miriam G: don't mind me. I can crawl on my knees if I want! *sticks out tongue at you* Damn, this Is school stuff... you're tutoring me in the subject of insanity. Well, it could be for an English assignment... if teachers had some creativity. *pout* I'm glad you thought the chapter was worth the wait, I hope you say the same about this one *hangs head in shame*. Colin is... well, he becomes annoying in this chapter, but I want him to be for now. Just read on! Wait, you think Blondie is a dangerous psycho? But what the hell are YOU? Did she break her cellphone? Oops, no, you never mentioned that before. You have to stand for Lupin! Lol. Of course he won't allow you to feel sorry for him, he doesn't want pity. Would you want some? Hmmpf, those people who always think that wearing expensive clothes makes them better! What? You gave someone a pig and he thought it was a duck? Care to elaborate, I'm a bit lost here... Tell Lupin that one day, sheeps will rule the world and that he'll be crawling in front of the Sheep Queen (namely you.) Cheers.  
  
SlytherinQueen87: My my my, you're too lazy to sign in. I'm sure you took more time to enter that than to write your name and password, lol. Thanks for the choice of the adjectives! Ooooh, do you mean you're psycho as well????? HURRAH! Welcome to my insane Struggle realm! Care to join the ranks of our army of lunatics? We're plotting the governments downfall to instaure our dictatorship *raises flyswatter* Muahahaha, Draco will never totally turn to be a good guy. I think that abused kids are scarred forever, and it's not something you can forget. Plus, I've to say that I've an obsession going for bad boys, he he he. I know there are some grammar mistakes, sorry, English is not my mothertongue at all. Anyway, maybe if I had paid attention in class. *bangs head* What the hell am I saying? English level here is digging a big hole in the ground. Ah... pov switching. Sorry, I'm not gonna give up on that. I love to write like that, it's like I can enter the characters and it's me speaking through them. Plus, on a technical point of view, I'm not very comfortable with third person narrator. I'm working on it, but I've some difficulty saying what I've got to say. I'm gonna add more Snapey! Don't worry, I love him so much I wouldn't forget him!  
  
Twisted Silver Dagger: I'm normal, you can give me a million of galleons! *innocent smirk* you want to know if one will end up an ally for Ginny. READ ON! Lol. I agree with you, Draco is dragging her down with him and she really needs someone to hold her on the surface. And as Ron is not really helping... What somebody like Colin would say, honestly? Check it out.  
  
Shortnsassy: yeah, normality is such a blurry notion. Then you can have your scalpel ready, my dear. Lucius down the pit!  
  
Jewelkitten: Ta da! Next update is there! Lol, thanks for the encouragements! I like to believe that my writing improves slowly since my first posting. And that my English improves too, lol.  
  
Goldenhorse: The inner Voice? I've come across this title already, I can't remember if I read it, though. Must check that if I've time once.  
  
Rubberduckie713: What took me so long is accurately explained in the bit mess of rambling at the top of the page, lol. Hope you're gonna like this chappie. I've started to read your story, I hope you continue to write it!  
  
Drxd: He he he, you shall see what happens with Colin. I think a duet of ghost pranksters have a soft spot for him..... Damn, I'm giving away my story in advance. Crazy me.  
  
Carshaa: I don't know about Ron's IQ, but I know about his EQ (emotional quotient) It's limited to ground zero. I hope you can forgive me for the delay, I pray that my life comes to a steady rhythm, but DAMN, it never happens.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood for a big fight with lawyers and everything, so I'll just admit it plainly: I didn't own HP in chapter 1, I unfortunately still don't own HP. Instead, I now own a laptop called Seamus. Yep, like in Seamus Finnegan! Don't you all love the way he always gets his hair blown up and how freaking insolent he is? *cheeky smile*  
  
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Chapter 18 :  
  
*Blaise's pov* I'm following Pansy in the deserted halls and have tried to jinx her all the way since she left the common room. Weasley must be really brilliant in Charms; it's really a complicated spell. Ah, Pansy disappears in a grey cloud and reappears as a dog. Shit, I'm obviously wrong again.  
  
"Blaise Zabini!" roars a voice behind me. Granger. Almighty Prefect Granger, should I say. This girl truly thinks she stands above all other students since she's a prefect. Great, I'm now in trouble, she's going to take points off, and I don't even understand why, since she despises Parkinson at least as much as me. But naturally, Granger is the teachers' puppet and always follows the rules. I turn around.  
  
"Yes, Granger. May I help you?"  
  
"10 points for having turned a fellow student into a dog," she snaps angrily, her arms crossed on her chest.  
  
"Of course. Have a nice evening," I sneer at her. Tsk tsk tsk, spoiling my fun like this, she should be ashamed.  
  
"Oh, you're not off like that!" she yells at me as I'm leaving. I spin around.   
  
"What now?"  
  
"You turn her back."  
  
I go back to her and stop very close. I'm sure she hates that, it makes her uneasy. For a girl whose two best friends are boys, she's freakily screwed- up. I can see her tense as I lean forward. It amuses me to no end.  
  
"Why don't you turn her back yourself, Granger?" I whisper with a huge smirk plastered on my face. I wink at her and start to laugh manically at Pansy who's scratching her head with her paw. Granger is on the edge of slapping me, it's fun; she's all red with anger and throws lightenings with her eyes. She's kind of cute.  
  
I suddenly stop laughing. Wait a minute? What was my last thought again? I shake my head abruptly; I can't believe I've thought that Granger is cute. I stare at her. She's scolding at me with aggravation and her face is stern. But I can't help to notice how grown-up she is now and how her figure has changed. And she's pretty too. Her brown eyes are now clouded, but I bet they're beautiful the rest of the time. I mentally slap myself. I can't stay here, I never lose my countenance in front of people, and especially girls. I depart and hear her yell at me to stop; I don't.  
  
All evening, all I can think about is her. Damn her. Why would I think about her? Ok, she's pretty, but it shouldn't disturb me like that. I mean, there are plenty of pretty girls in this school, so why does my mind fix on Granger? Pansy enters the room and acts as if nothing had happened. She doesn't know it's me who's on her back all the time and she probably thinks it's some bloody Gryffindor. I'm a bit annoyed. Today brought nothing. I didn't manage to turn Pansy into the magenta duck, and on top of everything, I now have issues over Granger. I really need some sleep.  
  
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*Sophia's pov*  
  
Colin is really angry at me for having left him with Malfoy, but we have another problem to take care of for the moment. It's already been half an hour that we're confronting Ginny in the owlery. I don't speak much for now; I listen intently to Colin who's currently ranting about how much of a freak Malfoy is. Ginny sits carelessly on the floor and looks at Colin with a hint of disgust in her eyes. Somehow, I can tell she doesn't agree with him and I swear it wouldn't surprise me if she knocked him out right on the spot.   
  
"Honestly Gin, nobody normal would do that! You and I wouldn't do it! This bloke is mental. If you knew about that, why did you stay? He might be dangerous, he might hurt you!"  
  
At that, she starts to laugh cynically.  
  
"Oh, so now, everybody's worried for me? Let me laugh, will you? And never call him a freak again, or I might become really furious, and you don't want me to be furious, right?"  
  
Colin squirms under her gaze. I think it's time I help him.  
  
"Ginny, don't be angry with us. You have to admit that what he does is rather scary. Now, why don't you make us understand, huh? Tell us the story, I'm sick of being ignorant, and I'm sick of hearing all these stupid rumours about you."   
  
She sighs and shakes her head.  
  
"I can't. I can't tell you without him agreeing, I have to ask him first."  
  
Of course, I should have known. This is going to be a problem, I don't think he wants us to know, especially "bratty Gryffindors". At the same time, I don't think Ginny wants to tell Colin. He's so thick-headed. She really didn't appreciate the way he talked about Malfoy. I don't think I would have either, if he was talking about my friend. I shut my eyes and again see the images of the blade digging in his arm. I can't help shudder at that, but even if it disgusts me, I don't want to lose Ginny's friendship over this.  
  
Ginny leaves and it's just Colin and me now. He starts to yell at me for having left him with Malfoy. I don't pay attention; it's not my fault if he's such a coward that he's not even able to face Malfoy. When he's finished with his yelling and complaining, there's a silence. Surely, he waits for me to defend myself and such, so he can continue to shout after some stupid excuses. No way I give him this pleasure, I gather my things and head toward the door. I turn my head a bit to see his reaction. His mouth has dropped; I can't help but snort a bit.   
  
............................................................................ ...........   
  
*Draco's pov*  
  
I'm still in the middle of my transfiguration essay. I can't concentrate at all; all I can think about is that prat of Creevey and what he might say to the others. Even if I told him that I didn't care, I do. I know I'm a freak, and I know I'm worthless, that's a point. But being told that I'm a freak by Creevey, that's another. I think I've handled it quite well, but the disgust in his eyes still plagues me. It's the reaction of the majority of people.   
  
I'm interrupted in my dramatic train of thoughts by Ginny who throws her books on the table, making half the library start.  
  
"Nice day?" I start casually with my eyebrow raised. I find it entertaining how irony taints so many of our conversations...  
  
"Terrific. I swear, if Trelawney continues to tell me that my soul is dark, there might soon be another duck to go along with this bitch of Parkinson."  
  
"Then I guess I have little time to find a colour that would suit her..... Let me think.....Does baby pink sound good? It may go with the magenta of Pansy."  
  
"Only if you add big apple green dots."   
  
"I'll try my best."   
  
"Ms Weasley and Mr Malfoy, would you like to shut up please? There are actually people that work because this is called a library. If you want to continue to insult fellow students and plot against teachers, find another place!" snaps Mrs Pince in a snotty voice. I wonder why we don't turn her into a duck too.....   
  
I look around and realise that nearly everybody has their eyes on us. When I meet Creevey's, he suddenly looks away. Good, I scare him. Ginny has some difficulty to hold back her laughter, though. She hides behind her book but I can hear faint snickers and her back is shaking. I bit my lip to avoid laughing too, but it's communicative and I also have to hide behind my book. I guess we look quite ridiculous, both with our heads under our books. Ginny laughs so hard that she falls off her chair. This time, it's too much; I can't hold my laughter back. I don't think I've ever laughed that much. Mrs Pince comes to us with a very stern face and stands in front of us, pretty annoyed.  
  
"You two, OUT!" she yells. I manage to gather my things in a shaky hand and Ginny's too. I pull her to her feet, but she's still laughing so much that she nearly falls again. We run out of the library under the amused stare of the others and the doors haven't even closed yet that we're already roaring with laughter. After a few minutes, we're totally out of breath and finally get a hold on ourselves. Ginny wipes away a tear and starts to breathe deeply with her eyes closed. We get up from where we had collapsed and start to walk aimlessly in the halls.  
  
We've been walking for a while when I feel Ginny's hand in mine. She looks at me nervously.  
  
"Draco, can I tell my friend Sophia about you? She asked me, because she needs to understand why I went with you."  
  
I stop in my tracks. I don't know what to answer, I don't know what to do. Who's Sophia? Can I trust that girl? What is going to happen if she knows? The more people know, the more defenceless I am. I haven't built my walls for nothing. My head spins at all the havoc that could ensue if the whole story came out. They are so many Death Eaters' kids in Slytherin that I would be killed in a bout three seconds and the last thing I want is pity from people who despise me now, it's so hypocritical. I try to shake the fear that invades me, but it's anchored inside my body. I don't think that I'm ready to let other people know. Already too many are aware of the situation.  
  
I stare at Ginny. She is anxious about my reaction. I can tell that she really wants to tell that Sophia girl, and it looks like she trusts her. She sacrificed so much for me, it's my turn to do it for her. She feels so horrible and empty without her friends, so if it can bring them back, I guess I have to allow her to do that. I take a deep breath.  
  
"Ok. But just her. Nobody else. Not your brother, not that moronic Creevey. Nobody," I finally answer in a hesitating voice. In fact, I'm deadly scared of that Sophia. If she can't hold her tongue, if she betrays Ginny, what will happen? I've already too many issues to sort out without having that on top of it.  
  
She smiles at me, it makes me feel better. I wonder how I've gone so far without a single friend. I don't know how I would go on now without her. I smile back.  
  
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
  
It's late in the evening but I can't sleep at all. At this precise time, Ginny is telling Sophia about me. Everything. I feel like the layers that protect me are ripped apart, I feel my walls cracking and breaking. Sophia is slowly clawing her way in and there's nothing I can do to defend myself.  
  
On Ginny's side, there's nervousness and relief at the same time. I wish it was the same for me. I'm more into nervousness and deadly fright. I feel unprotected, I fear an attack. The pain in my stomach calls for the knife. I haven't cut again since my encounter with Creevey. I feel like I should be ashamed of my actions when I'm not. I couldn't cut again after my meeting with Creevey, it was like anytime I was thinking about it, I got his face scolding at me. But tonight is different; tonight, Ginny is changing a lot of things. A single look at the blade makes my doubts disappear, I can't resist.  
  
Soon, the stinging cuts in my forearms calm me. I can hear the snoring of the rest of the dorm and the wind through the windows. I've made a bunch of new cuts, I couldn't help it. They're lining up on my upperwrists like the soldiers defending my walls. They're giving everything they have to shield me. But it's not sufficient, the unknown enemy is still digging through the barricades. I cut again and again. A dozen of gashes now bleed freely to save me. The fight has to continue.  
  
........................................................................   
  
*Ginny's pov* Sophia listens to me without a word. No interruption, which is quite unusual. At first, I was very anxious, but I've soon realised that I had nothing to lose. If Sophia can't take in what I'm telling her, she's at least promised that she wouldn't tell anybody and she's one to keep her promises.  
  
I tell her everything from the beginning. Well, from my beginning, the day I heard Hannah and Draco talk in the library. Sophia is motionless, she just listens and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure Colin would have already interrupted me ten times by now. Even when I mention the magical bond she says nothing. When I'm finished, I just stare at her while she tries to put everything into order and reflects on the whole.  
  
However, the relief I could have felt is not very important. My nervousness has been replaced by another feeling. I know that specific one, it goes with Draco's self-injury. He's most probably been cutting because he's aware of what I'm doing now and I feel bad for him. I didn't want to make it a nightmare.  
  
I begin to follow the mind bond to try and reach him better, to know if he's ok. It feels like he is, but there's an immense fear wrapping me as soon as I enter his mind. An inner battle is taking place, it's quite scary. I don't know what he's fighting, but it's violent. I feel also something else, deeper, like a fire that eats him, but I've no time to stay, Sophia is shaking me.   
  
"Were you doing that mind bond thing?"  
  
I don't answer, I just start tracing lines with my finger on my forearm. Where I know he's just cut. Sophia watches me with a frown; she's trying to figure out what I'm doing. Suddenly, a hint of contempt flashes through her eyes."  
  
"He's doing it, huh? Self-mutilation."  
  
I nod silently. There's no use in lying, both Draco and I know what people think of it.  
  
"I will never understand it, but I can't blame you for helping him. I'm too much of a coward and wouldn't have done it myself, but you're probably doing the right thing. I hope. Can we be friends again?"   
  
I smile widely at this. Relief washes through me and I try to make it reach Draco so he knows that everything is ok. It seems that things start to go better.  
  
.........................   
  
*Lucius' pov*  
  
I clench Pansy Parkinson's letter furiously. I like this girl, she knows what respect is. Nobody else would have had the bravery to send me such a dreadful letter. Under her appearance of the little brainless whore, there's something of an intelligence.  
  
I reread the letter once, twice. I can't believe it. Not only Draco has revolted against my authority, but he also goes as down as to associate with a Weasley. How dare he? How dare he humiliate our family name like this?  
  
Virginia Weasley will have to die. She should have a long time ago, in the Chamber of Secrets. Yes, I'll kill her, like I did with Narcissa. And when she'll be gone, there will be nothing left to hold Draco's conscience alive. He'll just sink in the depths of despair and anger and that's where I'll pick him up. He'll have no reason to live but he won't kill himself. That's how he'll become dangerous. Our best weapon.  
  
I call on our Master. I hold an enormous respect for him, being in his mere presence sends shivers down my spine. His penetrating voice makes me cold, but I try to keep my countenance.   
  
"What do you want, Malfoy?"  
  
"I just wanted to make you read this letter Pansy Parkinson sent me today, Master. It concerns my son and I think it might interest you." I announce clearly with my head down. Nobody looks at the Master in the eyes, only his victims. I hand him the letter and after having read it, I can hear him laugh.  
  
"Very good, very good. The Weasley girl will have to die, but not now. I want to see how she handles your little wild animal of a son. And it would amuse me to no end to see her turn Parkinson's daughter into a duck again and- Wait, is this girl the same of the Chamber?"  
  
I nod silently, fearing that this fact angers him. But he starts to laugh manically again, even louder than previously.   
  
"Even better! She won't die then. This girl holds a part of me inside her, she'll be powerful. If we can have her too, I think the war will become quite a game. I love society games, don't you?"  
  
I nod and ask for permission to leave, which is given to me instantly. This meeting went better than I thought, but I'm a bit disappointed, I'm not allowed to kill the girl. Maybe I can take revenge on her family? I shake my head at that thought. I have to wait for orders, I don't want to go against my Master's plans. Narcissa belonged to me: I could do whatever I wanted, but it's not the same for the Weasleys.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Bastard!!! No one belongs to you!!! Not Narcissa, not Draco, even your own self is Voldie's!!! DAMN YOU!!! Think of hurting my baby and I swear, unmentionably horrid things will occur that will make even your disgusting skin crawl *deep breaths as everyone stares* Ahem, yes. Great chapter!!! I'm glad Sophia is being understanding. Colin is bugging me, so many people are so ignorant.  
  
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You're finished reading this awesome chapter? *bighead mode* then REVIEW! And brighten my day with any insane comment! 


	19. Old torturers and new friends

A/N: Hello everybody! I hope you're well! Sorry about the delay, you know the usual drill: it's not my fault, circumstances are against me. Yeah, whatever! I'm really gonna try to update more regularly, but it's difficult at the moment, I've got too many issues going on. Thanks for your reviews and continue to read!  
  
Luna-is-my-name: thankd for your review! Welcome to insane realm! Anyway, of course it's possible to love Draco more! Love for him knows no boundaries, he he he.  
  
Angelic Fire: you've read it in one setting? Whoa, I'm impressed! Thanks, I guess you liked it if you read it that way. Lol, I've caught your hint... but it's me writing the story here, muahahahahaha...  
  
Ohjuotaku: wheee! Another weirdo! Good good good... you want to kill Lucius? Sign up just there! Muahahahaha... Nah, you can't kill him, I need the bastard for my damn fic! Draco is indeed blond, but he's cute too, and blonds are cute, I love Chad Michael Murray, he he he... and it's not because you're not blonde that you're not stupid. My former best friend has black hair and she's like the most stupid person I've ever met (don't ask me how I put up with her for such a long time, it's unreal...)  
  
Twisted Silver Dagger: I love your reviews you know! You're not just saying good job or something, but your short analysis of the chapter pulls it all together and I find the structure that maybe I thought was lacking...the whole laughing scene is a funny one! I thought their friendship had not enough of concrete ground and was too passive, I hope I'll manage to make it more alive. thanks again for your review, I loved it, like always.  
  
Miriam G: Hey Queen of the Upas! Ahem... Do you fall off your chair often? He he he... Blaise and Hermione are just another little twist to make my story more "unique" the plot is predictable, so I have to find twists that are a bit new! Duh, I wonder how it's possible they didn't begin to make fun of that obsession sooner! Yep, I'm in second year in college, but nobody believes me when I say so, people generally think I'm 17 or something... Don't know why, I'm quite tall and such. Well, ok, my behaviour could induce the error, muahahahahahaha...Joking, I'm pretty normal when on the streets. Well, you're dangerous in another way, you might hit them with a Crucio to prove Voldey that you're worth being his wife... Well, I must agree with him, sheeps are not exceptionally smart. *hides behind table*. Lol, your comic sounds funny! Oh... obsessed with world domination! Aren't we all? Muahahahahah.... down with the normality plague.  
  
Rubberduckie 713: don't worry, Blaise will soon discover how to turn her into a duck and will gladly share his knowledge with fellow Pansy haters. Muahahahahaha... Fear the almightiness of Lord Voldemort... *cough* yeah, movin' on. Colin is stupid, I agree, but sadly, it's how people generally react to self-injury. Guess the world is dumb. Lol, I'm always happy to receive reviews from you! Psycho or not. He he he, caffeine is GOOD! But it will never be able to counteract the sleeping process during Chem...  
  
Jhaylin: Thanks! Probably not the best story you've ever read, but I try to write something decent. Continue to review!  
  
Darling Rag Doll: well, I see that even if you don't approve of self- injury, you still read that story, so I guess I've got to say thanks. And thanks for adding me to your fav list, it's always great to be added on someone's list! Hope you're gonna continue to read!  
  
Jewelkitten: Ha ah ah... What is Lucius gonna do? That's a great question... what can I say? Read on!  
  
Disclaimer: What is the point in writing a disclaimer when in chapter 19? Well, it's just that I can ramble a bit more. I still don't own HP, but I will once, when I take over the world, muahahahaha... I still own Seamus though, but the blasted laptop is acting funny today. *sigh* stupid computers....  
  
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Struggle 19:  
  
*Draco's pov*  
  
I'm terrified. I'm just incapable of relaxing at all. Father is here, I know it. It's only a matter of minutes till he arrives now. It's 5 am. The moon shines slightly through the small windows, bathing the dorm in some ethereal light. I'm sitting on the floor, my head resting against the damp wall. I haven't even changed from my school shirt and pants and in fact, I haven't moved for hours. I wish the coldness of my body will numb the pain, I wish I would die from cold now and wouldn't have to go through this shit again. And if I died, everything would be a lot simpler for everybody, right? Ginny wouldn't have any problems anymore.  
  
Ginny. I'm flaming scared for her too. With this bond, I fear that she can be hurt. She was brought in the hospital wing the day Father last visited me. And it wasn't because of the cut in her palm that she collapsed, it's not possible. She should have left me alone and nothing would be as screwed up as now. But it's too late, we can't back out of anything. I wish I could, though.  
  
The door opens slowly and Father appears. I stand up and wait for him to come to me. I'm no coward, I'll defy him. His face is cold and neutral, I've the impression that I'm facing myself. He grips my wrist tightly, but this time, I don't even blink at the pain it causes. I'm in control. He drags me out of the dorm, I can't help but wonder if we're heading to Snape's classroom again. Obviously not.  
  
We enter the library and he smashes me against a bookshelf. I can't help wincing when the edge of a book stabs my back. Father holds my throat and glares at me menacingly. I glare back and don't let him know how much he's hurting me. My lungs are on fire because of the lack of oxygen but I know how to keep my voice steady when I finally speak.  
  
"Are you gonna beat me without a word, like last time?"  
  
His glare darkens even more, if that's possible.  
  
"So you want to talk? Why don't we talk about your little friend then? I heard some pretty things. Maybe she would love to have these pleasant sessions with us? Personally, it would be a real pleasure to be further acquainted with her."  
  
My heart sinks. So he already knows. It's not really difficult to figure out who had the stupidity to inform him. What can happen to Ginny? If she's in trouble because of me, I will never forgive myself. I try to ban the images that come up to my mind, images of Hannah and a terrible night. I don't need that now, I have to stand for myself if I want to get through this dreadful morning.  
  
"Leave her out of this. I want to know why you do this. Why you led Mother to her death, why your goal is to destroy me at all costs!"  
  
"You don't need any justification, you have no right to one. You were born a pawn, a slave, and it's going to stay that way. You're worthless, your only quality is to provide me entertainment. I can do whatever pleases me with you. And even if you think you're independent, I'll prove you that you aren't. I'll hunt down the Weasley girl, I'll kill her and you'll be left with nothing but your pain. And then you'll turn to our Lord, because you perfectly know that he's the only one who can erase it, and you'll crawl on your knees in front of him, begging him to help you. And that's how you'll come back to the Dark, where you belong.  
  
In rage, I spit in his face. He wipes it off his cheek lazily and smirks widely. "You've just earned yourself a lovely morning."  
  
I know what is going to happen now; the mad glint in his eyes has reinforced, he's practically gloating with insanity. He slaps me with all his strength and sends me to the floor. My head hits a panel of the bookshelf when I fall, it hurts; I can't see anything anymore, just a pitch black field. I shake my head, trying to regain my sight but it doesn't work, a sharp pain shoots in my head. I hate that I can't see him anymore, that I can't anticipate his moves and protect myself as much as it's possible.  
  
The sick ballet of his kicks starts, slowly at the beginning, but going faster and faster. The rhythm becoming intense, to the point where I can't even breathe between two blows. I throw up and feel the copper taste of blood coming up, warm on my tongue. I hear him rack his cane against the books and they all fall on me. He seems to find it amusing and does it again with another shelf. The heavy charms books bruise my skin, he laughs manically, happy to be in a creative mood. And the sick cycle begins again. His foot in my stomach, a whip with his blasted cane, a fist connecting with my chest. It never stops.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
*Blaise's pov*  
  
I followed Draco and his father out of the common room, I trailed them to the library, I heard everything. Now I can see everything. I feel stupid, not knowing what to do. A "friend" is being beaten and I just stay there, hidden in the shadows. Mr Malfoy leaves after having whispered a last thing to Draco. I can't believe he's just left him there, like this. I check my watch. 6:30. it has lasted more than one hour, I feel sick.  
  
I crawl out of my hidden spot and approach Draco slowly. God, this sight is sickening, there's blood and vomit on the floor, on him, everywhere. I take my wand out of my pocket and clean the mess. I kneel down in front of Draco and take a closer look at his wounds. They're not pretty, not at all. I'm in shock, I don't really know what to do. I stand up again and turn to go to fetch a teacher when a hand grabs my ankle.  
  
"Who are you?" he chokes.  
  
"It's me, Blaise Zabini. Can't you recognize me?"  
  
He whispers something about blurry eyesight and then about not telling anybody and bringing him back to the dorm. I kneel down again.  
  
"You need medical attention Draco, you're badly injured. And the fact that you can't see properly might be a consequence of a concussion."  
  
"Please."  
  
I sigh. He's so freaking stubborn. I decide to help him back to the common room, and from there, I'll see if I go for Mrs Pomfrey. I help him up and let him use my body as a support. We slowly make our way back to the dungeons where he collapses on his bed. Crabbe and Goyle are snoring profoundly, not even moving when we enter not so discreetly.  
  
I try to clean the injuries as much as I can but I don't know any healing spell. I suddenly realise my lack of knowledge and decide to check books later in the day. When I'm finished, Draco falls asleep quickly. I just stare at him, I feel so sorry. I never knew what was happening, he really hid it well. Nobody suspects what is behind the appearances and no one ever saw what was beyond the cold veil covering his eyes. I've seen it now.  
  
After a while, I dress up, leave and let him rest. I go back to the library and put everything back in order. After a few minutes, there are no traces left of the "accident". I head for the medical section and start to go through books, writing down spells, potions, anything that would help Draco. I've already gone through a stack of books when Granger enters. Damn, why is she always in this place?  
  
She nods curtly at me, probably waiting for a nasty comment to come from me. I only bite my lip and go back to my task, not only I'm not in the mood, but I still can't forget how I felt at the beginning of last week. I survey the recipe of a potion for the whip marks and start to methodically bang my head on the wooden table. This is just too complicated, I'm never going to succeed.  
  
"Stop that irritating racket, Zabini."  
  
"Shut your face Granger, I'm not in the mood."  
  
However, I stop. I put my head in my hands and sigh heavily.  
  
"I shut up when it pleases me and certainly don't take orders from you, stupid git!"  
  
I don't react. In fact, I'm not sure she has even spoken these words or if I have imagined them. Everything is so strange this morning. Unreal.  
  
"Are you alright?" And here we go, the fake sympathy she's supposed to feel since she's perfect. Because it's the politically correct thing to do, excepting the other to smile stupidly and say that yes, they're alright. I'm gonna surprise her, I'm going to be honest.  
  
"No, I'm bloody not. Because everything is just so screwed that I don't see a way out. Not that you care, though, so leave me alone."  
  
I shake my head and grab my quill again. I've an important thing to do.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
*Hannah's pov*  
  
My sense of duty awakened this morning so I went to check on Draco. I hadn't in a long time because I knew that Ginny Weasley was there. But this morning was different. There was another presence in the castle. A cold and frightening one, full of darkness. A presence to which I was connected. My murderer. Lucius Malfoy was there. I went to the Slytherin common room and searched everywhere but Draco wasn't there. I concentrated on the presence to locate him. I could practically feel the cold enter me as I connected to Lucius Malfoy's mind. The library.  
  
I made myself invisible and watched everything. I saw Blaise Zabini help Draco, and I'm at least glad something went ok, but I'm worried about something else. I need to know how Ginny Weasley is. I know where the Gryffindor common room is, but I've never been there before, there was no point. Myrtle is always there, though, trying to spot Harry Potter. They're all up and I float up the stairs to see what provoked such havoc. The little Weasley is lying on the floor of her dorm, she apparently has fainted. But I hear conversations. Hermione slaps Ron and suddenly start to yell about his stupidity before going out of the common room. I follow her, I know that Ginny is out of danger now that Draco is himself safe.  
  
I witness her argument with Zabini. He's obviously still shocked with what happened and when he leaves, Hermione just continues to watch blankly the closed door of the library. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but I need help. I appear right in front of her and she shrieks.  
  
"Ha-Han-Hannah A-bott?" she stammers pathetically. I roll my eyes and launch myself in explanations. I tell her everything, well, everything I know. Till this morning. She stares again at the door when I come to Zabini's role in the story. She looks quite traumatized and starts to mumble about mind bonds and everything. I sigh, relieved that she has understood everything. She gets up suddenly and grabs the book that the Slytherin boy had in front of him when she had started to annoy him. Flipping the pages, she recognizes the one he had been reading. A very complicated healing potion. Looking at the list of ingredients, she shakes her head.  
  
"He can't find about half the ingredients for that potion, I really don't see how he's gonna manage to make it." I roll my eyes again, am I really talking to Hermione Granger, the one that always has ideas to pull her dream team out of the fix?  
  
"And where can you go when you need ingredients you don't have for a POTION?"  
  
She slams the book on the table. "Snape's classroom! Thanks Hannah!" I hear her running footsteps echo through the halls as she hurries to help Zabini. I smirk a bit, it seems that in fact, Slytherins and Gryffindors can be good friends.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
*Hermione's pov*  
  
I find myself facing Snape's classroom door. I hear someone moving inside. I put my hand on the handle and apply pressure slowly. I'm a bit scared. Zabini is there, going through Snape's shelves and cupboards. He piles the ingredients on a table, running everywhere. He hasn't realised I'm here yet and I start completing the list. The look on his face is priceless when he finally sees me, but we don't have much time and continue to go through Snape's supplies.  
  
We decide to go to Myrtle's bathroom and brew it immediately. We don't even argue on anything, it's rather strange. We run to the bathroom and take our things out; Blaise works quickly and with precision. I didn't know he was good at potions. Wait, what did I call him?  
  
I shake my thoughts and continue to work. Soon, we're done and just watch it boil. Blaise sighs heavily, rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes. The silence is thick, I feel the need to break it.  
  
"Hannah told me that you saw what happened this morning. It must have been horrible, really." He looks at me sadly.  
  
"Who's Hannah?" I shrug off the question and just tell him she's a ghost. He doesn't ask more, he stares pensively at the cauldron.  
  
"There was so much blood. And I wanted to throw up, I never imagined I would see something like that one day. And the things Lucius Malfoy said, they were just so terrible. He was ranting madly about how he would kill Ginny Weasley and then Draco would be crawling in front of Voldemort. His father is really insane, it's scary. And he doesn't seem to have any notion of good and evil, I don't understand how one can be that cruel and devoid of all humanity."  
  
I raise my eyebrows at his comments. Did I just hear that some Slytherins don't want to be Death Eaters? Obviously, Blaise doesn't hold much respect for Voldemort, and Lucius' anger could be explained if his son doesn't want to follow his footsteps. I laugh bitterly; half an hour spent civilly with a Slytherin questions everything that I had built during my previous Hogwarts years. Only now do I realise how much of a stereotype my image of the Slytherin house was.  
  
"Why do you laugh?"  
  
"Do you realise that Slytherins and Gryffindors have spent centuries fighting when they're not so different in fact? It's so stupid. We're so stupid."  
  
He says nothing but a small smile plays on his lips. I follow his gaze and see that the potion is ready. He pours it into a bottle as I clean our stuff. Things go a lot more easily when we associate.  
  
We head toward the principal staircase, where our paths part.  
  
"Thanks for your help, I don't think I would have managed it alone." He's sincere, I just smile broadly.  
  
"Well, we're making a good team. I guess I'll see you around!"  
  
As I leave for the Tower, I look back and quickly steal a last glimpse of him. I grin again and quicken my pace, I have to tell Ginny that someone is there for Draco.  
  
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*sing song voice* Hermione knows, Hermione knows *happy dance* The more people that know, the more people who can help!!!! I love the abuse scene!! Well, obviously not love since my dear Draco was being hurt, but it was written really really well. And I love the last line "It never stops", that just chills the reader. I adore Blaise!!!! Amazing chapter, poor Ginny!!! Hehe, Hermione slapped Ron, I can only imagine what he said to deserve it. Anywho, great job!!!!! :-)  
  
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Well, people, it's like always! You loved it, review..you hated it.. What the hell are you doing in chapter 19??????????? 


	20. All that pent up anger

A/N: Ok... First I reply to Andrea's review, since she thinks my A/Ns are annoying blah blah blah... I KNOW my grammar and spelling are far from perfect, English is NOT my mother tongue, I'm bloody FRENCH! My shout-outs are as long as I want them to be, I think it's easy to jump over them and go directly to the text since the limit is clearly shown. Fire'N'Ice will continue to ramble if she feels like it and I LOVE her rambling, he he he. Apart from that, I must say that I haven't got contradiction spirit... *innocent smirk* Well, thanks for your review.  
  
OK, now, here is the real A/N. I'm now sure that you hate me, I just update so irregularly... BUT! Next chapter is already on its way, I'll probably update in a shorter time. If you want to send Colin down a pit... Sign up in your REVIEW! *hint hint*  
  
Hopelessly Dead: Are you alright? This sounded like a depressed review and you even stop your stories! Why do you do that? *pout*  
  
YashiriRanma4ever : Don't worry, I'm sure one day, Voldemort will come to his senses and place that spell on Lucius, he he he. I hope you continue to read and reach this chapter once!  
  
Tweaka: Sorry about grammar and spelling, but I guess you already read my A/N to Andrea, at the top of the page. And my beta-reader is sometimes so caught in the story that she forgets some mistakes and I don't see them afterwards... Muahahahaha... who said they were gonna fall in love? *innocent smirk* Don't you believe in boy/girl very strong friendship?  
  
Goldenhorse: I know I know.., you've all been waiting for ages. Sorry sorry sorry. But think, I've been waiting for ages for inspiration to come! Everybody's annoyed that way. *sheepish smile*  
  
Drxd: Well, you'll discover soon. For now... continue to read. And honestly, what kind of things could he have said?  
  
Every Now And Then: Well, if you read that, the site obviously let you go further through the story... I hope you will!  
  
Jhaylin: He he he. No, she won't tell them. Not now. And how do you expect them to react? But something else is coming out in this chapter... Read, enjoy, and review!  
  
Luna-is-my-name: Yep, I like the Hermione-Blaise pairing... Never seen it before, but I always liked Blaise, don't ask me why. Even when I read his name in book one, I knew this guy was someone I would like as a character. Feel sorry all you want, we're still not down the spiral.  
  
Voila for the replies! Enjoy this chapter and continue to read! And HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you! Oh... Forgot something IMPORTANT! I tried a long time ago to create a mailing list so you would receive an email when I update. This didn't work and I'm not trying again cause I don't know who's still reading and who's not interested anymore. SO! If you want to be emailed when I update, send me an EMAIL! Do not state it in your review, I want emails so I can directly paste it all in my address thing on my inbox.  
  
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Struggle chapter 20:  
  
*Snape's pov*  
  
I can't believe it happened again. I can't believe Lucius came into the castle and into the Slytherin dorms again. How does he manage to go through the wall and everything? Draco was "lucky" again, and I'm completely irate. I swear, if Dumbledore passes through this door now, I'll kill him right on the spot, and preferably in a painful way for him.  
  
I'm pacing my classroom, furious. On top of everything, someone went through my stuff and it's a real mess everywhere. They must have been in such a hurry that I can't think of just some pranksters wanting to enlarge their reserve of potions stuff. And what they took clearly indicates that it was some serious potion. God, I hope nobody blows up this castle, we have other problems to deal with now.  
  
Molly is watching me from the back of the room. Worry and guilt is written all over her face but I'm glad she changed her mind about Draco. I remember her being close to Narcissa, and I'm sure it's why she couldn't really turn her back to the boy, but this issue is gnawing her, literally. She looks older and tired. Tormented and concerned for her daughter. Virginia felt really bad this morning, it's scary if she's related to Draco that way.  
  
"There's something wrong with Ginny, Severus," Molly says softly.  
  
"I know, I was just thinking the same. We have to watch out for her, anything could happen. Sorry to worry you, but today was serious. How can she faint that way, exactly at the same time that Draco is being beaten? There's some magic under that."  
  
"Yes, I suspected it already. It started with that cut."  
  
"What?"  
  
What the hell is she talking about? What cut? Why do I always know only half the things happening around? I see Molly shrivel under my stare. She's reluctant to say anything more, I feel betrayed. Why doesn't she trust me? We're supposed to be on a truce, we're supposed to support each other and she keeps the truth from me. She knows I care for Draco, she knows I support her daughter and she knows I'm not Voldemort's minion anymore. I continue to fix her for a few minutes but she's still silent, even avoiding my eyes. I breathe heavily to calm down, but anger is slowly becoming stronger inside of me. I finally slam shut the cupboard's door and stomps out of the room.  
  
"Severus, please, I-"  
  
But I've already exited the room, I need some fresh air.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
*Hannah's pov*  
  
I'm wandering in the Gryffindor common room with Myrtle. I can't believe I'm that insane. We're invisible and taking mental notes of the surroundings for pranks. Well, actually, I'm the only one doing that, Myrtle is drooling over Harry who's discussing Quidditch with Dennis Creevey. Ron is sitting next to them, reading a comic. He's very low in my esteem at the moment and I think he's the perfect victim for a prank. Insert innocent smirk.  
  
"Hannah, Hannah!" squeaks Myrtle. I roll my eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, look at Harry when he's smiling!"  
  
"Oh wonderful..." Sarcasm is practically dripping from my mouth.  
  
I turn my gaze away from wonderful Potter and spot Ginny coming down the stairs. She's still a bit pale but she seems better. A girl with straight brown hair runs toward her and hugs her. Ron has abandoned his reading and stares with contempt at his sister. Hermione gets up and goes to the two girls.  
  
"You're alright?" she asks softly.  
  
"Yeah, but I have to find Draco. He's-"  
  
Hermione strokes Ginny's hair in a soothing way.  
  
"He's ok. Blaise is watching him, you don't have to worry about him."  
  
Ginny has a look of wonder on her face. Well, it's not really surprising, she doesn't know I told everything to Hermione. And I bet she doesn't know who Blaise is too. Anyway, there's no time left to talk, a voice rises in the room.  
  
"Who's ok? That freak? Did he do that disgusting thing again?"  
  
The voice belongs to Colin Creevey, who's sitting in a comfy armchair near the fire. Ginny's eyes harden as she walks toward him.  
  
"How did you call him? I recall that I've already warned you about that, right?"  
  
"Oh, and what are you going to do? Punch me in the nose?"  
  
Sophia steps forward as the whole room goes silent. Everybody watches them, eager to know what's going on.  
  
"Shut up Colin."  
  
The blonde boy starts to laugh mockingly. "It's easy for you to say that. But still, you ran away when we saw Malfoy doing-"  
  
"Shut your face, Colin Creevey!" shouts Ginny, really furious.  
  
"I'm not the one who has something to lose here. I'm dominating the situation, I can shoot your "friend" down if I want. And I will, coz I want my revenge."  
  
He then turns to Ron with an apologetic smile. "I understand your reaction and you're right to worry about Ginny. He's changing her and she's maybe going to become a freak like him."  
  
Ron frowns. "What freak? He's a bloody bastard, that's all."  
  
I see Ginny plead Creevey with her stare. She knows what is about to happen, what is about to be revealed. Again I'm angry at myself for not being able to do anything, I feel more useless than ever. Creevey stands up proudly. I see the glint of revenge in his eyes. He's happy because for once, he's the strong element. And just to prove that he can be it, he's going to betray one of his former friends.  
  
"Well, the bastard is also a cutter, with a real network of scars on his arms. That freak finds it funny to cut himself and bleed, he's not even human."  
  
The slap echoes in the whole room. Creevey's got a profound red mark on his cheek and Ginny's breathing shallowly, holding her hand. The pleading in her eyes has been replaced by full hatred. The same one that charges her gaze when talking about Lucius. She turns on her heel and heads for the door, leaving a stunned house and a ballistic Ron behind her.  
  
I can hardly believe that things are getting even more messed up than before. It's like Fate is really playing against Draco, like it wants to destroy him. It's not fair.  
  
I glare at Creevey who's talking animatedly with Ron. I know what it's about and I feel anger rise inside of me. Finally, I've found a better victim for pranks. And the list goes on.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
As soon as I step out of the common room, I start to run. I feel like screaming and killing someone. I run through the halls till my lungs are one fire and collapse on the floor. I'm near Snape's office, in the dungeons. I try to reach Draco through the bond, but he's asleep. I'm angry, I wanted him to be there.  
  
When I realise how egoistical I am, I cry even more. It's not about me. It's his life that is being screwed again. It's him who's going to be hurt again, who's gonna have to face people and go through days and weeks with their glares and disgust.  
  
A door opens. It's Snape's so I try to hide in a corner, but he spots me nevertheless. He stops dead in his tracks and stares at me for minutes without moving or saying a word. I'm crying, my hair is wild, I'm out of breath, I must be a rather distressing picture.  
  
Then suddenly, he pulls me to my feet and drags me to his office. He makes me sit in an armchair and gives me some tea, still without addressing a word to me. I'm still sobbing and he seems a bit distraught in front of me.  
  
I finally calm down enough to speak.  
  
"They all know, and they'll all hurt Draco. And it's my fault, because I had stupid friends!"  
  
Snape seems a bit lost with my explanations. "What do you mean? Do they know about this morning and Lucius?"  
  
"No, not that... They know about the cutting."  
  
Snape is now really confused and I begin to wonder what he knows and what has been kept from him. I was sure Mom had told him about the self-injury, but obviously, I was wrong. So what? I guess that now that I've awakened his curiosity, I'm a bit obliged to continue.  
  
"You didn't know that Draco is a self-injurer, a cutter?"  
  
He collapses on a chair, his eyes are wide and he's speechless. I assume this answers my question quite accurately.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Well, it's pretty self-explanatory..."  
  
Snape seems to regain his senses and I can nearly see his brain work out the dreadful information.  
  
"So he was the one who cut up his arms with the magic blade." He eventually whispers.  
  
I nod silently. He suddenly jumps out of his chair and I nearly die of a heart attack.  
  
"Miss Weasley, have you been cut by that knife?"  
  
I nod again, I really have no clue where this is leading. He starts to mumble and then, to bang his fist against his forehead. I hesitate.  
  
"Professor?"  
  
He stops and looks at me. "Does Draco know? You have to tell him. I need to see your mother now. Go, the password to the Slytherin common room is Tectus Et Fallax."  
  
I leave. I feel weird. Snape has a strange behaviour, he even gave me the password to the Slytherin house. I want to go and see Draco, but I fear the state he's in. I don't want to see him beaten, bruised and bloodied again. On the other hand, I know it's my duty to overcome this fear. I gather my courage and start to look for the wall concealing the entrance of the Slytherin quarters.  
  
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*Sophia's pov*  
  
I haven't followed Ginny when she left because I knew someone had to stay behind to be sure things would work out in the best way possible. I'm quite sorry to say that the best way is really a pity. It's boiling in there and Hermione and I have some very very great difficulties to hold back people. Ron is screaming at the top of his lungs that Draco is the Evil incarnated, Colin laughs madly, proud of his acts, Harry elaborates big theories on why could blood and pain could fascinate Draco that much. Needless to say that they're at the top of the ridicule. It seems that Hermione knows what's behind, as well as I, but the others are just clueless.  
  
I wonder what will happen now, how Draco is going to take it. He's now officially categorized as a freak and in a few hours, the whole school will know. Ron is still screaming, I walk up to him. I really don't understand what's going on in my head, but well, maybe he needs to talk. Hermione sees me coming and take that occasion to leave, fed up with her best friend attitude.  
  
"You know, screaming is not the best way to sort things out."  
  
He turns to me, still angry and on the edge of yelling again.  
  
"What do you want, traitor?"  
  
This is not exactly the kind of comments I appreciate and I must add that I have a not so nice temper when someone irritates me. That, Ronald Weasley doesn't know... yet.  
  
"You know, I'm not shit that you can spit on! I'm a person and I have the capacity to choose my friends with intelligence. Your sister is somebody brilliant and the nicest person I've ever met, you should be proud of her. As for her befriending Draco Malfoy, you should be happy for her, because this friendship is very important to her. And before judging if he's the Evil himself, maybe you should talk with him, at least once."  
  
"I'm gonna beat him to the ground, yeah! I knew this guy was not normal, and here's another proof. He should be incarcerated, he's dangerous and you've got no right to tell me what I should do and shouldn't do or say."  
  
He stomps up the stairs and I'm left alone in this noisy crowd. They're all talking about Draco and some already leave to meet their friends from the other houses to tell them. When is this spiral to hell going to finish?  
  
I spot Colin in a corner and goes to him. I stand motionless in front of him till he acknowledges my presence.  
  
"Hey Sophia!" he says casually.  
  
"Why did you do that? Did he do something to you? He didn't even try to humiliate you with your fear of blood and such; why did you have to do that?"  
  
"He said he didn't care. I don't believe him, and I don't like liars."  
  
I can't help but snort at this. Let's speak about lies.  
  
"Gosh, if it's the only excuse you were able to come up with, I hope you don't have any conscience to nag you!"  
  
"Oh, my conscience is sleeping peacefully, I've done what is right, and I've done it for Ginny. Now she's going to be saved from that bastard and everything will be alright again."  
  
"Yeah... Everything's gonna be alright again. Except for Ginny and him. Congratulations Colin, you've just screwed even more a situation you weren't fully aware of."  
  
I recede and leave the common room. I've got to see professor Weasley and professor Dumbledore, they have to know the situation before false rumours and weird stories come to their ears.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AHH COLIN!!! *beats him* I send you to Lucius!!! *twitch* HOW DARE HE!!!! Ok, must calm down. Good job Sophia, you tried, which is the most that can be asked. Poor Snapey, so left behind. I'm SO MAD. Awesome chapter!!!!! Now I want the next one! lol.  
  
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REVIEW! Look at the poor lonely review button! It's calling you, you wouldn't want to disappoint it, right? 


	21. Not gonna leave you

A/N: Hello everybody! See how this is updated more often? I'm so proud of myself *wipes tear away*. Ahem, yeah... let's move on now, I don't want to humiliate myself for too long... but first, I have to comment on the fact that I saw one of my fav movies yesterday night! The Borrowers! He he he. And Tom Felton is just so cute in Peagreen's role, he's funny. Ok, this time, I definitely move on... *nods vigorously*  
  
This chapter is mainly sappy, but I needed sappiness when I wrote it and I wanted things to take another step, he he he. Don't imagine too much, they're definitely not lovers yet. Yet... *innocent smirk*. But they're getting closer *chants*. And on with the replies!  
  
Oops, forgot to tell you: hasn't been beta-read, deal with my apocalyptic way of writing!  
  
Terin: I'm going to finish this... One day. Lol, yes, I'm gonna finish it, but I love to work on it so much that I'm not exactly in a hurry. *sheepish smile* Continue to read and enjoy!  
  
Drxd: I update, see! Of course he's not a freak! Colin is. And Ron too. And Lucius, definitely. But Draco... he's a broken dragon, a fallen angel... and he's my favourite character, so Colin can go down a pit! Muahahahaha.  
  
Jewelkitten: twisted view, yep. Totally. Ron too, by the way. Nearly everybody does. They don't understand and it's not gonna change, at least not immediately. Well, read, rumours can kick pretty hard.  
  
Rubberduckie: you know that you're definitely on the edge of hysterics? Take a deep breath and calm down! Hey! I update, sometimes. *sheepish smile* I will gladly send Colin into a pit, but for now, I wouldn't deprive Hannah from her victim for a prank! Blaise is not stupid... another of my fav characters! Wish he actually WAS in the goddamn canon... I know, I think I would have done a lot worse to that bloody git of Colin, but it's not finished yet... and in next chapter (that I'm currently writing) Ginny will need some help to keep her self-control... Yep. Sure, my English is better than yours... *shakes head disapprovingly.* Happy new year to you too! Well, if you have an idea of prank, you can submit it, I'll see what I can do *innocent smirk*. Nope, sorry to disappoint you, but I rule the world, not you, not the Hannahs. ME *insert manic Voldie-style laugh*  
  
Elessa Morgan: Reviews don't have to be constructive, check the review sections and the long ramblings of certain people. Do you really think it's actually constructive? Review again, I just need that to be in a good mood!  
  
Angelic Fire: he he he, the changing of pov. How many complaints will I receive about it? *grin* I don't care, you still review in chapter 20, so I guess you went through it and are still alive! Fatal twist, yep, that would be the word. Looks can be deceiving, huh? I've always thought that Colin Creevey had a nasty side and I use fanfic to bring it up... I love fanfic. Muahahahaha. Lil romance... LIL? He he he. *chants* maybe... who knows? Oh, right *slaps her forehead* I KNOW! Muahahaha...  
  
Jhaylin: Yep, sorry to burst your bubble but in my fic, Colin Creevey is a weak little bastard who needed something interesting to say to catch a spotlight and gain some consideration from his fellow morons, namely, the Gryffindor house. See, I update! *cheeky smile*  
  
Chazza: Your review made me laugh a lot! Just the comment about Ron and me being blessed by God made me laugh out loud and my mom started to yell at me coz I was again (ok, for the fifth time of the day) on ff.net. Was funny. I keep bloody writing, and well, at least, you review, what can I say? At least, it's clear and I'm updating and already writing next chapter!  
  
Fire'N'Ice: God, finding your way to the review button again? Lol. I missed your reviews. Well, obviously, I have a good grammar since you hardly correct anything. But who knows, maybe it'll improve this summer *hint hint* I really hope I can convince my mom, it's really the BIG step that would make everything work out or fail miserably and no need to tell you that I totally reject solution 2! Yep, personally, I LOVE having replies to my reviews, so I do the same for others! He he he... and NO ONE insults my twin about her beta-reading! *innocent smirk* I'm the only one allowed to do that. Twin privilege, he he he.  
  
Goldenhorse: Hi again! It's been a long time. Well, yes, this review button is lonely! Poor thing, I hope you're gonna use it again! Colin is MORE than arse. ARGH, please, not that! Not PANSY!!!!!! Self-centered bitch! Not you, her! *sheepish smile*  
  
Riye Link/ Reue: I started to write more as soon as I posted the chapter 20, I promise! And I'm posting this now, but I've already started to work on next chapter! Muahahaha, Baby Norbert will burn your sledge hammers before they even touch me! Good dragon, good. *pats his head*  
  
Ravenmist: Well, I'm glad you like it and that my English isn't too bad. Technically, it's supposed to be my 3rd language, cause I live in Switzerland and German comes 2nd, I'm messed up, what can I say? I continue, continue to review!  
  
Citty: Yep, I'm French, I live in this hellhole called Switzerland, my teachers always said that my writing was bad and my English teacher didn't like me and pushed my English top grades down to annoy me. Stupid bastard, I despise him so goddamn much! Lol, I was fed up with fics where Ginny still had no friends after years when I started to write this one. Oh no... don't tell me your another Voldie-poo obsessed weirdo... Well, you'll probably be good friends with Miriam G, she's already planning her wedding with him. Ah, sorry, I just can't imagine anything else than Draco/Ginny, so well, Blaise, as much as I love him, had to be with someone else. And Hermione is good for him, he he he. Two brains together, they should be ok. This is not long enough! *pout* I hope you'll continue to review!  
  
Andrea: You havent' reviewed, I don't think you've ever read past chapter 7, but if you do, I hope you LOVED my replies and chaotic author's notes. *smirk*  
  
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Chapter 21:  
  
*Ginny's pov*  
  
I slowly open the door to Draco's dorm. I'm scared he's not alone, even if it's rather improbable since Slytherin is playing the Quidditch match of today. I'm relieved to see that the room is empty except for him, I really don't know how I would have explained my presence here and I don't need more trouble now.  
  
I move cautiously, I don't want to scare him and he's sleeping. I watch him for minutes, sitting next to his bed. He's got red finger marks around his neck, I can easily imagine what happened to him and shudder at this thought. His arms are bruised and some cuts have reopened. He obviously has received attention, but blood is still seeping from certain deeper wounds.  
  
He's sleeping on his stomach and has no shirt on. I can see the work of his father, I'm on the edge throwing up. Bruises, gashes, bruises and gashes. Tears are welling in my eyes, everything becomes blurry. Soon, the only thing that I distinguish through the water is his silver hair, shining in the sun. I reach for it and softly stroke his head; I trace his features with my finger. I don't understand why his father does that, he should be proud of his son. I soon find myself sobbing, which wakes him up. I collapse next to him.  
  
"Ginny? What are you doing here? How did you come in?" His voice is a raucous whisper, it seems so fragile. I try to calm down a bit, but it's not a real success.  
  
"Snape told me the password. I needed to see you, because-" I trail off. How can I tell him what Colin did? How can I add this to his pain?  
  
"What's the matter? Are you ok?" he asks with evident concern.  
  
I burst in tears again. "No I'm not. God, you scared me so much!"  
  
"I'm sorry," he states sheepishly.  
  
"No, I'm sorry. Look, something happened this morning, and if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I would understand..."  
  
He now looks at me in worry and wonder. I don't know how to start, but I know that I can't avoid that dreadful moment anymore. I take a deep breath and throw everything out.  
  
"Colin told everybody that you cut. The whole school probably knows by now. Oh damn, I'm so sorry, it's my fault, I should have talked with Colin and made him understand, I should have done something about him and the situation, but I just pushed him away because he said that you were a freak and he took it bad and decided to have his revenge on me and on you."  
  
I see him pale a bit, but his grey eyes remain neutral. He's got the same look as Snape, trying to work out the information, slowly understanding what happened and what will the future be. He looks at me softly; there isn't any anger in his gaze, no hatred toward Colin. Just sadness and pain.  
  
"Why did he have to do that? I did nothing to him and I didn't need that on top of it. And please, don't think it's your fault, because he's right about the fact that I'm a freak, I don't deny it." While speaking, he turns his head to the other side to avoid me.  
  
"Draco, don't say that, I forbid you to say such things. Look at me, please." He doesn't answer and curls up in a ball. I want to touch his shoulder to make him turn, but I'm scared of hurting him further. "Draco, please..."  
  
"Leave."  
  
Now this was unexpected. Why does he want me to leave? He said it wasn't my fault, didn't he?  
  
"Why?" I'm not going without an explanation.  
  
"Just leave." His voice quivers a bit, he's not alright at all.  
  
"Answer me and I'll see if I leave. You can't ask me that without any reason."  
  
"All I do is hurt you, and my father knows about you, he's gonna kill you." He stops for a few seconds, as if gathering his courage to pronounce the next words. "You have to go now, our friendship is over, ok?"  
  
"No, not ok. Not at all. Because your bastard of a father is not gonna drive me away and because I won't leave you. And furthermore, we have a magic bond and it can't be broken. What you feel, I know, what you suffer, I take in. It scared me to death for you when I fainted this morning. And till you can say in all honesty that you really want me to leave, I'll stay. And even if you push me away now, I'll stay around. I'm not leaving. Never.  
  
He doesn't reply to this. I don't know what to think. Is he ignoring me? Does he really want me to leave and give up on him? I try to reach his mind but I realise that he's blocking me out, protecting his deep feelings and I can only feel the surface. I'm hurt that he's rejecting me that way, but I can't abandon him now. I need a clear answer.  
  
I stand on my elbow to look at his face and see a tear roll on his cheek. My heart tightens, he was lying. I don't care anymore if I hurt him further, I just want to hug him. I sneak my arm under his body and pull him against me, he's not even heavy.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
I bite my lip as I listen to Ginny. I feel tears prickling my eyes but I don't want to shed them, I don't want to be emotional, emotions hurt. Anyway, I can't hold them back. It hurts even more to think about what can happen to her, it's killing me to imagine what torture Father can inflict on her. She can't know that I'm glad she wants to stay, she has to leave and forget so I block her out of my mind, and it's draining my last strengths.  
  
I feel her arms around my waist and she pulls me to her. Pain shoots through my body and makes tears roll faster, I want to scream as the torn tissues bleed again with the move but as soon as I'm in her arms, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't mind the pain her arms cause when rubbing against the whip wounds or when she presses on my back. In fact, it's a bit like self-injury: I want it, I need it.  
  
I've never been hugged before. Nobody ever cared enough to do that for me. An unfamiliar feeling invades me: human warmth or whatever. I feel strange, but good. Like the ice is melting in the sun, like I don't need to have walls up. Protection is not needed because I'm safe in her arms.  
  
Colin Creevey and his goddamn revenge seem remote and unreal. It doesn't seem to matter, I don't give a damn, the others' judgement can't touch me. I've got Ginny and she's the only one that matters to me.  
  
She begins to stroke my upper-arms in a soothing way. Only now do I realise that I'm still crying silently. Last time I was treated that tenderly seems so far in the past. I remember when I was around four that Mother used to comfort me after Lucius' yelling, but she stopped after a while. I never was able to figure out if she didn't love me anymore or if the bastard had made her understand that she wasn't allowed to be nice to me.  
  
And now, she's dead. These words don't look that terrible, I don't understand the implication in them. I'm only at home during the holidays so my life hasn't really changed yet. Dead. I can't cram it in my head, I can't imagine that I'm going to be alone with Lucius from now on. I quickly push these thoughts away: I don't want to think about that, not now.  
  
I try to think about something else, but of course, it stays in the field of the death. Hannah has left this world too, but I don't have any difficulty to process that in my mind. The images will be anchored in my memory forever. Hannah is dead, Ginny is in danger and hurt and I'm the cause of all this. I can't stand it anymore, I'm sick of being the messenger of Suffering and Death.  
  
Lucius' words still echo in my head. He's right, I do belong to the dark, but not his. I don't understand why he wants me back, he never wanted me before. He says I'm worthless and useless, that I'm a failure and good for nothing. Still, he wants me back. Is it because he can't admit that I was able to turn my back to him? Is it for his damn pride or something else?  
  
I tense as another thought follows these ones. Voldemort. What if it's Voldemort who wants me for one of his sick little plots? I shudder, this would be worse than everything else: Voldemort has the brains to go along with his wickedness, he's not like my father. If it's him, we have no chance to survive. Neither me, neither Ginny. Hannah's death images scream again in my head, Lucius' voice echoes behind them, Voldemort's manic laughter that haunted my dreams since I was six comes back. I think I'm going mad with panick.  
  
I sense Ginny through the mind bond. She's in my mind, I know it. Wandering and looking at the things haunting it. I mentally cling to that straw of sanity in the chaos my soul is, I concentrate on that and it makes the rest fade a bit. But it's still there, it's like an undying fire.  
  
Suddenly, the fire gets up again, stronger. Voices scream in my head, I can hear my mother being hit by Lucius, my father insulting me, Voldemort punishing the other Death Eaters. Creevey yells that I'm a freak, he laughs. My fellow Slytherin are glaring at me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I cough, my lungs are burning, my wounds bleed again, I feel like dying.  
  
Ginny recedes, she's running away. I wish I could run with her, I want to get out, but I'm trapped. I'm hyperventilating, I'm sobbing and I don't control my mind anymore, everything seems to spin around. And suddenly, Ginny is back in my mind, stronger and brighter. She makes the dark chaos diminish, she kills my pain and fights against the voices.  
  
I progressively calm down, I feel safe again. I don't understand what this was, I shudder when I think back on it. Ginny is still holding me, tighter than before. Her soft cheek rests against my bruised neck and her steady breathing lulls me to sleep. Anything to forget about reality.  
  
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*Ron's pov*  
  
The Quidditch match calmed me down a bit. For someone who's supposed not to give a damn about her, I react quite harshly. Whatever, if I cross Malfoy's path, he's gonna suffer. Oh yes. Slytherin won the match and we're heading back to the castle, unhappy and disappointed in Ravenclaw. I shuffle my feet as I walk, trying to make as much noise as possible. I kick the gravels violently and hear Hermione yell at me.  
  
"For God's sake Ron! Stop that, you're putting gravel in my shoes, I'm so gonna kill you!"  
  
I stop and lean toward her. "Don't waste your energy on me, we've got Malfoy to take care of. Oh no, sorry, I forgot that you called a truce with that bastard... And freak."  
  
I start to walk away but she catches up with me and spins me around. "Don't act that stupidly! You should go and talk with Ginny, ok?"  
  
TALK WITH GINNY? But what is she thinking about? I don't want to talk with Ginny, we've got nothing to say to the other. She went with the enemy, who appears to also be abnormal and she doesn't admit her error, period. I don't want to hear some bloody nonsense explanations.  
  
I don't reply to Herrmione's statement, it doesn't even deserve my attention. I leave both her and Harry behind and start to roam in the deserted halls. People have gone back to their common rooms where they're warm. I stay here, in the cold. I'm so furious that I don't even feel my fingers freeze. I've been walking for half an hour, still followed by Harry when I spot them. Ginny, with Malfoy. They're walking slowly ahead of me and this sight drives me even crazier. I wasn't joking when I said I would hit him if I came across that bastard.  
  
I quicken my pace and catch up with them. They're talking and don't hear me coming so I push Malfoy to the ground with all my strength. I hear Harry run and yell at me to stop, I feel Ginny grab my robes to get me away from Malfoy but I don't even bother. I easily throw her away and launch myself at Malfoy who's still on the floor.  
  
He doesn't fight a lot, like he's got no strength anymore, but only struggles weakly. I immobilize him and pull his sleeves up. I need to see what Colin told me about, I want to realise things by myself. My abrupt gestures have opened some of his cuts and I've got his blood on my hands. I feel dirty, I'm disgusted. I hold his wrists with one hand and slap him with the other.  
  
I slap him again and open his lip. I punch him in the stomach and let go of him. He's still sprawled on the stone floor and he's coughing. Harry grabs my arm and leads me away, I can see in his eyes that he's angry. I look back at Malfoy and meet Ginny's eyes. Her gaze is charged with hatred, I know that I'm on for the three weeks of detention with Snape. Shit.  
  
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If you want to express your disappointment in Ron, your hatred for Colin, your opinion on Draco and Ginny, anything... I GLADLY read you reviews, I happily reply, and work harder on next chapter! See ya. 


	22. Little Soldiers, march up to the front

A/N: Hello! Hope you guys are well and enjoying the week-end! Ok, got a few things to say and first of all, from now on, the replies to review will be at the bottom of the chapter, so people annoyed by them can jump over them easily and directly to the review button *wink* and no, it doesn't mean I'm gonna reduce them! Now, SORRY, this hasn't been beta-read again, I had no time to send it to Fire'N'Ice because I really wanted to post it tonight... Deal again with my apocalyptical way of writing. Hmmpf... what else? Argh...nothing. Read, enjoy, review. Or just read and review, I'll deal with your lack of enthusiasm, lol.  
  
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chapter 22:  
  
*Snape's pov*  
  
I run to Molly's office but bump into her just as she turns the corner. She is on the edge of hysterics; no, cross that out, she's totally hysterical and out of breath. When she realises it's me, she grips my robes and starts to speak nonsensical sentences.  
  
"Severus, it's- hell. You hear me? Hell! God, sorry, I should have told you, I should have trusted you, I just screwed everything. Kill Creevey, I really want to do it, stupid little bastard..."  
  
She rambles at full speed, I feel rather dizzy and her voice rings in my ears, I can't stand it anymore so I interrupt her.  
  
"I know everything. I met Ginny and she explained it all to me." I snap a bit and see her eyes shine with tears. Oh no, the last thing I need is a breaking down and melodramatic Molly. I bring her back to her office, make her sit down and brew some tea. What with me helping people today?  
  
She puts her head in her hands and sighs. I lean against her desk and wait.  
  
"So you know."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Merlin, we're lame at communication. I look at the woman that I'm on a truce with. I realise that I don't know her. But in fact, do I know anybody at all? I never bothered about others, they despised me and I hated them. But this is different, she is dealing with the same issues as me this time. I want to talk with her.  
  
"Look Molly. I know that it was maybe difficult to come and tell me that Draco was cutting himself, but you should have done it, you shouldn't have hidden it from me. It hurt that you didn't trust me enough, even about my own godson."  
  
She's surprised at my words. She's surprised because I told her that I was hurt, that I was human and worried. I don't like the way she looks at me, as if she was slowly discovering something in me or whatever.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't do that. I felt that I had to keep it secret as long as I could, I don't exactly know why." She stops and looks up at me, she's hesitating. "Narcissa used to burn herself when I met her. I was horrified, but at the same time, it didn't really matter since she was my friend. But when her family discovered, it went downhill and I didn't want you to be mad at Draco. I'm sorry."  
  
I'm taken aback. Narcissa? I can hardly believe it, she was such a nice girl back in Hogwarts. I think about her life and I'm not so surprised anymore. I think about Draco too. When Ginny told me the truth, it didn't really surprise me, I just had to process the information. I didn't scream in horror, even mentally. I guess that deep down, I knew. I was maybe expecting it. I shake my head. This is not why I wanted to see her.  
  
"Do you remember that cut you talked about?" She nods. "It's the cause of their mind bond."  
  
She looks at me blankly and I sigh. Her brain doesn't take in the information.  
  
"They have a mind bond and it happened when their blood mixed on that bloody magic blade. And this mind bond is why Ginny faints when Draco is being beaten. It's the second time, it's not a coincidence."  
  
She starts to stutter. "But- What will happen? Can they keep it that way, will it develop? Won't Ginny be hurt? Can they read each other's mind?" God, someone make her shut up!  
  
I shrug. "I don't know. I think it can become stronger, but I don't think they'll ever be able to be telepathic. Now, about Ginny being hurt..." I trail off, scared about what I have to tell her. "It's probable that she can get pretty bad if this bond develops."  
  
I see Molly's bottom lip quiver. "Do they know?" It's my turn to nod silently.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
It's Monday morning and I wander aimlessly in the halls. The week-end was tough, but I'm slowly getting used to it. Of course, Slytherin didn't exactly welcome me in the warmest way. When I stepped in the common room Saturday night, Millicent Bullstrode stood up and started to accuse me of bringing dishonour on the House. They had gathered in one group to stand against me, to throw me down and crush me under their feet.  
  
But I stood proudly. I let them stab me and drag me in the mud without even blinking, without letting them know anything of what I'm feeling. I had awakened my army of crimson soldiers and I was well protected against their assaults. As I crossed my arms over my chest when listening to them, I felt them; the cold blood staining the sleeves of my black pullover and the burning of the fresh cuts keeping my mind alert but calm.  
  
Ron Weasley thought that beating me a bit would make me understand how much despised I would soon be. He succeeded, of course. But he probably didn't expect that it would fortify my defence mechanisms. As long as I can run my blade in my arms, nothing can touch me.  
  
Since Saturday, I've been methodically preparing myself to this specific morning. When I'll have to face them but won't be able to escape. When I'll be trapped in a classroom. I sit under the stairs where Ginny found me a few months ago. I don't know why I hide anymore but I guess it's like a reflex.  
  
Today again, I resurrect my army and I march to the front. I carve both my arms, knowing that it'll be a hard battle and as I'm late, I lick the blood rolling on my skin. I wipe my arms and the blade on my cloak and run to potions. I eventually arrive five minutes early and smirk at Zabini while sliding in the seat next to him, he's the only who hasn't confronted me yet and I try my last chance. I can feel that the whole class has their eyes on me but I ignore them, the searing cuts are pushing them away, they're making their whispers fade in the background.  
  
"So, always has to do something to gain attention, huh?" drawls my neighbour lazily.  
  
"Zabini, let me tell you that I don't need to draw attention. I don't need a spotlight, I'm already naturally radiating." Cool, sarcasm is high this morning.  
  
"Your aura is blinding, my dear," he retorts cynically.  
  
"Yep, unfortunately not as much as Weasley's stupidity." I speak a little louder and Ron turns around. I smirk widely at him.  
  
"Shut your face, you goddamn freak."  
  
"The voices in your head won't like the way you call them you know. Such impoliteness, you should be ashamed."  
  
Zabini snorts as the rest of the class looks at Ron to see what he's going to do. As I expected, he jumps up and pulls his sleeves down. "You want a fist in your face like Saturday?"  
  
I stand up too and come to face him. I pull my sleeves down, revealing the dozen of cuts I made just before coming. "Why not?"  
  
He flinches, he didn't know I would assume them and it suddenly scares him that I can be stronger than he thought. I laugh as he goes back to his seat defeated. I walk back to my own table and turn my attention to Zabini again to continue our transcendent conversation but he's vacantly staring at the front row. I follow his gaze and spot a blushing Granger, who quickly turns away when she catches me looking her way. I smirk at him. "So, fantasizing on Granger?"  
  
A small smile plays on his lips before he can control it. "Fuck off, Malfoy." I laugh again and pull out my things. I haven't covered my arms again and the cuts are screaming victory.  
  
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*Hannah's pov*  
  
I'm furious. Irate, even. Since Creevey's little announcement of Saturday, I roamed in the halls and the different common rooms and the reaction of people totally drives me crazy. They don't think that there could be something else hidden behind the cutting, they ignore the fact that it's certainly not out of sick masochism that Draco does that. I'm so tired of hearing these conversations and fragments of them run constantly through my head.  
  
"...Disgusting, really. This guy probably worships the Devil. Yeah, I'm speaking of You-Know-Who, duh! And Ginny Weasley is with him now! God, always has to tie herself to dark and dangerous people, it makes me shudder..."  
  
"... I don't understand why Dumbledore lets him stay in school. My parents say he should be expelled and put in a padded room, where he can't be a danger to anyone."  
  
"I agree with you, my parents want to gather as many parents as possible and make Dumbledore do something about the situation and if it doesn't work, they'll go directly to Fudge... Anyway, till it's cleared, I avoid him, he's insane."  
  
I feel so sad when I hear those things. I know that Draco tried to save my life and got into trouble. I know it all started that night in the dungeon. I'm now "sitting" on a beam across a less frequented hall and I think about what my death brought. Hardly anything but trouble.  
  
"Miss Abbott. How are you today?"  
  
The voice makes me jump about a foot high in the air and for once, I'm grateful that I can't bang my head anymore but just go through the ceiling. I get back down and look at Professor Dumbledore.  
  
"You're one discreet ghost, it's always a wonder where you are."  
  
I shrug bitterly. "What's the point in showing off like Nearly Headless Nick or the Bloody Baron? I just mind my own business."  
  
He sighs, takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Then you must have been busy these past days, with all this happening around young mister Malfoy."  
  
"Why did Colin Creevey do that, Professor?"  
  
He seems to think about my question while putting his glasses back on his nose, but from the look in his eyes, it's obvious that he's been meditating it since Saturday.  
  
"Colin is a nice boy, you know. The normal, average boy, a bit shy but intelligent and trustworthy. But for him, people like Draco, are indeed, a danger. As intelligent, sly, good fighters through life. Colin wanted to shoot down someone like Draco because he was sick of being a simple shy boy who would have a quiet life. Saturday was his little moment of glory, he had become stronger than Draco and was happy with it."  
  
"It's sad, to be obliged to destroy someone just to be able to feel important." I'm disgusted with Creevey. I can hardly believe that he can be so stupid, I always thought of him as a nice kid, just a tad bit annoying with his camera, but nevertheless a good person.  
  
"Draco seems to be alright, even in such a situation. He doesn't really worry me. Parents are another issue." He shakes his head and goes to stand next to a window to watch the lake blend with the morning fog. The fragments of conversations run again in my head. They were serious; parents are already demonstrating against Draco, I feel sick.  
  
"Don't tell anyone, Miss Abbott, but things are screwed. I'm buried under mail from angry parents who state my incapacity of reaction in front of serious matters. People keep visiting my office to claim their worry for their children, they ask me to expel him, to resolve the problem and make him enter the ranks again." His old hand quivers a bit so he puts it on the window sill and applies pressure on it. "They asked and I denied their wishes, I assume they're already in Fudge's office, and he's weak, he won't stand against them, he'll even agree with them I guess."  
  
I'm about to ask him what can happen to Draco, but Myrtle suddenly pops out of nowhere and starts to twirl in the air. Peeves arrives and both of them start to dance a waltz, my two fellow pranksters have gone completely nuts.  
  
"Come on Hannah, it is time! Time to pull a prank on little Creevey and big Ronnikins! Oh, good morning professor..." they add with a sheepish smile.  
  
The twinkle in his eyes is suddenly charged with evilness and he mumbles "I heard nothing" in his beard... And leaves, whistling something vaguely resembling to "Mary Has a Little Lamb" or whatever the title is supposed to be. I smirk when I think of the predicament both the stupid Gryffindor boys will soon be in. I wonder how they're gonna deal, being obliged to bow down in front of Pansy while singing their love for her all the time... I somehow can bet they'll feel humiliated, just like her, by the way. I join Myrtle and Peeves in their victory dance, trying to forget about the parents running to the ministry.  
  
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Ok, and now. the replies! I'm over 200 reviews, I'm so happy!  
  
Jhaylin: Well, I like Ron, but I was really sick of having the golden team, always perfect, nice and funny. But now, I've got to agree with you on the poor Draco... *tear* I must be disturbed, hurting my favourite character that way.  
  
Luna-is-my-name: Lol, I was rereading OotP this morning and I so definitely love Luna! She's one funny and strange character! Too late to include her in this fic, but I will in my second one, though I'll have to find her some place in my plot... *already starts to bang head*. Yep, You're not the only one to hate them. Thanks for loving my story! *twirl*  
  
Pupulupk: OMG... both you and Elven ice angel back, the world is just strange! I was wondering what you guys were doing. But I'm glad you thought my story was worth the long catching up! I can read your story and I went to your profile, but I had no time to check your writing, stupid college. Thanks for the great talent compliment, I don't think so but I enjoy writing this and I love receiving reviews like yours!  
  
Cherrie Berry Draco Luver: Ok, your reply will probably be the longest, so you can't complain about it taking half the chapter! He he he. By the way, they don't take half the chapter! *pout* maybe a quarter, maximum *nods vigorously* Lol, you know, I generally have to stop myself from writing Draco's pov all the time... He's the easiest one to write, to understand and I love him to death, I've got quite a problem there, lol. If it can help, I hate writing Ron's pov, I think rather low of him at the moment, it's just so terrible to write what is in his mind! It's like Lucius's povs... the worst ones, literally. Even Voldie's aren't that terrible. Draco IS the best. Just perfect... *hugs him* Thanks for reviewing, I hope you continue and I hope you don't mind my so annoying author's notes and whatnot! *innocent smirk*  
  
Shadowed Past: Ooooh... Someone is rather curious here! He he he... Now, the big question is do I answer or not? Would spoil my story a bit I guess. Ok, yes to your second question, not answering the first one!  
  
Ohjuotaku: Lil'Ronnie is pleased with being a sick bastard, I don't think I'm gonna pry in his life and try to make him change...*smirk*. Oh I agree, black hair is cool... but Draco is blonde, and he's cute, so well, don't mind me. I've got red hair too! We RULE, muahahahaha! And yep, we're completely nuts, but that's where's the fun! Lol, I'm a French weirdo, Europeans are weirdos. Duh, I know I make him suffer! But it's for the sake of fanfic! Sign everywhere, everybody hates Lucius! Oh, sorry to disturb you from your marvellous land of insanity for this chapter then!  
  
Elven ice angel: Lol, happy to have you back, I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw that both pupulupk and you had reviewed! Honestly, do you really think Ron listens to you? I'M writing the blasted story, not you! Speaking of your story... well, hum. Waiting, here. Argh, the joy of yelling mums... *shakes head* Mine's currently yelling coz of my blasting Linkin Park. Ok, putting down the volume a bit, the neighbours already plot my death in the slowest way possible.  
  
Goldenhorse: I stop you right now, Draco is NOT suicidal anymore! He's just an average self-injurer, if it makes any sense at all. But I've got to agree about Ron and Colin though... See, you got a few reactions in this chapter! The rest are coming in following chapters and it's gonna be quite a mess, he he he. Continue to read!  
  
Drxd: I know you hate Ron, everybody hates him in this fic, he he he. Honestly, I think Harry is much more of a prat than Ron, at least in OotP. I so can't stand the dream team anymore, they're so shallow. Nope, no detention for Ronnikins... At least not now, coz Ginny and Draco have not given him away. But Snape will discover anyway. *evil grin*  
  
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So, did you survive my long replies, long AN, long annoying rambling? God, let me know by reviewing or I'll feel really guilty! *innocent smirk* 


	23. Scarlet Savior

A/N: Hey everybody! Hope you guys are well, I tried to update as soon as I could and I hope it's good enough for you to REVIEW! Again, replies at the end of the chapter, blah blah blah... And again, sorry, hasn't been beta- read, I didn't send it to Fire'N'Ice because I just finished writing it and I'm posting it right away. Enjoy!  
  
Oh, by the way... I know advertising for my own fic is distressing, but well, who cares? I've just posted chapter one of a new HP fic called More Than I Am. It's about the Malfoy family, but Draco is not the central character..... He he he, check it out, please...  
  
Oh, by the way! Passage between the XXX~~ is flashback!  
  
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Chapter 23:  
  
*Dumbledore's pov*  
  
Draco is sitting in a corner of my office. He's silent and locked up behind his walls. He stares at the floor in front of him and is discreetly rubbing his arm against the wooden chair in what is for him a soothing way.  
  
The round clock above the door endlessly ticks the seconds away, and the rain seems to be copying its rhythm. It hits the windows and roof with intensity, like hammers trying to break walls, trying to tear a hole in this shelter. Apart from that, the room is so silent that I believe I still can hear Fudge's footsteps, slowly fading in the background. The soft shuffled pace of the old minister, impregnated with prudence and a slight fear. The man is a weakling hidden behind his title and he doesn't even realize he rules a world going to death.  
  
I sigh and turn back my attention to the blonde boy. "Draco, do you want to talk about it?"  
  
He jerks his head up and looks at me through strands of his nearly silver hair. His piercing eyes are burning with anger and lack of understanding.  
  
"There's nothing to say," he replies through gritted teeth; his hands are balls and his knuckles a white. He suddenly stands up and storms out of the room before I can hold him back. He slams the door with all his strengths, which have considerably returned, and I can hear him run down the stairs. I go to the window and see him exit the building.  
  
I spot him sprinting in the pouring rain, trying to escape something he is perfectly aware he can't. He collapses near the cliff, kneeling in the mud. The blade shines in his hand, through the thin fog, and my heart tightens as he clutches his only temporary way of escaping. The visit of Fudge replays in my head, but in a slow motion, emphasizing the tragedy of it. Adding anger in my eyes and worry for this kid.  
  
XXX~~  
  
"You can't do that Cornelius! You can't send him home! He's got the same right as the others to choose if he leaves or not for Christmas," said vigorously Dumbledore, gesturing toward Draco.  
  
Fudge raised his hands to calm the old headmaster. "Albus, your theory about Mr. Malfoy might be true, but since he never complained officially against his father, I think it would be best for everybody if he went home and stayed there till things are worked out with parents. I'm afraid I can't do anything. Lucius Malfoy is a gentleman and the horrors you accuse him of are extremely serious. If you can't furnish evidence to support your accusations, his son will go home."  
  
"Damn, do I have to take off my shirt and show you or what?" suddenly interrupted the teenager.  
  
Fudge briefly looked at him before lowering his eyes to the ornate carpet. "It wouldn't change anything. Since you, ahem... well... self-harm, this argument fails: you could have done it yourself. I'm sorry but you'll have to go home for the holidays and if you don't comply, I will have to expel you from this school," he stammered nervously, hardly daring look at Albus or Draco.  
  
"Yep, that's what I thought, he's got you wrapped around his finger," shot back the boy, staring insolently at the minister.  
  
"Show some respect," yelled Fudge, rather upset that the boy had seen cowardice behind his function.  
  
"Some people don't deserve my respect."  
  
At that point, the minister was on the edge of going to Draco and give him a slap or two. "Cornelius, you should leave now. I'm sure plenty of parents are waiting for you at the ministry," broke in Albus' wise voice.  
  
~~XXX  
  
Unfortunately, Draco is right: Lucius has got power over Fudge. There's nothing I can do against them both and Cornelius is too scared to change his mind. Draco will be obliged to go home. How will we be able to retrieve him from that place? I don't think I can storm in the Aurors' headquarters and tell them that we've got to rescue the son of a Death Eater just because a teenage girl fainted a hundred miles away. I admit that he's strong and that his resistance amazes me, but can he survive? Won't we have his blood on our hands in a week or two? Unanswered questions echo endlessly as the child I vowed to protect prays to a scarlet savior, on his knees in a cathedral of mire.  
  
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*Hannah's pov*  
  
Myrtle and I are hidden behind a pillar and Peeve's hovering in the deserted hall. We hear footsteps and smile wickedly. Crabbe and Goyle on their way to the Great Hall, the perfect victims.  
  
The fact is, we need a wand to pull our prank on Creevey and Weasley and how do you get a wand? You steal it from the two biggest morons in whole Hogwarts and you're nearly sure they won't understand anything at all. We'll finally have our wand and a good laugh as a joker, nothing could go better.  
  
When the two Slytherins arrive under Peeves, I can catch snatches of their conversation. They're comparing Millicent Bulstrode to a chocolate muffin, both Myrtle and I have to hold back our laughter, it's hard. Suddenly, Peeves throws the two chiromancy books he "checked out" of the library and the two bullies collapse, rubbing their foreheads and not understanding why they're attacked by books. Peeves dives and grabs Crabbe's wand while Myrtle and I pop out of behind the pillar to divert their attention.  
  
When we've got the wand, we start to fly away quickly. I look back and see both of them still staring at the books in awe. God, how ironical, these two morons don't even know how to read properly.  
  
We hide in Myrtle's bathroom and start to teach Peeves how to use a wand. Ok, maybe it wasn't the best thing to do and he can become pretty dangerous with it, but it's worth a try, right? After having blown up half the taps of the bathroom, cracked the paving-stones, melted a toilet seat and burnt down a few doors, I can say that I'm rather proud of our student.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
It's only when I feel the frozen mud under my knees that I completely figure out what my holidays will be. Beating after beating, having to hear my father's sadistic laugh as his cane rips me apart. I don't know how I can survive, this is stronger than my blade, I've got no way out. The false sense of security in which I tried to lull myself blatantly mocks me now. My mind revives hurting memories and I find myself with my knife in my hand before realizing it.  
  
While my blood mixes with the rainwater, my sanity seems to fly away. I don't really understand where I am anymore, or what happened. All thoughts seem dulled by one specific word that always was nearly meaningless to me: home. Like I didn't know what a friend was before meeting Ginny, I never had the occasion of matching an experience or a feeling with the word home. It never meant anything else than empty, cold and violent.  
  
I carve it in my left arm and watch the slashes become bright red before fading to a gloomy pink when the water hits it. It fades away as my life will next week. I hold my breath as I reopen all my healing wounds. Every single one. I let the blood rolls in my sleeves, on my pants. It melts in the puddle of mud surrounding me. I curl up in a ball and begin to slash my ankles, the knife has taken control over me, I can't stop anymore, I've got too much pain inside me, I've to get it out at all costs.  
  
My schoolmates' fingers pointing at me or their spits in my face, they seem so ridiculous now. I would gladly wear a sign saying FREAK around my neck instead of facing my father. A lightening bolt makes me jerk my head up. I look around for the first time and it seems that my mind is taking its place again. I run a hand through my hair, taking in the pitiful state I'm in.  
  
I get up and feel my blood rush to my head, letting dizziness take over me. I stumble a bit and frown as I think how much blood I must have lost. Frozen, soaked, dirty and exhausted, on the edge of anemia, I make my way back to the castle, I don't know how I'll be able to avoid people. I laugh madly and bitterly at the thought of them spotting me in such a state. One more thing to feed the rumors.  
  
Of course, as soon as I put a foot in the castle, Pansy sees me. She shrieks, puts her hand on her mouth and stares at me in disgust. It's easy to ignore her now, I so don't care anymore about them all. It's only when I spot Ginny talking with Zabini that I start to feel really bad. I'm ashamed of my forceful cutting and what seemed so right just minutes before makes me want to throw up now. Both of them are in the hall and I can't avoid them; besides, Zabini has already seen me and point me to Ginny. I hang my head and lock my stare on the floor. I can't look at her, I don't want to see all that disappointment in her warm eyes.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I'm talking with Blaise in the hall. I finally found out who he was and I wanted to talk to him about Draco. I closed our mind bond this afternoon. I feel slightly ashamed but I needed to find myself again under the emotions twirling in my head and through the bond. I needed a break to avoid walking the same path as him, I was slowly losing ground, lost in his land of suffering.  
  
I closed the bond and my own feelings became clearer. The memories, too. The Chamber of Secrets and Tom, they haunt my mind and make me shudder. It has been some time since I last had a nightmare about them, but I know it's only because of Draco and the fact that his presence in my head is soothing, even if it hurts.  
  
Then I see Blaise's eyes widen and his mouth open in shock. I spin around and spot him. Draco is there, standing in the hall, struggling to continue his walk without bothering. He's soaked and muddy, I see the blood covering him, tainting his hair. His lips are blue and swollen, they bleed too. His sleeves are rolled up and all his cuts are pouring crimson. I quickly reopen the mind bond and I'm crushed by anger and sadness. I feel my mind shrivel under the pressure of his emotions filling my head, my own thoughts fray and vanish, caught in the storm of silent screams coming from him.  
  
My fingers turn to fists as my head pounds. Shame takes over my mind when I realize that I closed the bond when he most needed me. He hurts and I left him alone; tears well up in my eyes as it dawns on me how terrible this is. I run to him and throw my arms around his neck, I beg for his forgiveness while I try to make my way through the blistering feelings and reach the kid cuddled in the darkest corner of his mind.  
  
As soon as I touch him, I shiver. He's so cold and his muscles are stiff. I look up at his face, he's pale and I can see the purple veins on his temples. His blue lips quiver and his teeth are chattering. I hug him tighter, in a vain attempt to drain all the ice from his body and replace it with soft warmth.  
  
I finally react rationally and turn to Blaise who stands a bit uncomfortably a few feet further. He mumbles that he's going to get some dry clothes for Draco and to wait for him in Myrtle's bathroom. I nod vaguely and take that path. Luckily, we don't meet so many people and apart from the usual disgust glares sharpened a bit, nobody dares say anything.  
  
When we reach Myrtle's realm, I make him take off his pullover, shirt and pants: I feel nauseous as I see his slashed ankles. I have to shake myself to take off my cloak and rub him down vigorously. He whimpers and shuts his eyes tightly when the rough material of my cloak scrapes his wounds but I don't care, he has to get warmer before anything else.  
  
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*Blaise's pov*  
  
When I come back from the common room with clothes, Ginny already has stripped his clothes and tries to warm him up. His blood marred skin gains some color again and he seems better. I see Ginny literally lighten up as she starts to clean his numerous cuts expertly; I can't help but wonder how many times she already took care of him like that. She takes gauze out of her bag, it seems that she's ready anytime for that sort of intervention, and bandages his ankles tightly. She then moves up to his arms but suddenly, she stops, frozen, her eyes locked on his sliced up skin.  
  
I approach them and take a look. In the middle of the crimson network, a chain of cuts seems to stand out, brighter, deeper, redder.  
  
"Why did you carve 'home'?" asks a shaken Ginny. He doesn't answer immediately but he looks like he's trying to swallow the ball in his throat.  
  
"Fudge, he makes me go home for the holidays. Parents scared him and my father bribed him. I-" he trails off. "I'm scared," he then finishes in a whisper, directing his gaze to a crack in the pillar next to him.  
  
I see Ginny's brown eyes wander to his neck, where his father's finger marks are still visible, slight bruises on his faultless skin. I lean against the cracked pillar and thump the back of my skull on the earthenware covering it. How did someone like Fudge land in the chair of the minister of a whole world? How can he ignore what is so striking in this situation? I feel murderous.  
  
I look down at my schoolmate, wrapped in a cloak and miserable on the grey tile, and I wish with all my heart that I had a home where I could welcome him. Ginny finishes the wound cleaning with trembling hands, I know that she's got the same thoughts on her mind. Then we let him dress up and we note the disaster. Draco lifts a hand to his mouth and winces faintly at the contact on his grazed lips. His hair is wild and caked with blood at some places and Ginny wants to wash it in the sink but he refuses, he doesn't care.  
  
Exhaustion is painted on his features and the loss of blood certainly didn't help. I take his arm and drag him to the door. He needs food and rest. I spin around a last time to tell Ginny that we're going to our dorm but she already has understood and smiles weakly at me, her bloodied cloak in hand. I force myself to smile back and we leave.  
  
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And now..... my replies to your insane but always more than appreciated reviews!  
  
JB-LIBRIMAER: Lol, you can push the next chapter button now! Yep, I know, surprising of Ron, but sometimes, people are not who you think they are. Why the hell would I give up on that fic? Are you crazy? It's my baby, my masterpiece, the only thing I'm really proud of till now! I couldn't give up on this fic, my first one ever and such a success! Continue to review!  
  
Luna-is-my-name: Oh, you're in Wicca... I should be careful then, lol. Sorry, my mom is paranoid about Wicca, magic, whatever would drive us out of the normal course of our boring lives. Bit like the Dursleys, really, thought a lot less stupid, but I still find it highly comical that she's so fond of HP when she can't stand the fact that people believe in magic... No comment, please, I live with that everyday...*bangs head* I haven't seen that movie but I wrote down the title and I hope I can find it once. I don't really know if it's a good idea for me but well, I'll see.  
  
Ohjuotaku: Ah, sorry, I never said he wouldn't change a bit! He'll change... not much though, or at least, not very soon, I don't know yet. Anyway, I don't think he'll ever become Draco's best friend or whatever. Lucius should make an appearance soon... Too soon to your own liking, trust me about that. *shudder* I've gone to Italy three times I think, but never to Florence, just stopped there with the night train and I guess we were a bit drunk so didn't really realize, lol.  
  
Babysb: Ah, sorry about making you despise your fav character, I still don't know what I'm gonna do of him or of Colin. Almost made you cry, huh? Shit, I failed, I wanted you to cry... Yep, first Angst rule: Make your readers cry. Hmmpf, hope you cry in this chapter then.  
  
Citty: He he he... the prankster ghost team! They're cool, aren't they? You'll see, you'll see...Soon! Lol, do you believe me if I tell you I can't write in French? It's my mother tongue but it's like words don't flow like in English, it's rather weird. Dictionaries and thesauruses are my best friends, lol. Oh ok, you meant Tom. I breathe again, I have to admit he's clearly not too bad. Only I find him a bit stuck-up, like Percy... I have NO clue about the final number of chapters... But we're reaching Christmas and thus, Voldemort's plot, then I guess I'll continue a bit with the Ron and Colin issue and then... OMG... I don't want to finish it, how will I live without this story?  
  
Angelic fire: Thanks for the compliment, I hope my writing is even better in this chapter! Awh, Ron is not so bad.... deep down, lol.  
  
Drxd: Of course I'm gonna write about those pranks! Honestly, would I miss an opportunity to humiliate those two bastards???? I don't think so *evil grin*  
  
Bronx: You don't have to join Voldiepoo to slit their throats, but could you wait till I finish this fic? I need the morons a bit more, lol. Don't worry, I guess that at one point, Ginny will lose her temper freakin' badly, muahahahaha. Well... the summer holidays are far, but Christmas holidays are close, very close. *hides behind table, knowing that she'll receive a rotten tomato in the head*. Ahem, yeah... Read on. And I hope issue with your friend is better.  
  
Jhaylin: Blaise is not confusing! He's just got a high sense of sarcasm, lol. Don't worry, you'll see in this chapter that he likes Draco.  
  
Goldenhorse: Thanks, it was only Cinnamon before but do you know how many flaming Cinnamons there were on this site? So I changed it to that and I like it better. Duh, you can still change your name, it won't erase anything of your reviews and stories! I'm sorry you think that because it's not true but I sense some bitterness and harshness here so I won't continue on the subject of suicidal cutting. Muahahaha, I can't wait till they get their butts kicked, especially when you think it'll be by ghosts. *innocent smirk*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * REVIEW! Yep, I know, somewhat lame ending comment, but what can I say? I want to read your insane rambling! 


	24. Prank and Ash, laugh and scream, smile a...

A/N: Sorry, really sorry about the delay. A lot of stuff happened last week and this week and if you don't count the fact that I've got an archaeology presentation like in three days and nothing is done, I was very busy sorting out things with people and with myself... Anyway, welcome back to Fire'N'Ice, my dear beta-reader!!!!!! I missed you, but you already know all this, right? And I smite people like ???, reviewing to say nothing.  
  
Oh, and if you're looking for a good cutting story that is also a D/G, you'd like to check out Dragon And Fire Sprite by SoulUnFound, it's really good. And also Scars of the Black Rose by Dirt-is-Yummy, a faithful reviewer, he he he... And you should also check Silver and Cold by Mad Love Dreamer, it's awesome and should get a lot more reviews.  
  
Oh, and I'm lame to beg like this, but I got only three reviews for my other HP story called More Than I Am... It's about Draco and his twin sister who's a squib, him being a Death Eater, war context and blah blah blah. Will you give it a chance? Please...  
  
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Struggle 24  
  
*Harry's pov*  
  
Ron and I are eating breakfast and we enjoy it. Like always, might I add. Nothing steps between food and us. Only Hermione dared to hold us back from food and that was months ago. The day this mess started, the day Ron bullied his own sister, the girl he was so overprotective of.  
  
"Hey, where's Malfoy?" suddenly asks Seamus. It seems that the bastard has become the centre of the world. Colin shrugs superiorly.  
  
"Maybe he dug his goddamn blade in his non-existent heart", Ron offers while stuffing bacon in his mouth. Snorts and snickers welcome his comment and a pale Ginny shoots him a death glare while Hermione puts her hand on the redhead's arm to calm her down.  
  
Suddenly, Ron yelps and it makes my toast fall in my tea. I sigh and turn to glare at him, but the glare immediately vanishes and let place to eyes wide with surprise. Both Ron's and Colin's hair has disappeared. They both have a pink and shinning bare skull and are whining over the loss of their hair. Ginny stifles a laugh, I see Hermione dive under the table to hide her laughter and Sophia malfoy-smirks graciously.  
  
At this moment, Malfoy steps in the Great Hall, his eyes stuck to the ground in front of him. It's obvious that he's in his little world and sees nothing of the havoc at our table. Ron's skull changes shades from baby pink to bright vermillion, which just makes everybody laugh harder. With his flaring temper, Ron jumps from the bench and runs against Malfoy.  
  
"It's you. I know it is, you sodding git, I'm gonna kill you."  
  
Malfoy looks up in surprise and just has time to dodge Ron's fist. I look up to the staff table, but I spot Dumbledore put a soothing hand on McGonagall's shoulder. They're waiting and Dumbledore's eyes shine with a mischievous twinkle.  
  
Furious that Malfoy avoided the blow, Ron turns and dives again at the Slytherin but something stops him abruptly. A ghost stands between him and Malfoy, but WHOSE ghost is comes quite a shock. The whole school breaks in whispers as they watch Hannah Abbott hover between Malfoy and Ron. She shakes her head and laughs.  
  
"New hairdo Ron? Fabulous, really awe-inspiring."  
  
The words 'Thank you, I'm flattered' appear on Ron's head and the school erupts again in laughter. Colin gets up and comes to face Hannah. "Do you mind? We've got some business to do with the freak over there," he spits, jerking his head toward the Slytherin.  
  
'I'm the only freak here' appears on his bald head. Malfoy snickers and crosses his arms over his chest, waiting defiantly for Colin to come and explain a few things.  
  
"Miss Abbott, why don't you tell our poor...er, victims, how long their heads will stay that way?" breaks in Dumbledore's amused voice.  
  
Hannah plasters her best 'I'm innocent, how dare you even imply that I've got something to do with this' look and sighs. "Professor, I really don't see what you're talking about." Then she turns to Colin and Ron and smirks evilly. "It'll stay that way till some sense gets into your thick heads. And remember Colin, you're the only freak here, you betrayed your friend."  
  
With that, she begins to float away. Moaning Myrtle pops out of nowhere and starts to twirl around the two bald guys and bows down in front of Malfoy who rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Peeves appears too, with a wand in his hand. He stares at it intensely with a depressed glint in his eyes then sighs and reluctantly hands it to Malfoy. "I had fun, but I guess that moron of Crabbe will need it..."  
  
Suddenly, Myrtle's shrill voice floats in the hall "Peeves, you stupid poltergeist HURRY UP, we've got other pranks to plan!"  
  
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*Ron's pov*  
  
I'm behind Mum's office door. I'm a bit ashamed that I spy on her and Snape, but it happened and well, no way to go back now. I was about to open the door and ask her to help me get my hair back when I heard Snape say Malfoy's name and I'm now listening to their conversation with my ear stuck to the wooden door.  
  
"Dumbledore told me that Fudge was sending Draco home for Christmas, I can't believe he's that thick. Doesn't he see how it destroys that kid?" says Mum with a desperate edge in her voice.  
  
"He doesn't want to see. Lucius bribed him, that's for sure. Zabini told me today that Draco cut himself to anaemia yesterday but refuses to speak." Answers Snape in his steady voice.  
  
"Draco is a secretive kid, you know he never speaks, never lets go of anything, he's-"  
  
Snape voice comes sharper "Look where it leads him! He gashes his body instead of talking to someone, how many cuts do you reckon he'll do before getting to the Manor? How many, Molly?"  
  
"I don't know, ok!" she snaps as I hear a pounding noise.  
  
A silence follows this statement and I take a few steps back and hide behind a statue. I see the doorknob turn and Snape's robes come in sight.  
  
"Severus!" Shouts Mum. Snape's robes come to a stop. "What is important is that he's not alone anymore."  
  
Snape comes out of the room and closes the door behind him. I can see worry written on his face, it's strange, the only thing seen there is usually a deep scowl. I've quite forgotten about my hair, to tell the truth. I really begin to wonder what's behind the name of Malfoy. Why suddenly so many people get involved in some unknown business. Ginny, Hannah Abbott and her team, Sophia, Zabini obviously. Even Hermione seems to know things, but me, I know nothing. And it can't stay that way.  
  
..........  
  
I'm now sitting outside the hospital wing, uneasy, embarrassed even. I don't know why I am, but I fear what I'll learn, I fear that it would turn my world upside down again. Maybe I'm gonna face my failure and stupidity behind this goddamn door, but I have to understand.  
  
I squeeze my hands to ease the pressure building inside me, but it doesn't really help. Why such a little thing puts me in such a right state? I don't know, but again, I don't know anything anymore. Even Harry and Hermione say they don't recognize me and I'm conscious that they're right.  
  
"Mr Weasley, what can I do for you?" I jump as I hear Mrs Pomfrey's curt voice and I see that she's standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips. I swallow my fears and doubts and I get up.  
  
"I need to talk to you, if you have time, please." I bite my lip and look at my old shoes.  
  
"Come in."  
  
I step behind her and enter her office. She closes the door and goes to sit at her desk. I look around, I've never come in that room before. Bookshelves go up to the ceiling, they're stacked with medical volumes, vials and other strange objects. In a corner, crystal owls are lined up on a table, along with stuffed or porcelain ones. Who would have thought that Mrs Pomfrey had a soft spot for owls?  
  
She gestures me to sit on the chair facing her and I obey, still very uncomfortable. She sees my uneasiness smiles warmly, she's really someone nice under her stern exterior.  
  
"So, what do you want to talk about?" she asks in a soothing way. She doesn't laugh at my lack of hair, she doesn't give me a scold for my behaviour of these days.  
  
I squirm a bit on my chair and lower my eyes to the wooden floor. "I wanted to ask you about...cutting." I look briefly at her, I'm relieved that the dreadful words have come out that easily.  
  
"It's about Draco Malfoy, right?" I nod silently. "If you're worried that he might hurt your sister, the answer is no, he's only a danger to himself." I feel relieved and I want to leave, afraid to talk more with her but it seems that I can't move. Instead, words that I don't control come out of my dry mouth.  
  
"Is he suicidal?"  
  
"No, Mr Weasley, he isn't."  
  
"Then why? Why does he do that freaky thing?"  
  
She gets up and starts to walk around her desk. "Many people do it, it's neither freaky, neither rare. But it stays a secret exactly because of the reactions people have and you know what they are, right?" I wince as I see myself on top of Malfoy, punching him and calling him names, his blood on my hands. "Now, reasons for self-inflicted wounds are numerous and various: punishment, release, expression, way of existing... If you're interested, take that book."  
  
She drops the small volume on the table but all I do is staring at it with intensity, I hardly dare touch it. I finally reach for it and tuck it in my tattered schoolbag. I mumble a thank you and stand up to leave.  
  
"Mr Weasley," she suddenly says as I'm opening the door. I pause with my hand on the handle and turn to look at the mediwitch. "This book might help you overcome your prejudice, but it won't tell you who Draco Malfoy is. To discover that, you'll have to go to him, there's no other solution. Have a nice evening and put some hat on, you're going to catch a cold."  
  
I grin faintly and walk out of the hospital wing with a weight less on my shoulders and a key to my questions safely hidden between two rolls of parchment. Mrs Pomfrey's words echo in my head as I take the path to the common room. "Punishment, release, expression, way of existing..."  
  
What is your secret, Malfoy?  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
I'm working in the common room when Zabini appears in front of me. His face is neutral but he's got a hint of pity in his eyes and it drives me crazy.  
  
"Draco, you should see something."  
  
I frown but stand up and follow him to the dorm. I stop dead in my tracks when I see the massacre. All my things have been piled in the middle of the room and someone set fire to them. Even my schoolbooks are spoiled, about three quarters of them are to throw away. What hasn't been burnt has been scribbled on. FREAK FREAK FREAK. Everywhere. Even on the wall behind my bed. The dark red paint has stained the sheets and the carpet. All my belongings are ruined, broken, I feel sick.  
  
I dig my nails in my palm till I draw blood when I spot the shrivelled picture of my mother under a charms assignment. I turn on my heel and leave my destroyed possessions behind me. I go back downstairs with a careless attitude. I know they're all gathered in the common room, waiting for my reaction. I head to the corner in which I was sitting before and go back to my homework without even looking at them.  
  
My writing is more nervous, I grip my quill tighter and the scratch of it on the paper is intensified, but other than that, no emotion shows. I keep it all inside, deeply buried and I start to build another wall in front of the others. I hear whispers behind me, they're disappointed in my lack of reaction.  
  
I'm boiling inside, though. I'm hurt and I'm craving for my blade. But I won't go now. I'm gonna finish this stupid homework and act as if nothing had happened. Then I'll go to Binns and I'll hand it in immediately, before it's spoiled too. And after that, when everything else is done, then I'll kill my pain.  
  
When all this is done, I sit on a step and roll up my sleeves. My arms are still bandaged from yesterday. The wounds are itching and I didn't want to take the gauze off, I didn't want to see what I had done to myself. As the gauze falls on the stone floor, I see it. HOME still stands out on my skin and I start to count the days till I have to take that stupid train. Three days. No, there must be a mistake! I frantically count them down again, it can't be that soon!  
  
When I realise that it is indeed in only three days, my heart sinks lower. I close my eyes and rest my head on my knees. Fudge's speech turns in my head, I can hardly believe what he said. "You could have done it yourself." I could have whipped myself and hit myself to that point? I could have strangled myself that way? I think about my things, in the middle of my dorm. Burnt, stained, ripped apart, broken. Destroyed. Just like me.  
  
I cut over my wounds of yesterday on my upper wrists. I circle my legs with my arms and put again my head on my knees. I start to rock back and forth while salty drops roll on my cheeks. I carve FREAK on my other arm, facing HOME and let the blood drip on the My knife falls from my weak hand and lands a few steps further down.  
  
It calms me down and I soon stand up and pick up my knife. I tuck it into my pocket and wipe my tears away. Wallowing finished for now. I head for Snape's office and step in without knocking. He's in a grand conversation with Dumbledore and they stop immediately when they see me.  
  
I stay near the door and announce emotionlessly that I won't be able to hand in my essay for next class. Snape frowns in annoyance, he doesn't treat me with pity like the others, I like the fact that he acts like I'm normal and not a poor victim of a wicked world.  
  
"Why is that, Mr Malfoy?" he asks disdainfully.  
  
"It lies in pieces in the middle of my dorm, along with all my belongings. Or maybe it's in ashes, I don't really know what has been ripped up and what has been burnt." I reply coldly as I stare insolently at him. I turn on my heel without a word to Dumbledore or a good-bye to Snape and walk out of the room.  
  
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And on with the replies!!!!!!  
  
Dirt-is-Yummy: Hey!!! I'm so happy to see so many reviews from you! I love your story and I'm glad you read mine! Yep, that 's why Draco's actually my fav, character: we know nothing of what is hidden. Blaise *shakes head* I'm French and in French, Blaise is only a guy's name so I never doubt it before reading fanfic. Thus I always see him as a guy. Thanks for your compliment, I put everything I have in this story and I'm very happy when I receive reviews like yours. And maybe my writing is better, but it won't stay that way. You're 13, and I'm 19, and your writing is gonna improve so goddamn much, you can't even imagine. Keep up the good work, it's really worth it.  
  
???: dunno why I care enough to answer this particularly interesting review. I honestly don't give a damn if it's original or not, it's just life and that's it. Are you gonna send that sort of reviews to anyone posting a story about cutting? You're really are a Colin Creevey, but you don't know how much of a low thing this is since you didn't even bother read the first line of my fic. Cheers and keep up the great reviews, they're just amazingly constructive.  
  
MidnyteRogue: Well, I'm very happy you gave my fic more than one chapter as a chance. I know the first chapters are really bad, but I'm gonna work on them again when the story is completed, or maybe even before. It was actually the first time I really wrote something like that in English and I like to believe that I've improved since I started. Anyway, I'm also very happy you like my replies to reviews, this means a lot to me. I more than appreciate the time people spend writing reviews and I met my now best friend, beta and twin sis through reviews. And good luck with your writing, your muse will come back! Thanks for putting me on your fav list and let's bring down the Umbridge plague, muahahaha...  
  
LPI3: I continue and I thank you for the review. Glad to hear you hate Colin, trust me, you're not the only one... but this chapter is funny, Colin gets pranked! Ain't it great?  
  
Viraten: disturbing in a negative, neutral or positive way? I don't know how you see self-harm and I don't know how you write it. I read the first chapter of your story to have an idea and it was disturbing to me, go figure. Thanks for giving it a chance, as unusual as it seems to be.  
  
Drxd: Fudge is mean and on top of everything, the biggest moron on Earth... He's so weak and so easy to lie to. Such a naïve simpleton, it's a wonder how he ever got into the minister chair... And I don't really want Draco and Ron to be friends, ever. It would be too weird.  
  
Ohjuotaku: Glad to see that you're still as insane as ever... Yep, you're a master in incoherent rambling, I've got to bow down to you. And Blaise's sarcasm rocks! Yep! I take your invitation gladly, reality is not fun, lunatics shall prevail.  
  
SoulUnFound: thanks for the review, I hope you'll continue to read and review, this story means a lot to me, just like yours to you. I assume I already answered this review in my review to chapter 4 of Dragon and Fire Sprite and I say again not to worry about writer's block, it happens to everybody and one day, you'll just know what to write. I hope it's not too long, though, I'm in love with your story and again read it for like the sixth time this afternoon...  
  
Helaine Janet Lo: hello little hyper Chinese girl!!!! 1. anger decuplates strength and even Ron couldn't stand against you. ". I'm not sure Colin has balls, to tell the truth. 3. I'd like to do that too, but for the sake of the plot, I won't. 4. don't forget me if you manage to sneak in Hogwarts. 5. you can be in this story if you want. you could be the mind voice of Lucius... ah.. noope, sorry, he's too dumb and empty to have one... Your review made me laugh. *sticks out tongue at you*  
  
Goldenhorse: glad you loved this chapter, I was rather proud of it. Not so proud of this one, but I'm tired and over working so hell... and I want to know your new name! *twirl* Yep, people can be stupid and they should act differently... unfortunately, it's too often what happens. And I smite fudge with all my heart.  
  
Luna-is-my-name: how so you almost cried? I wanted you to cry! *pout* *smirk* thanks, I love you for reviewing. Lol, my mom tends to be paranoid about anything, really. Wicca is just the top of the pyramid I guess.  
  
Jewelkitten: So you know what they were up to, and he he he... you also know that Christmas vacation is coming soon...  
  
Rubberduckie 713: Ahem. and when do you update????? Still waiting here! Well, so yep, your alter-ego has loads of fun, everybody loves her in college... they're all sad when she's not there.  
  
Jhaylin: Yep, Blaise and Draco are friends...sort of. Let's say that they hold respect for each other and get along with their high sense of sarcasm...  
  
JB-LIRIMAER: the best fic you've ever read on ff.net? Thanks! *smiles madly* I hope you continue to review! I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, but I've got holidays next week...guess it could use some work. And don't worry, I could NEVER stop writing this fic and I'm already whining over the fact that I'll have to post the last chapter one day... *shudder* scary scary thought.  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!! I love when you review, I love you guys sooooo much! And I need it now, cuz my week is horrible, I can't wait to be Friday and over with the stupid archeo seminar, whatever the result is. So BRIGHTEN MY DAY! 


	25. Peace in the world and happiness everywh...

A/N: Hello everybody and sorry for the delay, last week's been hell. But I'm not gonna ramble for a long time cuz before anything else, I want to reply to ???'s review, who is clearly awfully prejudiced.  
  
First of all, people write here not to get reviews, but because they love writing and it's an opportunity to share their work with people who can appreciate it. But as you're an anonymous reviewer, what do you know about that? Second of all, I don't deny that I'm a bad writer but I'm not seeking attention, I hate being in the light and there's nothing more comfy than shadows. Now, I can't say the same thing of you. You came back to see my reaction and even went to chapter 24 to see it, I think it's sick. Third of all, and probably most difficult thing to say, I certainly don't live off of cutting to get reviews. I bloody well know it's a serious issue, fuck, I know that. You want to know? This story is sometimes the only thing that doesn't make me cut again. You happy? I'm a FREAKING CUTTER. Is that what you wanted to hear? I'm trying to quit, and sometimes, writing Draco's cutting is the only way to avoid doing it to myself (though, thank God, I never got to his point). Don't review a story without even reading it and never judge people on the two lines of a summary. But thank you for being an ass, it's challenging to get reviews like yours, unconstructive as they can be. Cheers.  
  
Mmmh... Now that this burst out is done, I want to thank all my other reviewers cuz this story really means a lot to me (and it's still an understatement) so yeah... Thanks, you're really the best.  
  
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Chapter 25:  
  
*Ginny's pov*  
  
The last few days have been hell for Draco. Literally hell. And today is not going to improve things. When we boarded on the train this morning, I felt like my heart was going to explode with all this pain and worry. Now it's about lunch time but the knot in my stomach prevents me from even looking at my food, neatly packed in my bag. We're alone in this compartment, Draco and I. He's sitting on the other seat, facing me, he gazes outside in a careless way. I'm not sure he really sees the scenery unfolding in front of the train window. He's boiling inside; anger, pain and fear mix up and blend to form a midnight black ball inside his soul. And this ball grows and grows, draining his emotions, trying to make his shell shatter.  
  
The same ball forms in my head, I can feel it, but the trouble is that my own problems come to add to its substance. When I closed the mind bond, Tom came back stronger and made sure Draco wouldn't push him away anymore. So I've got both of them in my head and it hurts like hell. I discreetly rub my temples in an attempt to soothe the ache but Draco nevertheless sees me.  
  
"I'm sorry," he states in a soft voice. Then emptiness floods in my head, he's closed the bond. I swallow with difficulty as his presence frays and only makes things worse. Tom's nightmare occupies my entire mind, his voice echoes and his laughter makes me flinch. He wraps his cold fingers around my sanity and starts to squeeze, I feel possessed again, it makes me panic. I can't remember my old defence techniques against this aggression, I haven't needed them since I met Draco. My brain cells work frantically to find a solution but it's beyond my fingertips, I can't reach it.  
  
I launch myself at Draco and cling to him. I beg him, I need him to open the bond again. My mind madly pushes against his wall in a vain attempt to break through it. And suddenly, Draco's tortured feelings are back, his night that is also my shelter. Tom is furious to be pushed in the background but Draco's stronger, he's alive and Tom is just a memory. I bury my face against Draco and progressively calm down, lulled by his steady heartbeat. I look up and meet his concerned grey eyes, I grin sadly.  
  
"I shall inform you that you've just won a duel against Tom Jedusor," I stammer in a shaky voice.  
  
"Why is he still here? How long has he been hurting you that way? How is it possible I never felt his presence before?" He's talking fast, worried and confused.  
  
"He's been there for years and I was used to fight him, but you shunned him in the shadows the day our minds were linked. And he never had an opportunity to regain power till I stupidly closed the bond. Don't shut it again, please, I need you in my head," I whisper as I wrap my arms around his waist.  
  
"And how on Earth do you think you're going to survive from this evening on? You have to find a solution without me because I don't know how long I'll still be here..."  
  
At that, I break the hug and look at him fiercely. "How dare you say that?"  
  
"Stop lying to yourself! You know very well that I might not come back, that he might kill me the same way as my mother! And I don't want you to be hurt, so GO AWAY, find someone else to help you, I can't," he spits in an irritated voice.  
  
I never saw his anger directed at me and the feelings he stabs me with are stronger than all the words he can say. I get up and turn on my heel; I walk out and slam the door without looking back, making sure that he knows how cross I am. Deep down, I know that the worry and pressure the others constantly put on him explains why he felt the need to unleash this, but I feel hurt, and betrayed. Draco is someone unpredictable and the shock of him going from caring to pushing me away hits hard.  
  
But still, his words haunt me. Do I lie to myself? Is he right? No, it's not possible, it's something I can't accept. My anger rises a bit more at his resignation. He has to fight, he has to live. He has to live.  
  
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*Draco's pov*  
  
I'm mad at myself for having showered Ginny with anger. I don't know why I lost my temper like this, it doesn't happen often. Anguish takes over me when I think that maybe she won't have time to find another solution to deal with Tom. And I feel sad, so bitter that she never told me about her memories hurting her like this. I piled up mine on her and she never let me know about all this going on in her head.  
  
I hurt her. God, I freaking hurt her! She gives me the chance nobody ever offered to me and I just snap at her. Culpability nestles in my chest, I'm aware that I don't deserve her and that I'm fucking lucky.  
  
I take out my knife, my only other friend, the one that I can't hurt. I stare at my last belonging with a sad smile. Ginny and I spent these past nights trying to save some of my stuff; the result was lame, if not inexistent. Somehow, I don't really mind having nothing left. It's like a new page is turned and things that were holding me back to the past, to old Draco, are finally destroyed. I only have this knife to remind me of it, to draw the demons of my childhood on myself.  
  
I draw blood from my wrists without even thinking. I spill the crimson and trace patterns with the tip of the knife. I draw a house, people, a cloud. They're childish drawings but the ink is devoid of innocence, the canvas is scarred and irregular; I laugh bitterly at the irony held in these doodles. I pick at the scab covering HOME and make it bleed again. Then I snap out of my trance and realize how late it is. We're nearly in London, my heart sinks and my laughter dies. Ginny hasn't come back, I can feel that she's still mad at me; I feel empty.  
  
When the train comes to a stop, I gather her things and take them as well as mine. I don't know what I'm going to tell her, what is going to happen. I spot her alone, looking for her bag. I stop in front of her and hand her the backpack without looking at her and she takes it without a word. It's like a wall of ice grew between us and its cold burns. I spot my father, waiting for me near the entrance, looking superior. A sadistic grin graces his features when he sees me and I head toward my torturer with a steady pace, too ashamed to say anything to Ginny.  
  
"Hurry up, we've got a lot of things to discuss tonight, and especially your nasty little habit, you freak. You're a disgrace to our name," he grits through clenched teeth, gripping his cane tightly. I try to breathe but it's jerky and hardly under control. Fear courses through my veins as I look back at Ginny one last time. Her mother has her arm around her shoulder and she bites her lip when she meets my gaze. I can see tears prickling her eyes but it's not anger that I feel coming from her, she's scared. For me. The ice melts.  
  
........  
  
When we arrive at the manor, a smothering silence envelops us. Only father's heels clacking on the marble of the hall can be perceived. The house is deserted. The realization dawns on me: I'll never hear Mother's light steps again. What I had tried to deny is thrown in my face like a fist. Father gestures me to my room. Well, my room is not exactly mine since I generally spend my time locked up in a dungeon, but officially, I've got a room, got to keep up the appearances.  
  
I shiver as we step in the impersonal and chilly place. My nearly empty trunk is pushed in a corner, but it's the only hint that this room is occupied. I feel so lifeless and shallow when I'm in this room. Father leans against the doorframe and starts to tap his cane lightly against his thick soles, I can't help but notice that he's put on his heaviest shoes on. And when I think it's gonna land in my stomach...  
  
"So, Draco... Not only do you feel the need to humiliate our family by associating with scum, you also have to use such a weak way as mutilation to get attention? Want to be a martyr? I can offer you that, you know," he drawls in a sly tone.  
  
I cower a bit, I really have no clue of his plans, of what he wants to do to me tonight. He suddenly leaves his careless attitude and I find myself in front of a wild animal. I know the game is Hide and Seek now, I know I have about ten seconds to leave and then, he'll hunt me down and beat me till he's satisfied. I know the rules off by heart, it's the first game ever taught to me. He knocks on the wooden floor with his cane one loud time and I know the countdown has just begun. Adrenalin rushes through my body and my legs start to move as fast as they can.  
  
I run down the stairs and try the main door. I know it's hopeless, the lock is always pushed, but it's a reflex that I always have, a tiny hope that refuses to die. I continue my race through the kitchens and the principal rooms, I now can hear his footsteps behind me. I was always a silent kid, used to walk carefully to avoid being spotted and my footsteps are hardly audible. But somehow, he knows. His killing instinct is stronger than silence. I end in the hall going to the dungeons, I realize my mistake. When I was younger, this door would always be open and I would be able to hide for a few hours, but we're now in a war, and war means prisoners and locks.  
  
I scrape my hands on the iron door, desperately trying to find a way to open it, it's my only chance, it's too late to come back, he's already there, at the corner. I hide behind an armour suit but my ragged breath betrays me, I can see "game over" flash in front of my eyes.  
  
"Cruciatus."  
  
I hold back my screams as I feel the curse dash through me. Small veins explode everywhere in my body, forming bruises. My cuts reopen, the army is losing the fight. Ginny is still here and I try to stay next to her, where my mind is relatively safe, but it's so difficult. I can't stay really connected, my thoughts are like water in my hands, running, and I can't hold them back.  
  
Father lifts the curse, disappointed that I wasn't as noisy as he wanted, and crashes his foot in my stomach. His combat boots break my ribs, put my lungs on fire, I cough up black blood; I nearly pass out from the lack of air. Now I expect him to use his cane, but he doesn't. No, he sits on top of me and digs in my pockets. God, he retrieves my knife, what is he gonna do? He laughs and opens it, passing his hand on the edge to test its sharpness; it seems to convince him. He turns me on my stomach and lifts my shirt. I feel the cold blade on my back and I understand what his new move is. I begin to struggle, I know the blood loss can kill me. He adds pressure on me and the pain refrains me from moving. Burying my face in my trembling hands, I cry and beg him to stop, I'd gladly suffer another Cruciatus instead of this.  
  
He runs the knife on my skin; I feel the searing gashes open under the sharp edge, the blood dripping on my sides. After seven or eight slashes, something stops him. He spins me around again and sits on my stomach. I see his eyes travel down my arms, taking in the number of cuts, the patterns and the words. The drawings haven't disappeared yet and he smirks when he sees them. He pins my right arm to the floor and his grey eyes bore into mine.  
  
"Another martyr, victim of his weakness and worthlessness. Failure," he whispers.  
  
The words engrave themselves in my mind as he slashes my wrist. Not the kind of cuts I would do as a self-injurer. Those are real suicide cuts, the ones that can bleed endlessly. I scream, sob and beg as he does the same thing to my other arm. He then drags me up to my room, laughing as my head hits every marble step. He throws me against a wall and leaves me here locked up.  
  
I curl up on the floor and try to stop the blood. I squeeze the wounds on my wrists with all my strengths but it seems that I can't stop the flow. I soon find myself sitting in a puddle of my own blood. My back is sore, my wrists hurt like hell. I feel dizzy, tears are pouring down my face; I know I'm gonna die and nobody can save me. My last thought goes to Ginny as I black out. I finally understand what she means to me, how much I care for her. Because she's still here with me when anybody else would have left.  
  
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*Molly's pov*  
  
Never a Christmas Eve was that strange. Ron and Ginny have finished school only yesterday and arrived tonight. The twins already scold at their sister and Arthur ignores her completely. Ron's just weird. Seeing him bald is strange enough, but he says nothing. He only talks to Harry and sometimes to Hermione but that's all. No plotting against Draco with the rest of his brothers, nothing.  
  
This year is a big family dinner. I hate those. I hate having my parents plus Arthur's here, my sister and her husband, their kids, Arthur's alcoholic brother. They're all so excited and happy and I'm driving myself crazy over the cooking. Severus is the only one who seems to have his head on his shoulders. He watches Ginny with worry but helps me nevertheless. I don't regret having invited him and I'm pleased that he accepted, though the negotiations were long and difficult. Ron's face was simply priceless when he saw him here.  
  
We finally sit around the decorated table. The food is delicious, thanks to Severus who added a few ingredients of his, but tension dulls the happiness. My parents and Arthur's have already seen that Ginny is different. She used to be such a chatterbox, but tonight, she's silent. She picks at her food and has her eyes locked on her plate. Of course, my mom has to open her mouth...  
  
"Ginny dear, what's wrong? You look awful, you seem to be very tired and silent. It's Christmas, darling. Peace in the world and happiness everywhere. Oh, or maybe you're in love... That's so sweet..."  
  
"I bloody well hope not," retorts Ron in a disgusted voice. Ginny lifts her eyes and sends him a lightening bolt. He ignores it and goes on. "Granny's right though. You're spoiling the evening and if you want to be all dark and bitchy, I advise you to floo to Malfoy Manor," he spits.  
  
Ginny drops her fork and it lands with a clattering sound on the hardly touched plate. She throws her towel on the table and gets up briskly. I try to calm things down a bit.  
  
"Ginny, please sit down, I want you to stay."  
  
"And I don't. I can't bear it any longer and I know what you all think of Draco, so shut up, I don't want to hear it anymore," she counters coolly. She spins around, her copper hair flying around her face and runs up the stairs. I hear her door slam so loudly that all the walls shake. I offer Ron a deep scowl and hear Severus sigh next to me. My mom is trying to understand what is going on and Arthur acts as if nothing was happening, I feel sick.  
  
A few minutes are spent eating in silence when Ginny's scream echoes throughout the house. It's not a shriek of alarm or a surprised shout; no, it's a real scream of torture, of suffering. I knock everything over as I rush up the stairs, followed by a crowd. Ginny's door is locked and I have Charlie smash it. Ginny's rolling on her carpet, holding her head and screaming. She coughs up blood on the cream carpet, spasms shake her. Convulsions become stronger and I vaguely hear Severus mumble something about Cruciatus. It doesn't take me long to know what is happening and I kneel next to Ginny, cradling her in my arms.  
  
"Angel, you have to close your mind bond with him, you have to. Do you know how to do it? Ginny, it's important!" My voice is more and more tainted with emergency; I can't bear the sight of my daughter being in such a state of pain. I'm about to repeat my words when she finally manage to speak.  
  
"No, don't wanna to. Can't leave him... Can't. Needs me, love him."  
  
"I know, but you have to. Professor Snape has just left to find him, he's going to bring him here soon, ok?"  
  
She coughs up a bit more and shakes her head. Her hand grabs mine and squeezes it tightly, her eyes are shut. Then she shakes herself out of my hug and starts to crawl to her desk. I stay still on the carpet, waiting to see what she's doing. I look up briefly at the rest of the family, all next to the door, looking at her horrified and terrorised. Ginny reaches her desk and struggles to get up. Her trembling hands finally manage to open the top drawer and I see her take out some scissors. She collapses again, moaning in pain and crying, her head against the side of her bed, and looks at me sadly.  
  
"Sorry Mom, got to take that pain out," she sobs. I see the metal shine softly and I understand. My daughter is going to hurt herself and I can't do anything, I know it's her only way out, I saw that kind of situations so often with Narcissa. And I cry with her as I prevent the rest of the family from running to her and making her stop. I see a lone tear roll on Ron's cheek, I go to him and hug him, praying that Severus gets to Draco soon enough to save him.  
  
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And Fire'N'Ice is back! *twirl* WELCOME!  
  
Wow. Really, wow. My stomach is so clenched, I'm surprised I'm breathing. Holy Shit. My Draco. My poor, poor Draco. I hate Lucius so much I want to throw up and kill him at the same time *shudder* An Ginny, ahhhhhhhhh. So much pain. Awesome job, I think I'mma have nightmares tonight, lol. You did the tension so well. Ah. This got me in the perfect mood. I'mma send this right away, to make sure Hotmail doesn't go screwy.  
  
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And now, on the replies to the other reviews!!!!!!  
  
Luna-is-my-name: last chapter wasn't amazing, I wrote it quickly and blah, I'm not very satisfied. But I hope you like this one, though... Why would you start to cut cuz you're in Wicca? I don't really see the link, but well, try to understand parents...*shakes head*  
  
Fire'N'Ice: Of course nobody smites your twin... See how I handled it, huh? Tell me you're impressed and bow down, he he he. Lol, I see your line "your dad just called" and I know have a yearning to twirl! OMG, this reminds me I've to phone the embassy! ARGH, done and it's ringing in an empty office. I smite them. And this afternoon or tomorrow, I'm gonna drag my mom to have info about planes. *smirk* just to see her reaction.  
  
Rachie: feel ashamed all you want, I admire people who catch up 24 chapters and still aren't stuffed enough to give me such a nice review. Glad, or sorry, that you relate but thanks for the compliment, I hope you'll continue to read and review!  
  
Devilsfire: You've got a new name! *twirl* It's pretty and a lot more better! Suits you, Goldenhorse was great, but the imagery was a bit childish. this is perfect. Thanks, I already can't believe how many reviews I got! Thanks, the presentation went perfectly, and I'm now officially a master at procrastination since I prepared my part from a German article during the part of my friend... Such a rush.  
  
Jhaylin: but Draco is a wonder, dear... Don't know how he managed either, but as he says in this chapter, he doesn't really mind since it's sort of purifying. Not that he's gonna thank the Slytherins anyway..... Bastards.  
  
RogueBHS: Glad you got your muse back! I didn't take your review personally when you said about being a bit cold about the first chapters, I was glad cuz it's been a long time that I want to rework on them, but I'm gonna keep the text, just sharpen it a bit. Lol, yeah, your'e weird, I stick to D/G, but H/Hr... not for me.  
  
Silvamagic: Thanks! *twirl* I love my story too, he he he *bighead mode* Mmh... who could have burnt all his things in the Slytherin quarters? Certainly not that coward of Creevey. Nuisance.  
  
Drxd: Yeah... trying. I bow down in front of Ron for trying, but trying is not everything. *smirk*  
  
Jewelkitten: thanks, I always hope I can keep him a bit in character. Hope you'll continue to enjoy.  
  
Terin Kail: see how right you were to be scared for Draco? *evil grin* Whoa, thanks for the compliment, it means so much!  
  
Dirt-is-Yummy: Happy Birthday... Very late, I know. Don't be that thankful, I only recommend fics that I really love and that have potential. I've read a bunch of stories about cutting, and they're all original in their feelings. I think cutting stories dwell a lot on that side and emotions coming for them are fairly different. It doesn't annoy me that people think cutting is unoriginal and such, but it annoys me when they judge without reading. For the Slytherins who burnt his things, they don't see him as human, so well, no feelings, nothing. Lol I do that too, laughing or crying alone in front of the computer... Don't bother, they all think we're weirdos. Eavesdropping can come in handy *smile*. Fuck, I KNOW you're not suicidal! You don't sound like you are. And about cutting, don't worry, one day, you'll have a good reason to stop, one day, you'll just know it's the time to quit and you'll do it.  
  
......................  
  
After all this... I've got only one thing to say... REVIEW! And have a nice week. (I'm on vacation, I'm on vacation!!!!!! *twirl*) *regains composture* sorry about that... *sheepish grin* 


	26. Don't Give Up

A/N: I'm really really sorry for the delay guys! I was mainly over at fictionpress, and my life was a bit hectic lately. Plus, I was on holidays and blah blah blah... yeah, really sorry again, I hope this chapter makes it up a bit for my screwiness... *sheepish smile* Oh, and it hasn't been beta read, cuz I had no time to send it to Fire'N'Ice, I really wanted this to be posted before you all kill me, lol. ???: since you're still here... I guess you earned your place among the other reviewers, reply down there. Apology accepted, but yeah, you're really a bitch.  
  
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Chapter 26:  
  
*Draco's pov*  
  
I've blacked out and now I wake up. Why? The nightmare begins again, the pain and the feeling of cold blood wrapping me. I didn't really want to wake up again, but I never have it easy, do I?  
  
My mind is a chaos, dark and scary. Sad thoughts blend with blood-stained memories, I'm swallowed up in my pain, the violence of my emotions just gives me a fucking headache. And in a corner, there's a shimmering light. Ginny. I hope she's alright, she can't die with me, I forbid it. Small, fragile, hurt. Hurt. What happened again? Did she collapse? Did she suffer like me? I pray she didn't, it's an unbearable thought.  
  
But on another side, it means they know. They all know I'm in trouble. Will someone come for me? I don't know who would be mad enough to enter this place but I want to believe that someone would.  
  
Hope reappears. A notion that had left me ever since I had this nice conversation with Fudge. I have to hold on. I've waken when I could have simply drifted into death so I assume it's not for nothing, right? Would Fate be cruel enough to wake me up and torture me a bit more so I can die more miserable afterwards?  
  
I struggle to open my eyelids, I have to stay awake, to be ready for Daddy Dear's return. I can't afford to pass out again, I have to fight, I have to. I look around the room but I see nothing in the dark. The cold wooden floor is covered with blood, it looks like a black pool.  
  
I'm afraid to move, scared it might make my wounds bleed a lot more than they already do. I look at my wrists, now the blood flows very slowly from the excruciatingly deep gashes but I'm relieved: it seems Father didn't cut deep enough to make me bleed to death, I'm fucking lucky again.  
  
My mind roams through memories and thoughts all it wants. I let it do so, it keeps me conscious, numbs the pain needling my body, makes me forget about my burning lungs and broken bones. Rather ironical that for once, I yearn for the emotional pain to take over the physical one.  
  
Yet, I'm amazed I'm so calm; it's like I truly don't give a damn anymore. My fate is quite simple, and totally out of my hands: I die in my father's hands next time we play the game, or someone finds me in time and I live, so where's the problem? All I can do is wait. Wait till...  
  
Damn, till I hear footsteps coming in this direction. They're slow, it's torturing, I can feel my organs twist with fear. Is it my father, walking peacefully, savouring his power, the anticipation? Or is it my saviour, walking carefully, unknown to my executioner?  
  
I drain my last strengths and force my body to curl up in case fancy combat boots appear in the doorway, accompanied by a manic laughter. My head spins as needles pick at my flesh, my breath is trapped in the blood filling my mouth.  
  
The wooden door opens silently, my wet eyes meet black ones. They hold things in them that I sure never saw in my father eyes. The emotions in them resemble a bit to Ginny's but not exactly. Relief washes through me as I shed my tears and hear myself whisper thanks to whoever sent this person.  
  
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*Ron's pov*  
  
I'm sitting next to Ginny's bed and reading a book, it's nearly midnight. She sleeps peacefully, or so I hope. What happened tonight shook me like hell. It forcefully pushed our argument in the background in front of this suffering, so now I'm here.  
  
I can't help my eyes look at the bandage on her arm. Where she cut herself. She looked so hopeless, so desperate, like she had no other way out, that it gave me courage to open Mrs Pomfrey's book. That's what I'm reading now, cautiously, feeling like an intruder in some underground world.  
  
I just thought that Malfoy was a freak to do it. Now I know I was wrong. The causes are multiple, as said Mrs Pomfrey; the history can be so twisted that it's nearly impossible to follow its course. It's no free and sheer masochism and I understand that now.  
  
Their friendship disturbs me and the fact that they, for some reason, share a mind bond was just the top of the pyramid; but now, at least, I know that he's not playing with her and as amazing as it can sound, I think he's actually sincere.  
  
But it also means that whatever is happening, he's in trouble. I don't really give a damn about him, I hate him, but there's Ginny. How does it affect her? What can happen to her if something happens to him? These questions haunt me and their answers scare the hell out of me.  
  
Ginny rolls on her back and her eyes shoot open. I can see pain so I rush to her side, scared that she hurts. I wonder how I could have been such an ass for weeks and months, I can't believe I've thought and said things like I did. God, will she ever forgive me for what I've done?  
  
"Ron? What are you doing here? What time is it? I don't remember!"  
  
She frantically looks around, sitting with her body entangled in sheets and blankets. Then her eyes fall on her bandaged arm and something appears in her eyes. Recollection, horror, panic. Tears well in her eyes so quickly I hardly realize when she starts to cry, I don't know what to do, I'm not sure she wants me to do anything, by the way... Then she falls back down on her bed and curls up in a ball. I can hear her whimper, hear her damn herself for what she did. I try to put my hand on her shoulder but she pushes me away, I expected something like that.  
  
"Please, Ron. Leave me, just leave me alone, please."  
  
I lay my book on the chair next to her and sigh. I'm reluctant to go downstairs, to leave her here alone, crying her heart out and aching that way. But I know I can't do anything for her now, only he can. I close her door behind me and lean my forehead on the brick wall. I pray Snape finds Malfoy in time, because if he doesn't I really don't know how she'll go on...  
  
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*Snape's pov*  
  
I've searched the dungeons from corner one to corner 1003 and there's no trace of Draco. I know Lucius is fond of dungeons so I wonder where the boy can be... I'm just scared I arrive too late, things seemed a bit screwed up.  
  
I silently run through the manor, opening every single door, closet or trunk on my way, I just can't find him. My blood freezes a bit more each second. Time is flying away from him, I know I've got to get to him now, I know I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. He's one of my students, he's my godson, he's... like my son.  
  
The late realization of my feelings only adds pressure on me, I want to find him at all costs, even if I have to burn down this place, even if I have to torture Lucius, even if I have to be sent to Azkhaban afterwards. I would do anything to save him.  
  
I finally remember where his room is and sprint there. I stop running from the end of the hall, scared that Lucius might still be around, waiting for a second entertainment session. And here I finally open the door with trembling hands, to be met with the most terrifying sight I've ever seen.  
  
He's convulsing, shivering. There's blood everywhere, all around him, all on him, my heart is about to explode as I kneel in front of him. He sees me and starts to cry, it tears me apart. I don't have much time so I just cradle him in my arms and start to run again to get away from hell and floo back to the Burrow.  
  
I'm relieved to see Poppy ready when I step back in The Burrow. I know he's in good hands and I merely collapse on a nearby chair. The whole house is silent though everybody watches Poppy. The only sound is her cracked voice, listing his injuries to her magic board that writes everything down. I feel sicker and sicker as the list expands.  
  
I bend down and rub my face with my bloodied and trembling hands. The list goes on and on, from the slightest bruise to the worst internal damage you could have nightmares of. Poppy also lists ancient scars for the medical record... her wand runs over them and tells her what she needs to know, like their age. 15 years old. My body stiffens at that number. Draco is hardly 17, it's impossible, it can't be, it didn't pass unnoticed to me for so long time! I try to deny the truth, but I know it's there, nagging me: I was there, I was the only one who could have done something and I miserably failed, saw nothing.  
  
A lone tear finds its way down my cheek, hidden behind my hands. First time I cry in years.  
  
I whip it away discreetly and look at Draco. His eyes are glazed over, he's hardly conscious but I feel his silver eyes bore into mine. So much like Lucius' and still so very different. But nobody ever saw the tiniest happy glint in them. Just Ginny. For the first time, I'm truly happy she's there for him.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I'm still curled up on my bed, expressionless. Ron left, but I know he hesitated, the old Ron would have, and it was him that I found next to me this morning. I don't have the courage to get up. My body is sore, all my muscles ache, but that's not the real problem.  
  
I can't face them anymore. What I did, what they saw, it changed things forever. Like after the Chamber of Secrets, I know they'll treat me differently, though they will hope I won't see it. But I know, I know what they'll think.  
  
The omnipresent disappointment in their eyes, the disgust my gesture brought to me. And Draco... Oh, God, Draco. I can feel he's still there, destroyed and damaged, but with a hint of peace in his head which tells me he's safe, somewhere.  
  
But he'll blame himself, that's for sure. He'll dwell on the fact it's because of him and he won't let go of his culpability. It'll haunt him, hurt him, he'll drown himself in remorse and it'll just fuck him further up.  
  
He won't listen to me when I'll say it's my fault. I knew all this was going to happen, it was bound to. But I couldn't' stay strong enough, I failed to stand up and give him comfort. I just wallowed selfishly in my pain when he was going through a hundred times worse and now, it'll make him suffer.  
  
I lift my arm and look at the bandage. There's a spot of blood on it, I slowly take the gauze off. Under the pure white tissue, they stand out screaming, the bright marks of my failure. Four long and thin scabs running across my arm. Lined up like the soldiers of a firing-squad. They shoot, laugh, throw my pride in a puddle of mud as a sob shakes my shoulders.  
  
I hear their voices "you don't deserve to be anyone's friend" "you're weak" "failure" "you should die". The worst is Tom's laughter in the background, he knows he made new allies in them. And I know he can take over Draco in my head if he manages to do something with them.  
  
This shakes me. I can't avoid Draco, and I can't avoid my family. It's too late, I've got to deal with the consequences and go on. Go on and fight against Tom and his newfound army. I'm still afraid, I still doubt about myself, but I can't stay that way. I slowly stretch my body and gingerly get up. Dizziness takes over but my blurry eyesight doesn't stay out of focus and I find myself walking to the door. Praying I'm ready to face the battle.  
  
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And now that you had your fill of angst... on the replies!  
  
Feline: whoa, you were really desperate! Two reviews! Thanks, I hope this makes you wait till next chapter! See, Draco is not totally saved, but I haven't killed him!  
  
Rubberduckie: I wrote you an email! And you didn't reply... *pout* you mentioned shit with your computer, maybe it's the reason... but I hope I'll hear from you soon! Hannah power? I don't think so... look at the havoc both of you would create... the world is safer in my hands... *evil grin*  
  
XxDrAcOs-XO-AnGeLxX143: *sigh* do you want to know how long I took to write your name? lol. thanks, your lack of speech means a lot... I hope you come back to read more. I'm somebody twisted, lol.  
  
Fantine2: well, welcome back! I hope you enjoyed the full story... yeah, it's like when you flip the pages to the end when buying a book. I do that all the time but I try to stop, in a way, it spoils the book. Raving lunatic is an understatement when it comes to describe Lucius' precarious mental state, but I agree, lol.  
  
RogueBHS: Lol, if you continue, your roasting pit will be overbooked... I do realize I can improve a lot of things about my writing... I'm working on it. I didn't take it seriously about the "bad author" thing. But I couldn't let pass the comment about self-injury and the comment about reviews... thanks for the compliments, I'm quite amazed with the number of reviews. Right... Potter and Malfoy bonding... would be interesting to work on.  
  
Viraten: glad to see you're sensitive enough to post a review, lol. I will keep writing it, I'd never give up on this story.  
  
Sweetflame: I hope you're still alive, my point isn't to kill reviewers with my late updates *sheepish smile* I cry all the time reading story, but I've got to admit I manage to make myself cry when writing this... I'm pathetic, lol  
  
Jewelkitten: Yeah, I had a huge smirk when thinking about Snapeypoo bonding with the melodramatic Weasley clan...  
  
Sazzy7: OMG, you're crazy! You read it in one sitting, and you're still not stuffed enough to give me such an awesome review? Welcome to the realm of Struggle, I hope you continue to read and enjoy. Lol, I know I know, fluff is coming, it's coming... not in this chapter (only for Snape, a bit) but next one, definitely... No, I can't write you in the story but I offer you Lucius when I'm done... *looks evilly at him tied in a corner*  
  
Fire'N'Ice: Lol, I can't believe you still take time to review when you ramble so much about the story in emails... Yep, a very dirty lie, but you knew it, he he. I know, very very odd... I wasn't expecting this either. I know, it's unfair, we should have a cutting patch, would help damn much *sad smile* if you read my email, I guess you already know how well I'm acting right now... Who would guess things are hell when you read these replies? *hug* but we've gotta be strong!  
  
Tainted-Eve: Well... I think in this chapter, Ginny answers your question. I once told a friend I cut myself and she started it. I thought guilt was gonna crush me. I guess I'm gonna use it for Draco's pov... Oh... he will... when I'm done with the story, I offer Lucius to you reviewers and you can torture him all you want... Enjoy, lol.  
  
Shadowed Past: I know, I was rather angry with this reviewer... but it's over now. I know, writing about cutting is really an awesome way not to do it to myself. I'm glad to quit, all my friends seem to quit, we can be a huge support group. Email me if you need, I'll gladly help.  
  
Rachie: yep... I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations! There's Draco, and Ginny... and well... no Lucius *twirl* and I love Snapey, he he...  
  
Devils_fire: Thanks *hug* well, turns out the whole flame thing was a test... do you reckon people ever heard about email???? Glad you held off, trust me, it's hell to get out of it. For now I hold on, I know I won't cut again cuz I promised Fire'N'Ice and it would be betray ing the people who believe in me. I know... you nice reviewers brighten my day! Thanks again.  
  
???: well, I guess since you're still here, I'd put you with the rest of my reviewers...Apology accepted, but DAMN, never heard about email?? I already received emails from people asking if I was a cutter and such, it's no big deal. I know it's annoying, but you have to respect people's work, and why not, give them tips? I doubt many people just do it for reviews, though...  
  
Jhaylin: I hope Ron's pov satisfied you a bit, he he he... *sheepish smile* I'm sorry, it was actually more than a little wait... but holidays were good, lol.  
  
Ohjuotaku: so... how were your nightmares? *evil grin* I can kill Draco if I want, it's my story, muahahahaha. That's sooo cool, I love your land of insanity, he he he... Can I really bash Lucius' skull? *hug* this is my fav place!!!! I will keep doing this, it just means so much to me. Thanks for the compliment... You never recover completely of cutting, but for now, I'm holding on and fighting and I hope it'll continue. *hugs back crazy weirdo, lol*  
  
Drxd: almost made you cry? Daaaaamn, I failed again... I know, I would never do it either, but Ginny didn't really realized... till now. I wanted to insert a Molly pov in there, but I couldn't find the right place for it. Definitely in next chapter though...  
  
Luna-is-my-name: Thanks... What do you feel sorry about? Well, you're really everything my mom fears I become, lol. but I don't see the link with cutting... I was a cutter and not into wicca, and you're quite the contrary. Oh well, try to understand parents...  
  
Dirt-Is-Yummy: Lol, I meet you everywhere lately! Between here, fictionpress, Yahoo, Psyke... but I'm glad we talk so often! Thanks, I'm very proud of the way I've handled ???. ah... I know, it's a bit twisted... Molly is allowing it, but like Ron, she's understood what lays behind it. But we'll have her pov in next chapter, gonna be rather sad... Lol, when our internet connexions screw, Meg and I put it either on Voldemort or Lucius' account. It's worse than the physical beating cuz he really tried to kill Draco and make it look like the boy is the only one responsible for this. It's coward and it'll fuck Draco up just so much... not gonna give away more, I shut up.  
  
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REVIEW! You know you want to... *tries to hypnotise you* ok, whatever, I'm lame at it... but I'm good at crawling... *crawls in front of you* will you review? Pweaaase... Ok, I admit it, I've got no pride, lol. 


	27. hit the bottom of the spiral

A/N you must be sick of my apologizes and all, but what can I say? I'm screwing up and I know it, but I have too much going on at the same time. Anyway, since I'm stubborn and won't admit that I have too much, I'mma continue to write this, he he he... Anyway... hasn't been beta-read, cuz one... I was too lazy to send it to Fire'N'Ice and two... really wanted to post it. So deal with me, if you can.  
  
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Struggle 27  
  
*Draco's pov*  
  
I can hardly believe I am alive. And safe. Kinda. My head aches and my eyesight is a bit blurry but I know I'm at the Weasleys. I slowly roll on my side to look around. I'm in their living room, on a mattress. I'm warm and numb, I assume I'm under so many pain killers spells that I wouldn't even feel if someone stabbed me now.  
  
I stay quiet, hardly moving. Carefully tucked in the blanket. I don't wanna see what he's done to me. I don't wanna know the damage he's inflicted on me. Even my arms, I keep them under the sheets. I feel like if I see the slashes, I'll just tear them open again.  
  
Part of me regrets that I'm alive. I'm safe now, but for how long? And how long can I go on the way I do? I rely on Ginny and break her everyday a bit more, I'm such a burden to everybody. Snape came for me, but he shouldn't have. He could have been caught, he could have died for his betrayal. I don't exactly think I'm worth his waste.  
  
I hear people arguing in another room. I recognize the voices, they're Mr Weasley's and Ginny's. He thinks I'm suicidal, that I did it myself. And Ginny's yelling at him that I'm not. I wonder now. Am I? I really wanted to die last night, and there are so many other times when I wished I would bleed endlessly. I don't value my life, does that make me suicidal? I guess so.  
  
Mrs Weasley enters the action and shouts at them to be less noisy. Her husband continues to rant about me, my attitude. The danger I am to Ginny. I cringe as I hear all that, but the final blow kills me. His words endlessly ring in my head in the silence that follows his statement.  
  
"She cut herself because of him yesterday! How freaky is that? How can you allow that Molly!"  
  
His howling tears me apart, I just stop breathing, in shock. I finally lift my right arm and take a look at the soaked bandages. Damn you Father, couldn't you plunge the blade deeper? Ginny. God, why? Why did it happen?  
  
I sit up. Father was right. A failure, such a failure. I scan the room to find anything sharp. Scissors on an armchair, with a knitting work. I crawl there. Each move an effort to drag my body forward. But I won't give up, no, I won't. My hand closes on the metal.  
  
I rip the gauze and assault the scab on both my wrists. I clench my teeth as the wounds sting and bleed again. Suicidal. Yes, I am, I rub the scissors deeper, deeper. I wanna reach the arteries, right now. Just die, stop being a disease.  
  
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*Ginny's pov*  
  
I assume myself and I'm quite proud of it. I stand against Dad and I speak clearly. I'm not mentally ill and what I did is not what I am. I want him to understand that. I think he does, but I hate how he talks about Draco. Like he's the cause of any problem of Earth.  
  
I know he's awake now and I just wait for Dad to stop his rambling so I can go and see him. But Dad is becoming angrier any minute, he's yelling now. He insults Draco, he blames him for my failure. And he shouted that. My eyes travel to where Draco is, I pray he didn't hear. I want to tell him and explain things myself, I don't want him to know that way.  
  
His comment made Mom shut up. I see hurt in her eyes, because he doesn't understand and he doesn't trust me, or her for that matter. But I don't have much time to think about that, I feel there's something wrong. I swiftly walk to Draco, worried.  
  
I go to where he's supposed to be, near the fire, wrapped in a warm blanket. But he isn't. My heart races as I scan the room, it explodes when I spot him. I rush and kneel in front of him, shoving the scissor out of his hand. I hear Mom gasp behind me but even shocked, she has the common sense to take out her wand to patch his wrists up.  
  
I hold them tightly but he struggles, he's crying, he tries to get them out of my grasp. But I don't let go and let Mom work out a few spells. The scab covers the wounds again and I let go of him.  
  
"What were you trying to do?"  
  
He doesn't look at me, his eyes are fixed on the blood in front of him. He's mute and I know my attempt to make him speak will be useless so I try to reach his mind. Deep down, I already know. But I refuse to process this idea, I can't accept that.  
  
I know he didn't slit his wrists last night. There was so much panic, if he had wanted it, he wouldn't have been in that state. The state he is in now. But who would believe me, especially now that he really attempted it?  
  
I let the scissors fall on the carpet and hide my arm behind my back as I see his eyes locked on the bandage. He knows. He overheard and he feels guilty. Oh my God, don't tell me he's done that because of me.  
  
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*Molly's pov*  
  
Draco attempted suicide this morning. Attempted suicide. I'm still shaking from what happened, I feel like crying endlessly. Ginny hasn't left him since then, but he refuses to speak. The silence is overwhelming, oppressing.  
  
Of course, everybody knows. Everybody always knows everything in this house. Arthur is furious, but I know he hides the fact that he hates being helpless. Severus went for a walk and hasn't come back yet. He was so shaken, it was terrible to see him like that. The boys act normal, though quiet. Ron's hair is back but he's really down now since he sees how much of a bastard he's been.  
  
The extended family left. My mother ranted over and over that I am irresponsible and should care about whom my kids see if I don't want to end with delinquents in the family. I told her to get out of my house, she didn't really appreciate that particular outburst.  
  
I'm cooking dinner, vainly trying to get my mind off Draco. And his father. I don't understand how someone can harm their own kids that way. Ginny says Draco didn't cut up his wrists yesterday and I believe her... but then, it means Lucius did it. If Severus hears that, the guy is dead. Which wouldn't be a waste anyway.  
  
And there's Ginny. Arthur blames me for having let her cut herself. But I saw that look in her eyes. I saw it so often in Narcissa's, after her father had had a go at her. I saw it so often in her tortured blue eyes. Ginny already has her share of pain, she couldn't possibly take someone else's on her shoulders without consequences. Hard consequences.  
  
I hear the door slowly close behind me and spin around to see who it is. Severus is there, looking vacantly at the brick tile, soaked with rain. I take his arm and drag him to a chair, he looks distressing. I help him remove his cloak and sit next to him.  
  
"How did it happen Molly? How did I see nothing at all? How did Lucius manage to break him that far? I want to kill Lucius, right now. Make him pay, for everything he did," he articultates slowly, with a strangled voice.  
  
"It wouldn't change anything Severus. Thinking about the past is worth nothing, it just brings pain and remorse. Draco needs us and if we blame ourselves, we can't help him."  
  
I feel like an hypocrite, saying words I don't believe in. But I know people expect this kind of words so I say them anyway. I feel like Severus, but I know his guilt is worse. He was there from the beginning, it must be horrible to discover the hidden face of things after such a long time.  
  
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*Lucius' pov*  
  
Draco has disappeared. Someone came for him. I know it, he wasn't in a state to run away without help. Little bastard. Always has to ruin everything, doesn't he? Brings me nothing but trouble, I hope he dies from his wounds. Would save me energy, and it's not like I can't find another toy somewhere. Plenty of muggles would do the trick. Not as interesting as my own son, but yet, would do the trick.  
  
I smirk at the thought, but it disappears quickly as Voldemort calls my name. what am I going to tell him? I'm on for a punishment. Draco's fault... If I find him, he'll pay for that.  
  
"So you failed again, Lucius. Can't even manage to keep your son under watch? This is pathetic, even that wretch of Arthur Weasley is better at it than you. So, what happened? And I want all the details," he drawls, twirling his wand between his fingers.  
  
I feel my blood freeze at that. I can't lie to him. So I explain it all, my eyes fixed on his wand. It slows down as I unfold the previous evening. Then it stops and is pointed in my direction. I close my eyes as the Cruciatus finds its way through my body.  
  
I'm on my knees when it stops, humiliated. He stands up and walks in m direction.  
  
"If I recall correctly, slitting his wrists to kill him wasn't in the plan. But you always have to add a little twist of your own, right? You have three weeks to find him. And the girl too. I want both of them alive. You understand the difference between dead and alive?" he ends sarcastically.  
  
I nod silently and stand up gingerly. I try to regain as much composure as I can to walk with decent pride out of the room. My hand closes harder on my cane. Alive doesn't mean I can't have a go at him. And why not at the little bitch too.  
  
I see something move behind a statue. A ghost, a girl. Cold rushes through my body as my eyes meet her foggy white ones. But I dismiss her and walk quicker. I don't want to pay attention to her. She's probably one of the numerous girls I killed and she thinks she can harm me.  
  
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golden essence: thanks for the compliment... well, don't worry, the bastards always pay in the end. Sorry for the kinda cliffie, but it was a revenge, for all the authors who constantly let me hang to cliffies, njark.  
  
DrAcO-lUvEr2258 : I'm really really really sorry for not having updated earlier. I'm so happy you love me story! And thanks for the compliment. There's a lot better, but I'm quite proud of it, never thought I would be able to write anything at all.  
  
FinalFantasyChick178: heya Anna. Told you you wouldn't want to waste your time with that. How was egg hunting with Kinsley? Lol  
  
Telly: hello there, former Vaness. Kinda a surprise. Thanks for the insane review, lol. I'm glad you're back and still can enjoy this story! Yeah, Ron was really a lot biased, a real bastard. Getting better now.  
  
Silentchill13: hope you stil enjoy, even if I'm really late on the update... anyway, thanks for the compliment, it means a lot.  
  
Rubberduckie713: yeah, well, a gang of Hannah loose in the streets rather freaks me out... don't wanna have nightmares, thanks... Hannah duckie says hi and waves. The ??? reviewer explained the why of the review. I can understand, but there are other ways to find out if I was a cutter or someone using cutting to have fun. And my friends at school don't know. Don't think they'll ever know. Lol, hope you continue to enjoy.  
  
Jhaylin: yup, it's saaaaad. Dramatic... it's called a angsty pathetic teenager writing a story cuz she has no life, lol.  
  
M.J.: hey there... welcome. I'm sad it reminds you of yourself. I'm sad to see how many we are in this shit. Thanks, I hope my writing gets better anyway. Yeah, power to the twisted people. We're gonna rule the world.  
  
Lifes A Bitch and so am I: well, he's alive... for now... and to hurt me, you'd have to know where I am, he he he... anyway... welcome, you crazy.  
  
Damia – Queen of the Gypsis: well, hope you read your notes to self.  
  
Viraten: nice theory you offer here, kinda cold but yeah... interesting and not totally wrong. Sorry, I know, last chapter wasn't really interesting, this one isn't either, deal with me.  
  
Tainted-Eve: yeah. The hardest part, you can say it. And it's not finished... but at least, Ron is growing brains, lol.  
  
RogueBHS: well, I'm not often online lately, or when I am, it's to end up crying so well... anyway, hope to talk to you soon, lol. Filch's dream is an interesting one. To say the least...  
  
CrashCart9: yes, he can... and Ron is growing brains, so be happy, lol. Ooo... but wait... you reviewed my poetry didn't you? Your name reminds me of something. Thanks anyway, lol. English is not good but will get better, and I WILL write more, don't worry.  
  
Leona Woodbridge: Whoa!!!! Finally someone who likes my pov changes!! Thanks thanks thanks! Lol. Hope you will continue to read.  
  
Drxd: my dear, you'll have to wait to know. *cough* ok, I don't know myself... I may ask the readers once...  
  
Dirt-Is-Yummy: ditto to your story my dear... Grrr... Chris beat me at checkers. *sob* Ron will be ok from now on. We still have Colin to entertain us. Yeah, Ginny hates them, and Draco too. Lucius has to die, you're right... but rowling never listens to us *sob* Hope to talk to you soon.  
  
Devils_fire: thanks for compliment. Yeah, ??? explained the reason of the review. Reason that is stupid but whatever. I hope I manage to make you cry once, lol.  
  
Sazzy7: lol, what a hyper review! Yeah, Lucius will have to pay... the moron, the bastard... grrrrrr... you have my support in your cruisade against him.  
  
XxDrAcOs-XO-AnGeLxX143 : yup yup yup... you read it right... *sob* i nearly cry at such a thought... Poor little Draco. Lucius will have to pay... grrrrrrr  
  
Luna-is-my-name : i know, kinda boring. I'm going through writer's block lately. I have to work out an interesting thing for once. I told my parents I cut about three weeks ago. They take it better cuz they know I've quit now. But it wasn't really out of free will that I told them... I dunno, I just knew I couldn't go on that way. Not to sound condescending or whatnot, but please, stop now when you're not addicted. It's really hell afterwards :(  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::: REVIEW!!!!!! I'll try to get over that stupid writer's block and produce something worth your time... I promise. 


	28. Apology

Hey everybody... this is not an update... yet. It's coming, I promise, it's really on its way. I've started next chapter, it took me a huge time to get over that block and it's still not great...

I'm really really really sorry, I hope you can forgive me... I hope to post a chapter in the next few days... it's at the top of my priorities for this week.

Things weren't great lately... actually they crashed not long ago after I posted the last chapter... It totally blocked my writing both here and on fictionpress.

Anyway, again really sorry, I hope you have the patience to wait for another chapter. If you're not interested anymore... thank you for having supported me so far and all my apologies for having failed you guys so badly.


	29. I miss you

CHAPTER 28

Omg, i thought this chapter would never ever come... i feel so lame, I've worked on that pathetic chapter for WEEKS. Stupid block... blah blah blah, I'm not sure you wanna hear excuses, honestly, I've got nothing else to say than what's written in my profile, so meh.

This hasn't been beta read cuz my poor beta-reader is currently deprived from her computer since the damn thing like nearly blew up.

Anyway... replies at the bottom of the chapter, as usual, blah blah blah... they're SO FREKAING LONG, lol

Ermmm.... What else... oh yeah, THANK YOU if you've waited for that story to continue, you guys are the best reviewers in the world... the others... too bad, your loss, lol.

Not much action in this chapter... I thought a "thinking" chapter would help you guys get back into the story and such. Sorta transition chapter I guess.

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Ginny's pov

Draco still refuses to talk to anyone. He refuses to eat; he refuses to even look at me. He just sits here, cross-legged on the floor and plays with the bandages on his arms. I don't know what to do to make him talk to me; I don't know what to do to get him out of his apathy.

Every day, Mrs Pomfrey comes to check his health and we know he's ok physically... but what's worrying is what is inside... Everybody expects me to tell them what's going on inside his head and they're upset when I only shake my head at them, but they don't understand there's so much going on that I can hardly keep up

Ron drags me to eat and I'm a bit surprised to see Dumbledore comfortably installed at the kitchen table, avidly downing chicken nuggets and green peas. I sit next to him and start to play with my food. He finally sets his fork on the edge of his plate and looks up.

"Draco and Ginny are coming with me tonight. They're safer in Hogwarts than here. Lucius is not going to give up on his son if he wanted him home for Christmas."

I clench my fist on my fork and forcefully whisper between my teeth "he wasn't any safer from his father in school"

Dad shoots me his "be respectful girl or you're gonna be punished" glare and mom diverts everybody's attention with incoherent babbling about chickens and tomatoes. I feel the headmaster's eyes on me and I feel my cheeks turn red... anger and shame I assume...

Some steps are heard in the doorway. "He's right, I don't want to be a danger for this family."

I basically jump three feet high at the sound of Draco's voice. He's leaning against the door frame and though he looks tired, he looks good. Ahem, he looks alright.

I sigh "Why do you have to be always right?"

"Crawl in front of my superior intelligence?" he says with a goofy smile.

I look at him suspiciously. No one goes from his state to a bubbly one in ten minutes. What is he playing at? I wander a bit in his head and realize everything is still chaotic but has been pushed in the background. It screams "fool everybody so they get off my back" so I roll my eyes at him. Pretending everything is perfectly fine will not help.

He childishly sticks out his tongue at me and grabs my plate which he downs in five minutes. Everybody looks at him in awe and I cant help but wonder how they can so stupidly swallow his blatant lie. I chuckle anyway and go upstairs to pack my things.

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Ron's pov

It's the first time I kind of realize Malfoy is human... I mean, that I see him as a funny and interesting guy. He seems ok now and he's playing checkers with Dumbledore who's losing while Ginny packs her mess... erm, stuff.

Dumbledore goes back to the kitchen to help himself some muffins and I'm left with Malfoy... uneasiness kinda downs on me... I realize I've been the most freaking asshole on the planet and I'm so ashamed.

He puts the checkers stuff in its box and puts it back on the shelf. He eventually wanders to the window to look at the snow outside. And I can't bear the silence so I engross myself in that book of Mrs Pomfrey again.

"It's a good book," he states without leaving his spot.

I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it but answer anyway. "Erm, yeah... does it... I dunno, relate to you in any way?"

I see him tense a bit but he still turns to look at me with a small smile on his lips "sometimes, yeah."

As I turn the pages I realize slowly how hard it is and how even more difficult Colin's announcement made it. I imagine how he must have been careful to cover it up. I can imagine him in class, taking in the aggressions and thinking of taking them out on himself afterwards...

I can't help but shudder now. It seems that under the ice, there's someone in the end...

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Draco's pov

So it's get up and fight again. Just hide what hurts and keep going. I know it's bad to bottle things up, and I know I probably will end doing stupid things, but I don't care. All I see is how I caused so much trouble to everybody.

I know I can fool them all... the only one I can't is Ginny I guess... but she will understand, or so I hope. Other people in Hogwarts don't really care about me anyway. I don't mind it, it's not like I'm used to people being concerned with me and that's not a nice feeling.

I spend my days and nights awake. Wandering in the freezing halls of the castle or sitting in corners scribbling down ideas and thoughts on crumbled pieces of paper that I carry around in my pocket, next to my knife.

We're waiting. The atmosphere is tense and heavy. All the staff is now aware of the whole story and apart from the pity in their eyes when they look at me, I can also see a lot of fear. They're scared for their security. I don't blame them... you never know what can happen if Father comes round with a few of his little friends.

Nobody talks to me but Ginny. Not that anybody else has something to tell me anyway. Even Snape hardly says anything. But then again, he never was the talkative type. I try to be forgotten and for once in my life, it works out. I mess up my body by not eating and not sleeping; it's not really my fault. Anytime I close my eyes, I see my father, and this sight has become unbearable.

When school starts again, Colin Creevey is still bald. People chuckle at his sight and look out in fright at mine... I guess I haven't looked more miserable or skinny. My wanderings around the castle grounds by any weather gave me freckles. Mother would scream if she saw my face, it would be funny... but she's not here anymore, is she? My fault, like everything else.

I'm changing classes right now. Carrying my books is a nightmare, they feel so heavy. The noise of the chattering crowd feels my head and echoes as I walk without even realizing anything. My brains are fuzzy, my eyes blurry. I lean against the wall, weak and feeling stupid.

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Molly's pov

I'm wandering in the halls, looking for Hermione when I spot him. He looks terrible, so pale and fragile. He's sitting on the cold floor, looking nowhere. Eyes sunken, tired. He looks like someone at the end of the rope, and I guess he is. I got to him and pick up his bag.

"Come on Draco, you're not going to your next class," I whisper.

He emptily looks up and finally gets on his feet. It seems such an effort for him. We slowly walk to my office, I still carry his bag. He thankfully sinks into an armchair, curls up and closes his eyes.

"I'm going to send a note to professor Binns to tell him you're not going to attend his class. You want some tea?" I say in a warm neutral voice. He simply nods but stays silent.

I hand him a mug and sit on the chair facing him. I try to ask him about his health right now, about his feelings, but he's like a brick wall. The questions echo unanswered

"Draco, do you sleep? What's your eating pattern? Can you concentrate in class?"

I see his eyes plead me to stop before he buries his face in his knees. I sigh and stand up, I feel so helpless and sad. The snow is again falling. Night has already covered most of the sky. I light a few more candles in the office.

"I wish my mum was still there. I wish she could hug me and tell me it's going to be ok, like she used to do when I was very little. But he stopped her, and now she's dead, and it's not going to be ok..."

There are tears in his voice. I go back to where he sits and slowly take the tea mug from his hand, he's shaking. I'm a bit hesitant at first, but my motherly feelings don't take much time to overcome the teacher ones. I take him in my arms like I've done countless times for my own children and whisper soothing words.

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Strangely Odd: thanks for your review! That some people still had such enthusiasm for my little fic got me motivated to try get a new chapter out... hope you enjoy.

Juuhachi43: hahaha, I love your idea of a punishment for lucius, muahahaha... thanks for reviewing, I hope you find this story again. I'm glad you like it... I'm trying to make it realistic, it's probably over dramatic sometimes... but well... I hate fluffy pinky fics, lol.

Evilkitty51: hands wood to kitty hehehe, don't worry, Lucius will have his glory moment.

Tigerfanfrv: yeah, I know, depressing... but I'm trying to blend some humor in it, really. Thank you for reviewing, I hope you'll continue to enjoy. I'm glad you don't mind my pov changing too much. Snape is out of character, it's his unknown human side, lol.

ArcticAngelz: well... cutting, carving, slicing... even burning, hair pulling, wrist banging... all that shit, whatever the word you use, it's still self harm and it's still sad. Hope to see more of your reviews!

Dirt-is-Yummy: hey Em, how's you? I took time, lol, and sorted nothing out. It's still all the same, but anyway. And I don't really care about the number of readers so it's ok. It's just I have sooo many things going on and I write a lot of poetry now, so I don't take time for this... I'll try to change that, lol.

Minjin: lol, yep, and here it is

Telly: I'm alive, I'm alive... thanks for being patient... enjoy. Hehehe, yeah, never underestimate a ghost! GO HANNAH! lol

Kila: thanks, lol. I don't plan to leave any of my characters in such a mess, lol. And I don't plan to let Lucius stay a stupid moron eternally, lol. Anyway, thanks for the cyber cookies!

Linker27: I kinda got over my block... was hard, and I dunno how long it'll be till next chapter. Please, enjoy, and be patient.

VJ: YAY, another Draco obsessed!!! Lol. Thanks, this review means a lot. Well, I should be sad you're crying but... that's my goal so... hehehehe

Marauders4ever: don't we all have issues in front of Draco goofy smile lol. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you liked the Draco-Molly part in this chapter.

X3: well, to know, you'll have to continue read nudge nudge

Petlover24: well, sign there to join the "lets kill Lucius" club... hope to read more of your reviews. I'm glad you can "feel" the story and characters, it means it's not that crappy, lol.

Sylvergryffin: well, some people are just not who they seem to be... don't worry about Arthur, he's not that evil, lol. He will get to his senses... some people just need time to face things.

Sunne: I hope you rediscover this fic yet again, lol. I'm glad you have so many ideas to take care of the evil characters of this fic, lol. I like my Blaise character, hehehehe... more about that in next chapter normally, lol.

Jhaylin: here is a new chapter :p reeeeeeview, lol

Ari: loool, thanks for your outburst. Well, why Draco... well.... Ermmmm, to get readers? Hehehe. Hope you enjoyed this latest sappy chapter, lol.

HPfreakout: bows down I obeyed and posted a new chapter. Sorry about the delay. Hope you're still gonna read that. Awww, Arthur will come to his senses, and so will Ron... he already feels so stupid, muahahahahaha. Thanks for the reviews on every single freaking chapter.

Magie Crystal Rose: well, it's here again... No Hannah in this chapter, but back soon, promise.

SarkLover: wow, thanks, lol. hands tissue I'll try to read your fics... after my exams, lol, and after I've sorted things out with my own fics, lol... geez, it's a mess... anyway, thanks for the compliment, it means a lot.

Lifes A Bitch and so am I: hehehe, Draco wont die... I don't think so at least... lol... or maybe yes... who knows :p

Draco-luver2258: hehe, here's a update! I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! You have to cry! I command you to cry!

Ruperts-a-Honey: dun dun dun, I hope you're gonna review again! Thanks for following my writing! I'm really gonna try to update more often, only it takes a lot of time. But whatever, I'm not gonna give up on this.

Nissi: thanks for the review... Geez, two hours??? You're insane. Hope you will continue to enjoy.

Kaydera: thank you! I hope you continue to read and enjoy it... and review of course! I really try not to make it all black or white, because that's not life... anyway, hope to read more of your reviews

Lady Lestat: thanks for the reviews! Hope you continue to enjoy this fic... your review is really positive, hehe. Cutting is a tough subject for me to write about, especially now that's I've fallen back, but I think it really needs to be brought in the open. I know so many people who hurt themselves even more because people around them don't understand.

Sazzy7: hahaha, attraction between molly and snape???? No, not really, they're just becoming good friends, lol. Hope you still enjoy!!!

Tainted-Eve: Lucius doesn't have a mama.. he's got a Mother... with a fooking capital letter :p. thanks for the ranting review, lol, hope you continue to enjoy.

RogueBHS: hey, long time no speak... I had quite a few issues. And I'm working full time right now. How are you?

Luna-is-my-name: thanks for reviewing... hope you still follow my hectic updates. Well, I quit cutting with my best friend and fell back... I haven't tried to quit again yet, I'm really too tired to try that again now. I thought my parents would kill me, they didn't... things have gone back to normal.

Golden essence: hehe, pansy duckie... she will be back, lol. Hope you will continue to read and review.

OMG, that was FREAKING LONG TO REPLY TO!!!!!! Take care all of you.


	30. Never alright

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Hey guys!

It's me again! And with a quicker update, lol... I cant believe I wrote and updated two fics today, lol. I hope you enjoy it... this story is moving a bit slowly, I know... but I settled a quiet pace and I don't want to rush it now. Enjoy!

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Chapter 29

Hermione's pov

The wind is whistling under the windows. It's annoying because I'm trying to study, and of course, it's impossible. I really have to talk to Mrs Pince about this inconvenience. The library is a place in which it should be easier to work, and thus plunged in complete silence. And don't come tell me that you can't do anything about that when the headmaster of the school is Albus Dumbledore, a guy that is supposed to be incredibly good at waving his wand.

"Maybe he thought he would piss Granger off," someone says behind me.

I turn on my chair to come face to face with Blaise Zabini. I raise my eyebrow.

"Some people here are trying to study, Zabini. Go to the Great Hall if you want to chat," I drawl.

"How can people study with you talking alone in the middle of the library?"

I shut up at that because I hadn't realized I was thinking out loud. Blaise smirks as I blush furiously. He laughs and makes some comment about how easy it is to make me feel embarrassed.... Which of course makes me blush a deeper red. His laughter stops quickly though. He asks me if we can go for a walk. I don't know why I accept but grab my jacket, leaving all my things scattered on the table.

We get out in the windy halls and wander in silence for a while. I feel he's thinking about what he wants to tell me, so I just wait, looking at my shoes as we walk slowly. When he speaks, it's hardly a whisper.

"Where do you think is Lucius Malfoy?"

I shrug. For all I know, he could be in Fudge's office right now, bribing the man to get to come to Hogwarts see Dumbledore...

"I don't know... it's not like he's officially considered a danger so I guess he can go wherever it pleases him, Hogwarts included."

I shudder at that thought. I know Malfoy often comes to Hogwarts but now, different thoughts turn in my head. Out of all these times, how many times did he abuse his son? How many times did he pretext some important business just to come punish Draco?

My reflex is to look out the window, expecting to see him walking toward the castle.

Blaise obviously saw my distress and puts his arm around my shoulder. Who would have thought that me, a Gryffindor, I'd ever let a Slythetin do that? But I do, and I don't care what colour his tie is.

"Look Granger, even if he comes here, Dumbledore will watch his every move. And he wants Draco, not anybody else... so all we can do is look out for him. It's gonna be ok."

I nod softly but I cant push worry away. And even if Malfoy is not around, Draco's state is enough to worry anybody. Blaise and I continue to walk. The only person we meet is Pansy and we she spots us, it looks like her eyes are about to fall out of their sockets. I suddenly remember Blaise's arm around my shoulders and laugh outright while Blaise singsongs "Paaaaaaaaaansy Duuuuuuucky".

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Lucius' pov

I sneak into the castle through one of the secret passages that come from Hogsmeade... How ridiculous, you would have thought they were guarding them! Actually, I know they're watching the one behind the statue of the witch, but it's not that one I'm using. That stupid squib thought this one couldn't be used because the way was blocked with rocks and such... but what is nature to magic? Mere amusement. It was easy to clean the path and get into the castle.

I wander around under an invisibility cloak. I got it when I was 13 and used it throughout my Hogwarts years to spy on James Potter, Sirius Black and their little gang. Why do you think they got so many detentions? There was always some noise or something that would alert Filch's cat... Curiously, they never made a noise.

I find Draco in the astronomy tower. Heights were always places where he would go. I told him a million times it wasn't a good idea because you get trapped too easily. Now I'm going to prove it. I grimace when I see him. He's skinnier than Potter and looks sick. Freckles mar his face and his hair is untidy. A weakling, a disgrace.

I shove my cloak away and stand tough in front of him. He's sitting on the floor, doodling in a dirty notebook. I see panic settle in his grey orbs when he spots me. I laugh.

"Oh, shame, your little girlfriend is not here. The Dark Lord wants both of you. But I'm not in a hutty, I know she will come."

I kick my foot in his notebook and send the item flying against a wall. Draco holds his hand in pain, I guess I crashed my foot in it. I seize his hair and make him stand up. I look at his exhausted features, his empty eyes. Such a failure... I don't get why my master wants him. The sight of him is sickening. But I know what I have to do to make the little wench come... so I start.

He doesn't even struggle. And he's a lot lighter than before. I easily send him flying against the rough walls of the tower. I hear the bones crack and his pathetic whimpers. The violence is exhilarating, liberating. I keep kicking and beating him till I hear footsteps in the stairs... I'm sure it's the Weasley girl. I can only hope she didn't bring too many people with her, but I know how people work. Impulse tells them to hurry at all costs, forgetting everything else. She won't have thought of bringing teachers.

But the door opens on the astronomy teacher, followed by a class. Looks like the 3rd years or something. They scream as I run past them, forgetting a bit my dignity and flushed that I was caught so stupidly. Now the truth is out and there is no way the same plan will work again.

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Colin's pov

I scratch my bald forehead in front of the Lady of the portrait. Damn password, I keep forgetting it.

"Get your hair back young man, it seems your braincells are freezing," chants the Lady.

I glare at her and finally drawl the password and step into the common room. My body relaxes as the warm air of the tower seeps through my clothes. I take off my cloak and collapse in an armchair with a book. It's an advanced book of spells and though I don't understand half of it, I will get my hair back. Oh yes, I'm not being pranked by two ghosts and a pathetic poltergeist and especially not when they're defending such a freak as Malfoy.

As I sink lower in my armchair, I hear a feeble sob. I think I'm imagining things, but the sound of broken glass makes me think otherwise. I look around but see no one so I get up and stroll around the room. That's when I see her. Ginny, kneeling on the carpet, coughing up something red on the floor, hugging herself and crying. I'm scared to go closer, but I still approach her.

"Ginny? Are you ok?"

She looks up and suddenly passes out. I freak out and call for help. It's not long till I hear footsteps descending from the dorms. Harry and Ron arrive running, followed by others. Ron cradles his sister in his arms and quickly heads for the door. Suddenly he spins around.

"Harry, I think you'd better find Malfoy quickly."

Harry nods and the whole house just looks at them. They don't understand anything and the pieces don't put themselves together till the 3rd years enter the common room, out of breath and all shouting different things at the same time. I see Hermione Granger enter the common room and mutter something while directing her wand at her own throat.

"SILENCE!"

Everybody screams, jumps three feet in the air and looks at her in awe and actually silent. She undoes the spell.

"What's going on here?"

The 3rd years start to relate what they saw in the astronomy tower. It's confused, but I basically understand that Lucius Malfoy was there and his son was in a pretty bad state. Hermione and Harry look horrified.

"Harry, where is Ginny? If Draco was again hurt, she probably suffered too."

I have a flashback of Ginny sobbing on the floor. I vaguely hear Harry answer that Ron brought her to the hospital wing but the tumult in the common room is impossible to calm. Of course, some development in the "story of the year" would have that effect on everybody. The noise hurts my head and I climb to my dorm. But I make a mental note to ask info to Hermione tomorrow.

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I'm sorry, I'm too lazy to reply to reviews lol... and it takes an awful lot of time and place :p


	31. Freedom and Confusion

Hey all! Here is an update… I'm so sorry for the delays and all, i'm revising for my exams and I wrote this in a couple hours where the power went out and I could only use my laptop, lol.

Anyway, ENJOY!!!!

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_Draco's pov_

The light hurts my eyes even though they're closed. Where am I now? Last thing I remember was my head hitting the paved floor of the tower. Who saved me this time? I know I'm alive, the pain in my body clearly screams so.

I struggle to put a hand over my eyes and open them. White sheets, smell of disinfectant… Hospital wing. Damnit.

I feel Ginny's hand squeeze mine as I finally manage to keep my eyes open without them burning. She looks as pale as the white sheets surrounding me. But again, I'm only colourful because of the bruises. I smile at my own sick humour but she doesn't seem to agree with my conception of amusing.

I realize something must have happened to her too. I don't want to know what. I'm scared of hearing the truth, I'm scared it gets worse for her with time. I wish things would go back to when we were joking about Arthur the teddy bear or mimicking Pansy Ducky in the halls. But we seem to be sailing this black wave, all laughter smothered. Just surviving.

Being the stubborn brat that I am, I test my body to see how soon I can get out of this place. Methinks now, because the smell of meds and all gets on my nerves seriously. I feel dead already in there. Ginny's screams of protestation don't stop me.

I'm so lucky I always manage to escape the Hospital wing without getting caught. Ginny pesters me as soon as we turn the corner. But apparently, people are in class, so nobody is there to listen to her calling me an irresponsible and blah blah blah annoying little prat.

The pictures turn around, irritated by Ginny's constant ranting but I can't help laugh at the look on their faces. I walk quicker and quicker as my legs regain some strength. I don't really know where I'm going, I don't care actually.

"Draco Malfoy, if you don't turn around to go back to the Hospital wing, I'm gonna have to personally kill you. You're irresponsible! What if you have some internal damage? Madam Pomfrey didn't tell me anything about your diagnose, so get back in there before I lose my temper! You hear me, stupid? DRACO!"

A mad idea crosses my mind as Ginny keeps yelling. I spin around to face her.

"Gin, shut up or I make you shut up myself."

"I won't shut up! It's not a game! I'm serious, and worried and you don't care at all! We're-"

My mind screams enough. I just crash my lips on hers. Makes her speechless, to say the least. I smirk and resume my walk. She doesn't follow.

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_Dumbledore's pov_

"We have a whole class of students as witnesses, what more do you need, Cornelius?" I sigh.

The Minister squirms. He can sense that I'm slowly, but surely losing my patience. I think it is time for him to understand that serious decisions have to be taken in life. Sometimes, we need to grow up and let go of our fears to do what is necessary.

I am not asking for much. I'm only asking for Lucius Malfoy to be arrested. He's powerful, sure, but Fudge wasn't so slow to arrest others.

Cornelius is sitting in an armchair, toying with his hat as he mumbles while watching his polished shoes. I storm to my desk to retrieve Draco's medical file that Madam Pomfrey carefully put together throughout the year. I throw it on Fudge's knees and watch him lose colour as the various pictures of Lucius' abusive traces scatter in front of him.

"It… It is not possible Albus. We already talked about all this. And, and… and Mr Malfoy is a… very important member of our co-community."

I slam my fist on the desk.

"The WITNESSES, Mr the Minister."

He's now trembling with fear but still finds the courage to get up and answer. "A bunch of children. Not serious. And everybody knows their teacher is a lunatic."

He regains his composure as he speaks, finally feeling he has some argument. But I flash him a glare that even Professor McGonnagal would admire and he stomps out of the office quicker than I would have ever imagined.

I know I won.

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_Sophia's pov_

The war council is open. There's Harry, Ron, Hermione, Blaise and I. We're in the requirement room and we don't really know why we meet. I guess we need to share what's going on in our heads, with all this happening. It feels like nothing has sense anymore. So much changed over the past few months.

Colin came to talk to me this morning. I was ready for something like that. I didn't know what to tell him, how to make him understand. But it seems he put some pieces together. He said he understood now.

He also said he didn't want to be involved in anything. He can't stand Draco, and will never. He is ok with understanding the abuse but that's all. Maybe Draco has a sad life, but doesn't mean he's less of a freak.

It kind of hurt that such a nice guy as Colin thinks that. You'd think he's sensitive and sweet. It's what I used to think anyway. I guess sometimes, you don't know people that well.

Ron nudges me and I try to concentrate again on the discussion. It's mainly about where could be Lucius and what we can do. Ron wants to follow his sister and Malfoy all the time, Harry reckons using his Marauder Map is enough to see what's going on, Hermione insists Dumbledore is taking care of everything.

Only Blaise stays silent. I wonder what's going on in his mind. He seems lost in painful thoughts.

"Honestly, it seems pointless," he suddenly whispers.

Everybody was talking at the same time but now silence reigns over the room, creepy. I nod and add that I saw Fudge come out of Dumbledore's office with the scared-thus-obeying look. We can only hope Lucius won't come back.

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_Hannah's pov_

I hear Voldemort scold Lucius once again about his pathetic attempt to get his son. I shudder just being in this room, with so many murderers. I'm just thinking about how they must feel about life when I hear Lucius whisper a question.

"Why, my Lord. Why do you want my son and his little slut?"

Voldemort laughs and orders all the other Death Eaters to leave the room. He starts to walk slowly around Lucius' crouched figure.

"What do you know about power, Malfoy. Nothing. What you seek, what you always looked for, was a place insured in the hierarchy. Preferably at the top. But never have you shown the thirst for freedom that would propel you to the top. You will always be the slave of someone. Never will you taste the true power of magic, because you are always limited. Your soul is conditioned to serve, to model your thoughts with modesty in front of your master."

"Master, I only want to execute your will."

"Yes Malfoy. Hence why you are weak. Weak and pathetic. The spirit of revolt makes Draco stronger. He is free and you are a prisoner. I want him. Not to bind him, no, that is reserved for lower people like you. I won't bind him. I will teach him the power he has in him. He is the one I choose and trust to continue my task. What you put him through was sickening, but you fed him. You fed him with anger and I only need to liberate it now."

My hands tremble at this discourse but I listen to every word. Recording them all in my head, realizing the importance of Draco in Voldemort's eyes. This doesn't make things easy. But Voldemort talks again… Ginny.

"Dear Malfoy, you must know they're bonded. The magic between them is fascinating. Ginny Weasley may be the daughter of that idiot of a muggle-lover, but she has my memories in her. She has a part of my soul in her and it will only make it easier to corrupt her. Her magic put with Draco's… What a weapon. Such power. More power than any wizard will ever have known. Dumbledore himself, Potter, all the little gang of the Phoenix… They will crawl. Crawl in the dust in front of that power. The power I created."

He then bends over Malfoy. "The power you created, thinking you were instead destroying it, idiot."

I fade away to Hogwarts as the Dark Lord's demonic laughter rings in my ears.

* * *

_Ginny's pov_

I stand glued to my spot till I hear the bell announcing end of class. I don't know how long I stayed just gazing in space, but now I run to my dorm to hide in my corner. Just think, that's all I want to do. I'm so… lost. Thoughts run and crash in my head, it's infernal.

He kissed me. I'm speechless. My best friend kissed me. I have an urge to slap myself to put some order in my mind. Ok, so I've been kissed before… But I don't know, this felt different…

I roll my eyes at myself. Snap out of the sappy roll Ginny, this is getting ridiculous. It probably meant nothing to him at all. I mean, we're best mates and he had warned me he'd make me shut up, one way or another.

Sophia enters the dorm and I don't have time to hide the storm of thoughts running wild in my poor fried brain so Sophia looks at me with concern.

"What's up Ginny?"

"Nothing, nothing."

That sounded… unconvincing to say the least. I know Sophia will get it out of me. And I fear what she will think.

"Ginny, I'm one of your best friends. Now shoot."

I sigh and tell her he kissed me.

"Who? WHO WHO WHO????" she squeals.

"Guess, you moron," I drawl while rolling my eyes.

I looked up from my bed cover to see Sophia's eyes basically fall out of their sockets. She giggles stupidly and claps.

I sigh. "Advice?"

"You walk up to him, smash him against the wall and snog him senseless. Sounds like a good plan to me."

"I hope you realize you're really not supportive there."

"Totally."

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	32. Havoc and pink feather boas

A/N: so yes, here's the new chappie… late late, i know, don't mention it! But I read all the fanfic I could lately to try get new ideas and stuff and it actually did help me so all hail fanfic, lol. I know I always say I'm gonna try to update more regularly and all, but yeah, I have exams now, and I never know when I'm gonna sink into depression and lose all will to do anything, so sorry.

Enjoy this… I actually have ideas for next chapter so I'll probably write it soon.

1. ALL MY APOLOGIES. YOU'RE THE BEST READERS IN THE WORLD!

And thanks to _Fire'N'Ice_ for the beta-reading….

2. PLEASE again, note I'm French. English is actually my third language. So sorry for any grammar etc mistakes.

3. I'm aware that Ginny's full name is in fact Ginevra, but I started this fic before this info came out and I'm not gonna re-upload each bloody chapter again just for a mention of a name. I'll change it the day I revise the whole story.

Oh, and the pink feather boa was inspired by _shinywriterindarkness._

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**Chapter 32: havoc and feather boas**

_Draco's pov_

Nobody has forced me to go back to class.

Nobody at all.

Even Professor Weasley left me alone. Of course, it doesn't mean the gossip doesn't go on.

Looks.

Pity.

I hate them. I hate them all with their glassy eyes as they throw me weak smiles and pitiful stares. I hate them for being all so stupid. So heartbroken over a little prat like me. What's the big deal? A few months back, everybody would have brushed it aside and left me to rot there. But not now. No, let's be sympathetic. Let's show him how we other houses are not like his Slytherin mates who act normal again.

Sure, they were annoyed. Annoyed at my weakness towards self-destruction, annoyed at my foolishness in front of the Dark Lord; annoyed at my friendship with Ginny. And I found them stupid to laugh at Hannah's death, and I found them stupid for the way they treated Ginny or me, or anybody actually. And most of them ARE stupid. I mean, Parkinson is a fine example in that field.

Maybe, but they're still my family. And they don't treat me like a poor little boy who lost his mummy and whose daddy is so terribly meaaaan. They don't fucking look at me with tearful eyes and that kind of crap.

There. Another of these stares. Two Hufflepuffs that I never even looked at.

I jump off the window sill and go to look for more peaceful place.

That's the pattern of all my days and nights. Hide.

I haven't set a foot in a class. It doesn't really matter; I know the whole program anyway. My dear father always made sure of that so I'd have time for extra studying to beat Granger.

So I hide.

And while I explore the most shadowy corners of the castle, I wander in the dark of my mind. I relive the past months. I relive Hannah's death and all that happened from then on.

I walk towards a cloister now. I need some fresh air I guess. The sun burns my eyes and warms my frozen body. I've just been enjoying the light for barely ten minutes that I feel a hand on my shoulder. I internally growl. If it's to give me the "I'm so sorry Malfoy, had we have any clue of what was going on with you blah blah blah" bullshit, I'm going to punch someone. Seriously.

"Draco, stop bloody blocking me out of your mind!" I hear a familiar voice behind me. I turn around to be faced with Ginny. Well well well, someone is skiving off.

"I doubt professor Snape will particularly appreciate the fact that you take little strolls while you should be in potions class, tortured alongside your fellow Gryffindors."

"He sent me, idiot. You haven't been to class, meals or anything. You have blocked me out of your mind and you've been avoiding me," she states in an annoyed voice.

I sigh loudly and turn away from her to continue my little walk. Honestly, what is it with Gryffindors and their habit of insisting to pry and care and never give up even when it doesn't profit them and the message is CLEAR that the object of their prying doesn't want them here?

"Draco, come back here this instant and talk to me! We have to talk!"

She seems kind of desperate and I can feel her try to push my mental walls, I push her back from them so forcefully that she actually staggers back physically.

"I think it needs to stop here, Gin. Thanks for everything. And please, don't follow me."

I wince at the sharpness and the coldness in my voice as I stroll away from my shocked friend. I don't think she will understand. I've tried to push her away before and she always came back but this time, I'll hurt her enough so she doesn't. We got too close to each other.

Way too close.

* * *

_Molly's pov_

First years are a nightmare. I think I'm starting to understand Severus' lack of patience towards them. I thought I'd give a new shot at the Cornish pixies experiment (though of course not Lockhart's way) and the kids are creating even more havoc than the snickering purplish thinguies.

A movement near the door averts my eyes and I find myself staring into Draco's mocking silver orbs. A smirk graces his features as he looks at the chaotic state of the classroom and I freeze as I see the coldness that envelops him. This iciness and uneasy feeling surrounding him that had slowly melted away throughout the year.

I charge my eyes with sternness and address him briskly. "Mr Malfoy, you have no business in this class, unless you want to clean it up. I thus suggest you leave and go to your own class before I take off points and give you detention till the end of the month."

"Of course professor. I'm sure you cannot wait to give all these first years a detention as well, to clean all this. Good day."

He turns around to stroll out, but I see some relief and actual amusement in his eyes. So I was right. After raising seven children, it only took me three weeks to understand that all Draco wants is for things to go back to normal. Smart Molly, really smart. Outstanding. Amazing. Fascinating.

My eyes fall on the students. "Everybody, detention after dinner tonight. And ten points from your houses for sheer incapacity to listen to basic instructions. Your supplementary homework is also to write a paper about Cornish pixies. Two feet long."

I can hear whispers and moans of annoyance. "This paper will be on my desk by Friday, which gives you two days to complete it. Class is dismissed."

They're shocked beyond belief and the looks on their faces is a real "Kodak moment" as Colin Creevey would put it. Satisfaction creeps in my body. I didn't think teaching would be THAT amusing. I saunter off to the teachers' room to relate my Snapey-style lesson to Severus.

* * *

_Blaise's pov_

The Slytherin common room is noisy when I step in. Nott and Goyle are blasting some metal music, Pansy is literally SHRIEKING over the gossip some older students are spreading, games of exploding snap, chess and bullying go on. Typical evening in the common room.

But as much as Millicent stalks me to stay talk to her, which I always refuse considering she has a bloody crush on me, I sprint to my dorm to escape her claws. I close the wooden door with a huge sigh of relief, like some adventurer who survived a trip through the Forbidden Forest.

I hear a snort behind me. "Got through it Zabini? Congratulations, have a chocolate frog." The damn thing crashes against my skull. I smirk inwardly, perfectly knowing why I've come in this dorm in the first place. Torture little Malfoy.

"Well well well, look who's hiding all alone and eating chocolate frogs. You aware that it's not considered a decent meal?"

"What do you want Zabini, Granger got boring?" he drawls lazily while digging under his bed for another box of frogs.

"Nopey, Ginny came to me with a very strange story indeed."

I collapse on his bed and push the chocolate frogs wrappings with my foot. "Geroff my bed Zabini."

I ignore him and push the game a little further. "So Draco dear, why did you throw Ginny away?"

"I did nothing of the sort. You don't understand anything, just like her," he snaps back angrily.

"Then explain yourself. Because she came crying to me about how much of an asshole you were," I retaliate as snappily.

"I don't have to justify myself to you. Go. Away. Right. Now," he spits through gritted teeth.

I brush invisible dust off my robe and plaster my best innocent smirk on my face. "Do I really look like an idiot?"

I can hear him mutter something along the lines of 'Do I have to answer this honestly' but I'm not really listening. Contrary to what most people think of Slyherin, some of us do have brains. And I'm blessed enough to be among them. Considering I'm also in the hot group, I'd say I'm not that bad. And modest.

"Zabini, shut your goddamn face! I don't care if you think you're smart, cute and modest."

I roll my eyes and sit up to face him. His face is annoyed, cold, pale. Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Ice.

"Okay, end of the little Parkinson-level games. I very much know what you're trying to do. There is no way to go back to how things were before, there is no way to forget these past months, there is no way to stop Voldemort by just ignoring the git, there is no throwing Ginny away, and that's for a few very important reasons."

He raises his eyebrow, waiting for the rest of my rant.

"One, she's a Weasley, and Weasleys are fucking stubborn. Two, she has 6 brothers who probably swore a wizard oath to have your head at the end of a spear if you hurt her, which you're doing right now; and three, you can't throw away and treat like shit your crush," I finish with a wink and a cheeky grin while Draco chokes on his chocolate frog.

"Blaise Zabini, I may take into consideration reason one and two but you're off your rocker for the third, and you should go hide in a closet before I murder you with my bare hands," he growls dangerously.

"Can Hermione clean the closet with meeeee?" I laugh hysterically as he throws me off his bed and hunts me down across the common room, flaming with anger. Mind you, he wouldn't react that way if there wasn't a tiny bit of truth in everything I said.

I duck around the corner of a dungeon hall and keep running with Draco close behind me, till I lead him exactly where I want. Where Ginny is hidden, not far, writing in her diary and crying her heart out away from prying eyes.

I let Draco catch up and violently pin me against the wall.

"Before you slaughter me, can I ask you a question, Malfoy?" I tempt as he sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Do you really have a crush on her or not?"

The answer flickers briefly through his eyes and my grin gets even wider than it already was. I vainly try to wipe it off as Draco enunciates all the ways he'll torture me if I mention this topic again but it's really too… oh I don't know, I think Pansy's delight for others' love lives is rubbing off on me.

And I shudder as an image of Pansy actually rubbing herself against me comes to my mind.

* * *

_Snape's pov_

I stroll down to the teachers' room lazily. Satisfied and happy that my sadistic tendencies got entertainment today. I love Gryffindors. Well, I hate them, really, but their classes are challenging. Thinking up witty comments to throw at them is exhilarating. And it eases up the tension I feel, pressuring me constantly and eating me inside.

Not only I have my spying job, but Draco is in danger, Ginny is in danger, I want to murder Lucius, I want Voldemort to crawl into his death like a mere worm. All this makes me even more edgy than I usually am. Thank Merlin for the students, always a nice outlet.

When I reach the staff room, it's completely deserted and I nearly smile at this. For once, no bloody Trelawney wanting to read my tea leaves, no Binns to make me doze off, no Minerva to challenge me at chess (you wouldn't imagine how frustrating it is to always lose to her), no Molly crying to me about her innocent little girl and how all this is a mistake.

Speaking of the devil, Molly enters. She seems flushed, like she ran all the way from her classroom. She squeals in the most undignified manner when she sees me.

"Severus! Guess what I did today? Come on, guess. GUESS I said!"

I look at her blankly while she twirls around me.

"I put them aaaaaaaaall in detention, and I took points off, and gave them plenty of homework, and I'm crazy crazy crazy, and it's a crazy crazy crazy day. I'm floating. But my feet touch the ground. Isn't that fascinating? Are you proud of me? I think you should be. And I should get a reward. For being a nice little Snapey-student. Don't you think? So I want a pink feather boa. Doesn't that sound great? All fluffy. And with sparkles on it…"

I watch her in dismay as she rambles and rambles and I actually get kind of worried. This is NOT Molly Weasley. This is some crazy lunatic who escaped the psych ward section in St-Mungo. She lost it.

Enough is enough. I drag her and her invisible pink feather boa to the hospital wing. She needs rest, obviously. Even though I know she won't be at peace inside as long as her kid is in danger. We cannot afford to have her break down now.

And another worry to add to my list…

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now... reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeview... you know you want to 


	33. It's all going down

A/N: sorry for the delay, the updating of this fic basically depends of my mood. I'm too busy. But thank you for keeping an eye on it. I'm just lacking inspiration right now. I'm posting but I'm not convinced by it. Not at all. So review and let me know if I should just give up on it.

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Chapter 33

_Snape's pov_

„Too much stress, Severus. Way too much stress; which is perfectly understandable considering the situation. She needs rest, possibly a break from the castle, if you can convince her. Or get someone to convince her," Madam Pomfrey babbles.

I hardly listen. I mean, it's only Molly Weasley, she'll be fine. Besides, she's so stubborn I doubt I would be able to talk her into taking a break from all this. Besides, this is rubbish. She can handle a family of seven, she can handle whole classes of daft students, she can handle anything from war to her teenagers but she's breaking now? Human beings are beyond my comprehension. It's now that we need to be careful and strong.

"Severus, are you even listening to me?" shrieks Pomfrey.

I mentally cringe but present an even face to her. "Of course I'm listening, but you know her, she won't be as complacent as me when it comes to listening."

"Then the only way is to sort out this mess."

"Yeah, you go stop Voldemort and his evil little plots, eh."

"Cynicism rots you Severus," she finally snaps and turns away.

I roll my eyes and stalks towards Molly. She opens her mouth to speak but my glare stops her. I stand in front of her with my arms crossed in what I hope is a scary enough attitude. "Let's get this straight. You shut up and listen and anything I will say is not open to discussion. I'm going to owl your husband today, because you are taking a break. You are going to spend a nice, relaxing week at your house and not think about anything else than knitting and that kind of quirky stuff."

I can see she's ready to protest but I nonetheless continue. "I will take care of everything here, you have nothing to worry about. End of discussion. Comments? No? Excellent."

I turn around and flee from the hospital wing before she can say anything or express any protest of any kind. I immediately owl Arthur Weasley (the earlier he comes and gets her, the better) and finally can relax in my office. Think over stuff again. Think about everything Hannah Abbott told us of Voldemort's plans. Twisted. Twisted but very smart. And very random. Too many variables. But if it amuses him to figure out screwed up plans, it's his problem. I just hope they fail. Ginny has maybe been possessed, but she's too bright to go on his side. And Draco… Would he really ally with someone who promotes torture after everything he endured?

* * *

_Ginny's pov_

I'm hiding in my favourite spot in the library. I'm confused, worried, hurt and plenty of other things that I can't seem to figure out. Basically, I'd say I'm a mess. I'm not sure of what I overheard of Blaise's and Draco's conversation a couple days ago. I'm hurt he treated me like that because I thought our friendship mattered to him. But then again, if I heard correctly, his actions sort of make sense in a very stupid way.

And now I just had a talk with Snape about Mum. She's gone nuts, apparently. Something about not being able to handle the stress. It worries me, Mum never loses it. She's like a rock. And now I feel lost and alone. Like I have nobody to rely on anymore. Draco doesn't speak to me, Mum broke. They're the only two people whom I really trust and I feel I've lost them both in a couple of days.

I'm so caught up in my train of thought that I don't hear the footsteps coming in my direction. Actually, I haven't even noticed that the library closed and that Mrs Pince forgot me inside. My brain goes dead as Lucius Malfoy towers in front of me. His cold, hateful eyes bore into mine.

"Evening, Miss Weasley," he drawls contemptuously.

I pack all my stuff quickly and get to my feet. I need to get out of here, I can't stand him here. I don't even know what he's doing here. I thought Fudge was supposed to arrest him. I thought it would be okay. I can hear the blood rush inside my brain and make his voice seem distant as well as my heartbeat blocking out the rest of the world.

I finally manage to ask him what he's doing here, I can't seem to move, I'm petrified with fear.

"Ah well, you see, our Prime Minister, Mr Fudge, came to me stuttering this very annoying and pitiful story about Draco. Seems that the little slime-ball is trying to get me into trouble, for some unknown reason. That little ungrateful brat, with everything we've given him. But it's been sorted now. Fudge has been informed of how much of a little attention-seeker Draco is. Honestly, inflicting such wounds on himself to get himself the spotlight and get his father into trouble with justice; what an undeserving child."

I feel anger rise in my chest as the trail of lies is unfolded with a smirk and a touch of cruel cynicism. I can hardly believe he managed to get rid of Fudge, I refuse to accept someone could believe this load of rubbish. My head is buzzing, I hardly hear myself scream at him that he's a liar and a bastard.

The slap I receive calms me quite effectively. I can feel the blood trail from my lip but I can't seem to command to my hand to wipe it away. I can't do anything else than look at the man. He regains his falsely charming composure and smirks at me once more. "Now, Miss Weasley, shall we go for a walk? Imperio."

I feel my body move, walk out from the library. I want to scream that Lucius Malfoy is right behind me, under an invisibility cloak, but I can't. nobody seems to notice me as I head for the main entrance of the castle. I can't break the spell; being trapped in my own body makes me panic beyond belief. I pray with all my strength that someone sees I'm not myself but they're all blind. I keep walking without hesitation. Then an arm grabs me and Hogwarts fades in front of me.. We apparated away.

* * *

_Dumbledore's pov_

I'm sitting quietly, feeding Fawkes, when Draco comes running in my study. I don't know how he got the password as I changed it just one hour ago. That kid is too smart for his own good.

"Professor, something's wrong with Ginny, but I can't understand what."

He's out of breath, he must have run all the way from the dungeons, which is completely idiotic considering his body definitely not fully healed. I sigh and look at him above my glasses.

"Maybe you can't understand her anymore since you two fell out."

I can see that this comment makes him angry. "Can you be serious five minutes? Aren't you like, supposed to be the headmaster of this nutty place? The highest authority? Can you stop treating me like an idiot for once? Or do you have to always be this pathetic sort of father figure that I personally don't want?

I slightly smile, even though I suppose I should be quite offended. "Are you sure you don't want a father figure though?"

He slams both hands on my desk and leans forward with ice in his eyes. "Parents are useless. I could have done without, thank you. Now can we get back to the important topic here instead of wasting time babbling about your fantasies of happy families?"

"Enough of that attitude Mr Malfoy. I will not tolerate this anymore. You need to learn how to control yourself." Now my voice is sharp and devoid of sympathy.

"I can control myself."

"I meant, without a knife. Now, leave. Come back when you're calmer. I'm sure Miss Weasley is just upset about your behaviour and her mother's problems. Maybe you can also ponder what friendship means to you, it will do you some good."

The frozen mask is back on his face. "If that's how you take it, professor. A bit easy to provoke me and then get rid of me without hearing anything of what I had to say. But as you said, it's my mistake, right?"

The door slams behind him as an owl lands on my desk. I realise I might have been a bit hard on him, but he needs to learn.

An owl lands on my desk, Fudge's writing on the envelope. It's my turn to be truly angry when I read the contents of it. Lucius Malfoy won again, I'm nauseated.

* * *

_McGonnagal's pov_

"WHAT?"

"I had the whole castle searched Severus, she's nowhere to be found!"

"Minerva, she has to be somewhere for Merlin's sake."

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. Very deep breath. So deep I nearly choke. Ginny Weasley is nowhere to be found and it's getting late. Her dorm is tidy, nothing is missing except herself and her schoolbag. I checked the library, I checked the kitchens, had the house elves look for her in all the other houses but there's no sign of her anywhere.

"Have you had the Slytherin quarters searched?"

I sigh. Who does he think he's talking to? "Yes Severus, I have. I even called at the Burrow to see if she hadn't gone with her mother. I even had Potter look on the map of Hogwarts that he possesses, she's not on it. That map never lies and shows everybody. And no, this is not the time to discuss why Potter has such an item in his hands," I add sharply before he can say anything.

The gargoyle finally springs apart and we both run up the stairs. Dumbledore's pacing his study, as per usual. Most of the portraits on the walls are already sleeping, snoring more or less loudly. He seems even in front of our obvious distress, it's rather unnerving.

"You mean, she's not in the castle anymore?" he asks softly, looking pensively out of the window.

I roll my eyes in chorus with Severus. "She's not in the castle, she's not on the grounds, Hagrid even had creatures search the forest. She is nowhere to be found Albus."

He looks down to the floor. "So perhaps I should have listened to the young Malfoy when he came here earlier. He said something was wrong but he couldn't pinpoint it."

"Fine, let's get Malfoy here," drawls Severus.

"I don't think it will be necessary, professor Snape."

I jump about a foot high. I wasn't exactly expecting a ghost to meddle with our conversation, but Hannah Abbott suddenly appeared in the air. Looking even paler and sicker than usual… if that's possible of course.

"I saw Ginny. She's at Malfoy Manor. With Lucius Malfoy… And You-Know-Who."

I feel a very big, very hurting ball grow in my throat and suffocate me. I can hear Severus in the distance, ranting and screaming about Fudge's incompetence, stupidity and lack of basic courage or dignity, Albus trying to calm him down and sending Hannah back there to watch over Ginny, pondering who should be informed of the happenings.

I'm losing my mind.

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	34. Queen of Darkness

A/N: Hey all, I'm terribly sorry for the delay. My job is keeping pretty busy as GCSEs are coming up and my pupils are... let's put it bluntly... pretty lame. Actually, that chapter was finished nearly a week ago but wouldn't let me upload, for some unknown reason. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. My other stories (for those who are following them) will also be updated shortly.

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Chapter 33:

As everything exciting, disturbing or simply juicy, the rumour that Ginny Weasley had been yet again taken by You-Know-Who was soon roaring through the school corridors.

As everything exciting, disturbing or simply juicy, it was transformed into something more exciting, more disturbing and way juicier.

At least one person was not speculating though. He perfectly knew what had happened. Even worse, he perfectly knew he should/could have prevented it.

Draco was mad. Mad at himself for having fallen out with Ginny; mad at himself for causing Lucius' wrath in the first place. He tried to be angry at Dumbledore for not having listened to him but deep down, he knew. He knew all this was, as everything else, his fault. And Arthur Weasley had been more than eloquent at pointing out Draco's fault.

The words had seared through the blonde boy's brain like a Cruciatus. Lucius' words seemed empty of meaning next to the ones of someone who was always so calm and thoughtful.

"_This is all your fault; it's all been your fault from the beginning. You're the source of all our problems."_

"_You tore our family apart, you screwed it up. You can't leave anything unspoiled, just like your father."_

"_You couldn't help it, eh? You couldn't just disappear when you should have, you had to seek attention even though you were perfectly aware your mere existence was a curse to everybody already, even to your own family."_

And it had gone on and on. Mr Weasley had shouted louder and louder and Draco's fists had tightened till his arms hurt with the tension. Ron, the only witness of Arthur's explosion had stayed silent, even when his father had shoved Draco hard into the wall.

Now it was dark, the commotion had died down nearly everywhere except for the Gryffindor tower and the teachers' lounge. The halls were deserted, apart from Peeves who was blissfully uncaring and preparing a prank on Filch.

Draco watched the Poltergeist's dancing reflection in the window before returning to his knife. Screw Dumbledore and his opinions; he wasn't in Draco's head; he didn't have Arthur Weasley's words to guide the blade. It was a long time before he noticed Ron watching him from across the hall.

"He didn't mean it you know. He's just freaking out about Ginny and you happened to be a good target," Ron said, avoiding to look at the Slytherin's arm.

Draco didn't answer. He wanted to pretend Weasley wasn't there. Wanted to pretend that _nothing _was there: nobody, no joy, no pain, and most of all, no memories. He curled up so Ron couldn't see it and drove the blade deeper into his skin.

"Stop being a selfish prat! It hurts Ginny when you do that to yourself! It hurts everybody who cares about you!"

The blonde boy slammed the knife down on the stone window sill and hurled himself at the Gryffindor. Ron found himself pushed against an old wooden door that squeaked under the weight of the wrestling teenagers.

"Don't patronize me about people who care. They're all dead already. Stop with the Gryffindor fixation to make me someone I'm not! I'm not compassionate, I'm not caring and most of all, I'm not a fucking Gryffindor." He stressed his point by throwing his fist against the wooden frame. Ron winced at the sound of cracking knuckles.

"And my sister, moron? You know, the red-head you befriended and then threw away like garbage? The one who happens to be in deep trouble possibly because of you now? You know she still cares and you know you're only fooling yourself if you think you don't care about her as well," Ron screamed back, pushing Draco back off him in rage.

"I don't want to talk about her", whispered Draco while walking back to his seat. He picked up the knife and wiped it on his trousers.

"so perhaps you prefer we talk about Snape, who's gone to try and free her? He's risking his life for her because he knows what she means to you. And she's risking her life because of you. They're both in danger for you so stop the nobody-loves-me rant, you sound like bloody Moaning Myrtle."

The red-head straightened his robes and looked on last time at his possibly former arch-nemesis. "You should have Pomfrey check your arm and get a sleeping potion from her. You look absolutely terrible."

"Thank you for the flattery, Your Weaselness," Draco bit back. But his mind was already filled with everything Ron had said. It seemed Potter's sidekick was wiser and more observant than people originally thought.

* * *

Severus bowed. The air was cold and disagreeably wet in the dungeon. The dark shape a few feet away from him shifted.

"I heard some rumours about you, Snape. It seems you befriend the worst people when I'm not around to remind you where your loyalties lie," slurred the Dark Lord with malice.

"See, Snape, I make a point of contacting you as little as possible so your cover at Hogwarts is not questioned, but I can't help but wonder: can I trust you? Why do you associate with Molly Weasley and why are you acting against Lucius? I cannot tolerate dissension in my ranks. But most of all, what I wonder is why are you here tonight?"

Severus took in a deep breath and kept his mind in check. "First of all, My Lord, I would like to point out that it is Molly Weasley who associates with me, not the other way round. Second, I will not deny that I am very unhappy with the way Lucius has been handling things with his son. His carelessness will eventually land him into Azkaban, which is not to our advantage. Also, the way he was treated made Draco start questioning his future as a Death Eater and I'm afraid Lucius nearly lost him to the other side. Third, I am here because I know you got Ginny Weasley and my curiosity as to why you would risk taking a student off the grounds took over prudence."

Voldemort chuckled, which Snape found very disturbing. "You are indeed too curious."

"I'm worried about Draco, to be honest."

"Ha. Taking Lucius' place I see. Not that he ever valued it; but I didn't know you were such a father figure at heart. The boy should be fine now that Lucius is not there anymore," drawled Voldemort.

Snape's eyes turned into slits. "What do you mean?"

The Dark Lord shrugged and Severus could hear some snickers among the Death Eaters standing along the walls. "Well, like you, I was not very happy with the way he handled things. Now that the ministry is aware of his abusive tendencies, they are weary of him, even though they do enjoy his money and don't plan to imprison him right now. The information he can gather from the ministry is a pathetic amount since the whole ordeal. He's out of the game, rotting in a cell next to Miss Weasley. Can't kill him, you never know when you need something to throw to the dogs."

The potions master gulped and felt a tinge of guilt at the amusement he had felt at hearing Lucius' situation.

"As for our dear young Miss Weasley, she's here because her potential put together with her little boyfriend's will help me greatly on the way to success. Magical bonds are extremely rare. And they only happen if they are meant to happen."

"I understand My Lord. I again ask to excuse me for my imprudence and misplaced curiosity." Snape bowed lower.

"You are forgiven Snape. Now go back before they wonder about your absence. And keep an eye on the boy. He'll join us soon. Very soon."

Severus could hear Voldemort's laughter long after he had left the dungeons. He wasn't sure if it was just in his imagination or if the Dark Lord was still laughing; all he knew was that it was chilling.

He turned on the right and swiftly climbed the stairs that he knew led to the kitchen. He could always pretend that Hogwart's feasts left him starving. Or at least, try. The kitchen looked deserted but he knew better. The Malfoys' houselves always seemed invisible. They had learnt ages ago not to cross anyone's path in fear of suddenly missing their head or another of their limbs.

Severus, on the other hand, knew them very well. There had been Dobby of course, then Milka, Pod, Totty, Bean, Coco. All of them were still lingering around and Severus knew exactly how they could help him.

* * *

"Miss Weasley."

The red-haired girl tensed at the chilling voice. She shifted a bit on the dungeon floor but she couldn't bring herself to look in the direction of the voice. It was bringing back memories. Bad memories.

The voice had changed over the years. Little was left of the handsome young Slytherin that had possessed her. Still, she could recognize his voice. It was the same one that was always haunting her, putting her down and trying to drive her crazy. It was the same voice that Draco had driven away; except he wasn't there anymore. He had not let her back in since the dreadful day in the cloister.

She shut her eyes tightly as the voice in her head seemed to gain strength in front of its true and live master. She didn't see Voldemort smirk at that. She couldn't guess he was controlling it.

The Dark Lord, on the other hand, was having a field day in Ginny's mind. The bundle of emotion that she was appeared to be extremely entertaining to him. He was only starting to play with her, so he was going slowly. But he knew this would be extremely amusing.

He decided that he wouldn't try to change her too much. He didn't wish to enslave her. He didn't care for yet another slave. He could find that fairly easily. No, Voldemort's plan was different. He knew he had to keep her spirit safe. He knew he couldn't torture her. He was only going to distort her sight on things.

Accentuate the faults of her family. Bring out the weaknesses of White Magic. Reinforce the idea of power she felt when she had the diary of Tom Riddle. Diminish her Gryffindor side to the advantage of her Slytherin side.

The work was going to be exhausting and very slow. It was like sculpting the most delicate details of a statue. Everything had to be done perfectly. Too much or too little change could very well unbalance what he viewed as his new creation. He was going to work with the care of a muggle brain surgeon. Though he would never admit to thinking in such muggle ways.

He toyed a bit with her memories and thoughts of her friends. He made them insignificant, except Draco of course. He rendered them annoying, edgy, underlining the faults that he could feel Ginny had trouble dealing with. He made them untrustworthy, stupid and unable to understand the teenage girl.

After half an hour work, he gave her a smirk and got out of her head. The plan had been set into motion. Ginevra Weasley was on her way to becoming a queen of darkness.

* * *

Review please!


	35. In the shadows stood an elf

A/N: Hey there faithful readers! This took me longer than I thought but I've been awfully busy lately. That and the fact that I started to write a new fanfic as the insane idea behind it wouldn't leave my head. Be sure to check it if you're a Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter fan as it's a crossover... But nothing like you expect. Or so I hope.

As always, this has not been beta-read. I know, lame. But I really really wanted to give you guys a new chapter before you murder me and my beta isn't online.

And since I'm at it, I want to recommend a really good story, that was completed ages ago but which is an old favourite of mine and which I'm re-reading for the hundredth time. It's _Runaway Dragon_, by Silverfox1 and it also hasa sequel.

Disclaimer: everything you recognize is not mine, blah blah blah sigh

* * *

Chapter 34:

It was three in the morning and even the most worried teachers had succumbed to sleep. Snape was still missing but Dumbledore knew he would be fine. Snape was always fine. The whole castle was asleep. A fitful sleep, but sleep nevertheless. Ron Weasley was one of the only people still awake. He was worried about his sister, even if Hannah had said she was alright. He was also, surprisingly, worried about Malfoy.

He didn't want to admit it. Why the hell was he worrying about that idiot? His dad had been kind of right to blame all his problems on Malfoy. It was his fault in the end. Maybe Ginny was to blame because she was always helping people and putting her nose where she shouldn't but hell, nothing would have happened if she hadn't crossed paths with Malfoy. And then he dared being a prat about it! He knew that the Slytherin was feeling guilty. Little did he know just how much.

In fact, Draco was feeling so crushed that he had long lost control over everything. He had never gone to Pomfrey like Ron had advised, instead he had dragged himself painfully to his dorm and collapsed on his bed. The lack of food and sleep had weakened him considerably but the blood loss from earlier had definitely finished him off.

He gripped his knife tighter in his trembling hand. He kept telling his fingers to let go of it but they wouldn't obey. He looked at the massacre he'd done of himself and tears sprang to his eyes. 'How could I have been so stupid?' he screamed in his head. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid'. He chanted to himself, the rhythm punctuated by the blade scorching across his skin. But the teenager didn't even notice. He was too numb and too tired to notice that his hand had once again escaped his control; he was sobbing too hard to realize he was lacerating every patch of skin not covered by clothing.

To say that the other Slytherins panicked when they found him in the morning would be an understatement. They hadn't really cared for him at all lately, but that was too much to take in. Goyle had run to get Snape who looked worried sick instead of presenting the world with his equal expression. Then it had been Snape's turn to run, the blonde boy carefully tucked in the sheet that had stuck to his wounds when the blood had dried. Severus knew that the kid would be okay but the morning was still a shock.

Like the previous day, rumours flew quickly around the castle. The potions master hadn't even bothered taking unused corridors. What was the point in this school where nothing ever stayed a secret? He was perfectly aware every single student and staff in the school would know what Draco Malfoy had done. And that added to the Ginny Weasley problem was going to make the gossip mill blow up with excitement.

Madame Pomfrey had been as shocked when she had seen the head of the Slytherin house arrive but she was a trained healer and reacted quickly. Even though she knew there was little she could do.

"He used that damn dark arts blade again Severus, you know I can't heal anything. I'm going to clean and dress the wounds and give him a strengthening potion when he wakes up, along with a blood replenishing one. Then I insist on monitoring his sleep and eating as it obviously has gone out of control." She spoke in a firm tone to make sure that Severus wouldn't dare contradict her but he nodded absently.

"Are you alright Severus? I know you're worried but he'll be fine, I promise." She put a hand on his shoulder as he sat down at the foot of Draco's bed and she was surprised when he didn't sneer and push her away.

"If it was any other student, I could owl their parents. Even if it was Potter or Longbottom there would be someone to owl, be it Lupin or Longbottom's grand-mother. There would be someone who would come here and who would care. But you know why I'm sitting here? It's because there's no one to owl. No one gives a shit about this kid; no one." he spat out angrily.

Poppy averted her eyes towards the curled up form of the boy passed out on the bed. "I think you care more than you want to admit Severus. I think you love that kid is if he were yours. And I think you should tell him before he actually kills himself."

Severus sighed and looked at the floor, deep in thought. He could hear Poppy move around to clean up the sickening amount of wounds Draco had etched over himself. "Do you need some help?"

The school nurse looked at him like he had grown another head. Severus Snape would never ask her if she needed help. Of course, all the potions she stocked had carefully been brewed by him, but that was where stopped his contribution. She hid a smile. "Sure."

* * *

None of the Slytherins had gone to class that day, and no teacher had forced them to go. Quite the contrary, Dumbledore had ordered the staff to leave them alone. He wanted them to think and he was hoping the shock from the morning would shake off their animosity towards Draco. A day to think about house unity and the way they had treated one of them that need help would do them some good. Or so he hoped anyway.

Blaise Zabini however didn't have to reflect on house unity at all. He had always stuck by Draco's side and the state he had found his friend in this morning had scared the living daylights out of him. He had hung around the hospital wing all day till Snape told him to go away. Blaise had heavily protested, he thought it wasn't fair Snape was not teaching all day to stay there and he was not allowed to. But the potions master had been adamant and one knew better than trying to sway him.

So Blaise had gone and hidden in the library. He didn't want to hear what his housemates had to say, he didn't want to talk to people from the other houses, who would be morbidly curious and ask him plenty of questions. The only person he wanted to talk to was Draco, but he was still out cold anyway. More than anything he wanted to shake his friend awake and ask him what the hell he was thinking and why he was hurting so much the people who cared about him.

Blaise felt his eyes burn with unshed tears and retreated further away in the shadows. He didn't cry very often, but if he had to, no one would witness it. Except that footsteps stopped right in front of him. He bent his head further down, staring at his feet. He was sitting tailor style on a window sill and could feel the cold wind seeping under the old wooden frame but didn't want to move with that person there.

The person moved forward and he was able to recognize Hermione's dolly shoes. Great. Exactly the person he did not want to see in such a state. He was about to tell her to go away when she sat down next to him. He sighed, knowing that there was no way she would go away now unless he was particularly mean or rude and he just didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Are you okay Blaise?"

He gritted his teeth. He wanted to yell at her 'what the hell do you think, idiot' but he knew that would be stupid and hurtful. It wasn't her fault Draco had been such a moron.

"I'll be fine Hermione, thanks for your concern," he eventually murmured.

"You're not fine now though. I take it the rumours are true then?"

Blaise didn't want to answer. As if denying it would make it less real. He couldn't understand why he was reacting so badly. It hadn't been very long since he'd been friends with Draco. They had been civil to each other since their first year but never really friends. Blaise always refused to adhere to the pathetic crowd of minions attached to the blonde boy's heels and he felt Draco respected him for that. But now, he was bawling his eyes out in the library with a Gryffindor sitting next to him. Merlin, Hogwarts truly was upside-down.

"I'm angry at him, you have no idea. How can he be so freaking selfish? How can he justify to himself such a behaviour?"

"Maybe he's beyond the point where he needs to justify it," the Gryffindor girl answered softly while putting her arm around her friend's shoulders and resting her head against his. "You can yell at him when he wakes up."

"Damn right I will. I will tell him exactly what I think: stop being a selfish prat, stop blaming yourself for everything, open your goddamn eyes and move on. And he better apologize to Ginny as well once we get her back, inconsiderate little prick!"

Hermione chuckled at his decided tone and was glad to see that Blaise had a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He suddenly turned to face her and she saw the dry tear streaks on his face. It broke her heart. She was falling hard for him and she knew it.

"You want to know why he suddenly turned around and told her to leave?" She could swear his eyes betrayed some amusement and raised her eyebrows at him. "He likes her," he chuckled.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "How often do you hang out with people you hate? Everybody knows he likes her, that's why they're friends in the first pla-" she looked at her Slytherin companion who was shaking his head, still grinning and it dawned on her. "Oh. Erm. Ah."

"Quite inarticulate for the smartest girl in our year," he teased and she blushed like a complete moron. 'Pull yourself together Hermione for God's sake,' she scolded herself silently. She would have gladly slapped herself but she somehow didn't think it would go past Blaise.

"You want to know something else?" he asked still in an amused tone, though there was a bit of strain in his voice. Hermione focused on the black haired boy again, or at least tried to. "He's not the only one who likes a Gryffindor."

* * *

When Ginny woke up that morning, she didn't feel as bad as before. Actually, she felt rather good considering her situation. It didn't seem to bother her as much and her spirits were not as down as the day before. She missed Draco terribly though. More than usual at least. She frowned at that: she didn't want to miss someone who had crushed her the way he had.

She rubbed her eyes and looked around once more. Still no way of escaping. She laughed at herself. Escaping? She didn't even know where she was, how could she escape anything at all? A bowl of porridge appeared in front of her and she launched herself at it. She hadn't realized how hungry she was and it was delicious.

She never saw the Dark Lord watching her from behind the little grid at the dungeon door with what could be considered a smile. She didn't notice when Tom's voice in her head started to slightly change into a more mature, adult voice nor did she notice that what he was saying changed too.

She was so used to hearing him insult her and put her down that she didn't even notice when he started to put down her family and friends instead. She didn't notice that he even praised her talent and magical abilities.

It was a boring day, all in all. Everything was silent and she wondered if it was really that empty or if there were silencing charms around her. In the afternoon, one of her guards had come to get her so she could use the bathroom. It had been a short walk though, and she had only seen more doors and more creepy corners. She itched to ask if she was their only prisoner but she had a feeling her question would stay without answer.

Now that the sun was setting, it was getting really cold in the dungeon. She longed for the Gryffindor common room and its sparkling fire. Actually, she longed for anywhere but here. Or a fire, or a blanket or... Something.

She yawned and stretched and was about to give up and sleep instead of suffering from the cold when she heard a pop in the shadows. She squinted her eyes but it was now really dark and she could only distinguish a small figure in a corner.

"Who's there?" she eventually asked gathering her Gryffindor courage.

The small figure came close and she realised it was a house elf. It looked terrified. "I am Pod. Pod shouldn't be here, but the master is gone anyway so Pod has no one to obey. The dark haired professor has asked Pod to watch over little miss; Pod likes the professor so Pod agreed." The squeaky little creature bowed till his skull touched the floor before continuing. "Does the little miss need anything?"

"Erm… A blanket would be great I guess." She had barely finished enunciating her sentence that the elf had vanished and come back with a thick forest green blanket. She warmly thanked it… him? her? 'Him, most probably'.

Pod clacked his fingers and disappeared again, leaving Ginny alone in the damp dungeon. She decided to sleep in the middle of it as it would be less damp than the corner or walls and set her blanket on the stone floor. Her thoughts drifted back to the elf as she lied there. A dark haired professor? Who would know where she was? Her mind immediately pointed to Snape but it seemed hard to believe. Why would he ask a house elf to take care of her? He'd been friendlier since she had befriended Draco but he still didn't seem to be the mother-hen type.

Of course, thinking of Snape brought back Draco in her mind. She missed him terribly and she wished she had pestered him to tell her what was bothering him when he had been such a jerk to her. Perhaps he would have changed his mind and kept her as his friend?

She concentrated all her energy on their mind bond again. Surely, if Snape had sent a house elf, Draco had to know that she had been kidnapped, right? He would open the bond again, wouldn't he? Even he, the Slytherin heartless git wouldn't leave her alone in that cold dungeon, would he?

She pushed on the wards he had put up and was surprised to feel them break under her assault. She hadn't even been too violent with it! Relief flooded her as she felt the familiar chaos of Draco's mind. His head was as much of a mess as ever but she had grown accustomed to it and she liked it.

However, the boy seemed already asleep. 'How is that possible?' screamed the red-headed Gryffindor in her head. 'It must not be later than 6 pm!' She mentally trampled around her friend's head to wake him up but it seemed useless. She couldn't understand why as he was quite the light sleeper under normal circumstances.

After a good fifteen minutes of her havoc wrecking in his head, she felt him stir awake. She felt him annoyed at being awake but it only lasted half a second as he realized that only one person had such access to his mind.

"_Gin?"_

Her eyes snapped open and she laid there frozen. She had heard a voice. She looked around but no one was there. The dungeon was dead silent, as always. The voice repeated her name again, but this time it seemed familiar.

"Draco," she whispered.

"_Gin, is that you?"_

She smiled at the realization that their mind bond had progressed again. "_Yes_," she laughed.

* * *

Be nice and review! Of course, everybody realized that the italics are them speaking telepathetically.


	36. Speak to me

Author's note: Here you go, new chapter! I was quicker this time, lol. Actually, it was ready since Monday but I kept forgetting to post it. Enjoy and review!

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Chapter 35:

"_Gin?"_

Her eyes snapped open and she laid there frozen. She had heard a voice. She looked around but no one was there. The dungeon was dead silent, as always. The voice repeated her name again, but this time it seemed familiar.

"Draco," she whispered.

"_Gin, is that you?"_

She smiled at the realization that their mind bond had progressed again. "_Yes_," she laughed.

Draco's eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up in the infirmary bed, only to be scolded at by Madam Pomfrey. "Mr Malfoy, do you really want to cancel all the work I've done to make your wounds close?"

Draco looked at her blankly, not sure he understood. But then, his brain started to register the pain and sore feeling overwhelming his body and winced. He cursed under his breath; how could one be stupid enough to forget something self-inflicted and so painful?

"Don't swear Draco," admonished another familiar voice from the side of his bed. The boy turned his head slightly and saw that his head of house was sitting there, toying with something in his hands. Draco quickly averted his gaze as he realized it was his knife and cursed, although this time, in his head.

"_Don't swear Draco_," answered another voice. Ginny's voice. Draco suddenly remembered why he had sprung awake.

"Professor-" he started but the school nurse immediately stopped him. "Drink this, and this. All of it, and I don't want to see a frown." She was fussing over him so much that he didn't notice the potions master slip out of the room, still holding Draco's knife.

Once she was done and had stepped back, the blonde boy looked around for his head of house and was very disappointed to see him gone. He lied back down and curled up on his side in his favourite sleep position. He didn't see Pomfrey glare at the door that had just closed behind Snape; he just wanted to understand what Ginny Weasley was doing speaking in his head like the bugger that she was.

"_I'm NOT a bugger!_" she complained loudly, to which he merely rolled his eyes, fully aware that she wasn't there to see him. She wasn't there… What was he doing, wasting his time with chit chat when she had been kidnapped?

"_Are you alright, Gin? I was worried sick."_

"_Right, and I'm the reincarnation of Rowena Ravenclaw. I'm just peachy, if you want to know."_ Her cynicism cut him deep. He knew she had every right to hate him. He suddenly felt sad at the thought of what he'd lost. He had screwed up, badly. He was an idiot and he knew it. He couldn't handle anything that touched him. His mind drifted towards Snape and he wondered what he would do with the knife.

"_Banish it, I hope," _answered Ginny's light voice. Her tone suddenly changed to fear. _"Draco, what have you done?" _

"_Nothing."_

He could feel her prying into his head, discovering his lies and realizing, slowly but surely, just how much of a screw up he really was. It was disturbing, to have someone able to know every single thought or memory. He was thankful his brain was such a mess, because it meant she couldn't find out everything. But still, she knew too much, she could read him too easily and that, more than anything else, scared him to death.

&&&

Ginny squeezed her eyes shut at the painful discoveries. She didn't have full access to Draco's mind, of course, that would be too easy. But what he was thinking about the most at the moment could easily be discovered. She remembered how she used to be able to feel his physical pain, and she couldn't understand why it wasn't working this time. Had their bond progressed so well that she could shield herself from that now? Or perhaps he was blocking it?

"_Why did you do that?"_ She wasn't too sure she wanted an answer.

"_Let it go_," Draco replied. He didn't want her to know that, more than anything, her own father had triggered him into the train of thoughts that had led him yet again to the hospital wing.

She was about to protest when she remembered what had happened last time she'd pushed him too far. She was in a dungeon, prisoner of Voldemort himself and probably about to be tortured and killed. Did she really want to lose him again now?

She decided that it definitely wouldn't be a good idea and dropped the topic altogether. They talked about her situation and he was relieved to hear that they hadn't hurt her. She told him about Pod and Snape; she tried to sound joyful.

Draco wasn't fooled though. He could feel something had changed in her and it was unsettling. He rolled on his other side and hissed in pain. He had to get up, he had to find Dumbledore, and quickly. Ginny heavily protested but what could she do to stop him?

He grabbed his shirt and frowned at the dry blood tainting the sleeves but put it on anyway. His school cardigan was black, so that would hide the stains. Shame he didn't have his robes though. That would definitely have resolved any problem. Ginny was still scolding him and he wished she was there so he could kiss her to shut her up.

"_Now, there's an idea,"_ she chuckled. He cursed at that damn telepathy, he would never get used to it.

"_Hey, since I'm far and probably soon to be dead, can I ask you what you would deem an embarrassing question?"_

"_Do you really have to joke about your situation Ginny?"_ replied an upset Draco.

"_So, can I?"_ He rolled his eyes and waited. He knew she would ask anyway. She was a pest for that kind of things. Typical Gryffindor. They would never ever mind their own business or stop when asked.

"_Do you like me?"_ She sounded unsure.

"_No, I am your friend because I hate you. That's the basic concept behind people hanging out with each other: they profoundly despise each other but for some odd reason, spend time together."_ He couldn't let her know. Couldn't couldn't couldn't!

"_Sarcasm won't save you_," she replied amused. Her voice in his head became soft and quiet. "_I overheard Blaise pestering you about me."_

Ah shit.

Draco sighed of relief when he spotted the headmaster heading towards him. He had a decent excuse not to answer Ginny. He told her to keep quiet while he was talking to Dumbledore. He wasn't sure how well his brain would handle two conversations at the same time, especially one being real and the other being… well, strange.

"Mister Malfoy, what are you even doing up?" the headmaster asked.

"I needed to talk to you, professor. About Ginny." He paused and remembered the last time he had tried to talk to the headmaster. "Please, listen to me this time," he begged.

The headmaster watched the blonde boy thoughtfully. What could possibly have dragged him out of bed when he was in such pain?

"Alright, follow me." He turned around and headed for the entrance of his office. "Haribo gummy bears!"

Dumbledore sat behind his huge and messy desk and watched Draco gingerly sit in one of the armchairs in front of him. Fawkes was napping in a corner and the silence in the office was overwhelming. He could tell that the young Slytherin was uncomfortable there.

"So, what is your concern Draco? We still haven't managed to get Miss Weasley back if that's what you're wondering about," he said kindly.

"Oh, I knew that. But she told me she's okay," shrugged the boy.

"She… told you?" Albus was perplexed.

Draco shifted in his seat and gritted his teeth as his left ankle hit a foot of the table and sent awful pain signals to his brain. Last time he would cut his ankles, definitely.

"Draco, are you telling me that you actually talked to her? How is that possible?"

"Telepathy," Draco mumbled, unwilling to look at the old headmaster in case he was laughing at him and not believing him.

Albus sat back in his chair and thought about it for a while. It made sense… a bit. He didn't know why the bond had progressed right now, but he knew it could have happened. And it did. And Merlin, would it be useful.

"She's different, Sir." This time, Draco looked straight into Dumbledore's twinkling eyes. "Something changed. She's not exactly the Ginny I know."

"Could you fight have affected your relationship that she's changed the way she talks to you?" Albus asked while tapping his fingers on the edge of the desk. 'Please, let that be the answer.'

"Maybe" conceded Draco. "But it feels deeper than that."

Dumbledore nodded, and the teenager felt relieved. He was being taken seriously! The old man stood up and circled the desk. "I'll talk to whoever I can about this Draco. I'm sure there's an explanation. Now go back to the hospital wing and get some rest, it's getting quite late. And tell Miss Weasley to do the same, we need her to stay strong."

The headmaster watched his Slytherin student swiftly walk down the stairs and tapped his nose with his finger, a habit he had when he was lost deep in thought.

"Well, at least neither of them is alone anymore," he said to the phoenix who had opened a glittering black eye and watched the Malfoy boy depart.

* * *

Blaise was walking pensively towards the hospital wing when a flash of unmistakable blonde hair caught his attention. He ran in the deserted hall to catch up with his friend but didn't reach him before Draco was back in the hospital wing. Blaise pushed the heavy oak door open just as Draco was kicking off his shoes and trying to lie down without hurting himself more.

He stayed with his back against the door for a couple of seconds. He didn't know how he should react. Be mad? Be sympathetic? Tell Draco that he'd just spent the past hour kissing a Gryffindor behind bookshelf 13 of the History of Magic section? Blaise pushed that particularly scandalous thought aside. Not only he had snogged a Gryff and enjoyed it, but he had done it instead of being dead worried for his friend who had just made another pseudo suicide attempt.

"Blaise, when you're done talking to yourself, you can talk to me," Draco drawled with his trademark smirk firmly in place at the corner of his mouth.

The sight made Blaise furious. The smirk, the light tone, like everything was alright when in fact, nothing was. "Quit it, Draco!" The black-haired Slytherin snapped and walked towards his friend. He knew Draco was slightly taken aback: Blaise Zabini, larva extraordinaire, was extremely difficult to anger. Numerous valiant housemates had tried to no avail and only in extreme situations had they been graced with Blaise's wrath.

Draco had sat up already when Blaise reached him and violently grabbed his left arm. The blonde Slytherin yelped and winced and tried to pry his arm out of Blaise's grip without twisting the sore skin but Blaise was stronger than he had thought. He gritted his teeth and stopped struggling, knowing it would only make things worse. Pain was already shooting up his arm, making him see dark patches in front of his eyes.

"Let go Blaise, it hurts," he finally managed to spit, trembling all over. But Blaise's eyes flashed with madness and he gripped Draco's arm tighter, making a few wounds reopen and soak the white bandage.

"It hurts, eh?" Blaise leaned forwards "It hurts, Draco? It hurts?" He was shouting now, but the nurse wasn't in her office or in the wing itself and no one came to see what the commotion was about.

"Yes it hurts!" Draco screamed back, tears prickling his eyes. Why was Blaise doing that? Blaise was supposed to be his friend; friends don't do that! The blonde boy's head filled with flashbacks of Lucius and the numerous times he had acted like Blaise was acting now. He was getting scared. Could nice, composed, equal Blaise hurt him like his father could? He shut his eyes tight and tears escaped, which made him curse in his head.

He could feel blood slowly roll down his arm now and spill on the hospital sheets. "Stop it Blaise!" he screamed again, opening his eyes again and taking in Blaise's furious expression and the bloodied hand still gripping his arm; he started struggling again. He could hear Madam Pomfrey's heels in the hall now, running fast towards them.

"Enough Mr Zabini! Enough!" she yelled while pulling Blaise away from Draco with all her strength. The stern voice of the nurse seemed to get through to Blaise and he let go of Draco's arm and let the woman pull him away. She was standing in shock between the two boys, looking from one to the other, trying to grasp what was going on. Draco was curled up, cradling his bloodied arm and Blaise was shaking, looking at his hand and at the floor.

"It hurts Draco?" he softly murmured and looked at the other teenager. "I can tell you, even if I had ripped off your whole arm, it would never have hurt as much as finding your best friend lying in a pool of blood one morning when you wake up."

Madam Pomfrey grabbed a wound cleaning salve and a pile of bandages and sat next to Draco to try calm down his sobs and clean up the mess Blaise had made of his arm. "Mr Zabini, go to my office, sit, and don't move until I come. And trust me, you do not want to disobey this order," she snapped in a cold voice.

Blaise turned on his heel and headed towards her office without one look behind. He couldn't look at Draco. Not after what he'd just done. He sat down in an armchair in a corner and waited for the nurse to come in and probably behead him or at least inflict on him a phenomenal punishment. The dark-haired boy looked at his hand covered with his friend's blood and he felt sick. What had he done? He certainly deserved whatever punishment was coming his way; he had gone way too far. He had snapped. Blaise Zabini never snapped. What the hell was wrong with him?

Time seemed to stretch beyond everything possible while he was waiting. His eyes kept searching for the clock above the door. The designed brass handles seemed to be hardly moving at all, it was unnerving. Madam Pomfrey finally pushed the door open and looked at the Slytherin boy in the armchair. "Wash your hands Mr Zabini."

He did as he was told and went back to his seat. The nurse was looking through some files and sometimes checking information from the huge collection of black and gold bound books that lined the wall behind her. He watched her minute after minute, while she kept on with her activities without so much of an interruption except when she had broken her quill and had turned the whole place upside down to find another one.

He didn't know why she was so blatantly ignoring his presence and he didn't dare ask. The clock eventually struck nine and he sighed. He knew he had to remind her of his presence or Snape would kill him. He was supposed to be in the common room by half past nine as it was a school night and he knew she wouldn't let him go without a lecture or something of that sort, which could take time.

"Madam Pomfrey?" he called her timidly.

"We are waiting for your head of house, mister Zabini. I suggest you use your time wisely to come up with an explanation for your behaviour." Her voice chilled him to the bones. She was obviously beyond furious and he didn't say another word.

Another ten minutes passed, the silence only troubled by the scratching of madam Pomfrey's quill on the parchment. Blaise shifted in his seat as he heard the sound of decided and fast footsteps in the hall. Snape was coming.

* * *

Snape was rightly annoyed when Pomfrey asked for him. Today had been hectic. He had not taught any lessons in the morning and Dumbledore had appointed Trelawney to cover for his absence. Trelawney! The only available teacher, the headmaster had said. Snape couldn't help but scoff at that. Of course she was available, more and more pupils dropped Divination and it was becoming a less and less popular elective as her reputation as hopeless teacher spread.

He had planned to fix the mess she'd done in the evening, but no, of course not, Pomfrey needed him! And he knew it was not about Draco, because she would have sent an urgent message. This one was just saying "come when you're available".

Being Severus Snape, he had considered not going at all, but he was head of house… He had to give some sort of example. And it was Pomfrey… You just couldn't ignore the school nurse. Maybe it was important.

So Severus was marching towards the hospital wing, his black robes billowing behind him and his scowl particularly accentuated. He was pissed off and he wanted people to know it. He watched a flock of first years trot away in fear as he approached them and nearly laughed. Stupid Hufflepuffs.

When he stepped in the hospital wing, everything was silent. He briefly looked towards Draco, but the boy seemed asleep, tightly curled up in his bed. He shook his head and turned around to knock on Pomfrey's office door, but instead of being let in, she joined him outside and closed the door behind her.

"What is it you need Poppy? I'm really busy at the moment, I only have five minutes to spare you," he declared haughtily before she could trap him into spending his evening doing stuff for her.

She glared at him and put her hands on her hips. "I'm afraid this is a matter that will take more than five minutes to sort out. And as head of Slytherin, you will take your responsibilities and you will give more than five minutes to your pupils." Obviously, this wasn't open to discussion and the potion master was really starting to wonder what was going on.

And indeed, once Madam Pomfrey had filled him in with what had happened just one hour before in the hospital wing, he frowned and knew he would have to spend more than five minutes on both boys. He sighed; he hated drama. Drama was for Gryffindors. The house of Slytherin was equal, calm, composed. Where had all of this gone?

He rubbed his face with his hand and looked at the nurse who was waiting for his reaction. "I'll talk to Blaise tonight and to Draco tomorrow, if you don't mind." He then opened the office door and motioned Blaise to follow him and let the nurse go back to her activities. He knew she trusted him to take care of the matter, and he would.

He marched back down to the dungeons and soon, he was facing one pale and quiet Blaise Zabini in his office. Blaise sat down without a word while Snape quickly cleaned his desk from the mess of parchments Trelawney had asked from the Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff third year class.

"Right Mr Zabini. What do you have to say for your defence?" his voice was smooth and calm, but Blaise knew that the suaveness was only superficial. The boy looked at the floor.

"Nothing sir. My actions are not defendable," he replied in a monotonous voice.

Snape sat back and watched him with interest. "Why do you say that?"

"I acted on impulse and didn't think of any consequences, and attacked a friend who was already hurt. It was low of me and not defendable," Blaise mechanically explained.

"Why did you do that, Mr Zabini?"

The teenager shrugged. "I don't know, sir." He wanted this to be over. He wanted Snape to just give him detention or expel him and be done.

"You don't know? That's a very Gryffindor answer, coming from you. I'm going to tell you what I think, Blaise." The boy's eyes snapped up to meet his teacher's gaze at the mention of his first name. "I think you are upset that Draco does not think of the people who care about him when he goes off on a craze like that."

Blaise nodded, glad someone was understanding. "I worry about him and he doesn't seem to care at all. He cares about nothing; he refuses to see that he's being selfish!"

"I understand, and to be honest, my instinct often tells me to slap his brain back into place. Unfortunately, you cannot act on such impulses. You will apologize to your housemate and you will serve a whole month of detention. One hour, every single evening, with whomever on the staff needs you. You may go now."

Blaise nodded in agreement, stood up and walked to the door. "Mister Zabini." The boy twirled around. "Do not give up. Insist until he realizes you are there. Good night."

Blaise left the office and Snape returned to his thoughts. Yes, he understood Zabini. He understood his pain more than he was willing to admit, but he also knew Blaise had done the wrong thing with Draco. He just hoped that it could be mended.

'Merlin, I truly hate drama.'

* * *

Snapey hates drama but we fanfic addicts love it. Review!


	37. I, You, He Lost It

A/N: Sorry about the delay, again. I hope you enjoy this chapter! This has not been beta read, blah blah blah. You know the drill by now.

**Chapter 36:**

Ginny turned and tossed, unable to sleep. Sleep. Sleep, sleep sleep! Dumbledore wanted her to rest. She snorted; what the heck was going through the head of that lunatic was beyond her. Like she didn't have anything else to do rather than sleep. First, she had to think. Second, she had to come up with a plan to get out of there. Third, what idiot peacefully drifts off into slumber when they've been kidnapped by one of the darkest wizards of all time, eh?

To top it off, Draco had passed out on her and she had no one to talk to. She cursed Pomfrey with all her might. Always stuffing sleeping potions to people as if putting them to sleep resolved everything, ah!

You got it, Ginny Weasley was mad at the whole world.

Voldemort smirked from his place in the shadows. The change was oh so subtle, but it was already discernable. He was slowly releasing her anger about all the little things in her life that weren't working out.

"Come on, little girl," he whispered. "You're not mad at that useless excuse for a nurse. You've got better to be mad at. Where's your family when you need them? You're so frightened here, all alone. Only one person is there for you. All the others don't care. Where are your oh so wonderful friends? Don't you think Draco would have told you if they had tried anything to get you back?" His smile widened as she started to cry silently and he strutted away, his presence still unknown to the sobbing redhead.

After a good hour of bawling her eyes out, she felt Draco stir awake and threw herself at him. She felt him quickly put aside his own pain and problems and pay attention to her; it made her smile. He was the only one there for her.

"Not true Ginny, people are really worried about you."

She laughed bitterly. "No, they're not. You're the only one who cares. And that idiot of Pomfrey made you fall asleep!"

Draco frowned, but decided not to comment. He knew something was wrong with her, even without her insulting the nurse.

"Come on, tell me I'm wrong!" she screamed in his mind, making his migraine bounce up to a new level.

He winced as the sharp pain throbbed through his head and rolled over to bury his face into a pillow. "You are wrong. Your brother cares, your dad cares, your mum is sick with worry, even Snape cares."

"Rubbish. They never cared. I'm just their little family disgrace," she spat out, her mind full of venom.

"What the hell are you talking about now? Half the kids in school dream they had a family like yours!"

He felt her laugh and cry at the same time and started to get agitated. He couldn't grasp what was going on but she was frightening, really frightening.

"They only cared when I was kidnapped in the Chamber of Secrets, and then their faces when they discovered it was me all along, you should have seen them. The way they looked at me, like they wanted to lock me up and forget! Hermione and her pathetic pep talks, Colin and Sophia who wanted to be on my good side, afraid of what I was capable of. I never had any real friends. They're all scared of me, because I'm possessed."

"You're not possessed anymore."

"Really? Then why do I always hear Tom in my head? He was the only one there before you, the only one who knew me for who I am."

Draco sat up at that comment and the lights in the hospital wing sprang to life. He could hear Madam Pomfrey's quick steps coming towards him. She was surprised to find him struggling to get up: she was pretty sure she'd given him her strongest sleep potions, which should have knocked him out for at least a day.

"Mr Malfoy, lie back down this instant! And I'm not joking!"

"Please, get professor Dumbledore, please," he whispered.

"Certainly not, it's three in the morning," she replied sternly… And sighed when she saw he was begging. "Fine, lie down, I'll be back in a few."

"What do you think you're doing?" Ginny's voice was cold.

"I'm telling Dumbledore," he replied as coldly.

"Telling him what?"

"Telling him that you fucking lost it! How can you even think that Tom Riddle is your friend? He is always belittling you, I know, I saw in what state he can put you! Voldemort is screwing with your mind and you're just letting him."

She was fuming. How dared he. How dared he imply that she was weak and unable to resist.

"Because you are. He's using Active Legillimens on you. He's toying with your mind. Let me guess, your family is shit and you felt so much better when you had the diary?" he spat angrily.

"Yes, exactly!" she screamed at him. He had no doubt she would have wrung his neck if they had been in the same room.

"Well wake up Weasley, because you know I'd kill to have a family like yours. You know you have it easy and that they love you. So dig up your sickeningly happy memories and start working with them!"

She felt the humongous mental slap he was sending her direction and felt confused. Why was he so mad? He wasn't supposed to be on their side. He was hers; he had to stand by her! She could feel bile rise in her throat and distress take over her mind.

She guessed he knew because he calmed down. "Ginny, please, you trust me right? You know I love you, I wouldn't lie to you. Just think about all this okay?"

She shivered in the dark of the dungeon and let another tear escape. "Okay, I'll try. I'm sorry I screamed at you."

He didn't answer but she knew he was there, she could sense his presence and his concern for her as she drifted off into a restless sleep.

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After having talked to a restless Draco, Albus knew he had to floo to the Burrow, even at this ungodly hour. As he suspected, none of the Weasleys were asleep.

Molly, usually so strong, was baking brownies (always a bad sign) while crying over her bowl. Arthur was reading the Daily Prophet upside down; meaning he was staring into space and had not yet realised the paper was uncooperative.

Arthur dropped the newspaper as Albus stepped out of the oversized chimney. "Albus! Any news?"

The old headmaster nodded gravely. "A bad one and a good one I'm afraid."

Molly didn't turn away from her mixing bowl but her hands stopped nevertheless.

"I had a very interesting little chat with young Mr. Malfoy this afternoon, and another one, just as interesting, a few minutes ago."

Arthur sighed, trying not to let his anger get the better of him. "Why do you even bother with that little hooligan?" he greeted through his clenched teeth.

Molly glared at her husband and Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily, which irritated Arthur to no end.

"But as I said Arthur, those chats were extremely interesting. And the fact that he dragged himself from the hospital wing all the way to my office to talk with me indicates a certain sense of seriousness regarding the topics approached during these chats."

Molly's head shot up at Dumbledore's words. "The hospital wing? Again?"

Albus sighed and quickly summarized the drama that his never quiet school had been graced with. Arthur felt a tinge of guilt settle at the pit of his stomach but he was decided not to care. It was more than enough that Molly was freaking out over 'that poor boy'.

He wasn't sure how to take anything Dumbledore said that night for that matter. It seemed huge. But the old professor was sure of his theory.

Molly, however, was sceptical too. "Albus, their telepathy was an accident; how can You-Know-Who think they're special kids? Even if Ginny has been possessed, it seems insane."

Dumbledore looked at her pointedly. "And Voldemort is indubitably sane? He thinks these kinds of bonds are far from random. Think like him for a second: the girl he possessed and the boy that was born solely to be his heir. Certainly a wonderful coincidence. Or, in his crazed mind: Destiny.

Silence fell on the room. All three were deep in thought. Dumbledore eventually entered the chimney again, without a word. He didn't really know what to say anyway.

While Molly was going back to her baking, Arthur stood up and started pacing.

"Destiny? DESTINY? He's a fruitcake, a nutter! He ought to stop the lemon drops!" he started yelling.

Molly raised her hands in a calming gesture. "Arthur, he just said what You-Know-Who thinks!"

"I don't care! I won't have my daughter associate with Death Eater Junior anymore! That kid is trouble, nothing but trouble! And after everything he's attempted, you'd think he would have finished himself off by now."

Molly dropped the tray of brownies that she was sliding in the over and turned to look at her husband. "Excuse me?" she stuttered in disbelief.

"Oh, and I mean it! All this is his fault. All of it, and he knows it!" he spat forcefully, stressing his last words.

He watched as his wife shook her head reprovingly, then saw her expression change from disapproval to realisation and finally to a mix of horror and fury.

"Arthur Weasley, what did you do?" she finally managed to choke out. "What horrible things did you tell that kid?"

"Nothing he didn't know already," Arthur replied icily while gathering the paper that he had let fall on the carpet.

"And now that you took your anger out on him and that you drove him to do something stupid once again, are you feeling good about yourself?"

"This has nothing to do with how I feel about myself Molly. I told him what I thought and how he handled is neither my fault, nor my business."

"So you told him he basically shouldn't exist?"

"Exactly."

"You told an already troubled kid whose best friend has been kidnapped, whose mother has been killed and whose father is a psychomaniac murderer that he shouldn't exist and you can still LIVE with yourself?"

She threw her apron down, turned off the oven and marched over the brownies that were still lying scattered on the floor.

"Your attitude disgusts me Arthur. That you, a father of seven, can treat a child like this makes me want to vomit. Don't even think of coming upstairs tonight. You can sleep on the couch and think about what you've done."

She stomped upstairs. "And clean up that bloody kitchen!" she bellowed before slamming the door to their bedroom.

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Mrs Norris was strolling along the corridor flooded, once again, by Myrtle. She cursed the stupid ghost. Cats don't like water! How could she patrol with that little brat playing Niagara Falls in the hallways?

She was treading careful across the never ending puddle when a shadow caught the corner of her eyes. She adjusted her vision and 'smirked'. A little Slythie out of bed. Wonderful. She meowed and trotted a bit faster, but stopped dead in her tracks when she realized she was splashing water over herself. Frowning and groaning, she let the boy disappear.

While Mrs Norris was having issues with water and Myrtle, Blaise Zabini was having issues with his conscience. He was jogging silently through the halls, not actually really caring if he got caught. He deserved it anyway.

He looked through a window but the night was still pitch black. It was only five am. He needed to talk to Draco though. After having thrashed around in his bed for hours, he had come to the conclusion that he would not get any rest before having talked to his friend.

Blaise sneaked his head through the door of the infirmary and saw that everything was quiet. He could hear Madam Pomfrey's snores through her door and breathed in relief: he wasn't sure he wanted another confrontation with the nurse.

"Draco, wake up," he whispered softly.

The blonde boy stirred and rolled on his other side. "Draco, wake up!"

This time, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "What's going on?" he slurred his voice still thick with sleep.

Blaise was hurt to see that there was fear in his friend's eyes when he saw that it was Blaise waking him up. Draco quickly hid all of that behind his ice mask though.

"What do you want Zabini?" he asked coldly.

"I want to apologize."

"Go back to sleep Zabini," the blonde boy replied, lying back down and curling up on his side.

"No, Draco, you have to listen to me! I'm sorry for what I did, I truly am. I needed to make you understand-"

"Understand?" Draco laughed bitterly. "I hope you're kidding."

Blaise cast his eyes to the stone floor and sighed. He had known Draco would be difficult but this was far beyond frustrating.

"No, I needed to make you understand the effect you have on people when you pull that kind of stunt." He marched around the bed to face Draco but the latter rolled over as soon as Blaise reached the other side. Blaise sighed again.

"I lost it Draco for Merlin's sake. Put yourself in my place for two seconds! How would you feel if Ginny did something like that? Wouldn't you be worried out of your mind? I lost control, I'm sorry. I should never have hurt you the way I did."

"Then why did you fucking do it?"

"Because I'm your friend, idiot. And you needed a damn slap in the face to wake up!" Blaise was getting mad again, he knew it. He passed a shaky hand through his already messed up hair. "I know what you're comparing me to now. I know I reminded you of Lucius."

He saw Draco's body stiffen but went on nevertheless. "I don't know if I'll ever regain your trust. I doubt it, but I needed to apologize anyway. I did this because I care, not to take my anger out on you. I know you hate me, but I'm not going to let you fall off the face of this planet. I'm still going to be a pain in your neck, whether you want it or not. Just because I care."

Now the black haired boy didn't know what else to say. He made his way back to the door, hoping that eventually, his words would go through Draco's impossible wards. He hoped they would, even if the chance of that was tiny.

"Blaise."

He stopped with his hand on the handle but didn't dare turn around. "Yeah?"

"Next time, slap me, don't rip off my arm."

Blaise chuckled softly. "Okay mate. Good night."

"Night," a sleepy voice answered.


End file.
